@ VILLIAN
Funny as it may seem your posts alone have hit a nerve with me. In a good way.
I finally let the chains loose today, and spoke my feelings to her. I told her we need to fix 'us' before 'this' (lifestyle) continues. Basically took stand again put myself back in the alpha position. (Side note - I never really lost that position). Needless to say, we had that conversation through email, so we'll see where it all goes when she gets home.
Now to answer your question about the affairs. First year of marriage she walked out on me, moved in with some guys in a different state. I didn't know at the time if cheating was occurring, but as years went on the stories came out. We got back together, she discovered life was better with me, and I welcomed her back.
Approx 3.5 years later in a new place with new guy, she left me again to move in with him. During the whole divorce process that I filed for, she claimed nothing was happening. 6 months went by, divorce was almost final, she wound up having a huge medical emergency occur and once again I was the only one that was there for her. It was in ER that we reconciled. She told me basically that the grass wasn't greener on the other side. When she came back to the house, and reconciled in other ways a week or so went by before I noticed she brought a present back with her, and not the kind you want. I asked her if she cheated on me, she swore up and down no. Then I showed her the doctor note saying I had 'the clap', her face said it all. Then all she could say was sorry.
I know I'm a better man than most, or a dumber one. But I forgave her, we stuck it out. She claims it was only once, but I highly doubted that. But I forgave, not forgot.
Years went by, 6 to be exact. We had another bump in the road a few back due to her asking me if she could go out if town to another city with some co workers. I said cool. Well she gets back and Facebook was her demise this go, I found pics of her and an ex holding hands and dancing and sitting in his lap with arms around him. She gets mad at me for getting questionable, tells me she wants divorce, I file first again. This time she goes overseas for a year during process. We reconcile, this time moreso for the kids and fear I think.
So here is where the cuckold deal comes into play. Am I turned on by it? Yes. Why? I have no clue.
Funny as it may seem your posts alone have hit a nerve with me. In a good way.
I finally let the chains loose today, and spoke my feelings to her. I told her we need to fix 'us' before 'this' (lifestyle) continues. Basically took stand again put myself back in the alpha position. (Side note - I never really lost that position). Needless to say, we had that conversation through email, so we'll see where it all goes when she gets home.
Now to answer your question about the affairs. First year of marriage she walked out on me, moved in with some guys in a different state. I didn't know at the time if cheating was occurring, but as years went on the stories came out. We got back together, she discovered life was better with me, and I welcomed her back.
Approx 3.5 years later in a new place with new guy, she left me again to move in with him. During the whole divorce process that I filed for, she claimed nothing was happening. 6 months went by, divorce was almost final, she wound up having a huge medical emergency occur and once again I was the only one that was there for her. It was in ER that we reconciled. She told me basically that the grass wasn't greener on the other side. When she came back to the house, and reconciled in other ways a week or so went by before I noticed she brought a present back with her, and not the kind you want. I asked her if she cheated on me, she swore up and down no. Then I showed her the doctor note saying I had 'the clap', her face said it all. Then all she could say was sorry.
I know I'm a better man than most, or a dumber one. But I forgave her, we stuck it out. She claims it was only once, but I highly doubted that. But I forgave, not forgot.
Years went by, 6 to be exact. We had another bump in the road a few back due to her asking me if she could go out if town to another city with some co workers. I said cool. Well she gets back and Facebook was her demise this go, I found pics of her and an ex holding hands and dancing and sitting in his lap with arms around him. She gets mad at me for getting questionable, tells me she wants divorce, I file first again. This time she goes overseas for a year during process. We reconcile, this time moreso for the kids and fear I think.
So here is where the cuckold deal comes into play. Am I turned on by it? Yes. Why? I have no clue.