Onward, my friends.
When my wife (I'm going to call her that while I can) returned from her sister's place in Georgia, she sat me down at the kitchen table and dropped this bombshell:
" D, I'm going to marry Aaron. I am going to release you from your chastity so you can go on and try to live a normal life. I hate the thought of losing you, but this is probably impossible. You have doubts I can tell, and it won't work if you aren't fully committed."
"What - did you talk to Liz about this?" I asked, panicking.
"Of course. I didn't give her all the details, but she knows I wanted you both. She says I need to set one of you free. She thinks we're all crazy."
"We are crazy, but who cares? Please Ann....."
"D, I've been thinking about this for awhile. I don't want to do this. It drives me crazy to think of you with another woman. But driving home, I realized she's probably right. I'm being selfish. I'm sorry, honey. We could live with you on our terms, but I don't think you can take it. So it's not fair to ask you."
I tried reasoning and reassuring some more. Frankly, I don't remember what I said. But I remember this, from her:
"You can stay here as long as you want until you decide what you want to do. I'll always love you, D. We'll always be friends."
It was eerily similar to what she told me four years ago, the last time she was with Aaron. The words preceding our separation. It set me off. My response surprised even me.
I got on my knees before her and begged:
"Please don't do this. Please, I don't care what your sister said, I want to stay. Annie, I don't want anyone else but you. Don't do it, don't unlock me. PLEASE DON'T. UNLOCK ME, I am begging you."
It went something like that. A mixture of fear, panic, and terror. Suddenly, I was crystal clear about what I wanted from this relationship. I have a bad habit of fighting hardest when the battle is already lost, of chasing what I can't have. It's my nature. I was hoping it wasn't entirely the case this time.
She just sat there for several minutes. Finally she told me to get off my knees and sit at the table across from her. She looked at me for a long time without speaking. I was silent as well. Finally this:
"So, you're sure this time?"
"Yes, I am very sure," I said. "I swear to you."
"I've heard THAT before."
"I mean it, please. We've come this far. Let's see what comes next."
Silence. And then this:
"My sister is right. We are fucking crazy...... I won't unlock you. But if you change your mind again, just leave, and don't come back. Just go. I really mean it."
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Later on that evening, I asked her if really was going to unlock me.
"I don't even have the tool to do it," she smiled. "Aaron has it."
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