SoonToBe said:Where would you use a safe word or phrase? Long long ago Sue had warned me that once she got started and sex was imminent that she wouldn't stop unless I really meant it as in physically separating them,etc. Even when I lost it and left them (her and Brad) one time, she didn't come right after me and I have always felt that she would have finished fucking him before she did so. I did, however, that time text her that I was okay and that I'd see her later. So, for us, for me to "tell" her to stop - it would have to be more direct and firm.
I suspect you should instead discuss this with her than trying to ask us here on the board. My feelings are that you should probably know this stuff - or at least how you both feel about it - before going into it. I learned as we went along and the first few times were awkward, for sure.
I feel if you focus on her pleasure, that all else pretty much seems to just happen of its own accord. It is difficult if possible at all to script out such an evening, at least for us.
Rita and I and, indeed, her lovers have a clear understanding that finally she calls the shots. So while some of the guys are / have been playfully dom, when to end a session is entirely up to her (unless the guy has drained himself out).
Leaving her with her guy? Well, I’m not really sure what the general ‘norms’ are. Some of our like-minded couple friends don’t do it. A few do. In our case that has been happening right from the time we started out. Rita was quite clear that sometimes she would need her space with her guy(s). At what point, when exactly, at which stage of the relationship she, naturally, could not say. As a strict rule, the first 3 to 4 times with a guy, she will insist on me being around. Then on her own or if this is suggested by the guy and she agrees, they meet on their own. Weekends or brief vacations with just she and her lover is a part of our lives.
Of course, being alone with her lover for a while is often contrived for fun. And I love that. After ‘suffering’ my company for a while, she may ‘instruct’ me or tell the guy to ‘instruct’ me to leave them alone. That ‘humiliation’ bit is fun.