Some additional thoughts
Hi Ms. Blossomingslut,
blossomingslut said:
Well, it sounds like Jim is the person I want.
The more I think about this, the more it seems to me there's something odd — unpleasantly odd, more than likely — about Jim.
I say this because a man who wants to find a woman and "settle down" looks for and arranges to meet women in his local area whom he can date and get to know personally — including having sex with them, thus finding out whether they're compatible in bed — until he finds a sufficiently good candidate. Then he asks her to marry him, and she accepts, and they live happily ever after (or not, as the case may be). By "finds a sufficiently good candidate," I mean he makes the best compromise he can, as does she.
The vast majority of married people find their mates within their mileaus — meaning, at their place of employment, their school or university, their church, or one of their social clubs... i.e., among the people they see more-or-less regularly and are at least somewhat acquainted with.
A man looking for a woman to marry does not carry out a 6-year "romance" via the Internet with a woman in a distant city he never meets, then suddenly suggest coming to her home and spiriting her away so they can live happily ever after.
Jim's 6-year "Internet romance" with you suggests he took that approach because he knows there is something about him that you would know if you lived nearby and saw him frequently in person, and "that something" would cause you to reject him as a marriage or LTR partner.
By contrast, his Internet approach to romancing you has enabled him to ensure the only things you "know" about him are the things he has chosen to tell you.
Some possibilities for things he hasn't told you would be:
1) He's an alcoholic. (There are lots of people with drinking problems who manage to function pretty well in spite of that, but they're always on the verge of losing their jobs and/or being arrested for DUI, and it causes problems with family members and friends.)
2) He's a drug addict of some sort.
3) He's a compulsive gambler who always needs more cash to pay off his debts and continue supporting his addiction.
4) Another possibility may be that Jim's been romancing you long-distance because he's been in prison, and has recently suggested coming to meet you and spirit you away because he completed his sentence. (Men in prisons apparently have the ability to call and con women on the outside by phone; I don't know whether they can also do so via computer and the Internet.)
If Jim's problem is one of the above, or something similarly problematical, he may view you as a future source of cash — especially if you appear to be capable of landing and holding down a good job (or a job of any kind), as I gather is the case.
—> Thus, of the suggested methods for finding out more about Jim in my previous post, I would place highest priority by far on hiring a reputable private detective to check him out. The cost to you will be cheap compared to the cost if it turns out he has a problem of the above nature. <—
Another thing you might do is ask Jim to send you a resume, of the kind he might submit when applying for a job, listing his past job history and other personal details. You would then have at least the information a potential employer would have (sans letters of recommendation). Presumably it would look reasonably good (look for substantial time gaps that might suggest long periods of unemployment or time in prison), but you wouldn't know whether it was true or partially (/completely) fabricated.
Jim's resume, however, would be something specific you could give to a private detective (should you choose to hire one, as I recommend), and ask him to determine whether it's a true summary of Jim's background. This sort of thing is also standard fare for private detective agencies.
Sorry to throw skeptical cold water on your Internet romance, Ms. Blossomingslut.... but these are my thoughts.
—Custer
