Hi Lexxi,
Good to see you back. It's also good to see you've been filtering the comments and suggestions you've received on this forum through your own sense of reality and what's good for you. My impression is, your critical thinking ability is well-developed.
Ah... so your intended is straightforward. That's good.
Excellent. This indicates good insight into you personally and your persona vis-a-vis your marriage. I suggest viewing him as having passed an important test as your lover-in-waiting.
Your reply was both wise and tactful. Your use of the word "always" told your intended that although you feel your response at the moment has to be "no, thank you," you're interested and that won't necessarily be your final response. In effect, you let him know your situation without demanding he go away or "stop harassing you," as the no-expressions-of-sexuality-in-the-workplace aficionados might put it.
By smiling and patting your arm, your lover-in-waiting let you know he understands, is sympathetic and (I would guess) will continue to remain interested. It was good communication in both directions, with a minimum of words.
Yes, I agree (per my comments above). Your use of "the bridge has been crossed" doesn't seem entirely clear, though. Perhaps you mean you let your intended know it's a problem for you, on a personal level, to "cheat" (as classically defined) on your husband...?
Good... being prepared, in effect, with a reply before being asked an important but potentially awkward question greatly reduced the probability of misunderstanding combined, possibly, with resentment. As for cheating not being for you: that's OK. Not wanting to "cheat" is completely acceptable (joke... laugh here).
Cool. Having a plan for moving forward is very positive. I'll look forward to your next post.
—Custer
Good to see you back. It's also good to see you've been filtering the comments and suggestions you've received on this forum through your own sense of reality and what's good for you. My impression is, your critical thinking ability is well-developed.
lexxi said:OK. First of all, my decision about the black guy at work came to kind of a "push comes to shove" situation. He just flat out asked me if I was interested. He did it in a very nice way, but was very direct.
Ah... so your intended is straightforward. That's good.
lexxi said:He said he was interested in me, and said he thought that I was interested too, at least in his flirtations. He told me he understood I was married, and that we also worked together, so if I said no for any reason he would understand. He also said that if my answer was no, he would back off completely, as there was no reason for either of us to be teased or misled.
Excellent. This indicates good insight into you personally and your persona vis-a-vis your marriage. I suggest viewing him as having passed an important test as your lover-in-waiting.
lexxi said:With my heart pounding and my throat going dry, I looked at him and said that we can't always do what we want to do, but what we should do. He smiled, patted my arm and walked away.
Your reply was both wise and tactful. Your use of the word "always" told your intended that although you feel your response at the moment has to be "no, thank you," you're interested and that won't necessarily be your final response. In effect, you let him know your situation without demanding he go away or "stop harassing you," as the no-expressions-of-sexuality-in-the-workplace aficionados might put it.
By smiling and patting your arm, your lover-in-waiting let you know he understands, is sympathetic and (I would guess) will continue to remain interested. It was good communication in both directions, with a minimum of words.
lexxi said:That was ten days ago. Since then we are cordial and polite, but hardly flirtatious. The bridge has been crossed. I did get to tell him, so to speak, that I WAS interested when I told him we couldn't always do what we WANT to, so at least he knows that much, which I'm kind of glad about.
Yes, I agree (per my comments above). Your use of "the bridge has been crossed" doesn't seem entirely clear, though. Perhaps you mean you let your intended know it's a problem for you, on a personal level, to "cheat" (as classically defined) on your husband...?
lexxi said:I had pretty much made up my mind before he asked. Cheating is just not me.
Good... being prepared, in effect, with a reply before being asked an important but potentially awkward question greatly reduced the probability of misunderstanding combined, possibly, with resentment. As for cheating not being for you: that's OK. Not wanting to "cheat" is completely acceptable (joke... laugh here).
lexxi said:In my next post, I will tell about my plans for moving forward from here.
Cool. Having a plan for moving forward is very positive. I'll look forward to your next post.
—Custer