Apologies in advance for the long essay, I see this as an opportunity to get my own thoughts straight as well as to get some insights into the situation.
We are a fairly young couple, I am 22, my girlfriend is 20. We met in university, which is no extraordinary thing; I was in my third year when she started her first, but we had not have ran into each other until about half a year later. One can say that I stole her from her boyfriend at the time, he was a drama queen and made her unhappy lashing out on her because of his own insecurities. She told me she ended up cheating on him several times after they had gotten into big fights. It wasn't an easy break up and took some face to face time with me and him, but he finally fucked off.
She was the first girl I really had feelings to, I had been with two girls before her, but that was not long by all means and left me pretty indifferent on the emotions side. But with her it is a feeling that you almost want to eat the other person. And with that we spoke about everything that had happened in our lives before meeting each other, no secrets, including our past sexual experiences. I must say it really bothered me to the point of me becoming really angry, not at her, but just this jealousy and anger that I had no idea where it came from and what it was for. I though OK, it was in the past, just make sure that you do not become her ex boyfriend. And I kept thinking back to the stories she told me about how they did it the first time and all the situations when she did it behind his back and I realized, after quite a while, though, that the reason I was so angry is that I was actually turned on by picturing it, which was a challenge to wrap my head around.
At some point she seemingly playfully started throwing at me some fantasy like scenarios, such as imagine you come home and find me sucking a stranger off, what would you do? I, in my hot hotheadedness, replied that I would kick the shit out of the guy and ended our relationship, which is not what I felt like, but at the same time thought that any sane guy should say. That seemed to upset her and she became somewhat more closed off in regards to her fantasy sharing.
At the time it had been almost three years since my family applied for immigrating to Canada and when the application was finally approved I had to break the news to her. I will wait for you and go with you, we'll make it work and will be together, she said without hesitation. So that is the plan, she will finish studies, we will marry and she will immigrate as my wife. We had many talks about how our life will turn out to be, and while both her and my parents were against it we decided to keep it going. She started the conversation a couple of times saying that with being apart for so long, she will be OK if I find someone to satisfy my physical needs with, I, being still hotheaded and confused about my own feelings, said that I neither want this nor will be able to tell her that I approve the same for her. Another time that I went against what I was feeling and went with what stereotypical guy should say. I guess my problem was that I hadn't met a man that I would like to see her with then. But when I was picturing her with a imaginary perfect guy, it was all so hot.
Fast forward a few months of packing and moving and settling at a new place on my end, we Skype everyday now and talk about everything. Often it ends with her playing with herself while on the call and showing my what I am missing, but mostly not showing, that is her way of tormenting me and she is an excellent tease. I brought up the topic of our past conversations about trying new things but she was hesitant to talk about this and closed off there. So I need to find a way to regain that level of trust and comfort that she had to be able to talk about our fantasies again, and let her explore her desires not having to keep it a secret, or not having to suppress them out of fear of breaking the relationship.
We are a fairly young couple, I am 22, my girlfriend is 20. We met in university, which is no extraordinary thing; I was in my third year when she started her first, but we had not have ran into each other until about half a year later. One can say that I stole her from her boyfriend at the time, he was a drama queen and made her unhappy lashing out on her because of his own insecurities. She told me she ended up cheating on him several times after they had gotten into big fights. It wasn't an easy break up and took some face to face time with me and him, but he finally fucked off.
She was the first girl I really had feelings to, I had been with two girls before her, but that was not long by all means and left me pretty indifferent on the emotions side. But with her it is a feeling that you almost want to eat the other person. And with that we spoke about everything that had happened in our lives before meeting each other, no secrets, including our past sexual experiences. I must say it really bothered me to the point of me becoming really angry, not at her, but just this jealousy and anger that I had no idea where it came from and what it was for. I though OK, it was in the past, just make sure that you do not become her ex boyfriend. And I kept thinking back to the stories she told me about how they did it the first time and all the situations when she did it behind his back and I realized, after quite a while, though, that the reason I was so angry is that I was actually turned on by picturing it, which was a challenge to wrap my head around.
At some point she seemingly playfully started throwing at me some fantasy like scenarios, such as imagine you come home and find me sucking a stranger off, what would you do? I, in my hot hotheadedness, replied that I would kick the shit out of the guy and ended our relationship, which is not what I felt like, but at the same time thought that any sane guy should say. That seemed to upset her and she became somewhat more closed off in regards to her fantasy sharing.
At the time it had been almost three years since my family applied for immigrating to Canada and when the application was finally approved I had to break the news to her. I will wait for you and go with you, we'll make it work and will be together, she said without hesitation. So that is the plan, she will finish studies, we will marry and she will immigrate as my wife. We had many talks about how our life will turn out to be, and while both her and my parents were against it we decided to keep it going. She started the conversation a couple of times saying that with being apart for so long, she will be OK if I find someone to satisfy my physical needs with, I, being still hotheaded and confused about my own feelings, said that I neither want this nor will be able to tell her that I approve the same for her. Another time that I went against what I was feeling and went with what stereotypical guy should say. I guess my problem was that I hadn't met a man that I would like to see her with then. But when I was picturing her with a imaginary perfect guy, it was all so hot.
Fast forward a few months of packing and moving and settling at a new place on my end, we Skype everyday now and talk about everything. Often it ends with her playing with herself while on the call and showing my what I am missing, but mostly not showing, that is her way of tormenting me and she is an excellent tease. I brought up the topic of our past conversations about trying new things but she was hesitant to talk about this and closed off there. So I need to find a way to regain that level of trust and comfort that she had to be able to talk about our fantasies again, and let her explore her desires not having to keep it a secret, or not having to suppress them out of fear of breaking the relationship.
