Why does 'this' turn me on? Help me out. please

[cuckme69]

@ VILLIAN

Funny as it may seem your posts alone have hit a nerve with me. In a good way.

I finally let the chains loose today, and spoke my feelings to her. I told her we need to fix 'us' before 'this' (lifestyle) continues. Basically took stand again put myself back in the alpha position. (Side note - I never really lost that position). Needless to say, we had that conversation through email, so we'll see where it all goes when she gets home.

Now to answer your question about the affairs. First year of marriage she walked out on me, moved in with some guys in a different state. I didn't know at the time if cheating was occurring, but as years went on the stories came out. We got back together, she discovered life was better with me, and I welcomed her back.

Approx 3.5 years later in a new place with new guy, she left me again to move in with him. During the whole divorce process that I filed for, she claimed nothing was happening. 6 months went by, divorce was almost final, she wound up having a huge medical emergency occur and once again I was the only one that was there for her. It was in ER that we reconciled. She told me basically that the grass wasn't greener on the other side. When she came back to the house, and reconciled in other ways a week or so went by before I noticed she brought a present back with her, and not the kind you want. I asked her if she cheated on me, she swore up and down no. Then I showed her the doctor note saying I had 'the clap', her face said it all. Then all she could say was sorry.

I know I'm a better man than most, or a dumber one. But I forgave her, we stuck it out. She claims it was only once, but I highly doubted that. But I forgave, not forgot.

Years went by, 6 to be exact. We had another bump in the road a few back due to her asking me if she could go out if town to another city with some co workers. I said cool. Well she gets back and Facebook was her demise this go, I found pics of her and an ex holding hands and dancing and sitting in his lap with arms around him. She gets mad at me for getting questionable, tells me she wants divorce, I file first again. This time she goes overseas for a year during process. We reconcile, this time moreso for the kids and fear I think.

So here is where the cuckold deal comes into play. Am I turned on by it? Yes. Why? I have no clue.

 

[Villain]

So here is where the cuckold deal comes into play. Am I turned on by it? Yes. Why? I have no clue.

This is a common reaction. A lot of men have the capacity to be turned on by it. A lot of it has to do with the mind taking pain and turning it into pleasure.

Now, after how you've described your wife's escapades and her wanton disregard for your happiness, I TOTALLY rescind any comments I made about letting her cuck you on her terms and whathaveyou. I change my position to this: either leave her for good or get every single ounce of pleasure you can from this situation.

I know you don't want to leave her, so I won't press that issue. Just suffice it to say, she has not been a good wife and you have a right to happiness and self-respect. In fact for the kids, it would be better for you to go. You not being a cuck will always be better for them. Even if they never directly know what goes on between you and your wife, things trickle down. An unhealthy atmosphere is bad for them.

That being said, when it comes to what you owe your wife, you owe her nothing. If you want to spy on her, do it. If you want to play puppet-master and set up situations for her to get fucked, do it. If you want to cheat like she does, do it and don't tell her. Basically I'm saying I hope for the kids' sake, you just leave her. But if you're gonna stay and be a cuck, then do it all out with no regrets. She has no moral highground.

 

[cuckme69]

@ Villian -

Well said, all of it. Gonna marinate on it for awhile. She gets home soon. Going to be an interesting evening as far as future plans go. Alittle FYI, the kids have been foremost in all decisions. With out them I have nothing.

Thank you again for your time, and advice.

 

[Saraha]

Stay and let your children have both parents. Talk to your wife honestly about your feelings, but the stage is set and she knows the types of sexual expression that please her most. She can't change, but you can be accepting of her special needs, and help her to max her sexual adventures. There are many ways that you can max your emotional satisfactions - for some cucks, just seeing their wife naked before her dates can be reward enough, even though they do not have permission to fuck her any more.

 

[cuckme69]

I can't go without sex. So that will never give.

 

[cuckme69]

We just finished our date night. Was an ok talk. I'll fill in later.

 

[Hank jones]

Well reading all the updates since last post I did. I forgot about her cheating.
That's in the past you can't hold that over her. You stayed so you both have moved on. Now you want her to but you can't tell her how to do it.
Look around yu like you said all your friends are imploding. You both need to talk be honest and forgive and apploigize if you feel you need to but don't expect apologizes.

I too stay at home with the kids. Just be sure things are done so she can relax and pamper her. You want to be her cuck. So be her servant cuck she will decide what she wants. Ask her if she needs anything.
Remember you love her and you want her happy.
Good luck
-Hank

 

[cuckme69]

So an update for those who care to read it.

After writing her an email that said, "we need to fix 'this'", she got a sitter and told me we were going out to eat and talk. We did just that.

The conversation was one sided at first. I was allowing her to do all the talking. I just wanted to listen and see what was on her mind. She was concerned about my feelings, it was very real, very honest. She talked for a few minutes then asked why I wasn't talking. I told her my concerns that I'd just be wasting my breath.

Long story short, we had a great date night. She couldn't keep the conversation away from her wanting the freedom to fuck other people. I told her it won't work unless we find time for each other first, find common ground, build up our trust. She agreed, but equally seemed confused at my saying we had nothing in common.

I set the first and most important ground rule of our lifestyle, which from the help of this site has become our own rendition of the cucking lifestyle, that ground rule was, we two need to make rules up, together. I told her the first rule is nothing happens without me somewhat involved. Of course she said its not as easy as I think it is to find an open minded lover to play in front of her husband. So that rule may need some further thought.

She even brought up how she's felt that this recent lover of hers has felt more like she's been cheating on me than us living out a lifestyle together. I brought up my concerns for our marriage, she reassured me that she loved me, and was so grateful that I am as open as I am. She kept referring to us as inseparable magnets which made me a bit teary eyed. She'll be going on a deployment in the next year or so and I raised my concerns over that and her now new found freedom. She agreed that would be tough on me, but we could discuss that in our rules.

We then walked around a Halloween store, and as she was looking at sexy adult costumes for herself, I just brought it out, I told her she needs to find ways to have fun with me too, on her own time, without me asking her for anything. She gave me a questioning look. I knew she didn't understand. I then said, use your imagination, as I glanced around. She laughed and said, oh I'll dress you up if that's what you want.

Needless to say the conversation wasnt all I wanted it to be, but it was a very nice conversation nonetheless. She had brought up at one point in the night that she felt wrong for her excursions with her new lover, which I rebuttaled with, how did you feel about 04'? The only moment of the night where she finally understood where all my mixed feelings were coming from. She made me feel good though when she said 04' was wrong, but now we are doing this right. And she thanked me. What can I say, I'm a sucker for flattering.

 

[sojourner.q]

Congratulations. I know it's hard to open yourself up like that, but I do believe that it has the potential to not only salvage your relationship but make your shared love even stronger. Only time and her willingness to fully accept you will show the outcome.

Remember, she is having to adjust to the revelations of just who you really are. I suspect that in her own mind she still viewed you as an Alpha man. Perhaps not the type that physically fulfills her, but a "regular man" nonetheless. It may take her some time to wrap her head around the "real you" and your desire to dress fem and the fact that you have homosexual desires.

You may have to be the one to force this conversation to continue to unfold. It's pretty normal for people to avoid discussing things that are difficult...but, that's how we all end up pretending to be something we're not.

 

[Saraha]

I can't go without sex. So that will never give.

I bet there has been a lot of days in your life that you didn't get any sex. If men had a counter put on their genitals, it would reveal the truth of how little many guys get.

And the fastest ejaculators wouldn't get many strokes in either - bit sad, but I suspose they are getting the same release that a blowup doll could provide, so they are better off than a lot of wives who have to fake an orgam, because their "better-half" can't find any juice in his glands to release.

I have often wondered what men think about when they can't bring their wives off, but all I can suggest is that a man could ask a much older woman for lessons on how to please his wife better. Could be worth slipping a generous donation into the Mentor's bra if the lessons are "uplifting".

 

[cuckme69]

Nothing really to update

Ever since our talk its been kind of just mutual understanding type quietness. She did throw a pair of pink panties out the other day and wrote me an email saying to wear them all day. I did.

She rewarded me by jerking me off through the panties and teasing me about this date deal we've made.

Like I said, nothing serious to update. She invited me to go clubbing with her this Saturday though, so that should be fun to watch her on the dance floor with other men.