Newbie Wife Advice

[acuriouswife]

One of life's realities is that at some point of their lives, many if not most wives (and husbands...) will stray. This usually means cheating on their spouses, and as we all know cheating is never right and it can mean the end of an otherwise happy marriage.

So why not consider cuckolding for what it really is: a free pass for extramarital sex for a wife who is in a loving and emotionally stable relationship and who understands that by accepting this free pass, whether she acts on it or not (which should be her decision and hers alone) she will ensure her husband's fidelity and protect her marriage from the consequences of adultery.

Eno,
I disagree that one of life's realities is that married people stray. I took vows to one man and one man vowed to me. Cheating is unacceptable.

This free pass you speak of is something that "I" do NOT want. I have NO desire to have sex with another man. I do not understand if you truly love your wife you want her to be with another man. How is this 'free pass' going to ensure my husband's fidelity and protect my marriage? Really?

I did not sign up for an open marriage, that's what this really is. I have and share a fantasy of being with another man while my husband is there. The "other man" during this fantasy IS my husband. It's a FANTASY, nothing more, nothing less.

My husband's obsession with this site is breaking down my love and respect for him. I am very sad that he feels the need to come here every single day because he "likes to read the stories", and the videos he watches are quite disturbing to me.

For you, this lifestyle works. I'm happy for you. But this is something I am 100% against for ME. I am not here to judge. I DO appreciate your input. I have received a LOT of support via messages and am very grateful to them.

I am continuing to research, seek advice and listen.

 

[wifeownsme]

Eno, sorry, but you're full of crap. Do you really think that every woman out there wants to stray? Every woman is different and every marriage is different, and this lifestyle is not for everybody. It sounds like you're projecting what you want for yourself into what you think they should have for themselves. If I were acuriouswife I would lay down the law with her husband because he's about to lose a very good thing! He should be so grateful that he has a wife that even takes the time to investigate and research the fantasies that turn her husband on, and work with her on this!!! Support her feelings because she is the key!!

 

[acuriouswife]

Eno, sorry, but you're full of crap. Do you really think that every woman out there wants to stray? Every woman is different and every marriage is different, and this lifestyle is not for everybody. It sounds like you're projecting what you want for yourself into what you think they should have for themselves. If I were acuriouswife I would lay down the law with her husband because he's about to lose a very good thing! He should be so grateful that he has a wife that even takes the time to investigate and research the fantasies that turn her husband on, and work with her on this!!! Support her feelings because she is the key!!

Thank you so very much wifeownsme! You almost made me cry.
My husband I are very much in love...which is why this upsets me so much.
It's nice to know that I can say what I'm thinking, feeling or vent and it's OK.

I DO know I am going to have to have a serious talk with him. I guess I just wish he would stop and I wouldn't have to let him know that I know what he is doing; that I've been monitoring what he does. This makes me very sad.

Again, thank you for your post, it meant a lot to me.

 

[Susan's Slave]

You and your husband are so very much in love? Really, that is why he comes here everyday and why "this site" is breaking down your love and respect for him?

I understand that the lifestyle is not for you. I support you in telling him you are not interested in sleeping with other men. But really, coming here and whining about it instead of sitting down with your husband and finding out what he likes about it is getting old. Personally I think you are in love with the white picket fence and the status of being married more than the man.

This may not be real popular, but have you considered the idea that he is going through some mental health issue? He could be depressed, he may actually be addicted to porn (over used, but still a valid addiction), he may have hormonal problems due to a decrease in testosterone. If you love HIM, stop bitching here, and talk to HIM. Help HIM and stop being all about YOU!

 

[acuriouswife]

Don't like what I say? Don't read it!

You and your husband are so very much in love? Really, that is why he comes here everyday and why "this site" is breaking down your love and respect for him?

I understand that the lifestyle is not for you. I support you in telling him you are not interested in sleeping with other men. But really, coming here and whining about it instead of sitting down with your husband and finding out what he likes about it is getting old. Personally I think you are in love with the white picket fence and the status of being married more than the man.

This may not be real popular, but have you considered the idea that he is going through some mental health issue? He could be depressed, he may actually be addicted to porn (over used, but still a valid addiction), he may have hormonal problems due to a decrease in testosterone. If you love HIM, stop bitching here, and talk to HIM. Help HIM and stop being all about YOU!

WOW you really need to take a breath. There IS such a thing as being happily married, in love AND monogamous. I came here not to whine, which by the way I do not think I have been, but that's your opinion.

The reason I joined this site is to find out exactly what he is searching for. As I've said dozens of times, this IS a fantasy that I too enjoy. HOWEVER, reality hits the second the role play is over. I am trying to understand why all of a sudden he's pushing this on me. And I think I found a few reasons why. There are tons of "how to get her into this", "how to convince her", "ways to entice her". A lot of "stories" are just that STORIES! Nothing more than imagination.

I DO know I have to sit down with him. I do know this is very upsetting to me and is on the verge of emotional cheating. If he is addicted, then we will seek help. I believe in my marriage, I believe in my husband. You aren't with someone for over 20 yrs and not do everything in your power to understand and help the other.

THAT is what I am doing. So, if you think that I am whining or am putting down this lifestyle you so enjoy, then how about you stop reading my posts?
I have been more than welcomed with open arms by several people. Many who, believe it or not, are walking in my shoes. OR men that don't understand why they want this and are asking ME for help.

As for the white picket fence....THAT too is a fantasy. There are plenty of ups and downs in a marriage and the white picket fence doesn't make that all go away. I am real. I love my husband. I would die for him as he would for me. I have probably been through more than you could ever imagine in a lifetime with this man. Our love is quite deep. I hope you can say that about your partner.

What's happening now IS upsetting. I am doing everything in my power to research and UNDERSTAND what he is going through. It WILL be addressed. I will continue to post here as long as I want. I am not breaking any rules. Again, if you don't like what I say, don't read it. So back off and go about your own business and let me do what I think is best for MY marriage.

 

[dedkenedy]

Acuriouswife, I feel for you, you remind me of my own wife. So much so, I sometimes read your posts hoping you'll give in, but I know like my wife, you most likely never will. More than once I've read your thread and thought "Could my wife be posting this?". Of course, there's enough differences that I know you're not my wife.

This does lead me to a question though- if he's that frequent a visitor to this site, then surely he's seen your thread. Don't you think maybe he's read them and knows you're on here, and with that knowledge in leading you on a journey without the actual confrontation? I'll bet when you do confront him, it will not be a surprise to him. I know he wants you to do this, I know he's encouraged by your role-playing, and I know he thinks you'll eventually give in on some level. I do think it's time for a talk, there is mutual ground here, and there is love on both ends. You've said you're losing trust and respect in him, please have this conversation before all is lost.

As an aside, I know of one couple who posted here that I became email pals with, and followed the thread closely on here. They filed for divorce last week. I would never want to push things far enough to cause a divorce, and I'm sure neither would you husband. As deep as this desire is, it's not deep enough to end a good thing.

 

[GordonPym]

According to normal marriage vows using porno for getting off is breaking the vows to forsake all others.

If I interpret it correctly, in my case it works exactly like leftbehind says...
Can't you believe that apart from masturbating on internet, I've been always faithful to Linda? TRUE!
And rarely have fantasies about fucking other women. (I said RARELY... , didn't say NEVER )

Today he's jerking to center folds, next year to group sex, the next to beasts and the next to kids.

On this one I strongly disagree!
I've been jerking off on fashion models in stockings and lingerie since I was a teenager, and never shifted to hard-core porn (imagine beasts! or even worse...).
I'm almost fifty right now (not yet, though... ) and still jerk off on fashion models in stockings and lingerie.
Just look and believe: here is the blog I run on Tumblr:
Stocking Addiction

Yes, I do have some other side/minor fetishes, but they are all old dated as well.
Even this cuckold fetish started twenty/fifteen years ago!
So, I wouldn't be worried about it getting dangerous

From what you've described about him, I don't think he's trying to meet someone for him to have sex with. The Meets forum does have pics in it and that may be why he's looking at them. I know that's why I look at them. Personally I have no desire to meet anyone from there.

Or, perhaps, he's trying to meet someone for YOU to have sex with.
Which is - pardon me if I'm honest - very arousing to me!

Acuriouswife, I feel for you, you remind me of my own wife. So much so, I sometimes read your posts hoping you'll give in, but I know like my wife, you most likely never will. More than once I've read your thread and thought "Could my wife be posting this?". Of course, there's enough differences that I know you're not my wife.

Same applies to me. 100% !!!

This does lead me to a question though- if he's that frequent a visitor to this site, then surely he's seen your thread.

I had that same thought too

As an aside, I know of one couple who posted here that I became email pals with, and followed the thread closely on here. They filed for divorce last week.

That's really sad!
And I must confess that the only reason for which I'm not pushing Linda too much is the fear that it will bring to divorce.
I'm not concerned of her getting in love with another (my ego is too much big to fear that ).
What worries me is that she will hate me the day after...

- GordonPym

 

[acuriouswife]

Never know

Acuriouswife, I feel for you, you remind me of my own wife. So much so, I sometimes read your posts hoping you'll give in, but I know like my wife, you most likely never will. More than once I've read your thread and thought "Could my wife be posting this?". Of course, there's enough differences that I know you're not my wife.

This does lead me to a question though- if he's that frequent a visitor to this site, then surely he's seen your thread. Don't you think maybe he's read them and knows you're on here, and with that knowledge in leading you on a journey without the actual confrontation? I'll bet when you do confront him, it will not be a surprise to him. I know he wants you to do this, I know he's encouraged by your role-playing, and I know he thinks you'll eventually give in on some level. I do think it's time for a talk, there is mutual ground here, and there is love on both ends. You've said you're losing trust and respect in him, please have this conversation before all is lost.

As an aside, I know of one couple who posted here that I became email pals with, and followed the thread closely on here. They filed for divorce last week. I would never want to push things far enough to cause a divorce, and I'm sure neither would you husband. As deep as this desire is, it's not deep enough to end a good thing.

You would be AMAZED at how many have emailed me saying that they have been reading thinking I was their wife; how many tell me to stick to my guns, not give in no matter what, stand up for what I believe in, cheer me on, give me what THEY are feeling so I can understand my husband better. And the emails I'm getting from WOMEN who are doing the very same thing I am...only they aren't as vocal in posting.

Don't think for a moment that I am going to let this come between us, it won't. I am sorry to hear about your email friends...that's very sad. I agree, this desire is not worth losing everything we have built together.

 

[acuriouswife]

Snipped from original post:

And I must confess that the only reason for which I'm not pushing Linda too much is the fear that it will bring to divorce.
I'm not concerned of her getting in love with another (my ego is too much big to fear that ).
What worries me is that she will hate me the day after...

- GordonPym

I don't know your wife...but I will tell you I know of some that 'gave in' and it has ruined their marriage.

So for you to say that you worry she would hate you....you're probably correct.

 

[duke9555]

 

[acuriouswife]

Lol

Duke, that's funny. Not sure I understand why you posted that, but it made me laugh.

 

[duke9555]

Duke, that's funny. Not sure I understand why you posted that, but it made me laugh.

=========

it was supposed 2

some guys make chix wet i make em laugh

 

[Eno]

Eno,
This free pass you speak of is something that "I" do NOT want. I have NO desire to have sex with another man. I do not understand if you truly love your wife you want her to be with another man. How is this 'free pass' going to ensure my husband's fidelity and protect my marriage? Really?

While I understand your worry I wonder if you aren't overreacting? After all, all what's happened is that your husband offered you sexual freedom, while he doesn't want the same freedom for himself.
Having freedom means you can make your own choices; and your choice (among others) may be to keep it all in the realm of fantasy - until further notice, perhaps. What could be wrong with this kind of freedom, I wonder?

 

[GordonPym]

While I understand your worry I wonder if you aren't overreacting? After all, all what's happened is that your husband offered you sexual freedom, while he doesn't want the same freedom for himself.
Having freedom means you can make your own choices; and your choice (among others) may be to keep it all in the realm of fantasy - until further notice, perhaps. What could be wrong with this kind of freedom, I wonder?

Nothing wrong in my view, unless you force her to make use of her freedom.
(Beware that forcing could be achieved even by psychological pressure).
But as far as it is a mutual agreement among real peers, than I don't see anything wrong.

I'm saying it because I'm a wannabe-cuckold.
I've tried to push wifey into the cuckold lifestyle, but she refused firmly.
But after reading some eye opening Curious Wife's posts, I decided to quit my attempts to convince wifey.
What I will not stop, though, is fantasising about it, and of course letting her freedom to cuck me whenever she wants.
(useless to say that I will not claim same rights for me ...)

 

[GordonPym]

=========

it was supposed 2

some guys make chix wet i make em laugh

Usually guys who make gals laugh, have more chances to be the ones who make them wet, afterwards. I think...

 

[duke9555]

 

[GordonPym]

=========

it was supposed 2

some guys make chix wet i make em laugh

Usually guys who make gals laugh, have more chances to be the ones who make them wet, afterwards. I think...

But those who exaggerate reduce their chances dramatically...

 

[duke9555]

But those who exaggerate reduce their chances dramatically...

==============

we have your word on that Pym?

 

[Desperatehubby]

We have almost similar situation with you acuriouswife.
I want my wife to have sex with other man, but she doesn't want it. She likes the fantasy when we have sex, it make her wet and orgasm. But in reality she doesn't want to do it.
I like this kind of thing not because I bored with my wife or with our sex life. You have to look at my wife pic (hot wife thread), how can a man bored with such a beautiful woman. So don't worry, it's not because of you your husband do this I think. But I like this because in real life I'm an alpha male. I have several company with hundreds of employee, I have to deal with union labour, organized thugs, corrupt official, etc. I have to have many "interesting character" as friends like ex murderer, pimp, debt collector,etc. I'm the one that support my family, several of my cousin working for me. So in my case in my fantasy I want to be useless sometime, i want to be the one who is not in the controlling position. That is why having my wife have sex with other man while Im watching while can't do anything is turning me on.
For your husband fetish about seeing man with man, this is not happen in my case.
So either he is a closet bi, or he likes to be humiliated even more in his fantasy. If its the second one it doesn't mean your husband likes man.
Anyway have talk with your husband.

 

[wifeownsme]

While I understand your worry I wonder if you aren't overreacting? After all, all what's happened is that your husband offered you sexual freedom, while he doesn't want the same freedom for himself.
Having freedom means you can make your own choices; and your choice (among others) may be to keep it all in the realm of fantasy - until further notice, perhaps. What could be wrong with this kind of freedom, I wonder?

Yeah but Eno, you can’t make somebody want something, no matter how much that wanting it may appear as a “no brainer” to you. I can’t stand bleu cheese dressing. Hate it. And no matter how much someone else loves it and tries to convince me that it’s really good, I will still hate it. I read a lot of posts by men on these sites where they appear dumbfounded that some wives flat out reject sexual freedom when it’s offered, and even begged for, by their husbands. I think some men feel that women should be horny for sex in the same manner that men are, but they’re not! We all know women are more emotionally than physically driven but I think it’s about respecting people’s limits, especially those of your wife.

I would have loved to watch my wife fuck other men, and right in our own bed but that was one line she would not cross. But we respected the “guidelines” we established for our sex play and the thing grew into something nice. We started getting naked with others at nudist resorts, then graduated to swinger resorts and clubs and even though actual intercourse was against our policy, she loved the girls and I would really enjoy watching her with other women, and even got to watch her suck a few cocks along the way. But I think had I early on badgered her into acting upon my fantasies her trust in me would have broken down because I wouldn’t have been showing respect for her limits, and that lovely sexual relationship we had would never have materialized.