shocked wife
- Thread starterAlexis
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5inchwhite
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my advice is let the matter slide.
lets assume for a second he is totally into the fantasy of seeing u with a black man alexis.
The fact he has never even hinted to u , that he wants to see u have sex with another guy, would indicate strongly that ur husband is just not ready to share this fantasy yet.
It could also mean and personally i think this is more likely, that he just isn't that into it all as much as u assume he must be.
So do your relationship a favour, spare yourself the angst and spare husband alot of embarrassment by just letting it slide.
Don't stress about it. this really is a non event until or IF he ever brings up the fantasy in bed. Even then, that's probably as far as it will ever go, and would be a great opportunity for u to share ur fantasies with him aswell.
lets assume for a second he is totally into the fantasy of seeing u with a black man alexis.
The fact he has never even hinted to u , that he wants to see u have sex with another guy, would indicate strongly that ur husband is just not ready to share this fantasy yet.
It could also mean and personally i think this is more likely, that he just isn't that into it all as much as u assume he must be.
So do your relationship a favour, spare yourself the angst and spare husband alot of embarrassment by just letting it slide.
Don't stress about it. this really is a non event until or IF he ever brings up the fantasy in bed. Even then, that's probably as far as it will ever go, and would be a great opportunity for u to share ur fantasies with him aswell.
5inchwhite said:
Actually, this is exactly how I felt before last weekend. Problem is, I don't feel comfortable "knowing" but "not knowing".
And about fantasies, they can at times grow into obsessions. Maybe like you said, he's not that much into it. But what if he is and feels he can't say anything to me about it because he knows I would be against it, or he's too embarrassed, or any one of a hundred different reasons. He could grow to resent me.
Also, before this gets any further along, I think he should know that whatever his interests are, I am NOT interested.
You've all been very kind to give your views. I know it's my decision to make about what to do about this. Every relationship is different. I know that in ours, not saying anything to him about this no longer seems like an option.
This weekend is out because of being extremely busy with other plans. During the week will never work for us because of our schedules. I want to make sure we have all the time we need, if we need it, to discuss this.
So, I have made up my mind to bring it up to him next weekend. What I haven't decided on is how to bring it up.
I would appreciate any ideas anyone has to help me with this. Thanks.
This weekend is out because of being extremely busy with other plans. During the week will never work for us because of our schedules. I want to make sure we have all the time we need, if we need it, to discuss this.
So, I have made up my mind to bring it up to him next weekend. What I haven't decided on is how to bring it up.
I would appreciate any ideas anyone has to help me with this. Thanks.
Alexis,
Many of the men who are cuckolds or fantasize about being one, like myself, have feeling of inadequacy. That's what leads us to thinking about our wives being with a bigger and dominant man who can please like we think that she needs.
You should actually feel fortunate that this is the kind of porn your husband is looking at. He could be lusting after other women and fantasizing about them like most men. Instead, his fantasies are centered around you and your pleasure. He obviously gets a lot of his sexual pleasure from knowing that you are sexually satisfied. So think about that when you have your discussion with him. It might put your mind at ease a little.
Many of the men who are cuckolds or fantasize about being one, like myself, have feeling of inadequacy. That's what leads us to thinking about our wives being with a bigger and dominant man who can please like we think that she needs.
You should actually feel fortunate that this is the kind of porn your husband is looking at. He could be lusting after other women and fantasizing about them like most men. Instead, his fantasies are centered around you and your pleasure. He obviously gets a lot of his sexual pleasure from knowing that you are sexually satisfied. So think about that when you have your discussion with him. It might put your mind at ease a little.
mmmmmmmmmmmmm
my question is , why is someone who is not interested and knows her husband comes to this site, why does she keep coming back to postit does not help her problem to keep coming here to ask advice of strangers , why not go to her close friends or a close relative for answers, to me and this is my oion, I think she is seeking satisfaction for her self. if she is serious ask her husband right straight out what his intentions are or why he comes, to this site best way to solve problem , yes she may not like the answer but at least she have the honest answer so what if he says what she doesn't want to hear at least she knows , only thing can happen is she gets mad they argue and soon it is over and each will know how they stand in their marriage, if their marriage is strong this will not effect it either way, enough said
my question is , why is someone who is not interested and knows her husband comes to this site, why does she keep coming back to postit does not help her problem to keep coming here to ask advice of strangers , why not go to her close friends or a close relative for answers, to me and this is my oion, I think she is seeking satisfaction for her self. if she is serious ask her husband right straight out what his intentions are or why he comes, to this site best way to solve problem , yes she may not like the answer but at least she have the honest answer so what if he says what she doesn't want to hear at least she knows , only thing can happen is she gets mad they argue and soon it is over and each will know how they stand in their marriage, if their marriage is strong this will not effect it either way, enough said
Alexis said:
How to bring it up?
Do you, or have you ever watched porn together as a couple? Has he ever asked?
If you do watch porn together, let him pick one out, and watch it. But don't give in to any activity unless is has a bm/wf scene in it. If it happens to have a bm/wf scene in it, then initiate the action.
I wouldn't go straight into watching a Jack Napier or a Lexington Steele flick just yet, but something a little more mainstream with a black guy or two in it.
But only initiate intimacy when there is a bm/wf scene on when you are watching. He WILL pick up on it, especially if he's been into this kind of porn on the PC. That doesn't mean he'll say anything, but it lets him know in a subtle way that you MIGHT be interested in talking about it.
Then the seed is there, in his mind, and he just might come forward and start asking you, rather than you confronting him over the porn he watches. That way, it's initiated by him, and not you, which depending on how you approach it, may seem like an attack.
I would certainly hope that a sexually expressive couple would have talked about a lot of different things, but I don't know how long you've been together.
I don't know anything about your (you and your husband) communication style, but try your best to be non-confrontational, or it will be just an arguement. Methinks.
Alexis said:
If your goal is to know what hubby is doing her you have no choice but to ask very clearly "What are you doing on Dark Cavern?" Since you've already stated your not a prude and don't mind him looking at this i'd let him know this aswell and make it clear you have no desire to participate.
KingKong said:
thats it,,,,,cutting to the chase!, Alexis is one of those people that pretty much hemmed up in thinking and acting the way she is expected to think and act, but what she seem to be having a hard time with, is finding out someone close to her has a "dark secret fantasy". It's not suppose to be like that, to her its still the 1950's and there are no fantasies, just fairy tales and sit-com realities.
Alexis,
To many men the excitement is the idea of their wife being completely fulfilled by a "larger" man. Is your husband on the small side or average in size? Or are you not very excited during sex? These are things that make men believe that something is missing, and make them feel like they are not totally fulfilling you. Just another side of the story.
To many men the excitement is the idea of their wife being completely fulfilled by a "larger" man. Is your husband on the small side or average in size? Or are you not very excited during sex? These are things that make men believe that something is missing, and make them feel like they are not totally fulfilling you. Just another side of the story.
figure out what you really want to know
In reading the previous post she doesn't deny the existence of fantasy she's just shocked because until now her husband hid his so well & she had no idea what the extent of it is. Seems Alexis has made the decision that she can not go on in ignorance. So the only way to know is to ask directly.
The advise she's getting about asking "whats your fantasy" is crap. They obviously do not have the kind of relationship where this is discussed openly and hubby has tired to hide this side of him form Alexis, so it won't generate the type of answers shes looking for.
My question for Alexis is what is her plan if hubby's desires involve her. She's stated she can't live with that so now what?
lewis said:
In reading the previous post she doesn't deny the existence of fantasy she's just shocked because until now her husband hid his so well & she had no idea what the extent of it is. Seems Alexis has made the decision that she can not go on in ignorance. So the only way to know is to ask directly.
The advise she's getting about asking "whats your fantasy" is crap. They obviously do not have the kind of relationship where this is discussed openly and hubby has tired to hide this side of him form Alexis, so it won't generate the type of answers shes looking for.
My question for Alexis is what is her plan if hubby's desires involve her. She's stated she can't live with that so now what?
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