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I just got home - she's spending the evening at Pauls and will be home late this evening. I asked her why she didn't just stay the night and she said that she hoped he'd again be spending one night with us again this weekend and that she was happy with this as a start, resuming one night and an over night.
I can share that we've talked a bit more and I have come away with 2 conclusions. One is that she very much views this as something that isn't long-term (she again indicated next spring) and second is that she is quite serious about what she wants with him and without me. But again, as I've tried to convey - her desire, she says, is a result of my own and what she says she "knows" I want (and have now started to share more openly). We are now at the point where she understands that I want to go with this just as she does, each for our own reasons. She has described to me that she does want things to escalate with Paul a bit more both in terms of sex as well as wanting to let herself feel lust for him (hot to hear her say it like that - she admitted that I had described it that way and she agreed that would sort of be what she wants). She asked me again how I felt this past weekend and about things being more open with Paul and her. I told that our talks and hearing her tell how she wanted this to work out into next year made me much calmer and more accepting of things. She asked me more pointedly about whether it was okay for them to be "getting started" as they are and I said yes.
I did not tell her about my desires for her at the end of the month, but at the same time, I heard nothing from her that would lead me away from that either. We simply haven't talked about it other than confirming we're going away over Halloween weekend alone which was during a nice moment when we were kissing and feeling close. So I"m not sure if that met everyone's suggestions for moving ahead, but that is how it is. What we have talked about more is her telling me she sort of understands that some of my fantasies are about her denying me more - or more in that vein. I've come across as being shy or a little embarassed about it at times but lately she's been saying that it's really okay that "weird stuff" turns me on and that she doesn't mind it and again - that if it works for both of us right now, then lets just accept it and feel okay about it.
I know it almost sounds too simple, but at the same time, I can feel her being emotionally tired right now - her dad's passing and the outcomes of that have only made all of that even more visible and tangible - so when she says that she's just going to be spending this evening in bed with Paul until she comes home - I can't help how I feel but to be thankful that she's honest and isn't keeping it from me - but that I also feel good that for a few hours tonight that she won't be thinking about me or the kids or the house or her family or her mom or her sister, etc. That it goes along with her fucking him all night and then coming home to me, that's okay for now as I told her last night when I came all over - I love that she lets Paul fuck her as he does.
I can share that we've talked a bit more and I have come away with 2 conclusions. One is that she very much views this as something that isn't long-term (she again indicated next spring) and second is that she is quite serious about what she wants with him and without me. But again, as I've tried to convey - her desire, she says, is a result of my own and what she says she "knows" I want (and have now started to share more openly). We are now at the point where she understands that I want to go with this just as she does, each for our own reasons. She has described to me that she does want things to escalate with Paul a bit more both in terms of sex as well as wanting to let herself feel lust for him (hot to hear her say it like that - she admitted that I had described it that way and she agreed that would sort of be what she wants). She asked me again how I felt this past weekend and about things being more open with Paul and her. I told that our talks and hearing her tell how she wanted this to work out into next year made me much calmer and more accepting of things. She asked me more pointedly about whether it was okay for them to be "getting started" as they are and I said yes.
I did not tell her about my desires for her at the end of the month, but at the same time, I heard nothing from her that would lead me away from that either. We simply haven't talked about it other than confirming we're going away over Halloween weekend alone which was during a nice moment when we were kissing and feeling close. So I"m not sure if that met everyone's suggestions for moving ahead, but that is how it is. What we have talked about more is her telling me she sort of understands that some of my fantasies are about her denying me more - or more in that vein. I've come across as being shy or a little embarassed about it at times but lately she's been saying that it's really okay that "weird stuff" turns me on and that she doesn't mind it and again - that if it works for both of us right now, then lets just accept it and feel okay about it.
I know it almost sounds too simple, but at the same time, I can feel her being emotionally tired right now - her dad's passing and the outcomes of that have only made all of that even more visible and tangible - so when she says that she's just going to be spending this evening in bed with Paul until she comes home - I can't help how I feel but to be thankful that she's honest and isn't keeping it from me - but that I also feel good that for a few hours tonight that she won't be thinking about me or the kids or the house or her family or her mom or her sister, etc. That it goes along with her fucking him all night and then coming home to me, that's okay for now as I told her last night when I came all over - I love that she lets Paul fuck her as he does.
Nicely put Steve. Reading it again, just one thing strikes me. The way Sue talks about wanting to feel with Paul sounds far more than simple sex, however raw and powerful. It's almost as if she wants to get her head into a different plane in order to enjoy it more. If so she might find it more difficult to just snap out of it for a weekend. Which is a useful test in itself if I'm right. Enjoy yourselves till then but I think I'd be preparing the ground a little before you pack the car to go away that weekend.
Is it easier or more enjoyable for you to hear her tell you about her sex or is it better to watch them? I wonder if her expectation is to allow herself more privacy with her lover in the future? I mean they are starting to act like lovers outside of your bed in the house, I suspect making out in front of her cuckold friend would be sexy for her but keeping the sex private. How nice would it also be if she gave you her aroused panties when he sleeps over that you could enjoy in your bedroom?
Peak, I am coming to realize that she does in fact want a bit more than just sex as I've already begun to share. Her talk about how she wants to feel about him are still, so far, only being referred to sexually but I also do know she wants more than that. She's shared that she wants to feel like she's dating him when we go away skiing and has talked about going out with him after dinner to get drinks and as she giggled "get horny". I know how she is so I know what she is wanting and I will share that I have some reservations about how far she may want it to go, at the same time I am also prepared to let her enjoy her moment (albeit a 6 month long moment). I am a bit hesitant at it all including my own reactions but at the same time, I do want to see her do it. I think it would be amazingly erotic to see them come back after going out for drinks after skiing and be obviously horny for each other.
I have not mentioned the end of October but again, maybe to your point Peak, maybe she won't care or mind if she's able to let herself go mentally to be where she wants to be with him, then I'm thinking she'll probably not mind being with me when she can't/won't be with him. I know it may sound cold as I said it but I do think I understand her just as I suspect she feels she understands me.
Far2. Honestly I can't answer that. A part of me wishes and hopes that I can truly relax and let her enjoy herself as she wants regardless of where or when I am around. I really do find it erotic to know how she is feeling as she starts to want him more when they are together. It's incredibly arousing to see her horniness become more apparent and forward between her and Paul. And yet at the same time I don't know how to describe the intense feelings when I can hear her cry out from behind closed doors or only hear of her sharing her enjoyment with me afterwards.
What continues to surprise me is the depth of the desire that I can feel in her to want to let her go with him and that I can understand her sort of "need" to feel a break with me sexually to do so. I go back to what I had long said about the two of us, even early on I can remember long thinking that she is acting and doing things that turned me on even if she said they were for her. I know it sounds corny but I feel that is a reflection of how we feel about each other and how we connect with each other. There were things she's wanted or done that I know I hadn't liked or wanted but just as she seems to have adjusted her desires, I know that I too changed my desires. Its weird to feel it work like that but at the same time it gives me such confidence to trust and believe her and love her enough to let her do this with him.
I have not mentioned the end of October but again, maybe to your point Peak, maybe she won't care or mind if she's able to let herself go mentally to be where she wants to be with him, then I'm thinking she'll probably not mind being with me when she can't/won't be with him. I know it may sound cold as I said it but I do think I understand her just as I suspect she feels she understands me.
Far2. Honestly I can't answer that. A part of me wishes and hopes that I can truly relax and let her enjoy herself as she wants regardless of where or when I am around. I really do find it erotic to know how she is feeling as she starts to want him more when they are together. It's incredibly arousing to see her horniness become more apparent and forward between her and Paul. And yet at the same time I don't know how to describe the intense feelings when I can hear her cry out from behind closed doors or only hear of her sharing her enjoyment with me afterwards.
What continues to surprise me is the depth of the desire that I can feel in her to want to let her go with him and that I can understand her sort of "need" to feel a break with me sexually to do so. I go back to what I had long said about the two of us, even early on I can remember long thinking that she is acting and doing things that turned me on even if she said they were for her. I know it sounds corny but I feel that is a reflection of how we feel about each other and how we connect with each other. There were things she's wanted or done that I know I hadn't liked or wanted but just as she seems to have adjusted her desires, I know that I too changed my desires. Its weird to feel it work like that but at the same time it gives me such confidence to trust and believe her and love her enough to let her do this with him.
Fair enough Steve. I'm sure you're right and that this weekend will see another small escalation on Sue's part as she again dives further and carefully watches your reaction. Not sure why really. It seems to me you are either likely to enjoy whatever she does if the escalation is small, or perhaps simply allow it to happen and react later with her when Paul leaves if you think she's gone too far. It would have to be gross for you to step in with him around and I think Sue is aware enough now never to do that. So, another nice weekend looms. I hope you enjoy it all.
Well, with the beautiful weather I had already warned her that he was likely to not be around till much later today - and as I predicted - he has an early golf-game scheduled tomorrow morning. When we talked last night she told me she was annoyed at all of this stuff but I reminded her that the weather is going to change soon and that'll be the end of his golfing till the springtime. That made her smile.
Well, we had quite an interesting conversation on Saturday afternoon when I could tell she was antsy waiting for him. We talked very openly about her wanting him sexually and how she felt about me. I told her that I was turned on that she was so horny for him and she giggled and said that sometimes it even surprised her how she was feeling and she admitted that not having sex with me was surely adding to it. I half-jokingly said that I was available if she wanted to "take her frustrations out on me" and she giggled and said that she surely would enjoy that but that right now, she said she wanted to stay true to her desires and she hoped I understood. I told her I did and I told her that I thought I would feel the same way if it were reversed and I was (soon to) ramp up my activities with a hot lover. She smiled and said that she felt like a teenager feeling like this and giggled that "my panties are actually wet sometimes" and I almost answered "before or after you've been with him" but I did not. Instead I just told her that it honestly made me horny that she was feeling that way and that I wanted to know later on that she'll have satisfied herself.
It led to a bit of a deeper conversation where she shared that she really wants to feel like she is letting herself go with Paul and that she wanted to be sure I was going to be okay with it. She asked me to honestly tell her how I was feeling about not having sex with her. I know that others here have told us to talk when we're not drinking and not about to jump into bed - so this time fit that for sure. I told her that I did miss the physical feeling of being with her and feeling her body with mine and that I missed feeling her as she orgasmed (summarized). She had a concerned look on her face until I added "but I love knowing that you are having that with Paul" and I added that I liked knowing what he was feeling with her. She hugged me and she said she loved me and loved that I could let her do and try this with him. She asked me to tell her (again) how I felt about it. I told her that it's still not easy for me to tell her stuff like this but that it's gotten easier. And I told her that while I couldn't explain it all, I knew from how I felt that it's the right thing for us to be doing right now. I told her honestly that I felt weird saying it but that I am genuinely turned on that I've barely cum in her now in almost 2 years. She smiled and asked me to tell her more if I could. Just the way she said it made me feel okay sharing my thoughts and I told her mostly what I'd already said - that giving up something so initmate with her while knowing Paul still enjoyed her that way seemed to really fulfill my inner desires for some kind of denial. I told her that knowing I'd willingly done so really seemed to turn me on. She looked up at me and asked me how I felt to know that she now liked that and "it may not be something you get back to very much baby". I told her that somehow it made me feel good to know that even when we do have sex, that it just seemed right that I not get to cum inside her. She smiled and was quiet to I guess, encourage me more. So I told her, I told her that I had come to accept that I really am enjoying the beta feelings and that to me, it turned me on incredibly that this might be something that changes between us. She giggled and said "just remember, you're not so unusual...." and she reminded me that my brother-in-law genuinely likes using them with Sue's sister. She continued and giggled more and said "what's different is, of course, me...." which didn't need any other explanation.
She looked at me and said "what about the rest?". Not in an interrogative way, but in a way that surely said she was concerned. I told her honestly that I was still very turned on and aroused but then admitted that I was beginning to feel that physical "longing" feeling. She smiled and said that was good and that she liked knowing that I felt that way and she asked me if it made me horny and how that was going for me. I told her honestly, sometimes jerking off can feel incredibly satisfying and at other times it feels good but that it never is enough. I also told her that the night she sucked my cock till I came was one of the most satisfying and deeply relieving times for me. She smiled and said she liked doing that for me but that she "has to be in the mood for that" which is something I've known forever, that for her to suck a guy off to completion, she really has to like him and want to give to him - so that she said she'd do that for me made me feel really good. I told her that when she sucked me that it was almost a good as having intercourse with her and she smiled and she said she liked knowing that I still liked her pussy the best. I knew she really wanted to hear me talking when she asked me how I was feeling about continuing it.
I told her that I didn't want to change what she'd asked for but that she'd brought it up I told her that I hoped we would physically reconnnect over Halloween weekend. She smiled and kisssed me and said "yes honey, if it's what you want and need, then I'll be very happy to make love with you". I was quiet for a moment and she smiled and said "I do still love you honey" and she told me how she knew we needed that and she giggled and said "besides, it'll be fun for you to feel me again".
It made me look at her and ask "so you'll be looking forward to that?" and she smiled and said "yes honey, just because I want to have 'this thing' with Paul, doesn't mean I don't still want you sometimes". I smiled and said that was good and she added "of course, I love you.". But a moment later she looked at me and said "you understand what I mean about sometimes, right?". I looked up at her and I asked what she meant. She explained a lot of what she'd already said - that she wants to be in control of what we did sexually and what I did and did not get to have. "I like deciding when or even if you will get to have sex with me". I looked at her and told her to continue and she said that just like me, she's become more aware too. She looked at me and said some things that made me wonder if she'd been reading what I write here - but she said that her own desires had changed over time as she'd come to see and understand what I was finding out about myself. "It surprised me at first baby, but now I do see that you do enjoy the beta role with me". Just like that! She looked at me and said that it was part of what she'd learned about herself too, that seeing that in me made her remember and want again how she used to feel when she was the one who would initiate sex with me all the time when we first got together "and what made me horny".
More later.
It led to a bit of a deeper conversation where she shared that she really wants to feel like she is letting herself go with Paul and that she wanted to be sure I was going to be okay with it. She asked me to honestly tell her how I was feeling about not having sex with her. I know that others here have told us to talk when we're not drinking and not about to jump into bed - so this time fit that for sure. I told her that I did miss the physical feeling of being with her and feeling her body with mine and that I missed feeling her as she orgasmed (summarized). She had a concerned look on her face until I added "but I love knowing that you are having that with Paul" and I added that I liked knowing what he was feeling with her. She hugged me and she said she loved me and loved that I could let her do and try this with him. She asked me to tell her (again) how I felt about it. I told her that it's still not easy for me to tell her stuff like this but that it's gotten easier. And I told her that while I couldn't explain it all, I knew from how I felt that it's the right thing for us to be doing right now. I told her honestly that I felt weird saying it but that I am genuinely turned on that I've barely cum in her now in almost 2 years. She smiled and asked me to tell her more if I could. Just the way she said it made me feel okay sharing my thoughts and I told her mostly what I'd already said - that giving up something so initmate with her while knowing Paul still enjoyed her that way seemed to really fulfill my inner desires for some kind of denial. I told her that knowing I'd willingly done so really seemed to turn me on. She looked up at me and asked me how I felt to know that she now liked that and "it may not be something you get back to very much baby". I told her that somehow it made me feel good to know that even when we do have sex, that it just seemed right that I not get to cum inside her. She smiled and was quiet to I guess, encourage me more. So I told her, I told her that I had come to accept that I really am enjoying the beta feelings and that to me, it turned me on incredibly that this might be something that changes between us. She giggled and said "just remember, you're not so unusual...." and she reminded me that my brother-in-law genuinely likes using them with Sue's sister. She continued and giggled more and said "what's different is, of course, me...." which didn't need any other explanation.
She looked at me and said "what about the rest?". Not in an interrogative way, but in a way that surely said she was concerned. I told her honestly that I was still very turned on and aroused but then admitted that I was beginning to feel that physical "longing" feeling. She smiled and said that was good and that she liked knowing that I felt that way and she asked me if it made me horny and how that was going for me. I told her honestly, sometimes jerking off can feel incredibly satisfying and at other times it feels good but that it never is enough. I also told her that the night she sucked my cock till I came was one of the most satisfying and deeply relieving times for me. She smiled and said she liked doing that for me but that she "has to be in the mood for that" which is something I've known forever, that for her to suck a guy off to completion, she really has to like him and want to give to him - so that she said she'd do that for me made me feel really good. I told her that when she sucked me that it was almost a good as having intercourse with her and she smiled and she said she liked knowing that I still liked her pussy the best. I knew she really wanted to hear me talking when she asked me how I was feeling about continuing it.
I told her that I didn't want to change what she'd asked for but that she'd brought it up I told her that I hoped we would physically reconnnect over Halloween weekend. She smiled and kisssed me and said "yes honey, if it's what you want and need, then I'll be very happy to make love with you". I was quiet for a moment and she smiled and said "I do still love you honey" and she told me how she knew we needed that and she giggled and said "besides, it'll be fun for you to feel me again".
It made me look at her and ask "so you'll be looking forward to that?" and she smiled and said "yes honey, just because I want to have 'this thing' with Paul, doesn't mean I don't still want you sometimes". I smiled and said that was good and she added "of course, I love you.". But a moment later she looked at me and said "you understand what I mean about sometimes, right?". I looked up at her and I asked what she meant. She explained a lot of what she'd already said - that she wants to be in control of what we did sexually and what I did and did not get to have. "I like deciding when or even if you will get to have sex with me". I looked at her and told her to continue and she said that just like me, she's become more aware too. She looked at me and said some things that made me wonder if she'd been reading what I write here - but she said that her own desires had changed over time as she'd come to see and understand what I was finding out about myself. "It surprised me at first baby, but now I do see that you do enjoy the beta role with me". Just like that! She looked at me and said that it was part of what she'd learned about herself too, that seeing that in me made her remember and want again how she used to feel when she was the one who would initiate sex with me all the time when we first got together "and what made me horny".
More later.
Despite commenting rarely, I am still very much following your story, Steve. While I am limited for time currently, I will post more a bit later.
I see your conversation with Sue this week-end as being a watershed event. Where as before, you always had the option of going back and taking your old familiar place as her man, I think the door has effectively closed now on that option. Sue, admitting she likes being in control of you and what you get sexually from her will be something almost impossible to reverse, even if you wanted to. Freedom and power are rarely surrendered once achieved. Is simply human nature.
I have much more later that I would like to offer.
Jax
I see your conversation with Sue this week-end as being a watershed event. Where as before, you always had the option of going back and taking your old familiar place as her man, I think the door has effectively closed now on that option. Sue, admitting she likes being in control of you and what you get sexually from her will be something almost impossible to reverse, even if you wanted to. Freedom and power are rarely surrendered once achieved. Is simply human nature.
I have much more later that I would like to offer.
Jax
Your last sentence seems to indicate that in a way you've come full circle sexually with Sue and that this could establish a more permanent plateau moving forward.
I"ve been reading over your past posts and threads and the cycles of your angst and Sue's reassurances are a recurring theme. It's healthy this is the case as this is very real and each small progression could open a pandora's box to an undesirable outcome; so far you haven't let that happen.
You've literally built this lifestyle 'brick by brick' and with such a solid foundation that although I feel you could still go back to your alpha/beta roles prior to your postings that would mean not being your true selves which would mean less happiness and possible problems.
Whether you have sex with Sue once every two, four or six months is irrelevant as any of those frequencies still falls into the range of 'sexless marriage' and the fact your covered labels - in my mind - your intercourse more as genital masturbation rather than true martial intercourse.
So your fantasies are now very real and you may be wise to stay on this level for quite some time; no need to go any further down the 'rabbit hole'.
Having said all this your lifestyle is my fantasyland. My thoughts are from my reading of your posts and my own 25 years of marriage....I don't have the guts to do what your doing and there are practical obstacles preventing me as well.
I"ve been reading over your past posts and threads and the cycles of your angst and Sue's reassurances are a recurring theme. It's healthy this is the case as this is very real and each small progression could open a pandora's box to an undesirable outcome; so far you haven't let that happen.
You've literally built this lifestyle 'brick by brick' and with such a solid foundation that although I feel you could still go back to your alpha/beta roles prior to your postings that would mean not being your true selves which would mean less happiness and possible problems.
Whether you have sex with Sue once every two, four or six months is irrelevant as any of those frequencies still falls into the range of 'sexless marriage' and the fact your covered labels - in my mind - your intercourse more as genital masturbation rather than true martial intercourse.
So your fantasies are now very real and you may be wise to stay on this level for quite some time; no need to go any further down the 'rabbit hole'.
Having said all this your lifestyle is my fantasyland. My thoughts are from my reading of your posts and my own 25 years of marriage....I don't have the guts to do what your doing and there are practical obstacles preventing me as well.
I had hoped to have more time today to post - but needed to conclude that our talks continued for a short time longer where we discussed a bit more about our interests as we move ahead. She is quite clear on her desire to continue to exclude me sexually as things progress. She said that October is a good time for both of us in that she still hasn't gotten her own mind ready for what she knows that she wants. I had commented that she'd been "taking it easy" regarding Paul and she said honestly that she still feels some emotional stuff from her dad and that she wants to feel more comfortable about that before going further with him. I told her that I hoped Paul and I could become more at ease together and that it would feel more "normal" as time went by. She told me that she was very careful about how she felt emotionally and she admitted that she knew she'd feel vulnerable right now and that she wanted to "start slowly" as she is. She complimented me on wanting to make it easier and better for all of us and she seemed to allude that I might even participate with her/them at times? She said it more as in me "being there with them" but also in terms of "enjoying it more". I told her again how I felt a little self-conscious about keeping my cock bare right now and she smiled and said that it's really just something for her and that she said she'd asked Paul how he felt about it and he said he thought it was nice if a guy was into it but he wasn't. I joked that it didn't do much for me to hear that he's not into it and she smiled at me and said "baby, I know it makes it easier for you to not have me when you feel that way" and I told her that she was right about that and I admitted that watching her from afar these past few weekends has made me very horny about it all and if anything, I told her it intensified how I felt about everything. She smiled at me and admitted that she liked knowing how I felt.
We were starting to talk about what she was thinking past October and she said that she did want to intensify things between her and Paul and she said she appreciated me being okay to them being together more easily when we're all together. I told her that I would still like to feel comfortable and joked that I'd even like to maybe ask Paul about what position he likes best with her. She laughed and said "any one where he's in me!" and then said "sorry" that she didn't mean it that way but that she liked what I was thinking. She told me that she was looking forward to when we all go away skiing and that was when she said that was when she thought things would peak between them - which is why I've again come back to what I'd said about next spring.
Once he arrived on Saturday though, that was the end of all thoughts of continuing to talk and unfortunately, between her being horny and him feeling rushed in getting here late, there wasn't much interplay between us. We , Paul and I, only talked briefly with him again telling me thanks for "accommodating him" and how he liked how he and Sue got along so well. I told him that I was okay with it as long as she was.
Gotta run right now - it's 5pm here - maybe more later.
We were starting to talk about what she was thinking past October and she said that she did want to intensify things between her and Paul and she said she appreciated me being okay to them being together more easily when we're all together. I told her that I would still like to feel comfortable and joked that I'd even like to maybe ask Paul about what position he likes best with her. She laughed and said "any one where he's in me!" and then said "sorry" that she didn't mean it that way but that she liked what I was thinking. She told me that she was looking forward to when we all go away skiing and that was when she said that was when she thought things would peak between them - which is why I've again come back to what I'd said about next spring.
Once he arrived on Saturday though, that was the end of all thoughts of continuing to talk and unfortunately, between her being horny and him feeling rushed in getting here late, there wasn't much interplay between us. We , Paul and I, only talked briefly with him again telling me thanks for "accommodating him" and how he liked how he and Sue got along so well. I told him that I was okay with it as long as she was.
Gotta run right now - it's 5pm here - maybe more later.
It seems that one trigger event next spring will be Paul restarting his golf regime. Forgive me for being crude but he could end swapping one in the hole for a hole in one if he's not careful. Sue could take it quite badly if at the very moment she is deepest into him, he suddenly switches to his clubs and the little white ball.
I thought about some of the dynamics you have shared on this forum and from your past, and it has made me think of a few things you may want to talk to her about. Given her latest desires in enjoying controlling your orgasms, maybe something you need to look into is a female led relationship. It would allow you to exhibit both the alpha and beta desires you have, and yet keep the spark alive with or without Paul around. You can use this time frame to explore your beta desires and her with her alpha desires.
She wants two men desiring her, and wants the solid love of one man in her life. You desire the ability to serve and love her in all ways, including ensuring her sexual needs are met to the fullest in all ways. It seems you have a 30/70 relationship with alpha/beta desires at this point, and that is what may cause people to say "huh" with regards to the negative banter that may have caused you to shutdown what IMO has been fantastic sharing. The conflict you have felt is normal for those that have the ability to switch roles in a D/s type of environment, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it.
If Spring is what you think she is targeting with her exploration, I still strongly stick by my earlier suggestions through these threads over the past year or so.
But like I stated earlier, you should really see how deep and dark you can go, and let her push you as far as she can. Use the equivalent of a safe word, and maybe come up with a safe space act, where you leave and regain your thoughts either at a hotel or somewhere for a day or so if it becomes to intense.
I am sure there are things that sound like fantasy fodder, or things that people will disagree with. What I am trying to share with you is a viewpoint on your situation which may help you out, or at least focus on what you want and don't want.
hope that helps ... and keep on sharing we are all rooting for you ....
She wants two men desiring her, and wants the solid love of one man in her life. You desire the ability to serve and love her in all ways, including ensuring her sexual needs are met to the fullest in all ways. It seems you have a 30/70 relationship with alpha/beta desires at this point, and that is what may cause people to say "huh" with regards to the negative banter that may have caused you to shutdown what IMO has been fantastic sharing. The conflict you have felt is normal for those that have the ability to switch roles in a D/s type of environment, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it.
If Spring is what you think she is targeting with her exploration, I still strongly stick by my earlier suggestions through these threads over the past year or so.
- You should really go through either honor based chastity with her telling you when and where and how you orgasm or through more traditional based chastity where it is equipment ******
- After she gets over the angst part herself, when the kids are out of the house, you should really sit down and talk to Paul about the possibility of swapping house/apartments for a few of the days. You can play the doting husband from Monday-Friday, and then share a Friday evening and go back to his apartment to stay for the weekend.
- As long as the kids aren't around, you should have them take some pictures and leave some him/her knick-nacks, so it really does personalize it that the master bedroom is "his" bedroom and "her" bedroom.
- If you and him get along fine, I would suggest you go out and have beers and become a little bit more buddy/buddy. If you feel risky, down the road your family/friends can meet him as your friend.
- Purchase a nest-cam/dropcam with her ok, so you can go full voyeur on
- While in Beta mode, you should get into a workout roll. Shave completely down like a swimmer, enforce the hairy = male view on life. If you are engaging in any chastity play, I would set goals of X pounds of lost weight, get the six pack, increase your chest size. The goal is if Paul falls to the way size, you can really work into rocking Sues life solid. Think of it as you a J.J. Watt or a Tony Romo injured and knocked out and you are getting your recovery work on to become alpha again.
- I would look into the female led relationship aspects and see if that is something she could go for. If Paul is gone or if he is around, it may provide a framework, where you can become the backup stud when she wants it and wants it now from Monday to Friday.
- Tell her you want to be her ultimate wing-(wo)man and help her get laid as much and as often as you can.
- If the conversation is solid/good, and you want the ability to flip the script, have her share what would be the most humiliating/shocking thing that you could do to her. Right now she has all the power, you need the ability to have something to push back at her. Whether it is compromising pictures, being in a situation where she has no control, bondage, sleeping with another woman (whatever) or having a lesbian take her while she plays slave to you ... come up with something that fits your two interplay.
But like I stated earlier, you should really see how deep and dark you can go, and let her push you as far as she can. Use the equivalent of a safe word, and maybe come up with a safe space act, where you leave and regain your thoughts either at a hotel or somewhere for a day or so if it becomes to intense.
I am sure there are things that sound like fantasy fodder, or things that people will disagree with. What I am trying to share with you is a viewpoint on your situation which may help you out, or at least focus on what you want and don't want.
hope that helps ... and keep on sharing we are all rooting for you ....
Phew, the game goes on and although my take on how this is developing and panning out is beyond me to express quite as eloquently as other "analysts" here have stated I will add my twopennorth and repeat what I said earlier that you Steve is being played like a fish on a line and I predict that, as Tegelad has suggested, you will soon be moving out to be living, albeit temporarily, somewhere else whilst Sue indulges herself in your home. But, hey, if that's what you want then good luck to both of you and enjoy.
So, to misquote Winston Churchill a little. According to Sue, October is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end, but it might be the end of the beginning.
Sue seems to now have a firmer grasp of where she wants to go. It is starting to look like the denial you have seen so far is but the tip of the iceberg as Sue gets deeper into her 'only Paul' regime. In spite of what you say, I'm not sure you will be ready for the depth you will be swimming in by Thanksgiving. I hope Sue sees fit to give you another break at that time. I think you might unravel before Christmas otherwise. Sue seems to have hinted a lot, but not actually revealed a lot of her thinking of what is to come. Get ready after October.
Sue seems to now have a firmer grasp of where she wants to go. It is starting to look like the denial you have seen so far is but the tip of the iceberg as Sue gets deeper into her 'only Paul' regime. In spite of what you say, I'm not sure you will be ready for the depth you will be swimming in by Thanksgiving. I hope Sue sees fit to give you another break at that time. I think you might unravel before Christmas otherwise. Sue seems to have hinted a lot, but not actually revealed a lot of her thinking of what is to come. Get ready after October.
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In fact, while I'm on the theme, you never did tell us about the last time you made love with Sue all those weeks ago now. A milestone event if ever there was one. I thought at the time this may been because it was somewhat of a bittersweet event and one which you wanted to keep personal, but its now looking like the start of a trend as you focus entirely upon the angst of denial and ignore the wider issues.
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