Learning to Accept Cuckold Lifestyle

[Tricked]

Hi, I am new to the forum and new to cuckoldry. I am a 40 year-old black male. My wife is 39, black, and has recently taken a white lover. Our marriage has been struggling for the past couple years and back in early-August, she announced to me that she was going to start dating a guy at her job. At the time I took this as an empty threat. There's no way she'll do it, I thought, especially since we have two sons together.

Obviously, this caused serious tensions between us but I didn't really think she was going to go through with it. That was until a couple weeks ago, when, on a Friday night, I came home from work and saw her on her knees servicing her boyfriend. I can't really begin to describe the range of emotions I felt. I mean here was my wife, the mother of our two sons, on her knees in our living room with another man in her mouth.

I guess what really hit me the most was the lack of concern from either of them. It was obvious to me that she wasn't interested in hiding it and neither one of them really raised an eyebrow when I walked into the room. I was standing there a good three minutes before she stopped long enough to say, 'hello' to me. He looked me straight in the eye and didn't say a word. I must have stood there and watched for ten minutes before finally getting disgusted, both at them and myself, and leaving.

I was so mad at myself for not raising cane about it. I should have punched that guy in the face but I just stood there and watched. I kept asking myself what in the world is the matter with me. Then I was furious with her for doing this to me and to us. I have since talked with her about it and her position is that this is something I am going to have to learn to live with. She wants this guy in her life and she told me if I want a divorce then I can have it. The problems are that I am really not in a position financially to get divorced, she owns a business and I signed a pre-nup with her before we got married. Plus, I really don't want to have to make my kids go through a divorce either. And to top it all off, I really love my wife.

So I've started rationalizing my position thinking, ok, maybe I can learn to share her. That way I can still have her in my life and our kids can still have both their parents. Ironically, as I write this, she is in the bathroom getting ready to go on a date with her boyfriend. She's warned me that they may come home together and, if so, I'll have to sleep in the guest bedroom or on the couch.

I am trying my best to make this work. I really don't want to lose her so I am looking to find other people who have been or are in my situation who can help me make the best of this and learn how to live with this. My pride doesn't like to let me think of myself as a cuckold but I have to face reality and accept that that is what I am right now. So I would really appreciate any feedback or words of wisdom that others could share with me.

Thanks a lot,

Malcolm

 

[bottom2damax]

Malcolm, been there done that, been a cuckold for years now, tho my case is slightly different, think you have only one choice if you cant accept it you have to leave her.. My case I had the money while she wouldnt give up the bull I didnt have kids and was able to come to terms...

 

[Tricked]

Hey thanks for the reply. I am willing to try to learn to accept it. I am just looking for some advice as to how to adjust to this lifestyle and make the best of it. Like I said, I really love her and don't want to leave. Plus, I don't want to lose my kids.

When she was getting ready for her date tonight I couldn't stop looking at how gorgeous she is. I feel blessed that she is part of my life, even if I'm no longer her only man. But at the same time it really hurts that I am no longer her man and have allowed another man to come in and take my place.

Is there anything I can do to make this any easier or improve my relationship with my wife?

 

[Tricked]

Well, she just left on her date. I didn't want to see the guy but I heard the doorbell and I heard her say, "oh, how sweet. Thank you." So I imagine he brought her flowers or something.

She asked me to zip her up while she was getting ready and it was just a surreal feeling. Here I was zipping up my wife so she could go out on a date with another man.

Really wish I knew what to do with what I'm feeling and make the best of this.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Malcolm,

Thanks for your intriguing, articulate and well-written post.

Hi, I am new to the forum and new to cuckoldry.

Welcome!

I am a 40 year-old black male. My wife is 39, black, and has recently taken a white lover.

Cool! Your wife sounds like an attractive, assertive and self-confident woman. You're fortunate she took you to be her cuckold-in-waiting and now, finally, her cuckold.

Our marriage has been struggling for the past couple years and back in early-August, she announced to me that she was going to start dating a guy at her job. At the time I took this as an empty threat. There's no way she'll do it, I thought, especially since we have two sons together.

My guess would be, your wife does, in fact, want to stay together with you and her children and she has found what will enable her to do that: a lover (who's a white dude, as it happens).

Obviously, this caused serious tensions between us but I didn't really think she was going to go through with it. That was until a couple weeks ago, when, on a Friday night, I came home from work and saw her on her knees servicing her boyfriend. I can't really begin to describe the range of emotions I felt. I mean here was my wife, the mother of our two sons, on her knees in our living room with another man in her mouth.

Evidently your wife is a woman of her word. She told you she was going to begin fucking another man, and she did. When you didn't believe her, she was probably more than a little offended... so she brought her lover home and sucked his cock in front of you. Now, finally, it sounds like you're convinced your wife is a woman to be taken seriously.

I guess what really hit me the most was the lack of concern from either of them. It was obvious to me that she wasn't interested in hiding it and neither one of them really raised an eyebrow when I walked into the room. I was standing there a good three minutes before she stopped long enough to say, 'hello' to me. He looked me straight in the eye and didn't say a word. I must have stood there and watched for ten minutes before finally getting disgusted, both at them and myself, and leaving.

This shows your wife is managing her lover well. A man's natural instinct, on being caught by the husband of a married woman he's fucking in the husband's own home (which is also her home, of course), is to feel extremely awkward, at best, and show that. Since your wife continued sucking her lover's cock in front of you and he didn't look "caught in the act" in any way, you can interpret that as meaning your wife had secured his agreement in advance that's what they were going to do. (Presumably your wife, and thus her lover, knew in advance you would come home about when you did.)

I was so mad at myself for not raising cane about it. I should have punched that guy in the face but I just stood there and watched. I kept asking myself what in the world is the matter with me.

More than one cuckold has said it's fascinating... indeed, mesmerizing... to watch his wife suck another man's cock, especially if she's a much more skillfull cucksucker than he realized because she never sucks his. It sounds like you were affected in that way.

Then I was furious with her for doing this to me and to us. I have since talked with her about it and her position is that this is something I am going to have to learn to live with. She wants this guy in her life and she told me if I want a divorce then I can have it.

Ah... this confirms that your wife is a self-confident assertive woman. She has no doubt she'll be able to support herself and her children if you decide to divorce her.

The problems are that I am really not in a position financially to get divorced. She owns a business and I signed a pre-nup with her before we got married. Plus, I really don't want to have to make my kids go through a divorce either. And to top it all off, I really love my wife.

Those are definitely serious problems. Someone pointed out, elsewhere, that divorce is the largest destroyer of wealth in the U.S. (and probably in other western nations, if you don't live in the U.S.). Being married to a woman who owns and runs her own business is definitely advantageous to you. Women tend to be better at that than men, generally speaking... a much lower percentage of woman-owned business startups fail during the first year than male-owned business startups. The first-year failure rate among the latter, as you probably know, is around 90%.

In addition, divorces tend to be devastating for children. Since you love your wife, which is VERY positive, you have every reason, in my opinion, to accept your new role as her cuckold, adapt, and remain married to her. As I mentioned above, if you do you and your wife more-than-likely will find that your agreement and acquiescence that she is free to date and fuck other men, while you agree to remain faithful to her as her cuckold (and do so), will become the glue that will hold your marriage together.

So I've started rationalizing my position thinking, ok, maybe I can learn to share her. That way I can still have her in my life and our kids can still have both their parents.

Sounds like mentally and emotionally, you're starting to move in the right direction.

Ironically, as I write this my wife is in the bathroom getting ready to go on a date with her boyfriend. She's warned me that they may come home together and, if so, I'll have to sleep in the guest bedroom or on the couch.

That's an entirely reasonable expectation on your wife's part. She has demonstrated, as noted above, she's a woman to be taken seriously. I suggest preparing your guest room, as your wife has instructed, and planning to sleep there tonight.

I am trying my best to make this work. I really don't want to lose her...

It sounds like you're a good man, Malcolm. Your wife has put you on a track and you're starting to move in the direction she wants you to move in — which, for you, is the only direction you can move in if you want to save your marriage and preserve your family.

... so I am looking to find other people who have been or are in my situation who can help me make the best of this and learn how to live with this.

Here, you will find them.

My pride doesn't like to let me think of myself as a cuckold, but I have to face reality and accept that that is what I am right now.

On the other hand, you could view this as an opportunity to joint a relatively small (as a percentage of the adult population) but apparently-growing avant garde community of couples with "cuckold husband / hotwife" marriages, in which sexual stagnation and frustration is avoided by the husband agreeing that it is and will continue to be his wife's privilege and prerogative to date and fuck other men, while he remains faithful to her as her cuckold. One of the basic principles is, "if the woman is happy, her husband and household will be happy too." In such marriages the cuckold finds, in essence, often-intense vicarious sexual satisfaction as his wife takes her pleasure with a variety of lovers.

So I would really appreciate any feedback or words of wisdom that others could share with me. Thanks a lot, Malcolm

Your writing ability suggests you read books (and, I would guess, do a lot of reading). For a very good, well-written and fascinating treatment of this subject, I suggest:

Ley, David J., 2009, Insatiable Wives: Women who stray and the men who love them, 291 pp. (hardcover).

The author claims to be a clinical psychologist.

—Custer

 

[duke9555]

this whole notion of a mythical black guy being cucked
by a white guy strains credulity & is reminiscent of Moby Dick
w/o the good literature

 

[Tricked]

Hi Custer, thanks for the reply. I really appreciate your thoughts. I am feeling pretty much on an island right now. I am afraid to tell anyone about what is happening to me so any support I get is really meaningful.

Duke, I'm sorry that you question my credulity. The situation is what it is. I didn't know that race was really an issue. Are black men exempt from this phenomenon? If we are, please tell my wife. I'm just trying to make sense of this situation. I hope you might be able to help but if not then I can understand.

Maybe my problem is that I'm not black enough. You tell me. I'm a member of Kappa Alpha Psi fraternity and went to an HBCU. Maybe I should have gone to a PWC.

 

[duke9555]

Hi Custer, thanks for the reply. I really appreciate your thoughts. I am feeling pretty much on an island right now. I am afraid to tell anyone about what is happening to me so any support I get is really meaningful.

Duke, I'm sorry that you question my credulity. The situation is what it is. I didn't know that race was really an issue. Are black men exempt from this phenomenon? If we are, please tell my wife. I'm just trying to make sense of this situation. I hope you might be able to help but if not then I can understand.

Maybe my problem is that I'm not black enough. You tell me. I'm a member of Kappa Alpha Psi fraternity and went to an HBCU. Maybe I should have gone to a PWC.

=============


i question your CREDIBILITY ........gess they don't teach
English @ HBCU / u b mighty white bro

 

[Tricked]

I said 'credulity' because that's the word you used in your first post. And gess is spelled 'guess.' So, yes, they do teach English at Bethune-Cookman. Like I said, I'm sorry if I'm not black enough for you, bro. I do pass the paper bag test though if you're wondering.

 

[duke9555]

I said 'credulity' because that's the word you used in your first post. And gess is spelled 'guess.' So, yes, they do teach English at Bethune-Cookman. Like I said, I'm sorry if I'm not black enough for you, bro. I do pass the paper bag test though if you're wondering.

=============


I used credulity correctly you didn't and gess is argot of the
'net / move along poser move along

 

[Tricked]

No, sorry, 'gess' is just bad spelling on your part. I don't find your idiomatic vocabulary particularly impressive, maybe you should try harder. If you don't believe me then ignore my posts. I'm going to ignore yours. Thanks.

 

[AngleBaby]

Well, I disagree with the notion a divorce is something that should be avoided here. I also disagree with the notion, in your case, that your wife loves you. I also doubt you will be able to accept the situation in the long run and, this will lead to fights.
Even if you love her and are in love with her, you should leave her for the sake of the kids. It will be hell to see you depressed because you wont release yourself from the situation and, it will be hell to see mom and dad fight. Even if you do not come to words often, your children will be able to sense the tension between the two of you. To them, living in the house will be like walking on egg shells.

But why is she dating this guy? It sounds like she wants to explore other relationships and in the end, leave you for another man. She will not share what she has done, she will share less and less of what she thinks, feels, wants and desires.

Your marriage is over. Move on. Find someone who does love you.

 

[Tricked]

Angle, I appreciate your forthright perspective. I have so much invested in this relationship that it is difficult to simply follow through with your suggestions. It may come to that, or I may learn to accept this hand I've been dealt. I'm going to try and see for the sake of myself, my kids and my marriage.

I'll admit, it is very difficult. My wife just returned home with her date and its so hard knowing she's going to go to bed with another man. But even though this has happened to me, I am hoping that if I stick it out that something good will come of it. I am just looking for help in coping and maybe some advice how I might could win her back.

I appreciate your support and hope I can count on it in the future.

 

[AngleBaby]

I know it is difficult because of how much you invested. Trust me, I know.
Take your time to think about how you want your kids to be raised and if can be happy in life as a cuckold.
Even if you do not want to have a divorce, talk about it with your wife. She may want exactly that, or she may want to avoid that at all costs. It is important to talk about that though, because that is the pink elephant in the room right now. If your wife loves you too much to risk divorce, then she likely will choose, after talking with her about it, to stop dating that other guy right away.

 

[AngleBaby]

Take your time to think about how you want your kids to be raised and if you can be happy in life as a cuckold.

 

[Cuck Curious]

Goose/gander

Tricked

Cuckold relationships involve communication and respect for each other and their feelings and limits. Your wife has shown you zero respect, and her communication was "my way or the highway". Despite Custer's typical gushing encouragement, you do not have the basis for a good, long-term cuckold relationships. Someone wrote that in a relationship there needs to be something for each party; I would have you ask yourself, what do you get out of this? In happy cuckold relationships, the wife's infidelity is a turn on for the cuckold, who is usually submissive, and its a means by which his wife drives him into deeper submission. You have not mentioned any such excitation from the whole arrangement, so I'm assuming that that you are not turned on by this at all.
I also understand your reluctance to take her up on her threat to divorce you; she obviously knows she has the upper hand and also knows that your concern for the kids and the effect divorce would have them is greater(obviously) than her's and has no problem exploiting that for her own gain.
My suggestion to you is to turn the tables on her and find yourself a nice girlfriend to bring home and get a blow job from in your front room at a time when you are pretty sure your wife will be coming home. Give her a pleasant "Hi Honey" when she walks in, and say "I'd introduce you to my girlfrend, but she's a little busy right now, so we'll have to wait until she's done to do that!". In fact, it might be a nice touch to have your girlfriend be white! Your being black should make it quite easy for you to find a white woman who is interested in having sex with a black guy. Tell your wife that this "open marriage" thing sounds like a great idea, and then start fucking other women as much as you can. If she comes up with some jealosy bullshit, just tell her you are not one of those cuckold guys who is willing to let her fuck anyone she wants, while you are faithful to only her. Tell her if she is going to fuck other men, you are going to fuck other women. And keep in mind that prenups are made to be broken, especially by a good lawyer. If you are married to her, 1/2 of that business is righfully yours! Don't be railroaded by her threats. Show her how many white women would be more than willing to have sex with a black man, and that you'll have no trouble getting women since you now have an open marriage. Best of luck, and keep in touch!

 

[Jaxunman]

Tricked, one more thing I would add to the post by Cuck Curious is the need push back. Take your bedroom back immediately. If your wife wants to fuck her boyfriend in the home, then let her do it in the guest room or on the couch!!!

 

[Shidave]

Tricked, divorce may be the better option because of the kids. Do you want them growing up seeing their mother treat their father like crap while he takes it? Will they respect you when they see their mother have absolutely no respect for you. Will they respect you when they grow and understand that their mother is fucking in your bed while you hide?
If you insist on staying married let her fuck outdoors so the kids do not see it, because if she continues to do so at home they will sooner or later.

 

[Lamont]

I'm not sure what the divorce laws are in your state, but you may be weakening your position long term, and she may be counting on it for when, yes I said when, she leaves you. She may be playing this off as something just for the now, but as you continue to go along with it (essentially giving your consent), and she continues to audition and interview for your replacement (let's be honest here, that's what's really going on here), she may have removed any and all leverage when it comes time to divvy everything up and argue custody of the kids you love.

Don't be fooled by most of what you read on here. The vast majority is fantasy, and people tend to not talk about the real realities and hardships on a site where they come to get off, more than talk about the fact they lost their relationships, wives, etc. If your story is real, then understand this is not a game, a fetish, or something that will pass without damage. Recognize you absolutely must act in some way here. Personally, rolling over and playing dead on this one is going to carry an enormous cost long term that you're not likely going to be able to just live with. You may learn to "share", but the cost is going to be yours and your kids' alone to bear. In my mind if you truly love them, then this ends today, and you man up and stop allowing yourself to be pushed around and disrespected.

Sorry if that sounds harsher. I just don't think you need to be enabled by a couple of the clowns that offer terrible advice and won't be there to shed a single tear for you as your world crumbles.

 

[Lamont]

Tricked

Cuckold relationships involve communication and respect for each other and their feelings and limits. Your wife has shown you zero respect, and her communication was "my way or the highway". Despite Custer's typical gushing encouragement, you do not have the basis for a good, long-term cuckold relationships. Someone wrote that in a relationship there needs to be something for each party; I would have you ask yourself, what do you get out of this? In happy cuckold relationships, the wife's infidelity is a turn on for the cuckold, who is usually submissive, and its a means by which his wife drives him into deeper submission. You have not mentioned any such excitation from the whole arrangement, so I'm assuming that that you are not turned on by this at all.
I also understand your reluctance to take her up on her threat to divorce you; she obviously knows she has the upper hand and also knows that your concern for the kids and the effect divorce would have them is greater(obviously) than her's and has no problem exploiting that for her own gain.
My suggestion to you is to turn the tables on her and find yourself a nice girlfriend to bring home and get a blow job from in your front room at a time when you are pretty sure your wife will be coming home. Give her a pleasant "Hi Honey" when she walks in, and say "I'd introduce you to my girlfrend, but she's a little busy right now, so we'll have to wait until she's done to do that!". In fact, it might be a nice touch to have your girlfriend be white! Your being black should make it quite easy for you to find a white woman who is interested in having sex with a black guy. Tell your wife that this "open marriage" thing sounds like a great idea, and then start fucking other women as much as you can. If she comes up with some jealosy bullshit, just tell her you are not one of those cuckold guys who is willing to let her fuck anyone she wants, while you are faithful to only her. Tell her if she is going to fuck other men, you are going to fuck other women. And keep in mind that prenups are made to be broken, especially by a good lawyer. If you are married to her, 1/2 of that business is righfully yours! Don't be railroaded by her threats. Show her how many white women would be more than willing to have sex with a black man, and that you'll have no trouble getting women since you now have an open marriage. Best of luck, and keep in touch!

And for the record, while it's highly unlikely you'd do this, this is exactly what you should do to really shake your wife and get her to come back to the real world and figure this all out. I rarely preach extremes or an eye for an eye but there are times, and this could very well be one of them.