—Continued from post 22 (above).
CuckoldMick,
CuckoldMick said:
Let me give you some more background. In hindsight I believe that Kris married me as a “resources” partner. I own a home, have savings, retirement, and medical insurance, and a high-level professional career.
In other words, you are the modern-day equivalent of a man being a good hunter and a tribal leader in prehistoric times. This, along with the “good genetic potential” I mentioned above, is completely consistent with the things women typically consider desirable (actually, highly desirable) and look for in a marriage partner. So, I would say your interpretation is right.
CuckoldMick said:
Kris brought nothing to the marriage of a material nature. She had been married twice before and has admitted to cheating on her former husbands. I think “this time around” with me she decided to be up front about her desire to have outside sex partners, initially suggesting couples swinging.
Not quite. I would guess your wife is highly attractive and intelligent, and thus has very good genetic potential. This is what men typically look for in a woman they want as a marriage or a long-term relationship partner.
CuckoldMick said:
Over the years Kris has described her sexual history and she has a fairly “slutty” resume. In addition to multiple partners as a teen and young adult, she has a taste for sex play that goes far beyond marital missionary style intercourse — i.e., anal, oral (swallowing), 3-somes, swapping, group sex, bi, toys, etc. and, of course, some of the things she practices with me (queening, creampies), etc.
You’re a fortunate man….
CuckoldMick said:
Conversely, sex with my first wife was rather vanilla….
A fairly high percentage of women seem to be like that….
CuckoldMick said:
So I was not completely surprised by her interest in swinging or her desire to play solo with other men. I read somewhere that some men that become cuckolds do so because they like being married to a slut. I guess I may fall into this category.
I would say it’s clear that you do.
CuckoldMick said:
But going back to the concept that cuckoldry should be “fun play” for couples--- I think Kristen has completely missed this purpose. And yes, her outside sex play is “all about her personal needs and pleasure.”
This is one of the aspects of femdom marriages, the idea of which seems to appeal to you. “Sex is for the pleasure of the woman, not for the man’s pleasure.”
CuckoldMick said:
In essence, one could say she is enjoying consensual infidelity--- that she is not “cuckolding” me per the 20th century definition, but is simply practicing condoned cheating.
Nope, you are a cuckold. The definition is, “a man with an unfaithful wife.” It’s short and simple. Whether that’s by agreement with her husband (or not), and how her husband “feels” about it, has nothing to do with the definition. The reason (I argue) is that if a man’s wife fucks other men that exposes her to the distinct possibility of bearing the children of one or more of those other men, and her husband to the distinct possibility of assisting her with raising the children of other men. This possibility is reduced by modern birth control (if the wife uses it), but obviously it still exists. To put it somewhat differently, the definition of a “cuckold” as stated above has implications for the gene pool; i.e., implications for the passing of genes from one generation to the next. Everything else, like how the unfaithful wife and her husband go about it and how they “feel” about it, is mere detail.
CuckoldMick said:
It is true that when Kristen has a date in which I do not have a part I do not get much out of it, even vicariously. This leaves me very anxious and even envious of her ability to enjoy her sexual liaisons. To me, what my wife does violates the “fairness principle.”
“Fairness” has nothing to do with being your wife’s cuckold. Anxiety (perhaps intense anxiety) while your wife is out fucking another man, and anxiety over your wife fucking other men at will, is characteristic of cuckolds.
CuckoldMick said:
How “the fairness principle” applies in my situation: Kristen gets to play solo with other men. I do not play solo with other women. Kristen does not allow me to watch or listen, so I get stuck in a void waiting at home by myself. Kristen does not give me satisfactory details of the play, so I feel isolated and left out and often think “what’s in this for me?” I.e., Kristen does not acknowledge my needs and desires. Thus, I feel the situation is “unfair.”
This is inconsistent with your statements above that you want your wife to fuck other men. If it's the message Kristen is receiving, though, the easiest way for her to comply (or feel she is complying) would be for her to stop fucking other men. That, in turn, is what you’ve identified as a problem and the primary reason (apparently) you began this thread.
CuckoldMick said:
You see, this isn’t about (or does not have to be about) the fact that Kris is fucking other men. This is about “fairness” and the fact that she’s getting hers and I am not getting mine. Even a cuckold that is bound to a chair and made to watch as a black bull fucks his wife for 2 hours, complete with humiliating taunts and a nasty cream pie, is “getting his” if this is what gets him off.
This is straightforward. It sounds like the fundamental point you want to communicate to your wife, but you have been unable to do so because you have a strong tendency to “hint around.” Have you told your wife this?
CuckoldMick said:
The way my wife left her previous husband has always bothered me. She never told him about me or our affair, which lasted many months. One day while he was at work she just pulled a truck up to her house, loaded up her stuff and drove off. I wasn’t even aware that she had officially left him until she called me and told me she was moving into an apartment in my town, then insisted that I move in (with her?) hastily(?). The cold manner in which she treated both her husband and my ex-wife has always worried me.
That would bother me too. A lot. Since you said your wife has filled you in re. her (rather extensive) sexual resume, I would suggest telling her, at a suitable time and place, there’s something else you need to know: why did she leave her former husband precipitously, in the way she did? Keep in mind the reason(s) may have involved a fear on her part that he would beat her, perhaps savagely, if she gave him advance warning and told him up front she was going to leave him. (This behavior is fairly common among abusive husbands.) If this was the case and your wife felt strongly she needed protection, it would be consistent with her insisting you move in with her immediately after she moved to an apartment in your town,
CuckoldMick said:
After telling my sister this story a few years ago I remember her warning me that if Kristen would do that to her ex-husband, she could do the same thing to me if for any reason she wanted to move along.
Maybe. Don’t forget, though, that in you your wife found a partner who can and does provide her with all the things women traditionally want in a marriage partner…. social status, wealth, financial security, a retirement plan, medical insurance, etc. My guess would be, your wife would decide to “move along” only if another man “fell in love” with her who could offer her even greater social status, wealth, etc. (A woman rarely divorces and leaves a man to marry another man of lesser social status, economic success, etc.)
I guess I’ll stop here. I’ve said considerably more than I started out to say (but your situation seems quite interesting).
Regards—
Custer