New Year, New Thread

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  • #401
Ok, this is all going to be blunt to you but here it is. One stop trying to Top from the Bottom, in other words stop trying to act like an alpha while being a beta. Next Sue feels obligated because it’s like cooking and enjoying an amazing meal (Paul) then after instead of enjoying some relaxation she has to do the dishes and clean up (You). That’s why she keeps asking you if you masturbated while she was with him, hoping you did so she doesn't have to deal with a horny eager beaver but can kick back and enjoy her well fucked glow. So start relieving yourself while she is out with him and make her happy that she doesn’t have to deal with your horniness and feel obligated to do so because she feels bad that you need relief or at least tell her you will do supervised masturbation if she wants.

Next my wife and I been into this for 20 years been a hand only beta cuckold for 18 years. Never once has she ever thought of leaving. Relax Sue isn’t looking to leave you, she just wants to explore more of this and is finally finding things in this type of sex life that she finds hot and a turn on and she knows you find the same things hot and get turned on by. So just go with it!!!

Last, if you want to be a true beta cuckold husband then you need to let her lead. Yes, talk about things and let her know what is a turn on like you have about condoms only and even about being a hand only cuck, but after that if she is also hot with those things that turn you on and she tells you that Yes we are doing them then you should just say “Yes Dear” and accept it. Also when she comes up with new kinks of her own that she is turned on about and you tell her those are turns on too then if or when she decides to try them you should go along with it like a good beta cuckolded husband.

Another idea, if you don't do it while she is gone then add some beta kink to it. When your both getting ready for bed you ask her this "Is it ok if I mastubate in bed with you or should I go into the bathroom?" Just think how hot Sue will find it 10 mins later hearing the toilet flush knowing its not in her again!!!

Also need to accept that some day Paul will be her Alpha lover. Sue wil get her sexual pleasure and satisfaction from him. You will become her "fill in" sexually. You will be her dildo for her when her Alpha isn't there to take care of her. Also being her dildo doesn't mean you will be cumming in her or even fucking her but for her to use you how she feels fit to.
 
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  • #402
Well Steve, I think penis just illustrated your potential options better that Raks or I could in a way. He clearly sees this kind of future as a realistic option for Sue and yourself. I'm not trying to belittle him in any way. He and his wife are clearly made for each other and my best wishes to them. I do not however, believe that your long history would suggest that you would want this to be your permanent future nor do I believe that Sue would wish to stay married to you if you did.

I'm sure I'm not alone in wondering whether you decided your fate over the weekend and which way you jumped if you did.
 
  • #403
PNIS has pointed out many of the same points I have made in the past. Steve does truly need to determine what he truly desires, than go with it without all of us trying to sway him one way or another.
 
  • #404
Not sure what to do next

Okay, so - everyone's posts last week left me feeling very uncertain and on Friday night I pushed Sue for answers and this time I told her that I needed to hear the truth. The more I re-read what everyone posted here the more I felt I hadn't heard everything from her.

I'm not sure I was totally ready for what she had to say and to be honest, it's left me in I think maybe an even more uncomfortable place. When I pushed Sue on Friday and over the weekend, to make it short, she told me that she wasn't sure I was ready for the truth and when I pushed her she owned up and admitted that there's more with her and Paul than she's let me onto knowing about.

My first response was to almost explode and tell her that I thought she wasn't going to go down this road again and that if she was that into him, I think at one point I even yelled at her to "go live with him then". But then we both calmed down and talked more clearly. I told her that I thought she was going to "keep an eye on things" and that they wouldn't get out of hand. She in turn insisted that she is NOT in love with him but that she does have feelings for him - but what she said next was what got to me and was what we spend the rest of the weekend talking about and trying to understand more.

To put it bluntly, she said she hoped it didn't hurt me but that I should hear the truth if that was what I wanted. And she proceeded to tell me that she doesn't want to have sex with me right now. I looked at her and she said "not just right now honey, but all the time" and she proceeded to tell me how it'd started a while back, even before Paul - how she'd begun to feel a little of this with Robert. "But then, when you talked about this beta thing" she said that it took her a while to realize it was the same thing she'd been feeling just from her side.

She held me closely and said that it wasn't that she didn't or doesn't love me, actually the furthest from that. But she did say that after the way the sex was with Robert and then with how things happened with Paul - she looked at me and said "what do you expect?" and she said that she's been having sex with 2 guys (not at the same time - Robert and Paul) who have "given me the best sex I've ever had" and she looked at me and said "yes honey, better than with you". She backtracked and said she still loved my cock and that I can still make her cum like no one else really can - but then she also said "but right now honey, it's not something I want that much of" and she proceeded to tell me that "that obligation thing I mentioned" and she then said "its not that I have to take you bare sometimes honey..... it's that I have to have sex with you is also what I'm dealing with there" and she said that many times, especially lately and especially after she's been with Paul for an overnight or a longer time that she says she just doesn't want to have to have sex with me afterwards.

I asked her why she'd liked to me for so long and she said she wasn't lying - she loves me and didn't want to hurt me. She said that when she suggested using condoms full-time that she had hoped it might lead to a discussion about "why bother in the first place" and that she hoped that I would gradually accept that we were just going to have sex less and less until we came to this point. But now that I pushed her she felt she should just tell me.

So I asked her - what does this mean for us? She looked at me and as if it it were nothing she said "so, you won't get to have sex with me" and then she looked at me and said "this is what you wanted all along, it's what you were pushing me towards for so long, and isn't this truly what you wanted as the 'beta'?". I told her no, that wasn't right but she stopped me and asked me if I was just responding or if I had really thought about it. She held my hand and said that we can go on as we are and still have sex like we are, and she even said that we can keep things as they are with me having her bare every few weeks. But she looked at me and said "so you need to tell me how you feel" and I asked her "but if we do that, then you're telling me it's something that you would rather not do?!" She nodded slowly and said "Yes" and that she's sorry she wasn't totally honest with me. She said that she definitely still loves my cock and loves having sex with me and yes, she most definitely still orgasms with me. But she looked at me and said that while she enjoys it and would surely do it because she knows I enjoy or need it, she said that "being honest, it's not something I find myself wanting". She said that yes, when we're away or we're alone or romantic, that "it'll happen then baby, we'll still have sex" but she added that it's not something that she finds herself thinking about or wanting when Paul is in the picture.

There's more to tell - lots more that we both shared. And no, I haven't given her any sort of conclusion just yet, but she's said that she would like us to try to sort all this out during this week.
 
  • #405
The most important element of any relationship, particularly a realtion between a cuck and cuckoldress is based on trust. Feeling very sad after reading your account. Hope you take steps to rebuild your trust and stay away, very far from Paul.
 
  • #406
Steve. I'm very sorry to hear these latest developments. I hope you get it worked out. I hope the discussions get into what are Paul's motives or desires at this time as well as Sue's. My concern is that he (and maybe Sue) are playing the long game waiting for the kids to graduate and leave the nest. I hope not. Good luck.
 
  • #407
Steve,

Do you feel closer with Sue and do you feel she is closer to you? If the marriage comes first and is what you both each want, each other, then why continue to do something which harms it and more separates you two?

Don't see how you two are any closer from your last posting here.

Your wife has deceived you and not been up front with this which can easily lead to the end of what you each have. If you do not have complete trust both ways, which is the foundation of any relationship, then what do you have? You have also not listened with keeping balance and letting this thing go on to where it now stands.....

The best advise I can give is to put a temporary stop to Paul now. Get the hormones and feelings out of the way. Then discuss matters with Sue in a calm rational way as to where your marriage and feelings for each other stands now.

Sue has always stated to you that you come first. Time to call that card now lest "Danger Will Robinson Danger" lies ahead.

Otherwise the outlook does not look good.

Regards
 
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  • #408
I'll agree that she should have been more open earlier but in all fairness she was feeling it out for herself as well. How do you tell someone you love that you just don't want to have sex right now? I think she was hoping that it would wain for Stb with hjs desire a bit and like she said, over time they would get here. Stb struggles with losing the intimacy but secretly he is looking for it as well. Could she have told him this before, sure, but now as long as they still have a loving marriage and relationship, then why not try it? They just need their "sex" to be different then the norm. Is it the same as others here, no, but it is not unheard of. Just relax and enjoy STB!
 
  • #409
First of all thank you for sharing the story of your very erotic journey.

Based on your posts over the past few years including the most recent one today I'd say your marriage has reached a type of crescendo. You now have an opportunity to go all in with your beta desires and I don't see how you can NOT take advantage of this given your years of leading and encouraging her in this direction.

IMO your wife loves you and has done very little wrong. Trust her and have faith in her. I think it's your best option.

Good luck STB......and thank you again for your great posts.
 
  • #410
The key there is that she loves you! You have an emotional bond beyond the act of penetration and it appears that while penetration might be something that she doesnt want she is still loving the sexual intimacy you share by jerking off for her. It just changes!
 
  • #411
And that more with "Paul" part ?
 
  • #412
Sure far. What about trust and deception? What about understanding the need of spouse? What about plain lying? What about saying ' I still orgasm with you and yet I do not want sex with you' and not right now...ALWAYS..
 
  • #413
Unfortunately those who are cheering Sue at these times are the same people who will cheer when he looses Sue. These people have always hailed the communication and trust between the two as cornerstone of their relationship. I don't know that even after this breach of trust and a huge failure in communication, can they say that everything is alright?

You say far, "How can one tell..that one loves but does not wants to have sex?". You are right. You can't. Because it's illogical and cruel. And on the top of that if she can't say it, how the hell she can do it? Even as STB has narrated, she has said contradictory things. I wonder if she is speaking the truth even now. I am begining to suspect a bigger role of Paul here.
 
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  • #414
Steve,

The key here, I think, is "how do you feel about it?"

We can all opine and tell you how we feel, how this news makes us feel, how this feeds or fuels or does not feed or fuel our fantasies, but we don't have to wake up or not want up, or fuck or not fuck, Sue. It's how it makes you feel and how you feel about it that really matters.

The deception is the thing that sucker punches me, and would be hard for me to deal with. The penetrative sex is something that I could see being "fun" to play with. But given the way she has gone about this and the disclosures she has just made, I would worry that this is the downhill slide towards misery and dissolution. If the sex and sex play was the glue holding things together , even if not renewed or recharged, regularly, I'd worry how that was going to play out in the future.

Thanks for your continued honest sharing of your journey. I'd say you deserve better than this. But that would be me putting your situation into/onto mine which doesn't work in an equivalent way.

Hoping the best for you and Sue, both.
 
  • #415
Steve,
Sue seems to want you to give her a decision on how you want to proceed this week. That seems wholly unrealistic given the potential magnitude of the betrayal of your feelings she released over the weekend. You simply need more information and truth from her before you decide, even if some of it may be painful to listen to and absorb. So ...

You were in exactly this position and maybe worse just before Robert saved you and pulled the plug on Sue at the end of their relationship. Given Sue’s latest revelation, I think the first thing you need to know is the truth of how and why that one ended. It could well have been that Robert pushed Sue to choose between you and him. Sue’s inability to have further children with him may have coloured her response, but just how close did it really get?

Has Paul made ANY move of any kind, hinted or otherwise that would indicate he would like Sue to leave you for him?

Has Sue given ANY indication to Paul of any kind, indicating there are circumstances where she would leave you for him?

Since Paul first became serious for Sue (maybe around the time he first went bareback), there appears to be very few occasions that she has genuinely wanted bareback sex with you that were not associated with damage recovery on her part. You need to know over this period just how many times Sue has actually WANTED to have sex with you, with or without condoms, and how many times she has done so out of duty / obligation / perceived necessity. If she really doesn’t want you, irrespective for the moment of what you want sexually, you really need to know WHY? Can it be fixed?

Wrapped around this one is the obvious one. Sue clearly loved getting fucked by Robert and now Paul. They can both in her words, do it better than you. However, surely all wives also want to make love. Does Sue not want this with you? Not according to her statements. Is this because she doesn’t love you passionately enough any more (as apposed to romantically), or is it because she already made love with Robert and now does so with Paul? If so that leaves you very little.

After Robert, Sue clearly grieved for a time which is understandable but after that she appeared to switch her affections back to you. Your supervised masturbation games and other teasing of you by her continued though. How much of this reconnection to you was actually real after her grieving period? It’s a fair question as it could have been Sue was in fact cynically doing as little as possible with you before finding another lover to continue with.

I could go on, it is going to be difficult to think back on all the times that Sue has teased you (Only he comes in me... I only want his come in me... You can’t have me this week... etc.. ) and believe that this was said lovingly and not in any sense cynically. That underneath it all Sue wasn’t laughing to herself just a little. A strategy that she perfected that gave her exactly what she wanted (less of your sex) while pretending it was actually all for you. You after all thought this was all part of a loving game. You really need to know how much this is true.

Finally, have got as much truth as you can gather, and weighed how much you can now believe, you need to decide what you want to do. Together, I hope. I think this decision would best be done in a ‘time out’ mode. No sex with Paul and no teasing with you. If you both want to simply make love, then do so, condoms by mutual preference. It seems to me that Sue needs to learn as much about how to be a loving and supportive Alpha as you do about how to establish, negotiate and keep limits as a Sub. It’s stll new to both of you, why should yo believe you could both do it without learning and making mistakes?

Of course, your decision could be very painful, for either of you (I’m ignoring Paul). Even the time out will be difficult. As I’ve said twice already, your current relationship is unsustainable without him or someone like him, which means you cannot sustain it during a time out period. Perhaps the risk of losing him will at least make Sue react quickly to your questions and concerns during the time out.

What do you want? Is a question only you can answer and one I’m not even going to try at this point. I don’t think you have enough facts yet. I’m not sure you trust Sue fully at the moment. You certainly need to think with your big head and ignore your little one for a while. There is no reason why you can’t both regroup and continue into a golden future. The period since Robert though, seems to have been built on sand, or at least some of it. You just need to find out how much and figure out what you can both build on the real rock hopefully underneath.
 
  • #416
The fact that Sue is pushing for resolution this week is not a good indicator folks of where her heart really is.

Clearly Steve is hurt beyond the sexual realms here. I would say he is half way responsible here so not putting all on Sue. However, Sue has agreed many times and given many reassurances to keep a lid on her emotions/feelings for Paul.

Given her lack of respect shown with wanting resolution "this" week which shows an uncaring and even self centered approach towards Steve. Not good signs at all.

We need to support Steve as best we can and not bicker among ourselves. Steve if this starts to turn ugly there is a certain web forum which covers the areas of how to react and move forward.

Not there but the wise man prepares for that potential fork in the road ahead.

Will advise via pm if needed.

All the best ....
 
  • #417
This is why my wife only keeps a lover for 2-3 months then moves on to another. It keeps it to a "just great sex" with a minimum emotional and personal connection. At first she kept them for longer but it went from just a sex buddy to having emotions and personal connections. Her enjoying sex with others never was an issue, it was when she was with them to long and started to form a personal bond that it became an issue. Out of the bedroom I'm her man in every aspect. In the bedroom I'm her sub beta cuckold and she gets sexed up by her Alpha. Outside the bedroom she's not looking to replace me which is hard to not do if your with the same alpha for years. Her only connection with her alphas is just sexual and that's it.
 
  • #418
Good strategy pnis. The problem is that STB is cuck in ceratain moments only...
 
  • #419
I don't post much because I don't have the free time to read as much as I'd like to, let alone post. I also tend to be rather frank which doesn't win many fans. These recent developments are disappointing but not a surprise.

I've written many times, "When the wife's sexual activities don't include the husband, he will ultimately become an inconvenience. Having followed his posts from the business trip, and commented some early on, I'm very sorry for Steve. These recent admissions, though they could lead to something livable, have not come about in a open, honest, caring way.

Here's something I wrote in March of 2010.

<I'm going to step on a few toes: which I do from time to time.

I've been married twice and have been a cuckold since 1973. My first wife insisted that the guys she had sex with would not go along with me being there. Eventually, I discovered that she didn't have the strength to bring it up.

If the relationship starts with you sharing her with him, the tone is different. If it starts with you not present, that will be the norm. Eventually, if and when you are there, it will not be part of their comfort zone and therefore will not be as good for her. Then, if you are allowed or permitted to be there, it will be an occasional sacrifice they may make to "please you" or keep you satisfied. The really hot sex will only happen when you're not there. YOU WILL BE THE OUTSIDER.

If you are told that it's weird with you there, I believe you/she is going down the wrong path. It should NEVER be weird with her husband there. That's the climate that puts marriages at risk.

My first wife fed me that BS for a long time.

Oh, and by the way, of course the other guy would prefer to have your wife to himself. In our relationship, I'm not always there, but it's our marriage and he doesn't call the shots. WE DO.>

Steve, I believe you're a really decent guy who's been wonderfully open and honest as you attempted to find your way through all of this. Thank you for sharing. I'm so sorry you've been betrayed.
Being a cuckold husband is an amazing lifestyle, and the only one that offers happiness if you have those proclivities. I have been one since 1973.
 
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  • #420
I am reading all this with interest and a bit of sadness. I am very interested in the further communication that went on over the long week-end and will refrain from further comment until we get an update from Steve.
 
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