A couple of things.
Custer Laststand said:
. . . In this case, it sounds like the fact your wife's lover was (and is) her boss may have played a bigger role... a much bigger role... than the fact he is an asshole. You know — the "being attracted to the most dominant man in her life" phenomenon.
Absolutely - 100% on point. Some women are just emotionally "vulnerable" to becoming the object of their authority figure's sexual attention. I don't know nearly enough about your relationship to even opine about what kind of woman your wife is emotionally/psychologically, but there are certain factors at play in this story which would suggest she desires (and lacks) a strong authority figure with a powerful sexual identity and a lot of self confidence. No offense intended to you by that -- she clearly enjoys you because she married you, came clean to you, and stays with you -- but human beings are complicated organisms with an infinitely complex and individual neural network that triggers powerful peptide hormone responses. There is no reason to feel like you've "failed" if you have difficulty reaching someone or adapting to become everything you think your significant other wants you to be.
Custer Laststand said:
If you have "latent resentment and hatred" of your wife, that's not good. If you're "trying to come to grips with it," that's positive.
Agreed. But it also depends on a couple of factors which, again, you did not explain in your posts. Is your latent resentment/hatred a result of this situation? Or are there other factors in your relationship for which you carry contempt for your wife? If it's the latter, then talking to her about this letter probably isn't going to help your situation, and you should probably seek professional help if you want to salvage your marriage.
Custer Laststand said:
That's hard physical evidence. If the letter you found contradicts what your wife told you verbally, it would be reasonable for you to show it to her and, in a rational, factual, conversational and non-angry way, point that out. Then, encourage your wife to continue her confession about her continuing affair with her boss in December (and perhaps beyond). It might help if you "confess" that her confession caused you to feel secretly turned-on in a visceral way, while refraining from mentioning your strong personal dislike of the man she cuckolded you with.
I don't know if I agree with this part. In the relatively short time I've been around here, I've noticed that your posts include a lot of great information (including references to literature and accessories), and you always provide thorough, thought provoking responses. And no offense intended, but your analysis leans towards the academic side...which doesn't always work in certain situations (human psychology doesn't exist in a vacuum). That being said, it sounds like his wife may have some emotional instability. Putting that in her face after she described a situation to him in detail, which was not accurate, could have consequences that are the exact opposite from what you're intending. The last thing you want to do when you're interacting as a person of trust with someone who may potentially have Borderline Personality Disorder is confront them with cold evidence showing that their attempt to identify their self destructive behavior and rebuild their identity (and their internal concept of the emotional identity of the relationship) was received by you as a sham. That could further trigger the phenomenon known as "splitting"
There's no great way to deal with this if it is truly bothering you. Like I said, I don't know how you were reacting to her as she was describing this to you, where you were, how it came up, etc. I also don't know if you've ever discussed your fantasies with her before. I don't know what your sex life is life, I don't know your financial roles. There are a lot of factors at play here. As I said above, you might want to consider professional help if you truly intend to salvage this relationship.
Also consider that this letter was written some time ago (?). Just because she complained in a letter that was never delivered that he "dumped her" that morning, right after he ejected all of his passion (maybe in response to her pushing him about his feelings, and him feeling guilt about a family? The few minutes post ejaculation are the most logical a man's mind will ever be), it doesn't mean they didn't resume this emotional and sexual lust once they were confined in eachother's presence at work, with stressors and goals in common.
After all...she is still working there, isn't she? A relationship that ended with the emotional volatility you described from that letter would not foster a very good work environment.
Custer Laststand said:
If your wife fucked her lover (perhaps on multiple occasions over time), it's reasonable to assume he ejaculated in her pussy... especially if your wife uses birth control. (Presumably you know whether she does... right?) I find it interesting, incidentally, that you consider your and your wife's house, and everything in it, to be "yours"... "your" stairs, "your" sheets, etc. Obviously, your wife is co-owner of all these things... in particular, your home with her and "your" marital bed is also her home and her marital bed.
And then there's this option. Just stop being an emotional weenie, as R Lee Ermey would put it, and just go with it. If left to her own devices (and whatever circumstances are involved in your relationship), your wife is going to fuck other men. If any of the above psychological indications are true, then her periods of idealization and self-empowerment involve the desire to develop strong physical and emotional (lustful and passionate) connections to other men.
If you're really curious, hire a PI, but not for the purpose of getting information to throw at them with the intent to have them recognize the error of their ways and to make them recognize you as some omnipotent authority. That never works...I don't know why so many people do it and think it's a good idea.
Pure opinion here, but just deal with it, get yourself some good lotion or lube, and start jacking off. You might get to the point that evidence confirming a suspicion will make you cum so hard you'll have to wipe the ceiling off afterwards. For better or worse, this is the woman you're with, and her fucking other guys ain't going to kill you...there's a reason you've been a member here since 2006...I'm sure you've rubbed a few off thinking about your wife sneaking off to get railed.
Now get us some pictures and keep us updated on your evidence search. Speaking from my cuckold-forum poster side, your situation is pretty fuckin' hot
Custer Laststand said:
Since your wife works in a school, chances are there are young male teachers there she may find attractive. You might consider suggesting she seduce one and bring him home to fuck, in her and your marital bed, when they have time available but you are working... afternoons, perhaps, or mornings which were apparently the time-frame when she and her boss found it convenient to fuck. You could point out that taking a new lover would help her get over her feelings of dislike and antagonism toward her former lover.
Again, without knowing the specifics about your communication and fantasies, that's a tough step to take. If they've never talked about such fantasies, and her confession was with extreme guilt which would cause her to disassociate those extramarital lusts when she's with her husband, then that may not go over so smoothly. If, on the other hand, you've talked about such things in the past, and considering her unquestionable ability to not only develop such desires, but to act on them,...if you are smooth and patient, you could get her comfortable enough to really let it fly and let her guard down enough to do it at home when you're not there. Then get yourself a nice set of discreet CCTV cameras or internal SD/wireless IP cameras that only you know about, and sit back and enjoy the show!
