Confronting Unresolved Issues – Seeking Advice and Suggestions

[CuckoldMick]

I have conflicting feelings about the present pause in my wife’s outside sex play (she has only gone out once since Thanksgiving). To be honest, for the most part I have found this interval more of a relief than an anxious lull in the action. I think Kristen had been playing too much and neglecting our sex life at home--- while giving me less than I need in return.

This break has provided an opportunity to take stock of my situation and time to think about how Kris and I practice cuckoldry together. There are some important unsolved issues in my mind. These include the frequency of her outside play, the exclusion of me from her play and the details of her ex par activities, and the reduction of sex on the home front.

If I’m honest with myself, I will admit that I want Kris to continue having sex with other men. And, it is my secret fear that she will stop cuckolding me that keeps me from confronting her about these primary issues. It’s frustrating to me, because I can see how easy it would be to amenably resolve these issues--- with the both of us coming out getting what we want and need.

Seeking the group’s advice and suggestions.

CuckoldMick

 

[SoonToBe]

Mick,

One thing that Sue and I insisted on was that whatever we were doing shouldn't hurt the other person or be an impact (make than an undesireable impact) on us.

If you aren't able to tell her what you are feeling then you do need to re-open that level of communication. Take it from that approach as opposed to complaining about things - which you fear would have a possible response of Kris shutting down the whole cuckold thing.

It took us a while to be able to be comfortable openly talking about this. It took Sue a while to understand and believe that I did truly want her to have sex with other guys. But once she was okay with that she felt more at ease in expressing her own desires and us discussing them and agreeing on what she would and wouldn't do.

Good luck.

 

[SoonToBe]

Mick,

One thing that Sue and I insisted on was that whatever we were doing shouldn't hurt the other person or be an impact (make than an undesireable impact) on us.

If you aren't able to tell her what you are feeling then you do need to re-open that level of communication. Take it from that approach as opposed to complaining about things - which you fear would have a possible response of Kris shutting down the whole cuckold thing.

It took us a while to be able to be comfortable openly talking about this. It took Sue a while to understand and believe that I did truly want her to have sex with other guys. But once she was okay with that she felt more at ease in expressing her own desires and us discussing them and agreeing on what she would and wouldn't do.

Good luck.

 

[melanieandryan]

Mick,
It is our opinion that if a couple are to remain in this lifestyle, communication is THE most important aspect of the whole thing. I know with me, 'at times' I have found myself getting jealous especially when we have a little spat. Thats when my mind gets a wondering. This is absolutely normal in my opinion.

Does she reassure you that she loves you?
Do you both have an understanding that Cuckolding is just extra-marital fun play and that she is committed to you?

We certainly hope this helps. Good luck man.

Melanie and ryan

 

[CuckoldMick]

Thank you all for your responses and good advice and recommendations.

I have to admit to being guilty of not communicating in a straightforward manner. I use innuendo and hinting around more than right at her discussions (kind of like the guy that goes down on his wife and then expects her to do the same for him--- but she never gets the hint). She is very dominant and I admit to being a bit intimidated. It’s funny because I am a 6’4” 230 lb guy (former college football tackle), but little Kristen has me scared (lol).

What I have tried is writing down my feelings and giving her a “letter”--- this has not worked and I suspect that she may not really read my messages. I think what I’m hearing from the group is that I need to change how I am communicating (or not)--- suck it up and have a “tell all” sit down with her, in spite of the risks (perceived, real or not). This will be hard, but I can see from your good comments that unless I want the status quo I am going to have to do this.

Now if she does not respond to this approach I guess I have a couple of roads I can go down. One is to accept things as they are and extract what I can from this aspect of our sexual relationship. Another would be to “lay down the law”--- that is tell her I need things to change or X, Y or Z will happen. There may be other avenues to explore. (In a perfect (femdom) world, I might be admonished for expecting something when ideally I have given Kristen the “gift” for her benefit with no strings--- this is a tall order).

One thing she typically says to me when I have broached this subject is that I am not hearing what she is saying--- which baffles me a bit. But maybe I need to push her to tell me what she means by this. She also tell me that she can't read my mind.

Mac: I don’t believe she is seeing anyone covertly and has always been upfront and open about her dates. But, I suppose she might be--- since I work all day and she is a student she has ample opportunities to play when she wants. There is one guy she really likes and they text back and forth daily.

Soon: Good comments and advice, thank you.

Melanie/Ryan: Yes she tells me she loves me all the time and that she is committed to our relationship. I believe she is sincere.

Bast: You are right when you said, “Just as you take care of Kristen, it is fair for her to take care of you in the ways that you need, but you have to tell her what you need”. I think it’s possible that she really doesn’t know what I need. On the other hand, I am also willing to hear her out and strike a compromise of some sort.

Thanks again.

CuckoldMick

 

[duke9555]

Mick: cuckoldry is akin to playing with
vipers or fire ..........you're bound to
be marked if ya keep at it long enough
all the good communication notwithstanding
....pleasure has it's price

 

[CuckoldMick]

Mac, thanks for the thoughtful message. I tend to agree that what I am experiencing is cuckolding as original defined. Certainly Kristen does not make cuckolding "fun play" a priority.

At the risk of being redundant let me give you some more background. In hindsight I believe that Kris married me as a “resources” partner. I own a home, have savings, retirement and medical insurance, and a high level professional career. Kris brought nothing to the marriage of a material nature. She had been married twice before and has admitted to cheating on her former husbands. I think “this time around” with me she decided to be up front about her desire to have outside sex partners, initially suggesting couples swinging.

Over the years Kris has described her sexual history and she has a fairly “slutty” resume. In addition to multiple partners as a teen and young adult, she has a taste for sex play that goes far beyond marital missionary style intercourse (i.e., anal, oral [swallowing], 3-somes, swapping, group sex, bi, toys, etc. and, of course, some of the things she practices with me [queening, creampies], etc.). Conversely, sex with my first wife was rather vanilla and I have to admit that I was a shitty fuck when I met Kris.

So I was not completely surprised by her interest in swinging or her desire to play solo with other men. I read somewhere that some men that become cuckolds do so because they like being married to a slut. I guess I may fall into this category.

But going back to this concept that cuckoldry should be “fun play” for couples--- I think Kristen has completely missed this purpose. And yes, her outside sex play is “all about her personal needs and pleasure”. In essence, one could say that she is enjoying consensual infidelity--- and that she is not “cuckolding” me per your 20th Century definition, but is simply practicing condoned cheating (with the “fun play” you talk about being the difference between approved infidelity and modern cuckoldry).

It is true that when Kristen has a date in which I have not part I do not get much out of it even vicariously. This leaves me very anxious and even envious of her ability to enjoy her sexual liaisons. To me what she does violates the “fairness principle”.

The fairness principle is a concept I learned in government work when dealing with groups of dissatisfied citizens. The idea is that people will be placated and will by in large go along with things as long as they feel they have been treated fairly. Also called “playground equity”, referring to groups of children and the frequency that members insist on things being “fair” (kids often exclaim, “It’s not fair, he got the ball last time and it’s my turn”).

How it applies in my situation: Kristen gets to play solo with outside men. I do not play solo with outside women. Kristen does not allow me to watch or listen. I get stuck in a void waiting at home by myself. Kristen does not give me satisfactory details of the play. I feel isolated and left out, and often think “what’s in this for me?” Kristen does not acknowledge my needs and desires. I feel that the situation is “unfair”. She has violated the fairness principle.

You see, this isn’t about (or does not have to be about) the fact that Kris is fucking other men. This is about “fairness” and the fact that she’s getting hers and I am not getting mine. Even a cuckold that is bound to a chair and made to watch as a black bull fucks his wife for 2 hours, complete with humiliating taunts and a nasty cream pie, is “getting his” if this is what gets him off.

So--- ya, Mac, you’re right, I’ve got to have that level-tone discussion with Kristen about my concerns, needs and desires, or I see things festering and getting worse for us. Kristen tends to be self-centered and wants her way with other things too. But it’s far easier to let her chose the movie we watch or the furniture we buy than it is to be excluded while she’s out fucking her boyfriend. The difference is the emotions that are conjured up by sexual intimacy.

All I have for now--- thanks for your good comments.

CuckoldMick

 

[Elysiana]

Hi Mick,

Let me firstly state my sympathy for your situation, but I am going to be honest and forthright. I'm not going to be sensitive after the first sentence.

What part of your wife's history do you not understand? Her intent is there, the feelings you are currently experiencing stem from there. This is a woman that is jaded and bored with conventionality, and the 2D aspects of your cuckolding, and you my friend were never anything more than a base to place her hat. State to yourself what you see, and remember, what you can't see is often more telling than what is seen.

The resonance I feel from your posts is that this woman is walking away from you. The lack of communication with you is resonant of scheming. She is not walking around in a daze, unthinking, *******, she is being quite deliberate in this. In fact, I would say she is wanting you to broach the subject in order to ignite whatever plan she has in mind. Rather like a husband causing a fight with his wife in order he can storm out the house, for nothing more than a drink at a bar. Obviously, with her, it is something much more substantial than a drink. I wonder...could she be pregnant, and how would you feel if she were?

 

[Mino]

Fix It

Mick, if you are truly happy with her picking the movie you see, etc that is fine for the non-sexual side of your relationship. If you are not happy with the way she cuckolds you, then that is not fine. While she may not be the sort of person who is able to let you watch, if she cannot even share and tease you with it afterward in a manner you find satisfactory then she simply is not a good sexual partner for you. If you need her to be a good sexual partner then you two must find some common ground by communicating effectively. If you don’t need her to be a good sexual partner then I’d say a big part of your life is gong to be miserable if you keep her. You seem to have a decent job requiring managerial competence, treat fixing this like you would a problem at work, but with extra love of course.

 

[CuckoldMick]

Elysiana – Thanks for not pulling any punches in your comments. I believe the potential for some variation of what you have described may be on the horizon. Of course, I’d like to believe that this isn’t the case, since I have invested a considerable amount of time, money and years to this relationship--- not to mention that I love Kristen. But, the reason I can see the truth in your astute perception of my situation is based on the manner in which she pursued me, won me, got me to divorce my first wife and then cuckolded me.

Moreover, the way she left her husband has always bothered me. She never told him about me or our affair (which lasted many months). One day while he was at work she just pulled a truck up to her house, loaded up her stuff and drove off. I wasn’t even aware that she had officially left him until she called me and told me she was moving into an apartment in my town--- insisting that I move in post haste. The cold manner in which she treated both her husband and my ex-wife has always worried me. After telling my sister this story a few years ago I remember her warning me that if Kristen would do that to her ex-husband she could do the same thing to me if for any reason she wanted to move along.

Mino: I agree with your advice that I need to try to fix this situation if at all possible. It could be that asserting my feelings about how I am treated will bring things to a head--- for better or for worse.

 

[CuckoldMick]

Elysiana---forgot to tell you that at least I know Kris is not pregnant, she had her tube tied a number of years ago. This being noted, she has fairly strong relationships with a couple of her lovers--- once she even asked me how I’d feel about having her favorite guy move in with us. If you read my post about “Emotional Infidelity” you will see that I am concerned about her “relationships” with her lovers. While she can just go out and have recreational sex with a stud--- she prefers to have “friendships” with her favorite BFs. She told me one time after coming home from a date with her regular (at that time), “I could fall in love with this guy”.

 

[Elysiana]

Hi Mick,

I really feel for you, pal, your woman's merciless and very mercenary antics are extraordinarly brazen. My personal opinion is that you are both wrong for each other, even in following this lifestyle. The reason why I think this is because you resonate 'feeling' and 'emotion', and to be honest, these are qualities that require absence if you are going to practice cuckoldry. Yet, placing the lifestyle aside, you are out of your league with this one, she is serial, cold, and calculating...a black widow if anything.

I have read your intial post on 'Emotional Infidelity', so if I may, I will make observations regarding both that thread and this one. You will note the contrast in tone and delivery with the 'EI' thread and this one. Whether or not you are aware of it, Mick, you have undergone a change in mindset, and I should think circumstance and situations have focussed you upon your own sense of self-value. My honest opinion...is that you should take a break from the lifestyle for at least a year, and certainly get rid of her if your suspicions about her prove correct (do not allow her to get rid of you). Reassess yourself in light of your current and past experiences, re-strengthen yourself, and see if you feel you want to return to the lifestyle, but with a woman truly focussed upon reciprocating your needs as well. Your current partner is one that (as Americans say) you should 'kick-to-the-kerb' before she does you some real damage.

I won't lie to you, you will feel loss, hurt, and probably be quite bewildered by it all. You stated in the other thread that you considered yourself a 'beta-type male', and that the cuckold lifestyle naturally appealed to you, but was ****** upon you by your wife. Now I must confess that I find it despairing that any man would allow any woman to walk all over him, but to balance this, I equally despair at the way many males treat women. I must disagree that your sense of natural appeal to the cuckold lifestyle is because of you classing yourself as a beta-male. The cuck is actually a victim of his own psycho-sexual dysfunction, and if anything of being a beta-male contributed to such dysfunction, then (generalised) all beta-type males would be subject to cuckoldry. This clearly isn't the case.

Beta-type males are generally considered to be patient, tolerant, a little subjective to his ideals, but very strong-hearted, with a backbone of steely perseverance. The cuck holds none of these qualities, because his subservience is not cruxed upon the way his woman sexually mistreats him - that is incidental and part of the role play - it is cruxed upon his self-deluding image that lacks awareness of self-value...he always opts for the minimal sexual reward (sexual pleasure being the focus), which reinforces his delusion and dysfunction.

Over the last 40 or so years, women have rightly blossomed out into being free-thinking entities in their own right (which they have always been, but were oppressed to express it), with their own outlook on life, and particularly, free to express their sexuality as they see fit, turning many of them into aggressive mercenaries. This has been a phenomenon that has driven many males into unconscious beta-type self-perception as they (we) adapted to this explosion of women's individuality. There's no denying that it was a shock to male self-esteem. Women have taken control of their own exploitation, and with that control, they have been battering maledom over the head with it. The kicker to all this is, the male adaption to the shock is still ongoing, and there are plenty of signs out there that there is a male-type emerging in response.

The emerging male-type is 'alpha/beta', a formidable combination of characteristics that mercenary-type women are going to have to contend with, but it is a type of male that women in general have been seeking all the while. The alpha/beta male combines in his person much of the characteristics of the alpha-male, but balanced by the experiential quiet wisdom of the beta-male.

The alpha/beta male emerges only later in a man's life, out of the experience of the...'arrows and slingshots of [relationship] misfortune', as an strengthend adaptive response to it. The singularities of male types are 'has been', and have been so for quite some time. The emerging alpha/beta male type will eventually soften the shock of the explosion in female self-expression and self-determination, and will meet that expression and determination halfway, accepting nothing less or more than equality and equilibrium in psychology and sexuality. Sex, used as a means of coercion or the gaining of compliance, is disarmed by the alpha/beta male, just as it is by the self-expressive, self-determined woman...the alpha/beta male is the mirror to the modern female, and that is going to be the ultimate expression of the future modern male.

The emerging alpha/beta male expression is not going to end disastrous partner choice, it is going to make (on his side) the choosing more focussed, more patient, more mature. It will buck no nonsense, and will cause none. It will bring to a relationship, passion, desire, loyal commitment, love and trust, consumate sexual technique (alpha characteristic) and fidelity (beta characteristic), stability and longevity, and above all, fulfillment...as long as it is reciprocated in kind. If it isn't, the mirror will shatter irreparably...there is no second chance, for just a single loss of any of the qualities outlined above, and the foundation crumbles never to be rebuilt with that partner.

Reviewing your recent statements, I would say that unconsciously, the alpha/beta expression is beginning to emerge in you. This is why I am counselling you to take a least a year's break from the lifestyle, just to see how it further emerges. However you proceed, I wish you the best and hope that you are able to come through your travail triumphant. Just bear in mind, that this is about you, what you consent to, what you are going to allow, everything else is her window dressing.

 

[CuckoldMick]

Elysiana--- Wow, thanks for this comprensive message. I will have to read it a few more times to digest all its contents. One thing I do klnow is that no one can abuse you unless you allow yourself to be abused. And, even common sense tells me that I'm allowing myself to be abused....

 

[Elysiana]

Take care, mate Do what is right for you, cuck her back!

 

[Saraha]

Female will reclaim the leadership they had at the start of the universe, the leadership they lost when religion siezed power by creating fear in the minds of people, and the concept that females were delicate beings that could not be allowed to vote or have an education, and should be totally obedient property chattels for their husbands (irrespective of how badly they were treated).

I doubt when you will control Kris, she is in charge of your marriage, and won't allow you to take a year off being a cuckold. Any attempt to be Boss will not be popular, a "vanilla" marriage will not have any appeal - "she can't go back".

But you can attempt to get more sex out of her by telling her you NEED MORE. But you will have to slip in your horny desires "when she is off-duty with her lovers".

You need more sex, but don't expect her to spend less time with her stable of Bulls. Kris won't stand for it, and deep down you already know that.

So far, you have not cum home and discovered the locks changed and your belongings on the lawn or footpath, so she is probably still happy with the lifestyle you have let her enjoy.

If you act like a horny Bull and seduce her, you should be able to "get your share".

Another option is to discuss the possibility with her of opening up your marriage to allow you to acquire your own harem of willing pussies, so that you lose your monogamy status and become truly polymory to keep yourself contented while she struts her stuff with her many secret admirers.

 

[Elysiana]

Ha Ha! 10 points for delusion. Is that fear I see in your writing? Or is it the understanding that you are simply allowed to cuck those you cuck. Leadership? Aye, you can have it, as long and only as long as the man says so! Get real.

 

[CuckoldMick]

Saraha, I’m glad you commented. I have appreciated reading your posts for a number of months. Someone has to represent the “radical” femdom platform here (lol).

I know you are correct--- Kristen is not about to stop her ex par activities and might just go behind my back if I attempted to “put my foot down”. Your advice that I should ‘get in line’ with her other lovers and maneuver to get more sex out of my hot wife is good pro-active advice.

We were talking last night and the subject of the “lifestyle” came up. During the conversation I asked Kris why she always gave her studs a blowjob and rarely gave me one--- pointing out that she only gave me a couple of blowjobs in 2009. Her answer: “You never ask”. She had me--- it’s true, I expect her to get on her knees and suck my cock without being asked. But obviously this is not the correct tact.

This being reported, the reality is, with a hot wife like Krissy I have to accept the fact that she will likely always have multiple partners (“husbands”), of which I will be one (albeit her favorite). OR--- I might as well walk out the door. Because as you wrote, "she can't go back"…. and I would not want her to give up something she loves so much.

Still working on myself.

CuckoldMick

PS--- My mother has been telling me that GOD is a woman all my life. She burnt her bra with Gloria Steinman why back when--- much to the chagrin of my father who was an out matched, classic, old school Chauvinist....My Mom's 87 years old and still waving the feminist flag high.

 

[Custer Laststand]

CuckoldMick,

I’ll begin with the footnote in your post 20 of yesterday, then comment on some of the points you’ve made in your other posts.

PS--- My mother has been telling me that GOD is a woman all my life. She burnt her bra with Gloria Steinem way back when, much to the chagrin of my father who was an out-matched, classic, old school chauvinist. My Mom's 87 years old and is still waving the feminist flag high.

This sheds much light on the nature of your marriage and provides very good background. It’s GREAT that your mother has always told you “God” is a woman, burned her bra with Gloria Steinem, dominated your father (I gather), and is still waving the feminist flag at 87. More power to her! Thanks for including this information.

Returning to your initial post:

I have conflicted feelings about the present pause in my wife’s outside sex play; she has only gone out once since Thanksgiving.

Oh, oh.... a sea-change of this nature in your wife’s desire to fuck other men and her dating behavior suggests there is something going on with her you aren't aware of.

If I’m honest with myself, I will admit I want Kris to continue having sex with other men.

This is a key point. As your wife’s cuckold, you seem to have a positive attitude and “the right” attitude. I notice, however, you say this is what you want. I don’t see any indication or acknowledgment of what your wife wants. Also, I haven’t seen any mention of children in your posts.

Is it possible your wife wants to get pregnant and she wants you to be the father of her child? If so, this would be consistent with her refraining from fucking other men, because to get pregnant she’ll have to stop using birth control. If she has gone off birth control but continues cuckolding you, she won’t be able to guarantee her child has not been sired by someone else. (This, after all, is why a man whose wife fucks other men is called a “cuckold.)

It is my secret fear that my wife will stop cuckolding me that keeps me from confronting her about these primary issues.

I agree the prospect of your wife becoming vanilla must be terrifying. (Just joking….)

—to be continued.

 

[Custer Laststand]

—continued from post 21 (above).

CuckoldMick,

It’s frustrating, because I can see how easy it would be to amenably resolve our issues with both of us coming out getting what we want and need.

This too is a key point. I don't think it's possible to overestimate the importance of communication in a "hot wife / cuckold husband" marriage as well as in other kinds of marriages. You seem to sense this and sense that if you talk with each other about your relationship problems that are now beneath the surface (it appears), the outcome will be positive.... but you aren't doing it. Note I said talk WITH each other. That precludes you talking AT your wife.

I have to admit to being guilty of not communicating in a straightforward manner. I use innuendo and hinting around more than [straightforward comments during our](?) discussions, kind of like a guy who goes down on his wife then expects her to do the same for him--- but she never gets the hint. My wife is very dominant and I admit to being a bit intimidated.

You appear to have married a woman who has a lot in common with your mother, and to have a mental and psychological model for your relationship with your wife that’s roughly similar to your parents’ marriage. That is, your wife plays the dominant role and you want and desire that (indeed, it turns you on), while you play, in essence, the role of submissive husband. This sounds similar to your father’s relationship with your mother who, effectively, appears to have been “the boss” in your parents’ marriage.

It’s funny because I am a 6’4” 230 lb guy (former college football tackle), but little Kristen has me scared (lol).

That’s interesting. This suggests that in the future you may conceivably develop problems with “thinking straight” as a consequence of long-term brain damage, if you suffered a few too many concussions. (Post athletic-career brain damage among football players, analogous to brain damage among boxers, has been in the news lately. If you google that subject I think you’ll find a lot on it.) If this should happen you’ll become increasingly dependent on your “little” wife Kristen to keep your life on track as well as, conceivably, for economic support. From this point of view, your feelings of fear of your dominant wife may be well-justified if based on a realistic expectation she may leave you if she becomes dissatisfied with your relationship.

On the other hand, you may have avoided brain damage. Your writing seems clear and I gather your football career was quite a few years ago.

In any case, it does not seem “funny” or “odd” that your physically-much-smaller wife is the dominant partner in your marriage. In your relationships with other men (on the job, for instance), it’s almost certainly to your advantage to be tall, strongly built, and to look physically intimidating, as I gather you must. In your relationship with your wife, those characteristics were also almost certainly to your advantage early on…. that is, she would have been impressed by your good genes as evidenced by your powerful physique and intelligence (the latter suggested by the quality of your writing and your description of your career) — hence your potential for being a good provider — but after marriage, things changed.

Women don’t expect to be physically more powerful than their husbands because, obviously, they aren’t (in most cases, although not in all cases). Thus, they are masters, perhaps I should say mistresses, of strategies for manipulating their husbands and other men in their lives, despite their smaller physical stature, using the powerful advantage they have. This, of course, is: WOMEN are the owners and possessors of ovaries and wombs, and the compelling physical characteristics that go along with this advantage, hence they hold the keys to the next generation. Any man who wants to pass his genes along must

What I have tried is writing down my feelings and giving her a “letter”--- this has not worked and I suspect that she may not really read my messages.

My interpretation is slightly different. I would guess what you’re communicating to your wife is not in accordance with what she wants (i.e., with what she wants to hear from you), thus — since she is the dominant partner in your marriage — she is ignoring your attempts at communication in hopes you will get the idea. Your challenge is to determine what it is she wants in her relationship with you but has not been getting (evidently).

I think what I’m hearing from the group is that I need to change how I am communicating (or not)--- suck it up and have a “tell all” sit down with her, in spite of the risks (perceived, real or not). This will be hard, but I can see from your good comments that unless I want the status quo I am going to have to do this.

One thing she typically says to me when I have broached this subject is that I am not hearing what she is saying--- which baffles me a bit.

Rather than feeling baffled, a good strategy would be to ask your wife straight out what she’s saying that you are not hearing.

She also tells me she can't read my mind.

This is a direct statement that your wife realizes you want something from her but you aren’t telling her what “that something” is. It’s also a true statement. Women can’t read men’s minds any more than men can read women’s minds. This also seems consistent with your previous statement that you tend not to tell your wife your wants and desires; rather, you "hint around."

—to be continued.

 

[Custer Laststand]

—Continued from post 22 (above).

CuckoldMick,

Let me give you some more background. In hindsight I believe that Kris married me as a “resources” partner. I own a home, have savings, retirement, and medical insurance, and a high-level professional career.

In other words, you are the modern-day equivalent of a man being a good hunter and a tribal leader in prehistoric times. This, along with the “good genetic potential” I mentioned above, is completely consistent with the things women typically consider desirable (actually, highly desirable) and look for in a marriage partner. So, I would say your interpretation is right.

Kris brought nothing to the marriage of a material nature. She had been married twice before and has admitted to cheating on her former husbands. I think “this time around” with me she decided to be up front about her desire to have outside sex partners, initially suggesting couples swinging.

Not quite. I would guess your wife is highly attractive and intelligent, and thus has very good genetic potential. This is what men typically look for in a woman they want as a marriage or a long-term relationship partner.

Over the years Kris has described her sexual history and she has a fairly “slutty” resume. In addition to multiple partners as a teen and young adult, she has a taste for sex play that goes far beyond marital missionary style intercourse — i.e., anal, oral (swallowing), 3-somes, swapping, group sex, bi, toys, etc. and, of course, some of the things she practices with me (queening, creampies), etc.

You’re a fortunate man….

Conversely, sex with my first wife was rather vanilla….

A fairly high percentage of women seem to be like that….

So I was not completely surprised by her interest in swinging or her desire to play solo with other men. I read somewhere that some men that become cuckolds do so because they like being married to a slut. I guess I may fall into this category.

I would say it’s clear that you do.

But going back to the concept that cuckoldry should be “fun play” for couples--- I think Kristen has completely missed this purpose. And yes, her outside sex play is “all about her personal needs and pleasure.”

This is one of the aspects of femdom marriages, the idea of which seems to appeal to you. “Sex is for the pleasure of the woman, not for the man’s pleasure.”

In essence, one could say she is enjoying consensual infidelity--- that she is not “cuckolding” me per the 20th century definition, but is simply practicing condoned cheating.

Nope, you are a cuckold. The definition is, “a man with an unfaithful wife.” It’s short and simple. Whether that’s by agreement with her husband (or not), and how her husband “feels” about it, has nothing to do with the definition. The reason (I argue) is that if a man’s wife fucks other men that exposes her to the distinct possibility of bearing the children of one or more of those other men, and her husband to the distinct possibility of assisting her with raising the children of other men. This possibility is reduced by modern birth control (if the wife uses it), but obviously it still exists. To put it somewhat differently, the definition of a “cuckold” as stated above has implications for the gene pool; i.e., implications for the passing of genes from one generation to the next. Everything else, like how the unfaithful wife and her husband go about it and how they “feel” about it, is mere detail.

It is true that when Kristen has a date in which I do not have a part I do not get much out of it, even vicariously. This leaves me very anxious and even envious of her ability to enjoy her sexual liaisons. To me, what my wife does violates the “fairness principle.”

“Fairness” has nothing to do with being your wife’s cuckold. Anxiety (perhaps intense anxiety) while your wife is out fucking another man, and anxiety over your wife fucking other men at will, is characteristic of cuckolds.

How “the fairness principle” applies in my situation: Kristen gets to play solo with other men. I do not play solo with other women. Kristen does not allow me to watch or listen, so I get stuck in a void waiting at home by myself. Kristen does not give me satisfactory details of the play, so I feel isolated and left out and often think “what’s in this for me?” I.e., Kristen does not acknowledge my needs and desires. Thus, I feel the situation is “unfair.”

This is inconsistent with your statements above that you want your wife to fuck other men. If it's the message Kristen is receiving, though, the easiest way for her to comply (or feel she is complying) would be for her to stop fucking other men. That, in turn, is what you’ve identified as a problem and the primary reason (apparently) you began this thread.

You see, this isn’t about (or does not have to be about) the fact that Kris is fucking other men. This is about “fairness” and the fact that she’s getting hers and I am not getting mine. Even a cuckold that is bound to a chair and made to watch as a black bull fucks his wife for 2 hours, complete with humiliating taunts and a nasty cream pie, is “getting his” if this is what gets him off.

This is straightforward. It sounds like the fundamental point you want to communicate to your wife, but you have been unable to do so because you have a strong tendency to “hint around.” Have you told your wife this?

The way my wife left her previous husband has always bothered me. She never told him about me or our affair, which lasted many months. One day while he was at work she just pulled a truck up to her house, loaded up her stuff and drove off. I wasn’t even aware that she had officially left him until she called me and told me she was moving into an apartment in my town, then insisted that I move in (with her?) hastily(?). The cold manner in which she treated both her husband and my ex-wife has always worried me.

That would bother me too. A lot. Since you said your wife has filled you in re. her (rather extensive) sexual resume, I would suggest telling her, at a suitable time and place, there’s something else you need to know: why did she leave her former husband precipitously, in the way she did? Keep in mind the reason(s) may have involved a fear on her part that he would beat her, perhaps savagely, if she gave him advance warning and told him up front she was going to leave him. (This behavior is fairly common among abusive husbands.) If this was the case and your wife felt strongly she needed protection, it would be consistent with her insisting you move in with her immediately after she moved to an apartment in your town,

After telling my sister this story a few years ago I remember her warning me that if Kristen would do that to her ex-husband, she could do the same thing to me if for any reason she wanted to move along.

Maybe. Don’t forget, though, that in you your wife found a partner who can and does provide her with all the things women traditionally want in a marriage partner…. social status, wealth, financial security, a retirement plan, medical insurance, etc. My guess would be, your wife would decide to “move along” only if another man “fell in love” with her who could offer her even greater social status, wealth, etc. (A woman rarely divorces and leaves a man to marry another man of lesser social status, economic success, etc.)

I guess I’ll stop here. I’ve said considerably more than I started out to say (but your situation seems quite interesting).

Regards—

Custer