how can I find out?

[cheggers]

My wife...I mean, boss-wife was very, very pissed at me this weekend. Just seemed to come out of nowhere. Basically, in sum, she's tired of doing all the "thinking" work and having all the responsibilities around the house.

Now, it's not entirely true that she does all the thinking work, but on the other hand she doesn't let me do much of the thinking work anyway.

Last night she vented more and it ended up not sounding good. Of course, I dutifully rubbed her feet while she did so. She didn't seem angry anymore, but frustrated and disappointed when she said she needs to feel "safe," she needs to feel "taken care of," and she needs to have someone reliable. I said, "I'm not totally unreliable." She said being unreliable at any point makes a person unreliable. But she added, "It's not your fault." I have ADD, so I can't argue with that. And then she said, "I'm the one who's stuck with it." It was a "it's not me, it's you" speech.

I took that as a positive. She's not planning a divorce, not planning to throw me out. I desperately don't want a divorce.

On the other hand, wanting to feel safe, taken care or, having someone reliable sounds an awful lot like something you'd write in a personal ad.

Which led me to remember when I told her, "You can have anyone you want as long as you don't leave me." And "You should have two husbands." And I told her these things more than once.

Then it hit me like a icy cold wave of water. If she trades me in on a better model, she might let me stay in the house. But it would be his bed, and I'd never have sex again for the rest of my life.

I feel like we're slowly, inexorably plodding toward a whole new lifestyle.

 

[cheggers]

And what's going to happen to me if she finds her Alpha male and he moves in? What if he doesn't like me? Or worse, what if she moves in with him and takes me along? Of course I'd go because I don't want to be without her. I'd be a submissive in another man's house.

 

[Custer Laststand]

And what's going to happen to me if she finds her Alpha male and he moves in? What if he doesn't like me? Or worse, what if she moves in with him and takes me along? Of course I'd go because I don't want to be without her. I'd be a submissive in another man's house.

You might recall your boss-wife told you she's attracted to "alpha males" but she'd never be able to tolerate being married to one. The implication was, that's the reason she married you.

 

[cheggers]

I guess I got flustered and forgot about that part.

But if she wants to feel safe, taken care of, etc., and doesn't think I'm man enough to provide that....then what?

 

[Custer Laststand]

I guess I got flustered and forgot about that part. But, if [my boss-wife] wants to feel safe, taken care of, etc., and doesn't think I'm man enough to provide that....then what?

Then, remind yourself of the seemingly absurd but actually rather astute comment sometimes attributed to baseball great Yogi Berra*: "Predictions are difficult, especially of the future."

* Another of Y.B.'s comments was, "I didn't really say some of the things I said." This truism may have been first stated by renowned Danish physicist Neils Bohr.

Anyway, by this I mean it's reasonable to develop plans to cope with undesirable future events that may happen (or maybe they won't). But, it's counter-productive to agonize and worry chronically about future events that may or may not happen. Needless anxiety and sustained worry can have an adverse affect on your health.

 

[cheggers]

Thank you, Custer. Your advice is a true comfort, and I appreciate it.

We've been traveling for an extended period, and not much has gone on other than visiting relatives.
The only thing somewhat mysterious was what she said to me this morning, "I hope you can adjust to your new lifestyle. I'll have to decide whether or not I like it." She wasn't inclined to discuss more.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Thank you Custer. Your advice is a true comfort and I appreciate it.

You're welcome. It's good to hear my comments have not been entirely useless...

We've been traveling for an extended period, and not much has gone on other than visiting relatives.

That can happen during Christmas / New Years...

The only thing somewhat mysterious was what she said to me this morning: "I hope you can adjust to your new lifestyle. I'll have to decide whether or not I like it." She wasn't inclined to discuss more.

Your boss-wife's mysterious comment (as you put it) is a good illustration of you being, in a sense, more advanced than she.

By this I mean, you have long accepted your role as your boss-wife's submissive cuckold. She, by contrast, continues to have trouble openly acknowledging that it is among her privileges and prerogatives as a married woman to date, seduce and fuck other men while, simultaneously, openly making it clear to you that your role in her marriage is to remain faithful as her cuckold, and obediently do what she tells you to do.

As an aid to moving your boss-wife forward, I suggest ordering a copy of:

Sutton, Elise, 2003, Female Domination: An exploration of the male desire for loving female authority (298 pp., softcover)

then gift-wrapping it and presenting it to her, perhaps with a suitable card, as a slightly-belated New Years present. It's reasonably well-written, interesting, erotic, and available from well-known online distributors.

Ms. Elise also has a web site, here:

Elise Sutton's Female Superiority Page

In light of your boss-wife's "mysterious comment," you might e-mail this link to her with a mild suggestion that she may find it of interest. If she likes reading books, however, she may find Ms. Elise's book (above) more appealing in an intellectual sense.

Happy New Year!

 

[cheggers]

openly making it clear to you that your role in her marriage is to remain faithful [as her cuckold], and obediently do what she tells you to do.
......

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year to you, too!

She's made it abundantly clear on numerous occasions by both her words and actions that whenever I am disobedient, or disagreeable, or contradict her, etc. then I am not being faithful to her. She has a zero tolerance policy for most any disagreement. Unless she asks me for my input, or truly wants my opinion, she doesn't want to hear it if it's not in agreement.

As for Ms. Sutton's book, I tried to bring it into conversation and was told that we would not have the discussion. Period.

Be that as it may, she went out on a date! I was working late on Friday and she showed up at my office door. I was taken completely by surprise. A coworker of mine stepped up behind her. She said he stopped by our house to see if we wanted to go out with him, that he forgot I'd be working late. So he drove the two of them to the office to see if I wanted to join them.

She was so adorably bashful and uncertain of my reaction! There was no way I could leave without finishing, and she really seemed to be enjoying herself, so what choice did I have?

She got home around 1AM and when I asked her how it went, she basically said it's too late for me to find out and if I really cared I would have made the effort to go with them.

 

[cheggers]

sorry--misposted

 

[Custer Laststand]

So, what's happening these days? Since your wife "went on a date" with a man she hadn't dated previously (evidently) on 1/7/2013, does she have a new lover?

Also, have you been managing to comply successfully with your wife's stated expectation that you will say nothing to her you don't know, in advance, she will agree with and find pleasing...? (That strikes me as something of a challenge... but hey, what do I know?)

 

[cheggers]

Yes, sir, thank you for asking.

I had always had an interest in visiting Las Vegas. I'm not a gambler, but I'd like to go and experience it at least once. My wife's response was that there was nothing there she wanted to see.

I brought it up again recently. She surprised me and said she sees herself going there someday--because she finally found someone to go with. I was totally shocked and asked who, and she said, 'no one you know, just someone.'

Yesterday she asked me to drive her to "a friend's" house. Let me back up for a minute: recently a guy's name came up in conversation. I said I'd never seen/met him, but she obviously had.

She said she thinks it's really important that I meet him. Empasized that a couple times. I asked what he looks like, in case maybe I have seen him around. She said, "He's taller than you, and bigger. Not big-fat, but big like he works out. He has dark hair."

I drove her to the friend's house, which is a big old stone farmhouse that is meticulously well-maintained. Well beyond my financial means. It turns out it was his house.

He wasn't there. She let herself in. I was, again, surprised with how familiar she was with doing that. I asked when she wanted me to pick her up. She said she'd text. I left.

About four hours later she texted and I drove to pick her up. She wanted me to text just before I got there. I did. She was waiting at the door for me. I never saw him.

I asked what they did, why she went, etc. She said only that she didn't like the accusing tone and wasn't comfortable answering my questions because of my attitude.

This morning we were able to sleep in a little. I was hugging her, until I started to get a little "excited." She shifted away and said she loves the hugs but can't let it get too far.

And, by the way, she spanked me today. She wanted me to to some online research into financial matters, and I misunderstood and paid a large bill--too early. Now her monthly plan is fucked because of me. I had to gather all the data/info so she can adjust the plan.

She got it out of her system pretty quickly. First she grabbed my arm but I twisted away. That got her even more upset, because...well, it was wrong for me to do that when she needed to address me close up, face to face.

After I got her the info and presented it to her where she was reclined on the couch, reading a hardcover book, she directed me, "Come over here." At that point I was so humbled that I complied, slowly, but without hesitation.

She doled out a few hard whacks on my bottom with the book. She's fine now. Even laughing about my stupidity. I'm still angry at myself.

 

[cheggers]

I got a strange text from my wife today. It was asking, 'do you need a ride tomorrow night?'

I texted back, "Why would I need a ride?"

She texted me, "Oops. That was forwarded by mistake." Then she texted, 'by the way, I'm going out tomorrow night.'

 

[cheggers]

I was emboldened Friday night. During the footrub, which she enjoyed--it's the only time I hear her moan with pleasure--I asked her about her day. She said she didn't want to talk about it.

I said we only ever talk about my day and my work, etc. I said I wanted to her about her work, the people she hangs out with there, the people she's friends with. She said she'd rather hear about my day.

I said I feel selfish because we never talk about her and what she's been up to. She said I'm not being selfish with her at all, and she's simply not comfortable talking with me about her life.

 

[cheggers]

And to follow that same theme, a long time ago when my wife was willing to talk to me about sex, her answers to my questions were always frustrating.

For example, she'd hint that she wasn't completely satisfied and I'd ask, "What should I do different?" and she'd answer, "It's too late for you to find out now." Or I'd ask, "What do you mean?" and she'd answer, "Nevermind" or "just something a little different" and drop it. Or "You should have tried that when you had the chance."

One of the last times we had what I considered "good" sex (a few years ago at this point) she mumbled after I orgasmed, "It was almost long enough for me to get my legs up." It was like she said it out loud but hadn't meant for me to hear it. I asked, "What did you say?" She said, "Nothing. Nevermind," with a sigh.

 

[cheggers]

My latest humiliation: I drove her to the medical clinic because she had the flu. During the in-take with the nurse, she was asked, "Any chance you're pregnant?"

My boss-wife smirked then covered her mouth with her hand. She said, "I'm sorry. At first I thought you meant 'with him.' No, no I'm not pregnant."