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Psychology of a Cuckold

  • Thread starterDoc in Cleveland
  • Start date
  • #101
More on Psychology of Cuckolds

Part 2:
MY CONTRIBUTIONS TO THIS DISCUSSION – With the above stated, as noted, for a number of years I have conducted nearly non-stop armchair and first hand research and have gathered a substantial amount of information about the LS. I have drawn a number of conclusions over the years, some that still hold water and others that have long since been discredited.

I won’t attempt to present all of my findings and conclusions in this post. However, I believe that I have some valuable thoughts on the subject based on your desire to diagnose and treat those that are involved (and perhaps are suffering) because of their involvement in cuckoldry. My comments are directed primarily at the cuckolds (men) themselves, not the “hot wives” or “bulls”. Below are some observations and conclusions I hope you find useful.1. Most, if not all, cuckolds have strong voyeuristic tendencie

1. Voyeurism is an innate element in their sexual make up. And the plain truth is, voyeurs would rather watch others in sexual situations than be a part of these activities themselves. I’m sure there is an “evolutionary” reason for the strong desire to watch others (even significant others) “mate” with other men--- but suffice to say voyeurism is an essential component in every cuckold’s psyche.

2. Perhaps the most primary element in cuckoldry is the achievement and maintaining of “sustained sexual arousal” (SSA). Most, if not all, common aspects (practices) of cuckoldry are designed to generate sustained sexual arousal in the cuckold (and perhaps the hot wife too). If nothing else the on-going (24/7) erotic humiliation cuckolds experience by the reality that their wives have sexual relationships outside their union (be it marriage or other commitment to one another)--- is enough to keep them in a state of constant sexual arousal. Other elements of the lifestyle that generate and perpetuate SSA include:

  • Watching, listening and/or being ignored by the wife and her lover.
  • Being denied marital sex.
  • Tease and Denial play.
  • Wearing a chastity device (short or long term).
  • Being feminized, even if this is just being asked to wear panties now and then.
  • Preparing the hot wife for her date.
  • Waiting and wondering at home on date night.
  • Witnessing the wife texting or talking to her BFs.

The list goes on and on. The point is, sustained sexual arousal based largely on erotic humiliation is an essential component in cuckoldry and achieving and keeping a state of SSA is a cuckold’s primary goal and reward. (“Sexual abstinence (denial) means no physical contact with a partner, no masturbation, no pornography viewing and no orgasms. Typical a man that goes through 3 weeks without an orgasm will experience testosterone levels that are elevated about 16% above the levels associated with regular (2x or 3x/week) intercourse”).

(“Deep, sustained sexual arousal stirs something ancient in us, and is intensely validating. It feels special, and makes us feel special”).

3. There is a school of thought that believes some cuckolds suffer from ADD/ ADHD (Attention Deficit Disorder) and/or OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). All three of these recognized mental illnesses can lead to excessive masturbation and even to sexual addiction (just recently being looked at for inclusion in the DMS). In essence, men that suffer from these disorders self-medicate themselves through sustained sexual activity, which generates dopamine and other “feel good” hormones.

(Note: “According to the low arousal (not just sex) theory, people with ADHD need excessive activity as self-stimulation because of their state of abnormally low arousal. The theory states that those with ADHD cannot self-moderate, and their attention can only be gained by means of environmental stimuli…without enough stimulation coming from the environment, an the ADHD person will create it him or herself”).

4. The cuckold LS requires a certain degree of sexual stimulation on a 24/7 basis--- at least for the male. This attention to sexual arousal on a daily basis could be viewed as a type of “sexual addiction”. I do not believe there are diagnostic criteria established in the DSM-IV for sexual addiction at this time, and there is even controversy regarding the existence of sexual addiction and regarding treatment. Notwithstanding, proponents of the idea of sexual addiction list the following “unofficial” symptoms of the disorder:

Recurrent
  • failure (pattern) to resist impulses to engage in extreme acts of lewd sex.
  • Frequent engaging in those behaviors to a greater extent or over a longer period of time than intended.
  • Persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to stop, reduce, or control those behaviors.
  • Inordinate amount of time spent in obtaining sex, being sexual, or recovering from sexual experience.
  • Preoccupation with the behavior or preparatory activities.
  • Continuation of the behavior despite knowledge of having a persistent or recurrent social, financial, psychological, or physical problem that is caused or exacerbated by the behavior.
  • Need to increase the intensity, frequency, number, or risk of behaviors to achieve the desired effect, or diminished effect with continued behaviors at the same level of intensity, frequency, number, or risk.
  • Giving up or limiting social, occupational, or recreational activities because of the behavior.
  • Distress, anxiety, depression, restlessness, or violence if unable to engage in the behavior.

My guess is that those of us who are really involved in cuckoldry will recognize some of these symptoms in themselves. I certainly do.

Well that’s all the time I have to give to this discussion for now. Hope the Doc and others find this post interesting and helpful.

CuckoldMick
 
  • #102
Didn't get Passed

troilism (ˈtrɔɪlɪzəm) [Click for IPA pronunciation guide]

— n
sexual activity involving three people

[C20: perhaps from French trois three (compare ménage à trois ) + -l- , as in dualism ]

'troilist

— adj
Where's it say it's a mental disorder?
 
  • #103
Left---

I know, I know, the shrinks have a habit of defining anything out of the "norm" as a "mental disorder". When symptoms, diagnoses and treatment were formalized in the last century sexual deviations (most anything other than missionary) were listed as mental disorders. One such condition is Troilism (cuckolding)--- this is not my definition, but that of the psychiatrists. See the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th edition text revision--- DSM-IV TR.

CuckoldMick
 
  • #104
I am not "normal" what a surprise! I enjoyed your trip through the DSM, and I do believe the entire chapter on paraphilia seems to be written with me in mind. Until they lock me up in the loony bin I will prefer to call myself "more adventurous".
 
  • #106
Doc in Cleveland said:
... I cannot foresee how this lifestyle could continue to be in the dark and unspoken worlds of society with the massive explosion I have seen in practice...

Then...will it be openly accepted by the public (like marriages between same sexs) in the near future? :eek:
 
  • #107
I'm going right to the end of this and then I am going to work my way back. What a great original post and some great responses. A question I have often asked myself.Why is being subservient/cuckolded so alluring to me? It wasn't always. But I was "cuckolded" in a sense at an early age, and had a girlfriend some would call a "slut" - I would not. She was just - well - she was like a guy. She took what she wanted and never apologized for anything she did. She was so hot everyone wanted her, a few got her, including me. But I paid a price for it. She was my first real girlfriend and we are still friends to this day, and she slept with other guys when we were going "steady". I fought and fought for her, in my own way. She was my model for women. A very intelligent. dominant, selfish, controlling, competitive sexy woman who took what she wanted when she wanted it, delighted in driving me crazy with jealousy, sometimes gave me what I needed to feel secure, and then proceeded to blow my mind. She made me feel suicidal at times. When I got over that, she just always made me want her more and more.... and other guys too. Some people have the power to bring you in to this cuckold "lifestyle". When guys do it, they are just being guys. When women do it - well, we all view that a bit differently, don't we?
 
  • #108
I, too, believe there is a psychology behind why husbands want to share their wives' pussies with other men. I believe there are a few basic reasons which would cover most situations.

One is that the husband feels inadequate and feels that he needs to somehow make it up to his wife by allowing her to fuck with other men who can do a better job.

A second is that the husband may be wanting to punish his wife for something, by making a ***** of her for the pleasure of other men.

A third possibility is that the husband is bi-sexual to some degree, and possibily has not even admitted such to himself, and has found that it is a substitute for having sex with other men, himself, when he offers his wife to them to fuck.

And a fourth possibility is that the husband may feel guilty for past sexual indescretions and is punishing himself, and making it up to his wife, by letting her fuck with other men.

And, as we all know, there is no shortage of men who would like to fuck our wives. The cuckold husbands can use this fact to great advantage: So many men want married pussy!
 
  • #109
Son of John said:
...And, as we all know, there is no shortage of men who would like to fuck our wives. The cuckold husbands can use this fact to great advantage: So many men want married pussy!

I LOVE your above statement, SOJ.

That's why the requests to share my Japanese wife's tight snatch are always being more than what I can handle...:p
 
  • #110
Good thread, but .....

Where is DOC.
Are you still here Doc.?
I'd like to read any new observations you have about your research into this topic.

Cheers, Harry
 
  • #111
Doc in Cleveland said:
..

In the last five years of my practice I've seen an incredible, almost fantastic, rise in this form of sexual practice. It's come to the point where I can tell most people here that you are pretty much "normal" these days, no matter what anyone is willing to admit to in a survey or a census. I came here out of my desire to educate myself further on just how rampant this is and the variations it takes. I've been reading for a few days on these forums and, coupling my findings here with what I hear behind the door of confidentiality without betraying trust, I've formed a few opinions that may help some folks. At least I hope it will help some folks. I suspect it will inflame some.

A couple things .. labels and history. I see a lot of comments along the lines of "Why label it? Just enjoy". I agree. But, in what I do, we need to figure out what it is before we can address it. Otherwise, we're just stumbling and poking at random things. That's where labels I will use come in. If it upsets some to label a certain way, I'm sorry about that. But that is the reason why I will label things. The second is history, i.e. "This has been going on for thousands of years". No, no it really hasn't. Wives have been incredibly unfaithful for thousands of years. True cuckolding is fairly new to the current time period. I can relate it to the sixties and seventies and the "swinging" lifestyle that was very prevalent in society and that relationship to Roman orgies. Of course cuckolding happened in the past. The type of cuckolding described here and I see so often in real life (well, the real life where secrets are told) is a very specific and intense type. Many of the accounts here are not true cuckolding and here we enter "labels" and reasons why this is an epic phenomenon of our times.



There is more to be said on this ... early trauma, mothers and my own take which includes abandonment issues and the rise of power of women in this society. However, this being a free public forum I have no idea on how any of this is going to be received. If I'm going to take the time to write all this out and even further time to possibly help some people, I have to determine if anybody here really cares about what I am saying or not. Maybe I'm in the wrong place. We'll see.

I found your article fantastic and enlightening. I was a cuckold from 23 to 30 and never questioned "why". I knew why. I loved humiliation. It's nice to see someone who knows what they are talking about commenting here. I hope to read more.
 
  • #112
[/QUOTE]
My experience has been that men mostly want to experience their wives sexuality in its most basic and unrestricted form. Free of the marital mores that now restrict her once healthy sexual appetite. Watching her enjoy sex unencumbered, free from the guilt of what is expected of a proper Wife and Mother[/QUOTE]

I can't agree more. I don't know how many times during our marriage that I asked my wife where that cock hungry horny as hell woman that I married has gone? I think alot had to do with raising kids, difficult childbirth and her latent guilt and sense of duty of being a wife and mother. She still doesn't have her libido back but she has made some progress and actively cucks me with other men/man. she currently has a lover and doesn't want others at the moment.

But yes, yes, yes. Part of what drove me to this type of relationship with her was some of the women I had dated previous to her had cucked me without me finding out until after wards and the feelings that I felt at the time and the fact that it turned me on to find out about it freaked me out but at the same time turned me on to no end and I wanted that feeling and experience again. Well I got it, I like it, and love to see her getting railed by a well hung stud. Just wish she actually had a libido and would seek it out or have me look for her more often.
 
  • #113
Guys who know who they are - and don't pretend they are something else - will be more contented in life. When gays come out of the closets, friends and family have to "accept" their "condition" or disappear out of their lives. You are one or the other, confusing to be in limbo, or hiding in the closet.

A man sparkles with contentment when he understands what primal urges are driving him. When he is too scared to come out of the closet because of the risks of persecution, he can't fully enjoy life.

One reason why Gay Parades are a show of strength to say, "this is normal, so society better show us more tolerance".

Wht is normal keeps changing. The American Medical Association once changed the I.Q. number and overnight, 33,000 Americans were no longer considered to be retarded.

My opinion: if you want to be a cuckold, you should read up all you can, so you can discover what appeals to you in the lifestyle - then you know whether you hitting your target dreams, and your wife can help you achieve that, as the new framework for your marriage.
 
  • #114
I don't know how many times during our marriage that I asked my wife where that cock hungry horny as hell woman that I married has gone?

She still doesn't have her libido back but she has made some progress and actively cucks me with other men/man. she currently has a lover and doesn't want others at the moment.

I like it, and love to see her getting railed by a well hung stud.

Just wish she actually had a libido and would seek it out or have me look for her more often.
--------------------------------------

She is sharing her libido with several men, so it is a bit DILUTED in strength for any particular man. Many women have a lot of sexual tension built up before they get their first fuck, so they make hay while it shines, enjoying this new pleasure in their life.

Have you asked the other guys what she is like in bed with them?
 
  • #115
I'm with her quite often when she is with her other lover and yes I do notice that she is much less inhibited with him than she has always been with me. I think a lot to do with her trying to keep him coming back. Considering the fact that she owns me she doesn't do a lot of the things she does with him, such as once she gets in the mood with him she is voracious when it comes to sucking him and will do it for hours even though he is over twice my size and girth. Throughout our marriage she would only blow me for a couple minutes and then complain that her jaw is sore.

She also will allow him to throw her legs behind her ears pound the hell out of her while with me she would always complain that it hurt when I did the same thing. She also goes right along with him when he brings one or two of his buddies along for the ride. The only thing is that she really has no libido aside from when the moment arises that I can get him to start playing with her and I almost have to beg him to go after her. I don't mind asking as it is humiliating for me and a turn on but he isn't always interested as he has some other women that he plays with so she is not always on his mind. He would be into her allot more he said if she showed some interest. She would like to show more interest but she said she is rarely horny so that is our dilemma at the moment.
 
  • #117
Saraha said:
Has she tried horny goat weed?

=======

my ex once fucked a horny goat who gave her a better
time than i ever could hope to :confused:
 
  • #118
Some excellent points here, and it's great to see more and more white women hooking up with black men. Cuckolding is hopefully going to become mainstream soon and I hope that some day my wife can walk hand in hand around our local neighbourhood with her bull and none of the neighbours will bat an eyelid.
 
  • #119
HMCUCKED said:
Some excellent points here, and it's great to see more and more white women hooking up with black men. Cuckolding is hopefully going to become mainstream soon and I hope that some day my wife can walk hand in hand around our local neighbourhood with her bull and none of the neighbours will bat an eyelid.

=========

that'll ruin half the fun imho ..O u kids :mad:
 
  • #120
It is almost mainstream already, plenty of hard-nosed racists grow old and die every day, and when they get to Heaven they have to explain why they did not like ALL of God's children. Hope their excuses are good or it will be red hot poker up their ass as punishment for their sins.
 

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