What relationship to have with the guy who made your wife pregnant?

[wsh]

Hi,

I guess now I am a cuckold too. Not very voluntarily. In a time my fiance and I did not see often due to jobs that made it necessary to life distant from each other for a while., we decided to have a open relationship. Actually I asked for it. Because we had a fight after I honestly told her that I visited a **********. Later she said that she reacted stupid, could understand me and that she agrees it would be for that time better to have an open relationship than to lie. She said that she does not intend to make use of it and does not want to know in case I do it again. I agreed but told her that I am greatful for it and since we have same rights, in case she would change her opinion I would also not blame her for having an ONS. I never expected her to do it. She also did not expect herself to do it. Long time later, when I were not thinking anymore about this agreement, she told me that she had a very spontaneous ONS..... later this developed into an affair. Long story short, after we postponed our wedding and had for some time a pause of our relationship, she told me that she got pregnant from the other guy. I was stupid to not watch out more for her and I did not expect that she is so stupid to sleep again with him without protection.
Enough of the long story. She will have the baby for sure and it also looks like we will come together again and finally marry. I try now to see it the way that our love did not change and if I would look for another women chances would be high, that in the age category I am searching, I would also find only a women who already has a child from another man.
But here's the new question I am thinking about: What relationship to have with that guy who made my finace pregnant? He is her long time best friend and colleague at work. I only know him from her telling me, never met him im person, never talked to him at the phone not even wrote with him. Better not to get to know him? Better break all contact? Better forbid my future wife to have contact with him? Otherwise he's the biological father of the child in her womb.
Does anybody have experience or an idea how to behave in that situation? What would you personally do if you would be in my situation?

 

[zippless]

It's all up to her. All you can do is support her in her decision. Even if she wants to continue fucking him.

 

[wsh]

It's all up to her. All you can do is support her in her decision. Even if she wants to continue fucking him.

Now I would mind less.... she is pregnant with his baby but does not leave me anymore for him. So the situation is clear, not much more can happen. I see that we need clear rules but told her that it is not the most important decision at the moment. Her decision of whether to get fucked without protection was of more importance and would have needed better decision.... but now it's to late and I forgave her. But she wants me to make the decision, even it's not that important anymore. I guess she wants to show me, that she does not want to exclude me anymore in her decision making. She also apologized, it was not her purpose to get pregnant. She offered to get an abortion, but her lover told begged her not to do it and that before she does it, he would raise the child alone. I also agree that you don't kill a baby for the fault of it's mother. I always were against abortion so either he will raise the child alone or we will raise his child. I guess I will adopt the child since she most likely will not want to give it to him once it's there. The decision is more or less secure. I guess I will also agree him seeing the baby and her seeing him if she wants. The question is if and how I should make contact with him. It's an awkward situation.

 

[Sissyjohn]

You need to show him respect and except he and your woman have something special together. Do you know how good a lover he is and if he is more well endowed than yourself

 

[wsh]

You need to show him respect and except he and your woman have something special together. Do you know how good a lover he is and if he is more well endowed than yourself

She liked that he gave her orgasms. But then she decided to come back to me since she realized that besides the sex, she felt more comfortable with me.

 

[Sissyjohn]

You should take on the role of the beta man. Let him do the sexual side of things, you could concentrate on being a provider and a nanny If needed

 

[Custer Laststand]

She [my fiancé] will have the baby [sired by her lover, who is her long-term work colleague and friend] for sure, and it also looks like we will come together again and finally marry.

If you marry your fiance as planned, you'll be doing the right thing.

....... If I look for another woman, chances would be high, in the age category I am searching, I would also find only a woman who already has a child [sired by] another man.

Good realization.

But here's the new question I am thinking about: What relationship to have with the guy who made my fiance pregnant? He is her long time best friend and colleague at work. I only know him from her telling me [about him].

Since your fiance had a long-term affair with her lover that finally resulted in her pregnancy, I suggest not assuming she and you will get back together and marry. Rather, I suggest first resolving with her the question of whether she and her lover have plans related to her pregnancy — such as, whether the two of them have an understanding that she will end her relationship with you (if you don't do that for her), then she will marry him.

I've never met him in person, I've never talked with him on the phone nor [exchanged letters] with him. Is it better not to get to know him? Better to break off all contact? Better to forbid my future wife to have contact with him?

You can't break off all contact with your wife's lover, because you've never had any contact with him. You can't forbid your wife to have any further contact with him, because he's a long-term work colleague and friend. Even when she's staying home to care for her new infant, no doubt she has a cell phone — and her maternity leave will only last for a finite time period. Then, she'll want to go back to work (presumably) and her lover will once again be her work colleague.

So, of the options you've listed, the only one that seems feasible would be for you to try to not get to know him at all. But, since he's your fiancé's work colleague, you'll probably meet him whether you want to or not. Thus, a better option (IMO) would be for you to get to know him and, if it's feasible, become friends with him.

Otherwise he's the biological father of the child in her womb.

There is no "otherwise." Your wife's lover IS the biological father of the child in her womb, and will remain so as time passes and she or he grows up.

 

[Helenus]

It’s time for you to accept the fact that she is with you because you are perhaps more caring, you are gentle and affectionate, you are the type of man whom many women would like to be husbands, this is more of a good friend who will understand, forgive and will be happy for her .. .
He is probably the type of alpha that gives her the feeling of being what she cannot be with you, you should see in her the queen and mother of your (albeit not common) children, he should see in her a female, a ***** who is looking for debauchery.
If she intends to marry you, then she accepts you as the father of all her future children, and maybe you yourself after some time ask her about a new pregnancy from another male ..
According to your note, subconsciously, you have already embarked on the path of a cuckold and ready to accept the fact that your wife will have a lover, now you must understand that having tasted this fruit, neither you nor she will be able to live the same life, and it will be up to you to decide whether your family life is a lie or a prelude, whether it will change behind your back or before your eyes ...
Such a choice is faced by all husbands who find out that the wife has a love affair with another man, but who do not want to get divorced ...
Take or leave, here is the choice!

 

[Sissyjohn]

It’s time for you to accept the fact that she is with you because you are perhaps more caring, you are gentle and affectionate, you are the type of man whom many women would like to be husbands, this is more of a good friend who will understand, forgive and will be happy for her .. .
He is probably the type of alpha that gives her the feeling of being what she cannot be with you, you should see in her the queen and mother of your (albeit not common) children, he should see in her a female, a ***** who is looking for debauchery.
If she intends to marry you, then she accepts you as the father of all her future children, and maybe you yourself after some time ask her about a new pregnancy from another male ..
According to your note, subconsciously, you have already embarked on the path of a cuckold and ready to accept the fact that your wife will have a lover, now you must understand that having tasted this fruit, neither you nor she will be able to live the same life, and it will be up to you to decide whether your family life is a lie or a prelude, whether it will change behind your back or before your eyes ...
Such a choice is faced by all husbands who find out that the wife has a love affair with another man, but who do not want to get divorced ...
Take or leave, here is the choice!

I think you are right. When my wife had her first child with her lover within 6 months at her suggestion I had a vasectomy. The following year my wife had another baby and two years after that she had a third. When I had the vasectomy they asked if I wanted my tubes cut and tied or a section cut out. My wife wanted a section cut out as it made the vasectomy irreversible

 

[Helenus]

I think you are right. When my wife had her first child with her lover within 6 months at her suggestion I had a vasectomy. The following year my wife had another baby and two years after that she had a third. When I had the vasectomy they asked if I wanted my tubes cut and tied or a section cut out. My wife wanted a section cut out as it made the vasectomy irreversible

This means that she made you understand that you are not pretending to be a successor to the clan, but only as a good father and a loving husband, she wants her future children to grow up with big cocks, and be more dominant, she does not want her son to be on your cuckold road.
This is evolution in nature, where weak individuals or species simply die

 

[Sissyjohn]

This means that she made you understand that you are not pretending to be a successor to the clan, but only as a good father and a loving husband, she wants her future children to grow up with big cocks, and be more dominant, she does not want her son to be on your cuckold road.
This is evolution in nature, where weak individuals or species simply die

I do actually have a son and like me he is poorly endowed at the moment. He's 15 and about My size

 

[Helenus]

I do actually have a son and like me he is poorly endowed at the moment. He's 15 and about My size

then maybe you and your wife can better prepare him for the fact that he will never get the alpha role, and he will always strive for the role of a cuckold obedient to his wife

 

[Kogjin]

Hi wsh,
First congrats on deciding to keep the woman you love.
My first thing to ask is if the other guy knows he is the father?
If he doesn't and your wife didn't tell him then this simplifies things. It means he won't bother you in case he tries to be dad and accept her. This also means you wife wants you to be with her.
As for what type of relationship - me personally wouldn't forbid anything to her. Making her not communicate or such will bring tensions which I believe no one wants.
Now the question is if she wants to sleep with him again. This is up to you, I would allow it as Im not the kind that forces things on people, let her do as she pleases but make sure not to loose her, be her partner.

If my girlfriend which I love a lot did this, I would accept the baby as my own, as it is from the woman I love.
Wish you a lot of happiness together.

 

[BigdaddyToronto]

If it were me, id have to decide if I could trust her and be sure that the marriage will work long term. Otherwise, the risk of having to support a child that isn't even mine, after a divorce? no thanks.

 

[wsh]

She proved that she loves the cock and the seed of another man, but also that she wants me as her husband. I love her that much that I accepted the cuckold position. Even it is less for me than I expected.... what should go wrong? I cannot sink deeper.

 

[Sissyjohn]

She proved that she loves the cock and the seed of another man, but also that she wants me as her husband. I love her that much that I accepted the cuckold position. Even it is less for me than I expected.... what should go wrong? I cannot sink deeper.

Have you considered the possibility of being feminized in some why. What's the other man's name! And will be except you more if he doesn't see you as a proper man

 

[Custer Laststand]

She proved that she loves the cock and the seed of another man, but also that she wants me as her husband. I love her that much that I accepted the cuckold position.

Good.

Even if it is less for me than I expected.... what should go wrong?

Should go wrong, or could go wrong? Anyway, this question brings to mind a seemingly-absurd but probably-appropriate quote: "Predictions are difficult, especially of the future." (It's sometimes attributed to Yogi Berra, who also said: "I didn't really say all the things I said.")

I cannot sink deeper.

There's no need to be that depressed. Lots of married men are raising children birthed by their wives but sired by other men. Many of them are not aware of that; you have the advantage of awareness. To expand your knowledge and insight into the whole men, women and sex scene, I suggest reading:

Baker, Robin, Ph.D., 1996, Sperm Wars: The Science of Sex (BasicBooks, 319 pp.)

which is a fascinating science-for-the-layperson book. Baker is an evolutionary biologist — his book is not what your parents told you about sex (if they told you anything at all).

 

[wsh]

Have you considered the possibility of being feminized in some why. What's the other man's name! And will be except you more if he doesn't see you as a proper man

I am not sure what you mean. In one sentence: Shortly before our marriage, she had an affair with a guy she felt sexually drawn too. She realized sex with him was better than with me and while enjoying as she says "he gives me orgasms" she developed feelings for him he used her as his cum dump for a few months. During that time she realized that besides sex she loves me more and wants to stay with me, but when she realized this she was already pregnant from him (she did not expect it because her doctor told her it' unlikely she can have a baby and she loved his cum in her pussy,so she lied to herself and said nothing will happen...) Now, I am taking my fiance back to marry her while she carries his baby. This makes me a cuckold. Maybe (since the most possible harm is already done) I will even alowe her to continue having sex with him.
But it does not change my sexual nature. I do not get turned on by not having sex or dressing like a women.... find that very strange and off turring. I am just a normal guy, acutally from my nature even more a bull than a cuckold. Just that in this moment somebody else "was better than me" and cuckolded me, if I can say so. Somtimes you win, sometimes you loose. But if she can have another child this one will be from me. But yes, I got in so far a cuckold that now my feelings changed and in some way I see in all what happened the positive side effect that from being a prude and sexually less interested women she turned into sex addicted one who freely lives her sexlife (with that guy) and I am happy for her and because of that I might allow her to continue having sex with him but only if she also has sex with me again. And she will if we marry. She loves me. She just sometimes wants to be fucked by him. She said with me it's more a trusting and loving sex, with him it's more that she get's turned on by being used like a ***** from another man. This situation maybe also in combination with this physical performance gaves her great orgasms. She wants to have both in future. But as said it does not change totally my sexual drive. I will have a normal marriage with her with normal satisfying sex and she will have something in addition. Maybe that's what describes it best.

 

[Sissyjohn]

Yes but given the choice of you or him in her bed she will always chose him

 

[Kogjin]

I am not sure what you mean. In one sentence: Shortly before our marriage, she had an affair with a guy she felt sexually drawn too. She realized sex with him was better than with me and while enjoying as she says "he gives me orgasms" she developed feelings for him he used her as his cum dump for a few months. During that time she realized that besides sex she loves me more and wants to stay with me, but when she realized this she was already pregnant from him (she did not expect it because her doctor told her it' unlikely she can have a baby and she loved his cum in her pussy,so she lied to herself and said nothing will happen...) Now, I am taking my fiance back to marry her while she carries his baby. This makes me a cuckold. Maybe (since the most possible harm is already done) I will even alowe her to continue having sex with him.
But it does not change my sexual nature. I do not get turned on by not having sex or dressing like a women.... find that very strange and off turring. I am just a normal guy, acutally from my nature even more a bull than a cuckold. Just that in this moment somebody else "was better than me" and cuckolded me, if I can say so. Somtimes you win, sometimes you loose. But if she can have another child this one will be from me. But yes, I got in so far a cuckold that now my feelings changed and in some way I see in all what happened the positive side effect that from being a prude and sexually less interested women she turned into sex addicted one who freely lives her sexlife (with that guy) and I am happy for her and because of that I might allow her to continue having sex with him but only if she also has sex with me again. And she will if we marry. She loves me. She just sometimes wants to be fucked by him. She said with me it's more a trusting and loving sex, with him it's more that she get's turned on by being used like a ***** from another man. This situation maybe also in combination with this physical performance gaves her great orgasms. She wants to have both in future. But as said it does not change totally my sexual drive. I will have a normal marriage with her with normal satisfying sex and she will have something in addition. Maybe that's what describes it best.

I would propose not to label yourself as cuckold or whatever. What you are describing is similar to some of my experiences.
My last girlfriend (with witch I still keep contact) slept with three other men,while with me. She confessed after the facts but we kept our relationship and this didn't affect our sex life and is still telling me about her sexual exploits till this day. Then I started fucking my current girlfriend while still being with my ex.
I got turned on by the fact that my ex was sleeping around, she is hot and I wanted to let her explore whatever she wants.
My current gf slept with a lot of men and did a lot of things and I like this fact. But she told me that I'm giving her the best sex.
What I try to say is that sometimes Im more of a bull than more of a submissive. It all depends on the person Im with and this has nothing to do with my everyday life, as I'm on a managing possition and need to organise and tell people what to do etc.

So just make sure you are happy and satisfied and do what turns you on. Letting your wife sleep around doesn't mean you should wear women's clothes as someone proposed.