What's In A Name

[Allisonnga]

Hubby and I disagree on this one, so what do you think.

BACKGROUND:
I've been in the lifestyle for a few years, exclusively black except for hubby, going wild for the variety when I started and tapering off until lately it has been two or three times a year, usually one guy who eventually gets tired of waiting until our schedule opens and moves on.

This year that's changed, with a former regular coming available and I'm tired of sifting through the flakes to find real people, so I've decided to only see him (other than hubby). He's available and we plan to meet every 4-6 weeks. We no longer use condoms, as I trust him.

Hubby says he is my black boyfriend, I say he is my black lover. Previously I called him a fuck-buddy or regular. Hubby says because I am exclusive to him and on a regular basis that is the criteria. I say that a boyfriend implies emotional attachment, and there's none of that, which is why I prefer calling him a lover, because that is what it is to me.

Not a big thing either way but he suggested I put it on here to see what others thought.

 

[Enigma632]

If all you do is get together for sex then he's your lover.

If you do more of the things that boyfriend & girlfriends like go to the movies, out for a meal, maybe some clothes shopping for you to wear for him then he's a boyfriend

 

[PhilMarlowe]

I have two answers for you. First, whatever you want to call him is what you should call him. He is your whatever.
if
The second answer is that I agree with you in the lack of "emotional relationship" means he is not a "boyfriend" . For the same reason, I thing "lover" is also not appropriate. "Stud" is good, "Bull" if the relationship is more Dominant/submissive. "Playmate" is one I think applies at whatever the relationship is.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Hubby and I disagree on this one, so what do you think. ..........

Hubby says he is my black boyfriend, I say he is my black lover.

Since you are both adults and you have an extramarital sexual relationship with him, he is your lover.

Calling him your "boyfriend" sounds like a relationship between teenagers.

 

[MrGemini]

He IS your lover, but hubby sees him as someone else to you..I say let him play out his fantasy

 

[alexjeft]

He IS your lover, but hubby sees him as someone else to you..I say let him play out his fantasy

 

[Allisonnga]

Update: I now claim my black lover as my boyfriend. To me the deciding line was someone that would take me out on dates, someone with which I would look forward to be seen out in public with, the subject of public displays of affection (and my returning them). This last year my black boyfriend fulfilled all of those. Hubby came late to vacation so I had a few days without hubby there and boyfriend stepped it up a level and we spent time together as a couple in public--and even a lot more time in bed without hubby hovering with a camera.

During that time I told him, "I love you but I cannot fall in love with you." He said he felt the same way, with the emotional attachment but respectful of our other entanglements.

I am looking forward to week next year with just my boyfriend and me, something I told hubby I wanted and he is OK with. Onward and upward.