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What does this mean Sandy?

  • Thread starterTomi77
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New around here...
Beloved Member
Aug 31, 2005
Hi Sandy,

It's been a long time since I wrote to you. Last time I had question about me and my gf and the masseur, now to whole new area.

I have for the last year tried to get my gf opinion about black men and what she thinks about them. She have told me that she wouldn't have anything to do with them several times, but last weekend something strange happend. I was spending the weekend in Finland, I had a firm-party and she was spending her weekend with a few of her friends on a cruise. She was were upset with me because I had a few drinks more than needed and she was really angry with me.

Then she called me on the phone and told me she sat in a coffe-shop drinking some coffee with her other friends and was flirting with a black guy (to make me jelous) and that she was sure that he was very endowed as well. She likes big men, she always told me that. She is just 22 and very pretty and I'm sure she would have any black men she ever wanted. But, do you thinks she could possibly have any desires for black men after all, or did she just make me jelous? I simply asked her a question if she would have sex with him if he was very endowed and was 100 times more lovely sexually than me, and she told me back that I have nothing to do with that?! I guess that means a YES!!

Please respond Sandy since I trust all your answers.....

Your lady and I are in the same age range and judging by what you've mentioned here. She was more than likely doing to make you jealous.

If she has absolutely no interest in black men, and flirted with one, don't get your panties in a wad and start brewing fantasies.

There are different types of flirting, and I seriously wouldn't get my panties in a wad over it. It was a one time thing to make you jealous. Or not really jealous, but to make you see, "I can do it" or to keep you on your toes because she's an attractive 22 year old who can find a man at the drop of a hat and showing you that was more than likely just a way to say, "watch out, if you don't act right there will be someone ready, willing, and able to take your place."
Yes.. that's probably the case!

Hi again,

Thanks for your answer. I think you're 100% right, that she was just trying to make me jealous and to show me that she could actually "do it". But I have to confess that It made me a little scared and exited at the same time, don't know how to put it but that's the way I felt when she called me and told me she was about to make contact with this black-guy sitting behind her in the cafeteria.

I think she is one of those girls that never would be with a black man, but could it change some day?
Hi Tomi-

I think that playing sex games and teasing are all testing the limits of how far we would be willing to go. Flirting with a man does not mean that I want to sleep with him but it does mean that I am interested enough to test the idea... if only in my dreams.

I think that your girlfriend is going a bit farther than that. Not only is she testing her self, she is testing your limits as well. With a little encouragement, I would not be surprised if she did... nor should you. But first you need to make sure this is where you want your sex life and relationship to go.
Hi Queen-Sandy!

Thank you for taking your time in answering. Yes, I also think she finds the idea of being with a black guy fascinating, in a way she never described to me, but let's see what happens in the future. Would I be ok with it? Don't know, but the idea is a little tempting. It's just that she would think I'm crazy if I would let her sleep with other men... well.... life is intresting indeed!

By the way Sandy, love your new site, professional look!
Thanks! I have worked on trying to get it "feel" right of my site for weeks. I am just not very good at this web stuff. But I am trying!

As always, my advice is talk lots, love lots, and everything will work out.
Hi again!


It's been a week now from my gf cruise and things are heading into a quite strange direction. The argue we had a week ago was before I have acted like a jerk towards her in the past and she said things to me (like flirting with a black guy etc.) to make me jealous. Ok, I asked her on saturday what she meant about the whole thing and she told me she would consider having sex with a huge guy just to see what it feels like, and if it would be a black guy fine.

In our hometown there's a white guy that is very endowed, to say the least he is freaking huge and he has a reputation among girls. She mentioned him to me and told me he would like to experience him, mosty to see what it's like.

I never thought I would agree on such thing but we have a healthy relationship and think you should experience things TOGETHER.

I would like to know if I'm doing a big mistake letting her have sex with this huge guy. She's also a little worried about his size and that it will hurt, IF she desides to sleep with him.

Well... comments please....

Hi Tomi-

First, you need to be extra sweet to your girlfriend... buy her something nice, tell her you love her, have wonderful sex, and then talk about experiencing other men. I say this because you want any sex outside your relationship to be part of an agreement, not something done as revenge or to spite you after an argument.

You are at a very dangerous place in your relationship-- she has an interest in exploring her sexuality, you are not certain how to control the situation. My advice is always to talk about your desires and do not worry about trying to control. Here is the truth most guys do not realize.. women prefer security to sex... Sorry, Dark Cavern lovers but that is the truth. Sex is easy! Finding a guy who will love you, take care of you, forgive you, be a father to your children... now that is hard! Your GF know that and you should too.

It is OK to be sexual and maybe this well hung guy :)rolleyes: do you have his phone number?????) would be a great sex partner. BUT make sure your relationship is strong and have an understanding about what you both want first before bringing in another man.
Hi again Sandy,

I also think this guy would be perfect for her, they are the same age, and he is nice. I do not have his phonenumber, but that could be arranged since I know another friend who knows this guy. Do you think I would be present at the time they meet (if they meet)? I know the fact that it could be hard to see my gf enjoying the attention of another man and to see her enjoying him, but also, It would be nice to know that he is not hurting her at any level since he is very endowed. My gf is mosty intresting in a one-time-experiment and therefore it would be nice to make sure it would be a nice experiment.

What could I do to make it right for her?


Ps! -23 degrees in Finland right now... brrrr....
Hi Tomi-

I know you would like to watch but maybe you should think about that first. My suggestion has always been for men to let their wife or gf have a private, special time with their first lover. I can not speak for all women but I am shy about being watched and would likely not enjoy it if I thought my hubby or bf may have a sudden change of mind. I would definitely feel inhibited and prefer to pay attention to only one man at a time... the one who is making love to me.

Do not worry about his size hurting her, we have lots of ways to help that. A little sex lube will help him slip in and will keep her feeling all of him. It will also help if she is a little dry because she is nervous or maybe he is not as good a lover as he thinks he is. All you men reading this... please remember one word: foreplay! :lick:

Meeting him is your choice and I doubt it will make much of a difference to him. Since this is to be a one time thing, maybe you better meet him so that it is understood. But you do realize that he will call her to ask her for another date? Most black men I know will view a "one-time-experiment" as a challenge to make it a "many-times-affair". You need to discuss this with the gf and you both need to agree on how far to go.

Thank you for answering. I have discussed this with my gf and she agreed that they will meet in private. A little lube will probably help a lot since he has a girth that can't be compared with mine.

I will keep you informed how this goes...

Thanks again Sandy......
Hi Sandy,

My gf met with this other guy last friday. We had a few drinks at the bar and we decided that she meet with him after closing-time (he was at the same bar also). She then went to his place and they had sex. He was very protective and he used lots of lube with her. He was really gently towards her and took it very slowly. I asked her if it hurted and she told me that in the beginning it was hurting a bit, but then suddenly the "pain" turned into pleasure. She also told me that she felt her first vaginal orgasm, and she never experienced that with me. Do you think I should let her have sex with him again (if she want's to) and do you think that she will get used to this other very endowed guy a little bit too much and wont be satisfied by anything smaller than him.... Your answers are the best Sandy!!

Hi Tommi-

Oh my! Well, as the title of this thread says "What does this mean...?" I guess only she will be able to answer that.

First, I hope you were able to share the erotic experience with her, even if it was only from the telling afterwards. If you were OK with that, then I think you may be in a position to do more experimenting with your sexuality. I am sure that your gf will probably want to try more, but wanting to do it and actually doing it, depends on your reactions and the strength of your relationship. I would not worry too much about size, or getting stretched out, I think that is all pretty much hype. Even a guy with a pencil for a penis can give a woman a mind blowing orgasm if he knows what he is doing.

What is more important is how you both feel about having another sexual partner in your relationship and is this a shared pleasure or are you going to begin to feel left behind? Only the two of you can answer that question.

It's soon been a week since my gf met with this other guy and I have gone through many emotional stages. We have both discussed the fact that she slept with another guy and I have to be honest, I feel both jelous and excited about the whole situation. I guess I'm ok with it and I'm also accepting that she meet with him again (perhaps this weekend). I'm not really too worried about her getting stretched out, but she thinks she might be, or at least to some extent. But what is more important is that this endowed guy is careful and takes it slow. From her telling, he seems to be an excellent lover, he gave her lot's of foreplay and really turned her on, then used love-lube and entered her nice and slow. I guess a woman can adapt to almost all sizes. She doesn't know the size of him, but she guessed somewhere between 9-10" and when she grabbed my wrist she said it was as thick as that!

What I'm wondering about is should I be present when she meet with him the next time, I've asked her what she thinks about having me watching and she doesn't seem to mind, but I'm quite sure she wouldn't enjoy all of him if I stood next them watching the whole thing. Could it trigger more emotional-feelings for me?

Do you Sandy think I'm in a "early-stage" of a hubby-relationship?

Hi Tomi-

I would have been very surprised if you had not gone through an emotional conflict. In fact, I have to believe that you are still in one and recommend going a bit slower right now. If I was your gf, I would not try to hook up with him again until I was sure you were OK with it. A week or two of intensive fucking of my boyfriend would convince him that he was more important to me than my experimenting with the new sexual pleasures of a bbc. After that, your cock would be so sore, you would want me to go find another lover!:clap:

As far as watching or joining in, the first time was probably the critical point. If you didn't go crazy over it happening, then it it really is up to the both of you to decide. But again, I would not rush into having her meet with him again, she can keep him waiting... Oh, one suggestion I had from an experienced white man in a similar relationship was to make sure you keep yourself busy. Just standing there playing with yourself does not make you part of this sexual experience, you are just a tourist. Take pictures, fondle her breasts, make she knows you are there supporting her pleasure. That is the sort of thing you should talk to her about and prepare for before you meet him again.

Did your gf tell her new lover about you? and is he ok with a 3-way relationship? If so, then you may be on you way to being in a hubby relationship.
Hi Sandy,

Thanks for your reply. I have discussed the issue with my gf and we both agreed on taking the whole thing a bit slower. We both made love for the whole weekend and we have now a stronger relationship than never before in fact.

Her lover does know about me, she has told him all about me and the situation about her experimenting with a endowed guy etc. She spoke with him this weekend and he doesn't mind having me present the next time, he said it's totally up to me and to my gf if we want to.

The idea of being present during their meeting is very exciting. I also know that it could trigger more emotional-conflicts that could be hard to handle. To actually see my gf enjoying another mans attention could be hard to see in reality, but like I told you, also excites me a lot. Like you wrote I could support her pleasure and make her know that I'm 100% ok with it and she could relax totally.

We'll see what the week have to offer and what happens.

Well, what can I say, I'm really glad I have your support on this because, I really trust in your answers Sandy.


Sandy -

It's been a while since I heard from you, I guess you are busy. I'm writing to you again and it would be nice if you gave me some opinions.

To start, my gf had another meeting with this other guy (Magnus) during the weekend and I was present during the time. We envited him to our place and we drank a few glasses of wine and discussed the whole thing.

I was not participating more than doing a little "warming-up" of my gf, did some oral-sex with her and lubed her very well. Then Magnus stepped in the picture and began to enter her very slowly. I was almost shocked when I say the equipment of Magnus, I thought he was going to be way too big for her, but finally she gave in and he was able to enter her. After a few minutes they switched positions and she was riding him fully. Then he took her from behind and it seemed to be a little painful for her, but she assured me that she was fine.

Afterwards me and my gf had a little chat about the whole thing, and she told me she was more OK with his size this time than the first, and that it felt very intense. She is also (still) a little bit concerned that she won't feel anything smaller than him if she see this guy on regular bases. I don't know if she has been stretched out or is it just that she got used to hes size? What do you think Sandy? When Magnus left I fingered her and could tell that she was still very wide down there.

We are now planning that Magnus shall become a regulal sex-partner and that she can meet with him (on my agreement) anytime she likes.

Anything I should know about before I agree on such thing?

Hi Tomi-

Sorry for not replying sooner but I have been spending my spare quite time working on some new pics and getting my web site polished.

I sounds to me like you have both decided to add Magnus to your sex life and that can be both fun as well as cause some problems. Much of it will depend on your attitude about sharing your girlfriend and her about having two very different guys for sex.

So lets talk about your role and what you want from it. You are well past being curious, you are involved. Are you enjoying this adventure and how does she make sure your sexual needs are satisfied?

Yes, she may seem a bit stretched after lots of juicy sex but I would not worry about it. You would be surprised what we can do with our pussy mussels to make you feel like you were having a virgin. That is, of course, assuming we are not completely exhausted and sore... which is why some women will tell their bf that they are stretched out. I would suspect that after a lot of sex with Magnus, she may be a bit sore. A hot bath, plenty of lube, and her on top to control penetration will do wonders for both of you.
Hi again ..

Hi Sandy,

I have been busy working so I haven't got the time to write in DC-forum.

Yes, I maybe past being just curious about my gf having a lover, but we both agree that this is just sex. She met with him last sunday, but this time at his place and I didn't see them together, but she told me all about it afterwards. She keeps on wondering why I ask about it but somehow it makes me wild and crazy to know she is and been making love to this other guy Magnus.

She also told me that she's beginning to get used to his size and that the pain she felt the first time is gone.

Now, what worries me a bit is that she gets a little bit too "used" to Magnus and his huge penis. When I saw it the last time they met I couldn't imagine how it would fit, and now she even tells me that it's "just perfect"..

How would you comment this, has she got used to the size of him or has she been "stretched out" as they say....

Hi Sandy!

Hope everything works out with your site.

My gf is now insisting that Magnus shall become a regular sexmember and that she wants to meet with him a few times a week. I'm just worried that she wont't be able to give me any satisfaction at all after seeing him so often. What do you think? Difficult situation.

Posting a pic of Magnus and my gf together!


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