Alexis said:
For those of you who may be interested, the last time I posted before today, I said that we had talked and things were going pretty good between me and my husband, and that we were going to take a long weekend to sort things out. Well, little did I know that the talk we had in which I thought he had told me everything was only a small beginning of what he is interested in. I had thought that we could work everything out, but the more I learned the more I (and he as well) realized that the "800 lb gorilla" was now part of our marriage.
So, today we finalized our decision to get a separation. Temporary, permanent, who knows. All I know at this point is we need some time away from each other.
That is a sad thing to hear. SOunds like you either did not really love your husband, or you really were just in love with a fantasy you dreamed up.
First I have done this sort of thing for many years. I do not have an interracial focus. My interest is in the dynamics.
One couple I worked with in NC were upper class. Both admitted to me separately and privately the exact same fantasy, ie the wife be gang ***** by a group of blacks.
For 16 years they lay beside one another with the exact same fantasy and were sure the other would divorce them if they knew they were even THINKING of this.
I arranged the group. I BTW am white and come from an executive family.
My job was to ensure the fantasies all around were filled and safely.
That couple formed a long term relationship with two of the men in this group of 5.
Another husband wanted his wife to be a "fuck slut" (words I do not particularly like, I prefer a love goddess).
This man had tried for 7 years to get his wife to fuck other men. She was a nurse, petite and very cute.
I approached her from the point of view of her being a sort of Florence Nightengale, someone who was serving cock needs and the aching desires of other men.
Her first group of men were all over 70! Only one actually managed an erection. But she loved it. It was touching on her grandpa feelings and the idea she was attending to needs they had.
Within 2 weeks she was happily 'serving' groups of younger men.
Her husband who thought he was going to get a "slut slave", discovered he was really the submissive in this relationship.
Finally, what I have found from experience is it is best for the husband to bring the wife the lovers and the wife to bring the husband his lovers. This way you are not "going outside" your marriage.
When I started in S&M in my teens, I thought I was "dominating my girlfriend" and making her have sex with some nice but clueless geeks.
About the 3rd or 4th time this happened and she was having 10 or 12 orgasms with two men in her, I realized I was not giving her to the men but rather the men to her.
Fact is many men just have fantasies. Most men masturbate even when married or in a relationship. Lots of people feel guilty about having these feelings.
You might try just verbally fantasizing with your husband.
Forget his fantasies for the moment, go with on of yours.
I know your pure as the drive snow.
Never fantasized about a chance encounter with .... Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, Robert Redford, Paul Newman? (adjust for generation)
Talk to him about these. Include him in the scene. Maybe he is hiding in the closet watching or you have tied him up in a chair.
Do this when you are making love and just have fun.
Some men want to see their wife have sex with someone else because they feel inadequate. Others because they have been sleeping with her for 15 years and the drool has gone off the pie. They want to see her as a fresh sexy women, through the eyes of another man.
What is going on in your relationship. I do not know.
Just give it some thought.
Maybe give yourselves some harmless talk in bed.
It never needs to go anywhere.
My best to you
He who rules truly serves
She who serves truly rules