Curious Wife

[Alexis]

Hello. It's been quite some time since I've posted. I want you all to know what is going on, and how things are going with me.

Bear with me if you will. Writing this down will help me as much as it informs you. I'd like to retrace some steps of this journey.

This all started with my curiosity about black guys and their big cocks, and with my desire to satisfy this curiosity without hurting my husband or ruining our marriage. Everything went better than I ever could have expected. The sex with my co-worker was unbelievable, and my hubby took to his new role as a cuck splendidly. This arrangement seemed to help my marriage rather than hurt it.

So, what's the problem?

Well, first of all, my bull isn't just a black guy with a big cock that takes care of my sexual needs. He is a department head at work, as am I. We have a lot in common not only at work, but in our interests as well. He is not a "thug" who is sharing me with his friends or treating me like a *****. He is well mannered and intelligent.

So...I guess you see the problem. He has become the one who not only fulfills my sexual needs, but my emotional ones as well. My hubby seems, at this point, to be a good friend...but sadly...nothing more.

To say that I'm "falling" in love with my bull wouldn't be quite accurate.

The truth of the matter is...I AM in love with him.

 

[peakmb]

Lexxi,
If this goes, or you think it might go, the way you seem to be suggesting and you end up leaving your husband, it could get very messy for you. Emotionally and legally. Much as I would love to hear your recent adventures, I wouldn't post them if I were you. Put simply, the evidence they include could be used against you if those that know you can recognise real situations from it. Either way, I hope all of you find happiness eventually and good luck to you.

 

[Alexis]

Lexxi,
If this goes, or you think it might go, the way you seem to be suggesting and you end up leaving your husband, it could get very messy for you. Emotionally and legally. Much as I would love to hear your recent adventures, I wouldn't post them if I were you. Put simply, the evidence they include could be used against you if those that know you can recognise real situations from it. Either way, I hope all of you find happiness eventually and good luck to you.

The way it is right now, no, I don't see any way I can stay with my hubby. It wouldn't be fair to him.

Thanks for the advice, but emotionally I'm pretty much a wreck already, and legally, I believe in letting the chips fall where they may. That is only fair to my hubby too. We haven't started a family, so the only ones involved really are the two of us.

 

[canberraguy4fun]

So why can't the hubby still live with you, clean the house, do the dishes etc, and just realise that he can never have sex with you again? He can sleep in a different room as well. Some guys would LOVE to have that happen to them.

 

[Jaxunman]

Lexxi, good for you! You are probably showing your husband the greatest act of love you ever have by simply letting him go. I agree with your statement about it being the only way to be fair to him. Your husband provided you a safe, loving environment. But one can understand that you have grown beyond him. He was a toy, and like most all toys, you have outgrown him. I applaud your efforts in considering what is fair to him!!

By keeping your husband around, he would represent a game and a history to your new man that might always keep the two of you from being as happy as possible. I think you are wise to realize that and choose to eliminate all obstacles. It would also free you up legally to grow further with your new man up to even submitting not just your body, but also your name and life to him.

Congrats, Lexxi, on finding love with your new man! Here's wishing you true happiness! And a quick, amiable split with soon to be ex.

 

[jmexpat]

Do the right thing, cut him loose and give him a big cash settlement, you owe him at lest that for ruining his life.

 

[Susan's Slave]

Lexxi, does this new lover of yours feel the same way about you as you feel about him? Is he willing to make the same plans with his life that you are? Better make sure that what you are gaining is worth as much as what you are giving up, and I am not just talking about sex and the feelings of love you have now!

 

[Alexis]

So why can't the hubby still live with you, clean the house, do the dishes etc, and just realise that he can never have sex with you again? He can sleep in a different room as well. Some guys would LOVE to have that happen to them.

This all sounds good, and is the kind of life I fantasized about for us. For a couple that is in love with each other and both accept this type of relationship, I would imagine this could work out wonderfully.

The problem is, as I was falling in love with my bull, I was falling out of love with my hubby.

He is a wonderful man and deserves to be with someone who loves him regardless of any other lifestyle choices.

 

[Alexis]

Lexxi, good for you! You are probably showing your husband the greatest act of love you ever have by simply letting him go. I agree with your statement about it being the only way to be fair to him. Your husband provided you a safe, loving environment. But one can understand that you have grown beyond him. He was a toy, and like most all toys, you have outgrown him. I applaud your efforts in considering what is fair to him!!

By keeping your husband around, he would represent a game and a history to your new man that might always keep the two of you from being as happy as possible. I think you are wise to realize that and choose to eliminate all obstacles. It would also free you up legally to grow further with your new man up to even submitting not just your body, but also your name and life to him.

Congrats, Lexxi, on finding love with your new man! Here's wishing you true happiness! And a quick, amiable split with soon to be ex.

It seems I didn't fully explain what is transpiring. While I have fallen in love with my bull, I doubt that he has the same feelings for me. He chose me in the first place partly because of the fact that I was married so he could avoid the strings of a real relationship. If I do leave my husband, for all I know it may actually drive him away from me. That is a bridge to be crossed later.

This is all about my husband and the respect I have for him. I loved him so much that I never thought this would happen...but it did. Now I have to do what is right. I don't want him to be with someone who just doesn't love him anymore.

 

[Alexis]

Lexxi, does this new lover of yours feel the same way about you as you feel about him? Is he willing to make the same plans with his life that you are? Better make sure that what you are gaining is worth as much as what you are giving up, and I am not just talking about sex and the feelings of love you have now!

I answered this question in my last post, but let me add something.

I feel that this lifestyle can ONLY work if the wife and her cuck are DEEPLY in love with each other. If the love isn't there, the marriage is doomed to fail.

I'm not as worried about what I am "giving up" as I am about living with my hubby when I'm just not in love with him anymore.

I wish only the best for my first love, the man I've spent a good portion of my life with. Therefore, if I'm truthful, I have to admit that the best for him just isn't me anymore.

 

[peakmb]

Lexxi,
Of course it takes two to make that decision. What if he thinks that half of you is far better than the whole of someone else ? Do you still love him enough to live with him on that basis. Lust and a connection lost some of your love for him, did you lose it all ? Are you sure that you couldn't get any of it back ? You were willing to create a loving cuckold relationship with him, with a man that you still think may not have reciprocal feelings for you. It might be time for a talk with hubby but may not yet be time to cut the cord. .. and if you do, I'd still be careful about telling the detailed tale.

 

[Jaxunman]

Lexxi, I am sorry your Bull doesn't appear to reciprocate your feelings. To feel like you do about breaking up with your husband is even more admirable and a sign that you care more for his long term health and happiness than you do about this fantasy.

Peak is offering you some sound advice. While you haven't mentioned just how much your husband knows at this point, if he doesn't know, then let ignorance be bliss for him.

 

[Custer Laststand]

So far, so good... it sounds like you're gaining the benefits you should expect...

Hi Ms. Lexxi,

Thanks for your update. Also, thank you for your reply to my PM of 21 Oct. 2010. The following is in response to your request for my comments.

This all started with my curiosity about black guys and their big cocks, and with my desire to satisfy this curiosity without hurting my husband or ruining our marriage.

Yes, of course... but you mislabeled your "curiosity." In reality, it was a strong desire for better sex and more of it.

Everything went better than I ever could have expected. The sex with my co-worker was unbelievable, and my hubby took to his new role as a cuck splendidly. This arrangement seemed to help my marriage rather than hurt it.

You handled it perfectly. Initiating your passionate affair with your big-cock black lover and colleague, concurrent with formally making your husband your cuckold in such a way that his full acquiescence was ensured in his new role as your *submissive* cuckold (which he appears to have secretly wanted all along), does indeed, as you say, appear to have helped your marriage — and not just in a minor way, but IMMENSELY.

So, what's the problem? Well, first of all, my bull isn't just a black guy with a big cock that takes care of my sexual needs. He is a department head at work, as am I. We have a lot in common not only at work, but in our interests as well. He is not a "thug" who is sharing me with his friends or treating me like a *****. He is well mannered and intelligent.

Clearly, you chose well... very well. If a man is black that in no way implies he isn't also intelligent, well-mannered, well spoken, physically attractive, and an outstanding lover. Why, it wouldn't be surprising if such a man (setting aside the question his cock size) were to be elected President of the U.S. by a large majority, especially if it were a time of crisis and he appeared to be the only candidate competent to deal with it. (Laugh here.)

So...I guess you see the problem. [My black lover] has become the one who not only fulfills my sexual needs, but my emotional needs as well. My hubby seems, at this point, to be a good friend...but sadly...nothing more.

This is not surprising. You've described the proper role of your lover... not just for you, but for millions (perhaps billions) of other married women worldwide. You've also described the concurrent proper role of your husband, but you've omitted an important aspect. He should not just be your "friend." As your submissive cuckold, your husband should also be your servant while being strongly motivated to fulfill this important role, and to continue as your servant, because of his acute desire for you to be pleased with his performance while you enjoy the irresistible passion of your affair.

To say I'm "falling" in love with my bull wouldn't be quite accurate. The truth of the matter is...I AM in love with him.

I'm sure you are. For a married woman, that's the purpose of an affair. As author Ms. Michelle Langley* has put it, for a man being "in love" means commitment. For a woman being "in love" is a feeling. In terms of affect on her [/your] brain, it has many of the same characteristics as becoming addicted to a powerful narcotic. Affairs reawaken these powerful and, indeed, addictive narcotic-like feelings among married women that have long-since passed with respect to their husbands, with whom they have (as Robin Baker puts it in "Sperm Wars") "routine sex" if, indeed, they have sex with their husbands at all.

*More on M.L. in a subsequent post.

—Custer

 

[Lamont]

All I can tell you is that while you've grown to "love" your bull... life changes when you actually have to live your life with this guy. When you have to sit down and budget, pay bills, determine who is doing the groceries and who is putting out the trash, how you're going to meet multiple obligations, etc... You see all these wonderful life tasks and realities aren't something you have to deal with at the moment. At the moment your feelings are predicated on great sex, and seemingly some great rapport. But in truth, you've only ever had to deal with one another in an artificial way. You interact and get each other's "best" if you get what I'm saying. Neither of you is getting the true versions of yourself. This is why this "love" concept is so dangerous under these circumstances. Love is being through those things together and still having the same feelings for one another when you get their best moments and their worst... when you've actually lived in a true life experience. I don't doubt that you've grown to really like what you see from your bull. However I strongly doubt it's actual true, and real love. Be careful. This totally sounds like the old adage of the grass being greener on the other side of the fence. I don't think what you feel you're going to gain is going to actually look anything like that when you go and blow your marriage up and try to have a real relationship with this guy. Even if he did reciprocate and feel the same way, there's a very good chance that "real life" would cast an entirely different feel over what you have going on, and destroy that in record speed as well. Sadly there's an excellent chance that at the end of this, exciting as it may be to you, that you'll end up husbandless, boyfriendless, and jobless to go along with it. I think I'd put the brakes on a whole lot of what's going on here, step back, take a really deep breath and try to sort through all this without the feelings of lust.

 

[Chi-twn]

Lexxi,

I am going through a similar situation at the moment to what you are dealing with. This was to be a "no strings attached" arrangement and has been that way for 5+ years, but I have a relationship that has developed from friendship slowly into much much more. At the same time, over the past year or so my relationship with my wife seems to have become more of some sort of parenting relationship....yes, we have 2 children which is what makes my situation seem like one without any reasonable exit.

The friend that I have been seeing has given, more than once, mixed messages about her very strong feelings for our relationship, and then will talk about how I am her "forbidden fruit". One thing I have come to know for certain is that I have to separate the 2 relationships and make sure that the decisions I make are based on each one independently....IE, do I still see any type of lasting relationship with my wife, and that cannot dictate my actions with the relationship with my this other woman.

Am I being selfish? I have no fucking clue because this is not something I had planned but rather something that just seemed to develop over time.

Confusion doesn't even begin to describe it. I post this, not really to give you some sort of "answer", but just to let you know that what you are going through is not some isolated event. I could easily go into a lot more detail but that is not why I am posting. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone.

 

[TXboy]

Lamont, very good insight.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Whoa... in your present state of love intoxication, you should not even be driving.

Ms. Lexxi,

To continue my comments:

While I have fallen in love with my bull, I doubt he has the same feelings for me.

I think that's a realistic perception. You're probably right, IMO.

My lover chose me in the first place, partly because I was married so he could avoid the strings of a real relationship.

Not quite. Arguable, you chose your lover. Or, you chose each other. Please keep in mind, though, that an affair is a "real relationship." It's just a relationship of a different form than marriage.

If I do leave my husband, for all I know it may actually drive my lover away from me.

This too is a realistic perception. A lover who's single is, for a married woman, the most dangerous kind. Since he has no commitment to a wife and/or family of his own, you'll never know... throughout your entire affair with him, however long it may last... whether he's secretly seeing another married (or single) woman or secretly selecting his next white married woman to seduce. My guess would be, your big-cock, intelligent, verbally-smooth and articulate lover is already thinking about who his next white married woman will be. Indeed, he may already have picked her out.

That is a bridge to be crossed later.

Ergo, I strongly suggest not attempting to "cross that bridge" at all.

This is all about my husband and the respect I have for him.

No, Ms. Lexxi, it isn't. It's all about you, the intense sexual satisfaction you're gaining from sex with your new lover, and your concurrent relationship with your husband whom you have successfully made your cuckold. Without the "forbidden fruit" nature of it all you would not be experiencing the intense, narcotic-like addiction of your relationship with your bull, and he, in all probability, would not have responded to your flirting. Rather, if you were single and available he would have sought another white married woman (that being his preference, as he told you at the beginning of your relationship with him).

I loved [my husband and cuckold-to-be] so much I never thought this would happen...but it has. Now I have to do what is right. I don't want him to be with [me when I just don't] love him anymore. I feel that this lifestyle can ONLY work if the wife and her cuckold are DEEPLY in love with each other. If the love isn't there, the marriage is doomed to fail. I'm not as worried about what I am "giving up" as I am about living with my hubby when I'm just not in love with him anymore. I wish only the best for my first love, the man I've spent a good portion of my life with. If I'm truthful, I have to admit that the best for him just isn't me anymore.

You're leaping ahead too far too fast. As an engineer or scientist might put it, you're experiencing and dealing with a transient response to a new forcing function.

Lamont has brought up some highly-relevant points for you to consider. I'll augment his points — while attempting to keep in mind Yogi Berra's well-known truism ("predictions are difficult, especially of the future") — by outlining what seems to me to be a probable future scenario for you, starting with an assumption you do what you obviously have in mind: leave your husband and initiate divorce proceedings.

1) You find an apartment of your own, because your lover... for reasons (surprisingly) he doesn't quite seem able to articulate clearly... just doesn't seem very enthusiastic about you moving in with him.

2) You continue your affair, but it decreases in intensity because... well... it isn't forbidden fruit anymore.

3) Finally, perhaps when your divorce is finalized, your lover gives in to your obvious desire to marry him and the two of you begin living together. Since you are married, your company transfers one of you to a different division and you are no longer work colleagues. You begin to wonder whether your now new-husband is flirting with another white married woman (because, after all, that's his sexual preference... he told you so himself).

4) Meanwhile, what used to be the intense narcotic-like passion of your sexual relationship drops steadily because (a) that's the nature of marriage, and (b) because of the necessity of dealing jointly with the tedious, mundane details of daily life that Lamont described well. In addition, you find the sexual attraction of your new husband steadily decreasing and being replaced with resentment, because of your corrosive suspicion he is working on seducing... indeed, may already have seduced... another white married woman.

5) Two or perhaps several years pass. Finally, after increasing indications that steadily become harder to ignore, you catch your new husband in a situation that clearly demonstrates he is fucking another woman (more than likely a white married woman). You are ****** to conclude your new marriage has disintegrated, and divorce him. You find yourself without the love of your life (your first husband), without the rejuvenating passionate intensity of your affair with your big-cock black lover (who unfortunately became your second husband), and on your own as a single woman.

That is, a not-unlikely outcome would be, you would find yourself... no longer as young as you used to be (as "they" say)... "competing in the free market" for another man.

I'll conclude for the time being, Ms. Lexxi, by noting that in your present state of love intoxication you should not be making important decisions about your life. You should probably not even be driving. I urge you to not do anything that might cause your cuckold to think you want to leave him. I also urge you to not do anything that might cause your lover to think you have anything in mind other than a temporary passionate affair with him.

Will post more on this later... gotta' go do some other stuff.

—Custer

 

[Susan's Slave]

If you are making this decision based on what is best for your husband then I think you should tell him what you are thinking and ask him what he wants. I bet he will want to stay with you.

I think it is more likely that you love him but have lost respect for him and now think you could do better. "A real man would have put his foot down and refused to allow this cuckolding to happen even if you did want it." "If he really loved you he would have fought harder for your exclusive love." These thoughts are normal for a woman. After all, you would be horrified if your lover suggested you find someone to cuckold him with right?

Custer is right (isn't he always)! Get out of the driver's seat until you sober up from the endorphin high, do not use heavy equipment (except that of your bull), and do not make any decisions right now!

 

[CoffeeGuy]

Hello. It's been quite some time since I've posted. I want you all to know what is going on, and how things are going with me.

Bear with me if you will. Writing this down will help me as much as it informs you. I'd like to retrace some steps of this journey.

This all started with my curiosity about black guys and their big cocks, and with my desire to satisfy this curiosity without hurting my husband or ruining our marriage. Everything went better than I ever could have expected. The sex with my co-worker was unbelievable, and my hubby took to his new role as a cuck splendidly. This arrangement seemed to help my marriage rather than hurt it.

So, what's the problem?

Well, first of all, my bull isn't just a black guy with a big cock that takes care of my sexual needs. He is a department head at work, as am I. We have a lot in common not only at work, but in our interests as well. He is not a "thug" who is sharing me with his friends or treating me like a *****. He is well mannered and intelligent.

So...I guess you see the problem. He has become the one who not only fulfills my sexual needs, but my emotional ones as well. My hubby seems, at this point, to be a good friend...but sadly...nothing more.

To say that I'm "falling" in love with my bull wouldn't be quite accurate.

The truth of the matter is...I AM in love with him.

Lexi,

It's odd for me to use the word "sorry" since it's only part tragedy, and part an exciting new beginning for you. Regardless, I'm truly sorry to hear about how things are transpiring with your husband.

It occurs to me that you have unintentionally confirmed most men's fears when they enter into an open relationship. Basically, that the wife/girlfriend's new lover is an "audition" for a new boyfriend/future husband. The discussion that successful open relationships often have are the usual "this is all just for fun...you're my true love..yadda yadda yadda." Seems simple, I guess, but it's not always so simple. Emotions creep up, as they clearly have with you.

 

[CoffeeGuy]

Well said, Custer.