Jealousy, insecurities, cuckold? I am new!

[jubee]

NOT sure if this is the right place to post- but here it goes.

This is going to be an in depth assignment. Please if you can just give me your opinion- know anyone like this, or can direct me to a psychologist/therapist- id greatly appreciate it.

Background: GF and I broke up 3 weeks ago. Dated for 2 years. Right now, we are talking again, going out camping this weekend. We aren't back to being official, but just "dating."
Reason for breakup: She had interest in a guy at work, and she ended up on a few dates with him and made out with him...

Now I know what you are thinking- why are you taking her back??? She said she made a mistake and wants to get back together with me, and wants to show me this weekend how much I mean to her. (again- i think its bull****)

Now here is the situation: I am a very insecure/jealous guy. Call me a beta male. However- I HAVE improved some over the past few years, and I make sure to not show my jealousy. I try to fake my confidence to not show that weak side of myself to the girls. However, at the end of the day, I am the "nice guy" that gets hurt.

A WEIRD fact about me: I have this CRAZY sexual fantasy: Similar to cuckolding. I ONLY realized this about a month ago when I looked it up (I thought I was just mentally retarded to have this fantasy, but apparently its common). The idea of another MAN who is bigger and better, banging my gf is a TURN ON. But heres the thing, it makes me SUPER jealous and insecure at the same time. It gets my hormones and heart racing. So its a double edged sword- i get turned on, but it also makes me pissed and causes me to become insecure and jealous...

So back to the original story- I am going to be seeing my gf/ex-gf. I love her so much, and dont wanna leave her. I love having sex with her, and don't want to lose that.

I have 2 options:
I keep her around: This means I will still get sex from her. However, it will kill me when I am not with her all the time b/c I know shell be texting and talking to this recent crush of hers. Then my mind will start thinking about how they made out. Then my mind leads me to thinking about them having sex and her cheating on me. (again- insecurities).

I dump her: This means no more sex for me. She will talk to that guy and now feel even more comfortable knowing she is free, and start having sex with him in the next few weeks or months. This would ABSOLUTELY kill me emotionally. It makes me sick to my stomach...

Its a lose-lose situation for me it seems, and a win-win situation for her. Mainly because she has less invested in all of this than I do.

Another side note- call me messed up- but when I am jerking it, guess what I am thinking about? my gf/exgf having sex with this new guy. It gives me the best orgasm- but afterwards- i feel like total ****. Jealous, insecure, lonely, hopeless, pathetic.... This will keep my mind on her, making it IMPOSSIBLE to get over her.
This is why I am also afraid of No Contact, b/c although I may be able to forget her at times, when I masturbate- she will come up in my mind- keep my brain fresh for thoughts of her, delaying the healing process of NC... which is time...

sorry for the long post- but this is EVERYTHING off my chest- Never knew how to word it in one long post. Please tell me what you think- i know its messed up, but its me. :/

 

[alanjess]

I know the feeling buddy. Why not talk to her and see what she thinks of that type of situation? You've got to know one way or another,so give it a go..being a cuckold is a long,sometimes confusing,forever evolving life choice,but it's very,very worth it! Whatever you decide,best of luck buddy.

 

[Hank jones]

Angst of getting what you feel you want, and how socitity tells us we should feel about it can be very frustrating. Good luck
Hank

 

[wyckedway]

My two cents- I don't think extreme jealousy has any place in this relationship unless you are willing to accept the facts should you decide to get into the lifestyle. If having another man's cock in your girlfriends pussy is a turn on to you then learn how to control your emotions when she is getting banged by that larger than life throbbing cock. If the thought of another man being with your girlfriend drives you to jealousy and rage, then this is not the lifestyle for you.

Again, just my two cents. Good luck to you!

 

[jubee]

My two cents- I don't think extreme jealousy has any place in this relationship unless you are willing to accept the facts should you decide to get into the lifestyle. If having another man's cock in your girlfriends pussy is a turn on to you then learn how to control your emotions when she is getting banged by that larger than life throbbing cock. If the thought of another man being with your girlfriend drives you to jealousy and rage, then this is not the lifestyle for you.

Again, just my two cents. Good luck to you!

AT first- it is a turn on- i think about it when I am yanking it out.... once I am finished, I get really pissed and jealous.... i hate being like this

 

[Angevin]

She said she made a mistake and wants to get back together with me, and wants to show me this weekend how much I mean to her. (again- i think its bull****)

Why would you assume this is bullshit?

 

[Doc in Cleveland]

..

jubee ..

I have posted here a while back but I have been overwhelmed with the circumstance of speaking with numerous members in private through the message and chat system on this board. It takes most of my free time that I set aside to be a part of this community.

However, if you would like to speak privately, feel free to message me.

Doc

..

 

[sheplays]

AT first- it is a turn on- i think about it when I am yanking it out.... once I am finished, I get really pissed and jealous.... i hate being like this

I see this as a potential problem for you, her, and the other man jubee.

Let's just say you are in a hotel watching her getting it better, harder, bigger than you could ever give her. Hearing her moan, seeing her writhing on a superior cock.

You get so turned on that you are compelled to pull yours out and stroke it while you watch them screw. You hear her talking filthy and the waves of lust roll over you, causing you to cum.

But they are still fucking.

What do you do now? Sit and get angrier and angrier as this big cocked man gives her the fucking of a lifetime?

Do you get violent?

This isn't the lifestyle for someone who is jealous. You have to approach this as giving her the freedom to do as she pleases, both before and after you blow your pathetic load.

just 2 Cents.

 

[mimi27406]

I feel for you!

Jealousy, insecurities, cuckold?

You have described a sissy! Some would leave in this situation, others would stay. Who says who is right? Under much the same circumstances long ago I choose to just bow out. I regret it now. Somehow men born with the traits you list are better served with a promicious dominate woman in the long run.

The answer lies within your self:
Do you feel you are submissive?
Do you feel you are dominate?

The Dominate, alpha male, will walk away laughing with a smile:
The Submissive will welcome being her cuckold:

There are too few Alpha male, but many pitiful want to be!

 

[Pinkyrod]

sheplays your commnet is just spot on...

... Let's just say you are in a hotel watching her getting it better, harder, bigger than you could ever give her. Hearing her moan, seeing her writhing on a superior cock.

You get so turned on that you are compelled to pull yours out and stroke it while you watch them screw. You hear her talking filthy and the waves of lust roll over you, causing you to cum.

But they are still fucking.

What do you do now? Sit and get angrier and angrier as this big cocked man gives her the fucking of a lifetime? ....

 

[jubee]

So I met with her this weekend, and she basically appologized and wants to be with me like no other...

some added info- she is muslim- i am not. therefore summers are tough b/c we see very little of eachother.

Shes 19, im 25. She knows about my fantasy a little bit, but she is sticking to the "I dont have sex with boys that im not dating." My question is, if I do let go, how do I get rid of her in my mind? Again, my mind is constantly on her and her fucking a new guy, making me turned on and pissed off afterwards. Do I just try to repress it, or try to express it in a diff way?

 

[Hank jones]

jubee You get OVER HER by finding other females, and other activities, to occupy your time. Women are more liberal than ever, so you shouldn't have a terribly hard time finding 1 or 2 or 3 fuckbuddies to screw around with. Your BEST OFFENSE with this girl is a good DEFENSE ... simply quit calling her so often, and when she calls you, don't make yourself so available. Tell her you're busy the time she wishes to see you. Let her know that you're NOT at her beckon call ...

Mac is spot on IMHO. You either need to forget about her and move on or get use to being used by this woman with no emotional support from her.
You are still young and I can't remember if you stated the number of girls you've dated. I'm willing to bet it's not many. You have to decide. Are you a cucked single guy or are you the alpha male that gets the girl then share her when it's right for you?
-Hank

 

[Custer Laststand]

Jubee,

NOT sure if this is the right place to post, but here goes.

You're in the right place. Welcome!

Please if you can just give me your opinion, .... or direct me to a psychologist/therapist, greatly appreciate it.

OK. (Doc in Cleveland claims to be a psychologist who works with cuckolds.)

Background: GF and I broke up 3 weeks ago after dating for 2 years. Now we are talking again, going out camping this weekend.

That's good. Having a disagreement is no reason to break off a relationship with a woman you like and love.

Reason for breakup: She had interest in a guy at work, went on a few dates with him, and made out with him.

I see no problem with that. If your woman is normal and has healthy sexuality, she's going to look at and... from time to time... lust after other men, just like you look at other women (in spite of yourself). That's just the way it is.

Now I know what you are thinking. Why am I taking her back?

No, no... I'm not thinking that at all. I'm thinking, why did you break off with your woman friend just because she became interested in another man? That was a time when you should have backed off a little bit, and called her up occassonally... and maybe invited her out for a coke (or whatever) every once in a while... and asked her (politely, and in a concerned and tender way, of course) how her sex life was going with her new stud. "Are you getting enough...?" "Does he know what you need...?" you could have enquired.

She said she made a mistake and wants to get back together with me, and wants to show me this weekend how much I mean to her. (I think this is bullshit.)

Hey... when a woman says that to you, it means she wants to take you to bed and fuck you and that ain't bullshit. I hope you accepted. (I'm trying to be a "nice guy" here, so I've resisted the urge to say "If you didn't accept, you're a fool.")

Now here is the situation: I am a very insecure/jealous guy.

Nothing unusual about that... lots of people are.

However, I HAVE improved some over the past few years and I make sure to not show my jealousy. I try to fake my confidence to not show that weak side of myself to women.

Good... you're moving in the right direction. If you pretend you're confident in all your interactions with women, after a while you will start to feel more confident... in part because women respond in positive ways to confident men; it's an important aspect of being sexually attractive to them. If you have confidence in yourself, that helps women feel more at ease with themselves.

However, at the end of the day, I am the "nice guy" that gets hurt.

Not necessarily. That only happens if you allow yourself to be "hurt." If you become more confident in yourself and realize getting "hurt" is among the things that can happen in sexual relationships, you'll be less likely to take it seriously and more likely to be able to move on (if you have to), or be patient and ride it out (if possible, as in the case of your recent breakup with your GF).

A weird fact about me: I have this CRAZY sexual fantasy similar to cuckolding. I ONLY realized this about a month ago when I looked it up. (I thought I was mentally retarded to have this fantasy, but apparently it's common.) The idea of another man who is bigger and better banging my gf is a TURN ON.

There's nothing weird about that. Lots of men have that fantasy with respect to their wives or (if they aren't married) their woman friends, as in your case. If you spend some time reading around in this forum, you'll come to appreciate that.

But here's the thing. It makes me SUPER jealous and insecure at the same time. It gets my hormones and heart racing. So, it's a double-edged sword... I get turned on, but it also makes me pissed and causes me to become insecure and jealous.

This is all part of being turned on by the idea of the woman you love fucking other men. Lots of cuckolds are so turned on they can't help masturbating repeatedly while their wives are out on dates with other men, while they think about what their wives or GFs might be doing. (If your jealousy is so extreme you think it might cause you to do something violent, though, that's a problem. You should seek help from a counselor or psychologist.)

So back to the original story- I am going to be seeing my gf. I love her and don't want to leave her. I love having sex with her, and I don't want to lose that.

Good. You have the right attitude, and seem to be on the right track.

I have 2 options: (i) I "keep her around," which will mean I'll get sex from her. However, it will kill me when I'm not with her all the time because I'll know she'll be texting and talking to this recent crush of hers. Then, my mind will start thinking about how they made out and this will lead me to thinking about them having sex (again- insecurities).

If not being near your gf "all the time" causes you to become jealous, that's definitely a danger signal. It is, in fact, a big red flag. It means you're heading toward becoming an angry (and potentially violent) man torn up by jealously all of the time, because there's no way you can be with your gf "all the time." Also, it's unrealistic to think your gf will never communicate with other men even if she is with you "all (or most) of the time," because there are so many ways for her to communicate with others easily and simply, electronically.

(ii) I dump her. This would mean no more sex for me. She will talk to that guy and now feel even more comfortable knowing she is free, and start having sex with him in the next few weeks or months. This would ABSOLUTELY kill me emotionally. It makes me sick to my stomach.

No more sex from her, I guess you mean. But, your GF is not the only woman "out there" you can be friends with, potentially. Also, there's another possible course of action. (1) You remain your GF's sex partner, and... getting feedback from her... try to improve your sexual techniques so you provide her with the satisfaction she needs (or most of it). (Do you bring her to orgasm each time she fucks you...?) (2) Simultaneously, you could explicitly recognize your GF's right to communicate with other men whenever she wishes and, sometimes, go out with other men if she likes. You could agree to stay home and masturbate while you think about what she might be doing, thereby feeding and satisfying your fantasy of being her cuckold. Some women are turned on by knowing their man is masturbating while thinking about them. Maybe you could find out if your GF is among them by talking with her explicitly about all this.

It's a lose-lose situation for me it seems, and a win-win situation for her. Mainly because she has less invested in all of this than I do.

With "option (2)," you have the possibility of your relationship being a "win-win" situation for both of you. In any case, if you feel you need your GF more than she needs you, that will help motivate you to work harder at your relationship in order to provide her with what she needs, including being her cuckold (if she says or implies she would like that).

Another side note — when I am jerking off (beating my weenie, as it were), guess what I am thinking about? My gf having sex with this new guy. It gives me the best orgasm, but afterwards I feel like shit. I'm jealous, insecure, lonely, hopeless, pathetic.... but, this keeps my mind focussed on her and makes it IMPOSSIBLE to get over her.

It sounds like there's no doubt you've discovered what you need in a relationship with a woman, and it looks like your present GF has high potential for fulfilling your need. You are standing at the threshold of becoming a successfully-fulfilled cuckold.

There is, however, something else you need. It is an ability to recognize your GF is a woman in her own right, not a possession you "own" (like, for instance, your TV or your refrigerator). You need also to develop an ability to recognize that love and sex are not the same thing. You can have, in other words, a long-term loving relationship with a woman while at the same time agreeing... and persuading her to accept... that it is and will continue to be her privilege and prerogative to date and fuck whomever she wishes, while you remain faithful as her cuckold. This will require you to rise above your tendency toward jealousy... although your suppressed feelings of jealousy will, no doubt, increase the intensity of being turned on when your GF is out dating other men.

Good luck!

—Custer

*BTW, what does your GF being Muslim have to do with summers being "tough" because you see less of each other?

 

[tyrone25]

You'll regret letting her go. Suck it up and be a loving bf.

 

[Tanboat05]

Girlfriend is going to do what she wants regardless of what she tells you. Understand women lie which you need to be OK with. You need to understand they have the same appetites men do. I learned to accept this the hard way by first being like you saying I didnt want the thought of another man being with my lady. But dude, it will happen and they may or may not lie about it.

When you learn to accept it will happen, give her all the rope she needs to go out and pull this off. Then some day do what I did, notice the stains on the sheets and the red swollen lips when she gets undressed.

Eventually, you will learn about that musky, salty flavor she sometimes gives you when you go down on her. Or the extra wetness that is probably from her being recently laid.

You can always go out and fuck another lady, then come home and make her give you head. Thats always fun. Takes the pain away some.

 

[jubee]

thanks for all the replies
Ive been having some serious problems with this because I don't even know what I really want. It all started in my previous relationship when Id ask my gf details about her past hookups. For some reason I didn't connect the dots, but it now makes sense.

As for the person who asked about being muslim- I stated that because her parents are strict so when she lives at home (during summer), I cant see her as often. Its almost like a long distance. When she goes back to school up on campus, different story. I can see her whenever I want and things are PERFECT. We'd been dating for 2 years. Not a single argument in person. Always when we have some distance...

As for all the comments about not being needy- I know this. I KNOW about how to attract a woman. Not to be needy, not to beg or plead. Trust me when I say this, I do NONE of this. I give her as much freedom as possible as a matter of fact. I play things cool. Problem is, outside I may seem calm, relaxed. People have even called me like the alpha male for being so calm and able to attract people. However, inside i am DYING from emotions.

Anyway, I saw my girl this weekend, spent the last 4 nights together and everything was perfect. I still dont know whether Ill be able to look past her recent hookup tho. It makes me sooo jealous, but at the same time excited. I wish I didnt have this fantasy, i feel like its going to always plague me. It is the root of my jealousy because I cant STOP thinking about the physical act of sex between another man and my gf.

If I could, I would like to just keep it a fantasy. I guess I am out here to vent because I know some of you may be able to relate. Again I would like to fix things with her...

 

[Tammy Pantedrop]

If you love her & want to ruin your life!! Then marry her & let her do what ever she wants to do, while you sit back, take it and support her!!

If not then leave and never look back!!

Good luck

 

[jubee]

spent the whole weekend with her and she wants to "try" again. I tried breaking it off and she cried and begged me to not let her go. That she wasnt done with me yet...

I guess i should try again- even tho she may burn me again?

She told the other guy about us getting back together and he was NOT happy. Obviously. Do you think this is genuine, or do you think its only a matter of time before she starts running to him again? just need opinions.

 

[jubee]

Are you friggin serious????? Drop the bitch now! Grow some balls and find someone else.

Seriously, not to be harsh but are you sure you want her? Think about it. You are probably turned on because you want her and know she is somehow being satisfied. But obviously this situation is not for you on some level.

I notice some here call things I say as being a bully. Yet, a bull leaving teeth marks is a turn on??? I respect differences and choices people make. Some gay people say anal is great and has become MORE mainstream, yet it doesn't mean everyone want to take it up the ass. Think about it.

Get out, man. Get rid of the bitch.

I am not sure how you look but get a trainer and get yourself back where you need to be, Fuck her!

I appreciate the honesty. Seriously. This whole weekend I was back and forth. I didnt want to break up with her. But I told her everything about how she made me feel like shit and that we should spend time apart. I did this KNOWING she would cry and beg for me to take her apology and take her back. I know i know, but she DID seem genuine. So fast forward to today (saw her yesterday), she texts me throughout the day but very unimportant stuff. Like shit that is so boring. We planned to get together this weekend, and now today she says she cant, shes got too much school work and wants to meet up the following weekend. Is she pulling my chain? Right now the whole cuckold thing about me getting turned on by the other guy is not a thought. I just want to figure this shit out.
Truthfully, Id love her to get back with me, but I dont know if the best way of going about htat is to dump her and hope for soemthing in the future, or just give up.

I know not to be needy, so I dont push anything. I make sure she initiates everything in order to get her invested again. I will be honest, we DEFINITELY lost the spark between us. I think she just wants it to go back to the past when things were romantic- not sure if htats possible. Im so LOST!

 

[Angevin]

I still don't understand why so many are assuming this chick is lying to the OP. I really don't. We know that she broke up with him because she wanted to date someone else but that's pretty much it. I just don't think it's so hard to believe that she realizes she made a mistake and wants him back.

My larger concern is...

I don't know what I want