finally told her

[alanej]

but not the response i expected now what

some history

we often bring the idea of her with another man into our sex romps where she takes the lead and says all the right stuff. Saying how I could meet her at a bar where I would watch her with other men, dancing, flirting and having a generally good time. She proceeds to say things like how he walked her out to car or she went back to his place where they had sex. I feel she really gets into it as she tells me all the dirty details about how he touched her how she sucked him and of course how he fucked her. Continuing on with how she and I would have sex afterwards while another man’s cum was in her.
Within moments I lose my own self control and actually forget this is all a role play scene. As we continue I sometimes momentarily wonder if she really is doing something as her descriptions of the evening sound so realistic. Needless to say all this builds up to a great climax for both.

Current day, Last night during a romp she started at it again. Telling me how we should go to a bar, how I would like to see her talking to other guys, while I watch from a distance. Moments later she’s describing how he was feeling her up on the dance floor, how she felt his cock grinding up against her. Again saying they ended up in her car in the back seat with him on top of her. Why, what I don’t know but somewhere during this I mustered out how much I enjoy this and how much I want this to happen.
She slows down the action a bit and with a different tone asks me if I would really want this, I tell her yes. the conversation (readers digest version)

Her, are you really want me to be with another man

Me, yes

Her, that wouldn’t bother you, to know I was with someone else. Some other man fucking me, touching me

Me, not at all

Her, why, how, can you be okay with this? I don’t know think I could ever do this, I love you too much

Me, as I love you. Its about pleasure you would receive being with another man. I know men look at you, I know you look at men so wouldn’t you want to experience this with no consequences and my permission

Her, this isn’t good, this tells me you don’t love me if you’re willing to share me

Me, of course I love you. You doing this wouldn’t change any feelings I have towards you. I love you and nothing will change that. This would be simply something we can both enjoy.

At about this time obviously the sex had wind down and was pretty much over we both got up not saying anything and went about our ways. We didn’t mention our talk but sparked up a conversation about the weekend and eventually going to bed.

Today, so far all the norm around here, we’ve talked multiple times and no mention. I’m kind of on pins and needles wondering if she will bring it up when she comes home. So that is my story, sorry it was so long and all that to say, any advice on where to go from here?

thanks

 

[fantasycuck]

She is not going to cuckold you the way you want her to cuckold you.

However, I would keep up the role playing and have her become more slutty and graphic.

There is a chance that one day she will be presented with the opportunity to have an affair and she will have extramarital sex because she will rationalize she is not hurting you. However, it is likely you will never know you were cuckolded.

 

[chris]

relationship

I have said this before and it comes up time and time again. To get a woman to cuck you you have to make it relational - Ie. it is something that will make your relationship stronger - and yes I realize that we want it because it makes us horny, but women don't think like us.

Try Isabella Valantine - Cuckold Therapy: it is a hypnotic track, give her a massage when she is listening to it.

Otherwise it may just have to stay a fantasy. I am a cuckold, which my wife enjoys, but also I am also an adult baby - and she hates that one and I have to keep it to myself.

 

[fantasycuck]

In my opinion the easiest way to be be cuckolded is to have a wife that is prone to be unfaithful. These women are generally insecure and love attention and external validation from males.

At the onset she will do the cuckolding secretly and will hide it very well. The hiding of the extramarital sex works with naive husbands, but an experienced man will know right away the wife is fucking someone else.

Have a d-day and tell her how hurt you are about the fact that she lied. At the same time mention that she could have simply ask to have extramarital sex and you would have given her your blessing.

With this philosophy in place she will start cheating openly and at some point she will realize that you like that quite a bit.

I am not sure how to ask the cheating wife to provide sloppy seconds or to allow the cuck to eat her pussy. When my wife cheated on me she was very uncomfortable having sex with me on the days she had fucked her lover. At most she would grind her pussy on me knowing quite well I was an early ejaculator. In retrospect she made me cum regularly without having to receive my cock in her pussy.

This was a difficult time because she fucked her lover on a daily basis or every other day. On the days she fucked her man she was ashamed to have sex and avoided me. On the days she did not fuck her lover she made a point to save herself for next day.

 

[acuriouswife]

Well said

MacNFries said in part: <snip> "So, right now, she's applying the way WOMEN feel about sharing a man to the way YOU are wanting her to share herself with other men. Going through the back of her mind, right now, is her concern of your love for her ... she's asking herself "if he loves me, WHY would he want to share me with other men?"

Very well said & thank you! THAT is EXACTLY how I feel!!!

 

[acuriouswife]

This could be me!

but not the response i expected now what

some history

we often bring the idea of her with another man into our sex romps where she takes the lead and says all the right stuff. Saying how I could meet her at a bar where I would watch her with other men, dancing, flirting and having a generally good time. She proceeds to say things like how he walked her out to car or she went back to his place where they had sex. I feel she really gets into it as she tells me all the dirty details about how he touched her how she sucked him and of course how he fucked her. Continuing on with how she and I would have sex afterwards while another man’s cum was in her.
Within moments I lose my own self control and actually forget this is all a role play scene. As we continue I sometimes momentarily wonder if she really is doing something as her descriptions of the evening sound so realistic. Needless to say all this builds up to a great climax for both.

Current day, Last night during a romp she started at it again. Telling me how we should go to a bar, how I would like to see her talking to other guys, while I watch from a distance. Moments later she’s describing how he was feeling her up on the dance floor, how she felt his cock grinding up against her. Again saying they ended up in her car in the back seat with him on top of her. Why, what I don’t know but somewhere during this I mustered out how much I enjoy this and how much I want this to happen.
She slows down the action a bit and with a different tone asks me if I would really want this, I tell her yes. the conversation (readers digest version)

Her, are you really want me to be with another man

Me, yes

Her, that wouldn’t bother you, to know I was with someone else. Some other man fucking me, touching me

Me, not at all

Her, why, how, can you be okay with this? I don’t know think I could ever do this, I love you too much

Me, as I love you. Its about pleasure you would receive being with another man. I know men look at you, I know you look at men so wouldn’t you want to experience this with no consequences and my permission

Her, this isn’t good, this tells me you don’t love me if you’re willing to share me

Me, of course I love you. You doing this wouldn’t change any feelings I have towards you. I love you and nothing will change that. This would be simply something we can both enjoy.

At about this time obviously the sex had wind down and was pretty much over we both got up not saying anything and went about our ways. We didn’t mention our talk but sparked up a conversation about the weekend and eventually going to bed.

Today, so far all the norm around here, we’ve talked multiple times and no mention. I’m kind of on pins and needles wondering if she will bring it up when she comes home. So that is my story, sorry it was so long and all that to say, any advice on where to go from here?

thanks

Your story could have been written by myself or my hubby!! Why can't you just be happy with the fantasy?? No is NO. No trying to 'groom' her for what you want is WRONG! Role play spices things up. Why do you still feel the need to harp on it?
Take it from me...I'm on here now reading everything he reads; I go to the video websites and watches what he watches. I hate being this way, but he is pressing the "lifestyle" so much, I have become fearful he will go elsewhere.
And think about this for a moment...do you want her to hate you for the rest of your life because you basically guilted her to do it? A dear friend did this "for her hubby" and it ruined their marriage forever.
Think long and hard on what you are asking her to do....you may not like what you get.

 

[Susan's Slave]

It is a Catch-22 curiouswife. A man should not pressure his wife into this lifestyle, but on the other hand, if it is his biggest desire there will be some resentment if the wife is unwilling to fulfill it. Role play may not be enough any longer.

This is why long term posters encourage communication between the husband and wife on all levels and all the time. I cannot tell any man or woman what the right decision for them will be, but I do feel the decision should be fully discussed so that each party knows what they are asking the other person to do, and what they are asking the other person to give up.

 

[acuriouswife]

It is a Catch-22 curiouswife. A man should not pressure his wife into this lifestyle, but on the other hand, if it is his biggest desire there will be some resentment if the wife is unwilling to fulfill it. Role play may not be enough any longer.

This is why long term posters encourage communication between the husband and wife on all levels and all the time. I cannot tell any man or woman what the right decision for them will be, but I do feel the decision should be fully discussed so that each party knows what they are asking the other person to do, and what they are asking the other person to give up.

Correct, communication IS the most important and that a FULL discussion on what the person is asking of the other. And NO, the other should NOT be pressured into the "lifestyle".

I DISAGREE with you on "but on the other hand, if it is his biggest desire there will be some resentment if the wife is unwilling to fulfill it. Role play may not be enough any longer."

Really? What if I wanted him to wear diapers? Or walk around in bra & panties and he was unwilling? Sorry...all of a sudden after 20+ years I change the rules? So what happens? Either he does what I want or we're done?

My husbands being so secretive about his online activities is really upsetting. He's turning into someone I don't even know or want to know! His "just reading the story's" is a bunch of BS...and the pictures and videos he's watching are disturbing to me. I just can't understand all this. I'm TRYING... am REALLY TRYING!

Obviously, we have a problem. This has become extremely obsessive. He spends over an hour every single morning on here and on videos. I'm constantly thinking just what is he thinking/fantasizing in his mind when I am in his arms? Is he really talking to me? Am I 'in' his mind?

I DO understand that if BOTH want this, that's fine. And I can see this is a very widely known and enjoyed activity. But I have read countless posts from men asking how to get their wives to do this. I've read countless "tips" given on how to change her mind; get her started thinking this way; what to do to make this happen. Sorry, that is just wrong...plain and simple WRONG! TALK to your wife. Communicate with her that this is what you want. If she says NO, that's that! Move on.

I don't know....still have a lot of thinking to do.
THANK YOU for your input!! Even if I don't agree with you 100%, I do appreciate your taking the time to post.

 

[vlls]

@acuriouswife, you seem very distressed and on the one hand its understandable. It seems though that you need to figure out things with your hubby and have clear and open communication. This underlying frustration is probably not good for either one of you... I don't know you but that's the vibes I'm picking up...

 

[acuriouswife]

@acuriouswife, you seem very distressed and on the one hand its understandable. It seems though that you need to figure out things with your hubby and have clear and open communication. This underlying frustration is probably not good for either one of you... I don't know you but that's the vibes I'm picking up...

You are 100% correct in your observation.

I feel like I'm being lied to. Actually, I AM. He is being completely deceitful.

I'm sick over this

 

[acuriouswife]

Taking it all in

Then the two of you need to sit down, have a serious marital talk. Encourage your husband to go with you for professional help ... if he won't go, go by yourself. The problem with addictions is that over time they obsorb more and more of your time, interests, and energy. There's really no difference between porn addiction and drug addiction. Also, over the long haul, porn addiction desensitizes the sexual stimuli so normal, monogomous sex becomes bland and unexciting.

I think couples can include others in their sexual fun, however, I never encourage them to do it apart. My wife & I have been a liberal couple for over 17 years, but we play together. Good luck ... Mac

Mac, I have read a LOT of your posts. You definitely know what you are talking about and maybe that's because you and your wife have had a lot of experience.

This isn't for everyone and it certainly is not for me. I guess I don't fully understand the need to take this from fantasy to reality. Again, I totally enjoy role playing and a porn movie now and then; and our 'toys'. I even go shopping with him to look and pick out what interests us. He likes certain things and I indulge him, sometimes when I don't really feel like it; and he does the same for me I am sure when he doesn't really feel like it. I'm no prude when it comes to sex, but this has consumed my thoughts and has my mind reeling.

I agree we need to sit down and discuss this. I'm just having a hard time bringing this up. Sounds ridiculous because we have shared so many years together and should be able to talk about anything.

I think maybe it's what I feel has become an obsession and deceit that has me keeping quiet right now. Maybe I'm waiting for him to 'stray' and catch him. I don't know....I have a lot to think about. I have always considered our sex life to be very exciting and satisfying. I have never, ever faked an orgasm. I don't have to, he always makes sure that I am satisfied...as I do him.

Again, THANK you (and everyone else) for your input. I am taking all into consideration and it is giving me different ways to look at this.

 

[wifeownsme]

@curiouswife: Like your husband, this is a very powerful fantasy for me but my wife and I have very different feelings about how far to take the fantasy. Part of me would love to see her fuck another man but when the topic was broached and she wasn’t willing to take it that far I never pushed her beyond that for two reasons. First, no one should ever be coerced or pressured into something they’re just not comfortable with, even if it’s a spouse, or maybe, especially if it’s a spouse! I can’t stand it when people do that with me, (or us, I should say, as we’ve had these kinds of experiences at swing resorts), and so I don’t do that with others. And secondly, I was just never comfortable with what I might find on the other side of that bridge! What if I didn’t like it after the fact and now it’s too late to turn back? It could cause irreparable damage to your marriage unless both of you are truly ready to make it happen.

I must say you are incredibly wonderful for taking it to the level you have! To buy into your husband’s fantasy to the point where you incorporate the fantasy into your lovemaking is sheer beauty and would certainly be enough to keep me happy. I would die for that! But it is a fantasy, and you can’t tailor make your real-life situations like you can your fantasies. And they never turn out the same!! I had a girlfriend once with whom I enjoyed experiencing all of my cuckold fantasies, (this was 20 years ago so I didn’t even know it was called cuckold then!) She was wonderful at incorporating the fantasy as well and we even tried to take it to the next level of getting a guy for her for whatever reason never pulled it off. Then one day she met another guy who was not into this lifestyle at all, and started dating him while we still lived and slept together. So, perfect situation, right? Living out the fantasy, right? Not so much. It was actually a very painful experience.

See, in my fantasies, even though my wife fucks someone right in front of me and dominates and humiliates me by rubbing it in my face, we are loving spouses and very emotionally connected. The reality was, with this ex girlfriend, that once she started fucking him there was an instant disconnect from me emotionally and I became excess baggage. I’ve even seen this to a lesser degree in my wife when we’ve come home from a swing club where she’s spent the evening ravishing other women and sucking on a few cocks, she’s just a little distant, like she’s not entirely there with me. And that’s fine, in a few days we’re back to normal, but it makes me wonder where it may take us if we turned the cuckold fantasy into reality. I’ve always admired and been a little jealous of couples that have successful cuckold marriages, but its’ not for everybody and sometimes fantasy is better left fantasy.

 

[acuriouswife]

@acuriouswife, you seem very distressed and on the one hand its understandable. It seems though that you need to figure out things with your hubby and have clear and open communication. This underlying frustration is probably not good for either one of you... I don't know you but that's the vibes I'm picking up...

You are correct in your vibes and yes I am distressed. And I agree clear and open communication is something that needs to be done. Funny thing is, we've always been open with each other. So why now all of a sudden is he so secretive?

What distresses me even more is that there are many posts on here on how to convince the wife to go along with this "lifestyle". And I find that very, very sad.

 

[Ballspanking]

Curiouswife,

I just read your posts resulting from your husband's behavior, and I think you have heard some considered advice from a community that is knowledgable of these practices, but I felt I should mention a couple of things.

Obsessive behavior is just that, "obsessive". It is not within the person's ability to control themselves in the area of their obsession.
Obsessions need not be rational, because they respond to the inner stimulus of that obsessive individual, not necessaily to external realities.

The kink in this case is HotWifing (or you, having a particular type of extramarital relations), but all these behaviors need to be consensual, collaborative and above board for this lifestyle to work.
It has its pros and cons, but that is beside the point.

If you, as you say, have no interest in engaging in this lifestyle, it is your absolute right to say so, and refrain from any hint of extramarital sexual activity. As you said, this lifestyle is not suitable for all, and many will have legitimate reservations or qualms about it, and choose not to partake.

But that leaves you still married to a man who has so narrowly focussed his sexual interest as to lose touch with significant portions of reality in his life (and those in his household, likely).
Thereis is such a thing as a sexual addiction, an unhealthy obsession.
Probably those who practice this lifestyle happily and successfully, are able to either sublimate, or enjoy these experiences, but they are compartmentalized succesfully in their daily lives so they can go on functioning as normal, productive people. In other words, there is a time and a place for such behaviors, if at all ('if at all' is an important aspect of your choice in this equation).

So he had better get some perspective on his obsession (professional help/counseling), or you might have to help talk some sense into him, so he will get a handle on this and not wreck his and your marriage.

BTW, having said all that, I think this lifestyle can be delightful, but only where it is wanted.
In sexuality, sensuality depends on there being a desire present, lacking that, the experience becomes oppresive and invasive. So if it is not your cup of tea, stick to your guns, but try to get this resolved with hubby before it all careens into a wall.

Good luck.

 

[acuriouswife]

I am EXTREMELY grateful to all of you. Not only could you have easily ignored me, but you could have put me down considerably because I do not want (or understand) the lifestyle you all enjoy.

I am trying to respond to all of you, but I am thinking very hard on what all of you have said. So please understand if I don't get back to you right away.

I am still feeling quite betrayed.
THANK YOU for being so honest & candid with me...and for welcoming me, offering advice and most of all understanding me.

 

[QUEEN LINDA'S cucky]

Dear Curious Wife, if i was you i would not give in to your husband's desires. my wife was hurt at first when i didn't respond by being jealous when she had gone out and ended up making out with a total stranger in a bar. because of medical and physical conditions (mine) we have not had intercourse since 2006. i just don't really stay hard that long anymore. being a bit submissive anyhow this lifestyle "kinda" works for us. my wife still gets to enjoy a penis once in awhile and i get off on being her little sub cucky. BUT!!! i would never force her or anyone else to engage in any behavior just so i could get my rocks off. sounds like your husband is really forcing you where you don't want to go and that just isn't right. have you shown him these posts and how most everybody here although maybe veiwed as weird by john q public, we are for the most part loving and responsible with our partners. GOOD LUCK to you and please know that we care and understand

 

[ogreogre]

I dont understand why some people insist sex and love are the same thing

my view is this,
your wife can go to a male masseuse. He rubs her body making her feel better. He in all likelihood rubs her body much better than you could as he is trained. Therefor she feels much better than if you had rubbed her.

...does she instantly think you must not love her because you let her go?

...does she instantly want to divorce you and marry the man that can make her feel better by rubbing her than you can?


then why allt he added baggage because while he is rubbing you your genitals touch?
its stupid religious rules from a bygone era
let it rest, have fun, feel good
there are many more reasons that just sex you both got married. If not your marriage is doomed to fail for many other reasons.

 

[acuriouswife]

Hotwifing? Maybe.

Curiouswife,

The kink in this case is HotWifing (or you, having a particular type of extramarital relations), but all these behaviors need to be consensual, collaborative and above board for this lifestyle to work.
It has its pros and cons, but that is beside the point.

I seem to agree with you. I think it is more that he wants to see me with another man...BUT...I do believe he wants to also 'enjoy' the man he sees me with. I say this because of the types of videos he is watching.

If you, as you say, have no interest in engaging in this lifestyle, it is your absolute right to say so, and refrain from any hint of extramarital sexual activity. As you said, this lifestyle is not suitable for all, and many will have legitimate reservations or qualms about it, and choose not to partake.

I do NOT have any desire whatsoever to engage in any sexual activity with anyone other than my husband. It's just not going to happen.

Thereis is such a thing as a sexual addiction, an unhealthy obsession.
<snip>
So he had better get some perspective on his obsession (professional help/counseling), or you might have to help talk some sense into him, so he will get a handle on this and not wreck his and your marriage.

I hope it doesn't come to the ending of our marriage and I do hope I can figure this all out.

BTW, having said all that, I think this lifestyle can be delightful, but only where it is wanted.
In sexuality, sensuality depends on there being a desire present, lacking that, the experience becomes oppresive and invasive. So if it is not your cup of tea, stick to your guns, but try to get this resolved with hubby before it all careens into a wall.

Good luck.

I am sure there are many who enjoy this kind of lifestyle, just as some enjoy swinging or other fetishes; and I don't condem anyone for having adult, consensual activities. This is just not for me. And believe me; I will stick to my guns. This will ruin us…it will ruin me.
Thank you for your thoughtful input. I do appreciate it.

 

[acuriouswife]

It's a FANTASY.

Dear Curious Wife, if i was you i would not give in to your husband's desires. my wife was hurt at first when i didn't respond by being jealous when she had gone out and ended up making out with a total stranger in a bar. because of medical and physical conditions (mine) we have not had intercourse since 2006. i just don't really stay hard that long anymore. being a bit submissive anyhow this lifestyle "kinda" works for us. my wife still gets to enjoy a penis once in awhile and i get off on being her little sub cucky. BUT!!! i would never force her or anyone else to engage in any behavior just so i could get my rocks off. sounds like your husband is really forcing you where you don't want to go and that just isn't right. have you shown him these posts and how most everybody here although maybe veiwed as weird by john q public, we are for the most part loving and responsible with our partners. GOOD LUCK to you and please know that we care and understand

Thank you so much for your response. Yes, I can see that even though I find the "stories" totally disturbing and such a turn off, I do find that there are a LOT of you that are loving and caring to your spouses; and to me, a total stranger coming in asking for help in understanding all of this.

No, I haven't shown him these posts. I am still trying to figure out even how to bring this up. I do know he knows I don't like his viewing sites like this, but I don't think he realizes how much he is on them. I don't think he knows how obsessive this is getting. I don't think he understands that this is totally UNACCEPTABLE and I will never, ever do anything we FANTASIZE about.

Maybe he's hoping that once I give it a try, I'll be thrilled and want other men all the time? I don't know. I just feel he's starting to cross the line and it scares me. Doesn’t he worry about if I do this, that I might actually LIKE it? That he then will have to face me being with other men? HOW can a loving husband want that? (again…sorry, I am just still trying to get this idea straight in my head)

Every time we make love now, I'm wondering if he is actually thinking about ME or one of the women in the story or video. It's not a very good feeling.

I give you a lot of credit for being so honest. And again, if this works for the BOTH of you, that's great. I just don't see this as an option for me.

 

[acuriouswife]

Fantasy vs. Reality

@curiouswife: Like your husband, this is a very powerful fantasy for me but my wife and I have very different feelings about how far to take the fantasy. Part of me would love to see her fuck another man but when the topic was broached and she wasn’t willing to take it that far I never pushed her beyond that for two reasons. First, no one should ever be coerced or pressured into something they’re just not comfortable with, even if it’s a spouse, or maybe, especially if it’s a spouse! I can’t stand it when people do that with me, (or us, I should say, as we’ve had these kinds of experiences at swing resorts), and so I don’t do that with others. And secondly, I was just never comfortable with what I might find on the other side of that bridge! What if I didn’t like it after the fact and now it’s too late to turn back? It could cause irreparable damage to your marriage unless both of you are truly ready to make it happen.

EXACTLY!!!!! You can't turn back time. Once it's done, it's DONE!!

I must say you are incredibly wonderful for taking it to the level you have! To buy into your husband’s fantasy to the point where you incorporate the fantasy into your lovemaking is sheer beauty and would certainly be enough to keep me happy. I would die for that! But it is a fantasy, and you can’t tailor make your real-life situations like you can your fantasies. And they never turn out the same!! I had a girlfriend once with whom I enjoyed experiencing all of my cuckold fantasies, (this was 20 years ago so I didn’t even know it was called cuckold then!) She was wonderful at incorporating the fantasy as well and we even tried to take it to the next level of getting a guy for her for whatever reason never pulled it off. Then one day she met another guy who was not into this lifestyle at all, and started dating him while we still lived and slept together. So, perfect situation, right? Living out the fantasy, right? Not so much. It was actually a very painful experience.

Thank you. I DO enjoy the fantasy of having another man 'join' us or my husband watch. Again… a FANTASY! And I believe what you experienced with your ex was she cheated on you. TOTALLY different then what this forum is.

See, in my fantasies, even though my wife fucks someone right in front of me and dominates and humiliates me by rubbing it in my face, we are loving spouses and very emotionally connected. The reality was, with this ex girlfriend, that once she started fucking him there was an instant disconnect from me emotionally and I became excess baggage. I’ve even seen this to a lesser degree in my wife when we’ve come home from a swing club where she’s spent the evening ravishing other women and sucking on a few cocks, she’s just a little distant, like she’s not entirely there with me. And that’s fine, in a few days we’re back to normal, but it makes me wonder where it may take us if we turned the cuckold fantasy into reality. I’ve always admired and been a little jealous of couples that have successful cuckold marriages, but its’ not for everybody and sometimes fantasy is better left fantasy.

So the swinging lifestyle doesn't do it for you either? From what I read in your post, she really doesn't enjoy it either and seems to me, she's doing it just to please you? Re-read your last paragraph. Maybe it's time you reevaluate what the two of you want. By her becoming distant tells me she would love for you to tell her it's enough. Maybe I'm reading into it a little too much...I'm really sensitive about this.

I DO applaud YOU for backing off when she resisted your suggestion. You truly care for your wife.

Thank you again for your candid response.