how can I find out?

[cheggers]

I don't know if this is "progress" or not.

She asked me if it would be o.k. if she goes to his basketball game on Thursday night. He plays in a league. She said he said he'd like her to watch him play. It is the first time she's asked openly about something to do with him (not work related).

I said it's up to her.

 

[cheggers]

I finally got up the nerve to talk to my wife about our sex life. It was a brief discussion. I said, "I think my penis is getting smaller."
"Why?"
"Because I don't get to use it much." I tried to start off with a joke. She didn't take it that way. She said, "The smaller the better. Maybe I'll want it when it's the size of a tampon."
I said, "You never want to have sex with me anymore."
She said, "If you don't get sex, that's your fault. I told you you can ask any time you want it. That's as far as I'll go. You're the one who's missing out." And that ended the conversation. Because if I ask, she'll say no. So why ask?

A few days earlier she gave me a hand job as a reward for good behavior. Afterward I was a little embarrassed because I never got all the way hard. She said, "That's not something you need to worry about."

We were out and she saw a woman she knows. She said, "I want to go talk to her." I stayed at our seats, and fooled around with my iPhone. Next thing I know, she's talking to one of her guy friends. I didn't feel like getting up to join them so I stayed buried in my iPhone. Every once in a while I'd look up to check on them. One time I looked up and they were gone. I stuck with my phone. Some time later she came back in from outside. He wasn't with her.

I'm just kind of used to this behavior now.

 

[Custer Laststand]

I finally got up the nerve to talk to my wife about our sex life. It was a brief discussion. I said, "I think my penis is getting smaller." "Why?" "Because I don't get to use it much."

Have you considered asking your wife for permission to masturbate when she's out, while you think about what she might be doing with whomever she's out with? If she grants you permission, you could exercise your penis every day whether she's willing to fuck you or not. You could explain to your wife that you need to "use it or lose it..."

She said, "The smaller the better. Maybe I'll want it when it's the size of a tampon."

Somehow that doesn't have a convincing sound about it...

I said, "You never want to have sex with me anymore." She said, "If you don't get sex, that's your fault. I told you you can ask any time you want it. That's as far as I'll go."

If your wife allows you to ask for sex anytime you want but won't allow you anything more, that isn't "going" very far...

"You're the one who's missing out" (she said).

That was revealing. A reasonable follow-up question would have been: If I'm the one who's 'missing out' in our marriage, with whom are you NOT 'missing out'...?

That ended the conversation. Because if I ask, she'll say no. So why ask?

I'm reminded of a web page on women fucking their male dogs, which I looked up in conjunction with another thread on the subject of some men being cuckolded by their dogs. The female author said:

"A dog, unlike many men, doesn't take it personally when a woman refuses him. He just keeps trying. Some dogs, like some men, just know how to get a woman."

 

[cheggers]

That was revealing. A reasonable follow-up question would have been: If I'm the one who's 'missing out' in our marriage, with whom are you NOT 'missing out'...?

I thought that question, but I was afraid to ask it.

Update: after close to three weeks of being faithful to her--no masturbation by me--and treating her like the queen that she is, she decided I was due for a reward.

She edged me a few times, then for some reason she pushed really hard just behind my balls (is that the perineum?), and some cum spurted out. This amused her, so she did it a few more times. I could hardly feel it coming out.

The next part is embarrassing. She "scooped" my cum up on her finger tip and fed it to me. She's never done that before.

And this is really, really embarrassing. I didn't hate it. It didn't taste terrible. It didn't have much taste at all. It felt creamy. A few minutes later it felt kind of acidic in my throat. I think I did it willingly because I hadn't had an orgasm, like my brain wasn't turned off by it. I was so relieved that it wasn't a horrible experience that I told her it was tolerable.

She said it was payback for all the times she gave me blowjobs, and I owe her about a thousand swallows before she'll blow me again.

 

[Custer Laststand]

I thought of that question, but I was afraid to ask it.

Ah, I see... that indicates you have a proper view of your wife as your dominant boss-wife and of yourself as her submissive husband.

In the future when you have questions, you might consider avoiding feelings of uncertainty and anxiety over whether you should ask by always beginning with: "May I ask a question, Ma'am?" Then ask only if she says "Yes" or "What is your question?" or otherwise grants her permission. If she says "No" then, don't ask. Unless, of course, it involves a matter of safety or (say) finances that’s important to one or both of you, in which case you should persevere.

Update: after close to three weeks of being faithful to her — no masturbation by me — and treating her like the queen she is, she decided I was due for a reward.

Very good. You complied with your boss-wife's expectations...

She edged me a few times…

That must have felt good…

…then, for some reason, she pushed really hard just behind my balls (is that the perineum?)...

See: The Male G-spot - AskMen

and: Perineum - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

...and some cum spurted out.

Nice. If that was accompanied by feelings of orgasm, your boss-wife gave you a prostate (male G-spot) orgasm. If you felt nothing, then it sounds like she milked you using a (perhaps) slightly out-of-the-ordinary method.

This amused her, so she did it a few more times. I could hardly feel [my semen] coming out.

Also nice. It does sound like your boss-wife milked you, in effect. You might suggest this site

How to milk your man's prostate | Daily Loaf

to her (although it sounds like she may already be familiar with it, or another like it). Alternatively, your boss-wife could google “how to milk your man” or words to that effect.

You might also consider suggesting to your boss-wife she reward you for good behavior, when it pleases her to do so, by acquiring a strap-on dildo — or taking you to a local sex shop and requiring you to purchase it for her — then fucking you up your ass with it whenever she feels so-inclined. (A strap-on harness can be purchased with a dildo that’s small to enable you to get used to it, then larger dildo’s can be purchased later.)

This would enable your boss-wife to dominate you sexually, as well as in a larger personal sense, while avoiding any need for her to fuck you, or give you blow jobs, or hand jobs, or insert her fingers in your asshole (if she doesn't like any or all of those things). It may also be an effective way for her to milk you. So, you might consider mentioning:

Strapon primer:
Take It Like A Man - Pegging and Strap-On Sex

to her and, perhaps as a present, buy her a copy of the apparently-rather-popular DVD “Bend Over Boy Friend,” which both of you might find erotic, interesting and instructive.

The next part is embarrassing. She "scooped" my cum up on her finger tip and fed it to me. She's never done that before. And this is really, really embarrassing. I didn't hate it. It didn't taste terrible. It didn't have much taste at all. It felt creamy. A few minutes later it felt kind of acidic in my throat. I think I did it willingly because I hadn't had an orgasm [so] my brain wasn't turned off by it. I was so relieved that it wasn't a horrible experience that I told her it was tolerable.

Actually, there’s no need for you to feel embarrassed about that sort of thing. It’s fairly common (I gather) for boss-wives who cuckold their submissive husbands to require them to eat their own cum when they’re allowed to cum. See, for instance:

How to Cuckold your Husband Ch. 1:
How to Cuckold Your Husband - How To - Literotica.com

How to Cuckold Your Husband Ch. 2:
How to Cuckold Your Husband Ch. 02 - How To - Literotica.com

which might also be of interest to your boss-wife.

If you feel too fearful and anxious to suggest the above sites to your boss-wife in person (after reading them yourself), you might consider e-mailing the links to her along with, of course, some suitable personal comments. I suggest this because it’s important for your prostate health for your boss-wife to not require you to refrain from cumming for over-long periods of time, and certainly not forever. Milking you on a more-or-less regular basis, preferably in some way she finds personally rewarding, would be a way for her to maintain and, indeed, increase her dominant role and your submissive role within her marriage while also helping to ensure your continued prostate health.

 

[cheggers]

Thank you for your advice, Custer. And I'd hate for you to have gone to all that work, but I don't think my wife would be interested in working my prostate with toys or tools. More than once I offered her control of my orgasms, and she was dismissive. She said, "Your orgasms are not my responsibility. If you want one, all you have to do is ask. But if you want one, you better be ready." One time I wasn't, and she said I was a loser, that a man would be ready for her.

So I got intimidated, and backed off for a few days. She got frustrated and said, "What's the matter with you? Usually guys can't keep their hands off me." And did I mention that once in a while she jokes that I'm gay?

Last night she gave me another hand job, the second one in a week, which is some kind of record. She was going fast and I wanted her to slow down because I could feel the pressure in my prostate building and I wasn't even hard yet.

I said, "Slow down a little." She didn't. I asked, "Please.....slow down a little?" She didn't. I tried really hard to relax my body. I breathed deeply and steadily. It worked for about 15 seconds.
"Why?" she finally acknowledged me.
"Because I don't want to cum yet--"
"Isn't this the objective?"
"Yes, but--"
"Where's your towel?"
I handed it to her just in time. She threw it on top of me and finished me off with the towel shielding her hands from my semen. It was a weak, dribbling climax. Muscles all over my body tensed and spasmed in an attempt to make the orgasm productive, but virtually nothing happened. My semi-hard penis flopped uselessly in the towel.

She came back into the room after washing off what little of me she had got on her hands. I had the nerve to ask her about sex. About why she doesn't want sex from me anymore. She stonewalled as she had in the past by turning it back onto me. I can have five times as many orgasms as I do now. I just have to accept them on her terms for the rest of my life. They have to be quick, fast, and require minimal effort on her part. I said, "But what about you? Don't you ever want it?"

She said she likes me, and wants to continue liking me.

She gave me a long hug this morning when I left for work. She said she loved me, and the tone of her voice spoke the word she didn't say, "anyway." She called me when I got to the office to say she needed to meet with one of the guys on the faculty and she'd be late.

Now every time I take a piss I can feel my prostate caught in a hang-fire.

 

[Custer Laststand]

I had the nerve to ask [my boss-wife] about sex; about why she doesn't want sex from me anymore. She stonewalled as she has in the past by turning it back onto me. I can have five times as many orgasms as I do now. I just have to accept them on her terms for the rest of my life. They have to be quick, fast, and require minimal effort on her part.

From your previous comments (saying you had to try as hard as possible to resist cumming quickly, even weakly, during your boss-wife's hand job), it sounds like you will have no problem complying with her expectation.

I said, "But what about you? Don't you ever want it?" She said she likes me, and wants to continue liking me.

It's a plus that your boss-wife likes you... but she didn't answer your question.

She gave me a long hug this morning when I left for work. She said she loved me, and the tone of her voice spoke the word she didn't say: "anyway." She called me when I got to the office to say she needed to meet with one of the guys on the faculty and she'd be late.

That was the answer to your question.

Now every time I take a piss I can feel my prostate caught in a hang-fire.

If your prostate hurts when you piss, that's not a good sign. I suggest seeing a urologist pronto — and be honest with him about your problem.

It would be pointless and counterproductive to try to "conceal" how your problems are brought out by your boss-wife's hand jobs, and your associated prostate pain afterwards. You won't shock him and he won't say anything to humiliate you or make fun of you. Those guys have seen and heard it all.

Good luck. If you have a medical problem involving your prostate, it's nothing to take lightly.

 

[cheggers]

Sorry, I misstated the problem. My prostate doesn't hurt, I meant hang-fire like it wants to let loose but is stuck. Like how sometimes an explosive charge will start to detonate but get caught up somehow. Like a misfire.

The good news is she was really happy this evening when she got home from work. Didn't even yell when I forgot to buy one of the items on the grocery list she gave me. It must have helped that I stayed within my budget.

 

[cheggers]

It's a plus that your boss-wife likes you... but she didn't answer your question.

I gave the Readers Digest version. She wants to continue liking me, and having sex with me makes her dislike me. Ergo, no sex.

Anyway, I got home in time to kiss her goodbye because she's out for the evening. Actually, not much of a kiss. I tried to kiss her and she turned and gave me an air-kiss instead. But not before she gave me instructions on laundry. And the kitchen is a disaster.

 

[Custer Laststand]

I gave the Readers Digest version. She wants to continue liking me, and having sex with me makes her dislike me. Ergo, no sex.

Hm... well... if you want your boss-wife to continue liking you, you can take this as the answer to your sexual problems.

I got home in time to kiss her goodbye because she was going out for the evening.

You got home from where? From work? If so, do you have a job where you work more-or-less full time — something like 40 hrs/week?

Actually, it was not much of a kiss. When I tried to kiss her and she turned and gave me an air-kiss instead. But not before she gave me instructions on laundry. And the kitchen is a disaster.

It's obvious another requirement for your boss-wife to continue liking you will be to continue doing what she tells you to do. So, with regards to her instructions on laundry and the kitchen being a disaster: better get on it.

To continue pleasing your boss-wife, you should also look forward to taking over progressively more of the housework until, finally, you're doing all of it (that is, if your boss-wife hasn't already instructed you to do this).

Returning to your post at the beginning of this thread, which was (slightly paraphrased):

I'm looking for advice. A few weeks ago my wife started getting phone calls & text messages in the late evenings from a man she works with. At one point, she got calls from him five nights in a row. She's generally tired and cranky in the evenings; too tired to do much more than go to bed early. But when this man calls, she perks up and chit-chats with him. Sometimes he calls when she's in the shower or otherwise unavailable. She told me to answer at those times, so I know it's the same man calling. How can I find out if there's something going on between them without asking her directly?

You've now received many electronic "pages" of advice. Do you now feel you have an answer to your question?

Speaking of which: one way to gain more insight would be, each time you answer the phone and its another man who asks to speak with your wife, say "Yes, certainly. May I tell her who's calling?" Or, "She's unavailable right now but I'll ask her to call you back. May I tell her who's calling?"

Since he's obviously bold enough to call your boss-wife at home frequently knowing her husband (you) might answer, more than likely he'll state his first name: "Tell her it's Tom" (or whoever).

You can then look up the faculty directory for the college or university where she teaches — online, if you don't have a hard copy — and find the faculty member whose first name is "Tom." If it's a large university and/or there are multiple "Toms," look for the one most closely associated with your boss-wife in a professional sense — say, in the same dept. such that your wife may have met him (for instance) during a departmental meeting.

Once you know who your boss-wife's apparent lover is, you can find out what he looks like by stopping by sometime when classes are in session but you have some time off (if there is such a time) and looking in his classroom or office door (if it's open). If he happens to be in his office, you could simply walk in and introduce yourself ("I'm the person who often answers the phone when you call"). It might be initially awkward, but there would be no need for a heavy conversation. You could, for instance, just exchange a few pleasantries then say something like, "Well, it's nice to have met you" — then depart.

 

[cheggers]

You got home from where? From work? If so, do you have a job where you work more-or-less full time — something like 40 hrs/week?

Yes, and I have close to an hour commute.

To continue pleasing your boss-wife, you should also look forward to taking over progressively more of the housework until, finally, you're doing all of it (that is, if your boss-wife hasn't already instructed you to do this).

She's nice to me when I comply. She says I'm a good husband and tells her friends what a good job I do.

You've now received many electronic "pages" of advice. Do you now feel you have an answer to your question?

It seems like the answer was staring me in the face the whole time. I am submissive to my wife...I mean, Boss-Wife. By her own admission, she could not have married an Alpha male. She requires a submissive in order to be happy. However, she doesn't respect submissive men, from a sexual standpoint. So to stay with her, I had to become increasingly submissive, and while I did so I became less and less attractive as a lover. She would only keep me if she didn't want me. Weird.

It wasn't planned this way by me. She said once, before we were married, that she didn't want a traditional marriage. I didn't know what she meant then. I do now.

Since I no longer fulfill her needs as a husband-lover, but only as a husband-servant, she has decided to use her position in our marriage to find sexual fulfillment with a man-lover. And to think I once admitted that she deserved two husbands: me as her servant, and one to give her the excitement she deserves.

As for the rest of it, she's already introduced me to him. She referred to him as "Professor M," and to me simply by my first name.

 

[cheggers]

Shit, now that I think back on it, what about that guy from her class that I mentioned previously? About a year or two ago, some of her students complained she was having an improper relationship with another student.

The complaint was "leaked" to her so she could handle it before it became an official matter.

I had no idea anything was amiss until she called me over to the computer and told me about it, then asked me to proofread an email she was sending to the guy. As it turns out, I basically rewrote it for her.

I was taken aback, because it's totally unlike her to engage in any behavior that would show poorly on her professionalism. I was also afraid to ask for any details, or get too involved in knowing what was going on.

Now that I look back on it, she basically confessed to me that she was fooling around with a student, had me write him the Dear John letter that ended the relationship, and I was too much of a pussy to ask her what was going on??? Maybe I deserve whatever I get at this point.

 

[Warpt]

Just let her fuck who ever she wants and keep her happy.
Tell her you don't mind, as long as she stays with you and makes you happy too.
Just be happy and keep her happy.
A happy chick makes a good wife/gf.
There is nothing wrong with a happy, well fucked wife/gf. No matter who is doing the fucking.
If you want to keep her, let her have her fun.
If you want to lose her, try to stop her.

 

[cheggers]

Tell her you don't mind, as long as she stays with you and makes you happy too.

I told her that a couple times. I just never really thought she'd take me seriously.

 

[Custer Laststand]

I told her that a couple times. I just never really thought she'd take me seriously.

Awright, I like it. That's pretty good...

 

[cheggers]

An ex g.f. turned me into a cuckold. She would sleep with her boss and he would buy her expensive outfits. Sometimes she'd never wear them, she'd just give them to one of her girlfriends.

I couldn't afford a car at the time. One time I was walking to the bus stop after work and saw him drive past in his tacky American sports car, and she was seated in the front seat. I know they saw me. She just kept her head down. She looked guilty and humiliated. Like she knew she was trading sex with her sugar daddy.

Now I can't get the mental image of my wife sitting in Professor M's car. He drives a Lexus SUV. I drive a beat up old Honda. Sometimes she won't go places with me because she doesn't want to be seen in my car.

 

[Custer Laststand]

An ex g.f. turned me into a cuckold.

Ah... at last, you've confessed. You are a self-acknowledged cuckold.

She would sleep with her boss and he would buy her expensive outfits. Sometimes she'd never wear them, she'd just give them to one of her girlfriends.

It wouldn't have been the first time a married woman or woman with a steady boyfriend fucked her boss regularly. It was a plus that your erstwhile girlfriend shared her bounty with her less fortunate friends.

One time I was walking to the bus stop after work and saw him drive past in his tacky American sports car, and she was seated in the front seat. I know they saw me. She just kept her head down. She looked guilty and humiliated. Like she knew she was trading sex with her sugar daddy.

You should have smiled and waved at them. (Sometimes, though, it's hard to think of the most appropriate response rapidly enough.)

Now I can't get the mental image [out of my mind] of my wife sitting in Professor M's car. He drives a Lexus SUV.

Nice. As your boss-wife's submissive cuckold, it's entirely appropriate for you to think of her — a classy professional woman — in that way, in analogy to your earlier cuckoldress girlfriend.

I drive a beat up old Honda.

When I was an undergraduate I felt like I was spending a large fraction of my life standing at bus stops waiting for busses. Finally, when I was a senior, I could afford a relatively good bicycle and bought one. Over the multi-mile distances I had to commute, I found it was significantly faster than riding busses.

During the years I was sexually most active (20's), I drove old cheap-model used cars. I wrecked one, so was back to having to do without for a while. The women I had relationships with didn't seem to care one way or the other; I guess they weren't "car women." In a couple of cases, they drove more-or-less old used vehicles of their own. In one case, we used to joke about it (my well-used beater, that is... she didn't have one).

My ex-wife and I bought and drove cars and vans that were well-used, if not actual beaters, most of our married life. I didn't buy a new vehicle until late 90's.

Sometimes my wife won't go places with me because she doesn't want to be seen in my car.

Hm... I see. Well... that's reasonable, of course, if your boss-wife's lover takes her places with him and riding around in his cool car enhances her self-image as a classy professional woman.

Doesn't your boss-wife own a car of her own that's more in accordance with her standards?

If she did (or does), you might consider suggesting that whenever she and you go someplace together the two of you always go in her car, she always drive, and you always ride in the passenger seat (unless she tells you to drive).

That too would be in accordance with your boss-wife's self-image as a classy professional woman who's in charge of her marriage, and it would reinforce your self-image as her submissive cuckold.

 

[cheggers]

Ah... at last, you've confessed. You are a self-acknowledged cuckold.

It gets worse (better?). One time she made me sit in her bathroom out of sight while she flirted with a gentleman caller. She didn't want him to think she was a "slut" by having a boyfriend in her apartment late at night.

You should have smiled and waved at them. (Sometimes, though, it's hard to think of the most appropriate response rapidly enough.)

LOL. I did! They ignored me. I must have looked like a grinning idiot trying to get their attention.

Doesn't your boss-wife own a car of her own that's more in accordance with her standards?

If she did (or does), you might consider suggesting that whenever she and you go someplace together the two of you always go in her car, she always drive, and you always ride in the passenger seat (unless she tells you to drive).

That too would be in accordance with your boss-wife's self-image as a classy professional woman who's in charge of her marriage, and it would reinforce your self-image as her submissive cuckold.

She does have a nice SUV for her use. She will sometimes make me sit in the passenger seat as a punishment, which just pisses her off more because she doesn't like to drive. So I have to sit in the passenger seat (and even hold her purse on my lap--seriously, I'm not kidding) and she gets steamed because she doesn't have a 'man' to do the driving.

 

[cheggers]

Ah... at last, you've confessed. You are a self-acknowledged cuckold.

And she was much more open about it than my wife (is?). Every time we were out together she made it clear that she was available if the right guy came along. Yes, I'd get the late night calls from her: can you drive me home from [where ever]? And of course I would, and there'd be a guy with her and she'd say, "This is [whoever]. I told him you would drive him home." And of course I would.

One time we were out at a concert and she was standing on a table. It was dark, and I was running my hand up and down her leg, reaching up under her miniskirt. Suddenly, I felt another guy's hand doing the same thing from the other side of her. I'm embarrassed to say I didn't do anything about it. I pulled my hand away and let him continue.

 

[cheggers]

Yesterday we were supposed to go to a dinner party.

I asked my wife about when we would be leaving home to go. She said she wasn't sure I was invited after all, and that it might be awkward for me to show up uninvited.

I asked how she was going to get there. She said not to worry, she had a ride. Right before she left she got a call on her cell, and basically walked out the door before I could say goodbye. I got there just in time to see a certain Lexus SUV pulling away from the curb.