First "Date"

[Melo-Jenny]

Today is my "first date". Hubby setup a date with a potential lover. We've emailed and talked on the phone with him for the past few weeks and finally agreed to meet for drinks tonight. I'm very nervous, not sure what to expect. Hubby seems quit excited and not so nervous but I'm still not sure. I don't want him to flip out into a jealous rage tonight. I'm not even sure what is expected of me. Hubby was excited with the sexy emails and phone sex but in the end thats all fake. I'm not sure how he'll take the real thing. Plus, I'm not even sure me and this other guy will get along so well in person either. What if this guy is a psycho. I'm looking forward to tonight but I have a million things running though my head right now. Its kinda scary when you think about it.

 

[ForHerDsires]

Communication and comfort is paramount....

I wish you the best of luck, Jenny, as you embark on this new step. It can, indeed, be a little scary, for both parties. As you have guessed, sometimes the reality does not always match the fantasy for some.
But, as others here have advised, keep the communication open with your husband and be clear in your own mind about your boundaries and comfort zone with what is happening. If your husband is as loving as you have described, he shouldnt and wouldnt want you to engage in any behavior or activity that you didnt feel good about. For if you did, it would turn this whole adventure into something unpleasant, manipulative and cheap. If hubby is a true cuck, and respectful of your feelings and values, that would be the last thing he would want for you. Rather, the freedom, fun and excitement of new exploration is more likely what excites him..and hopefully you.
You should do exactly as much or as little as you feel comfortable and good about...within the context of an understanding with your man what feels safe for him as well. And, its always good to reassure the adoring cuck that you will monitor how he is handling things until its clear you all are cool with what is going on. Its all based on mutual respect and trust that this can and should add something unique to you both, not detract from or harm the basic partnership.
So good luck. Let us all know how this maiden voyage goes!!

 

[Custer Laststand]

Work out a plan w/ your husband in case you don't feel right about your date.

Hi Ms. Melo-Jenny,

Today is my "first date".

Congratulations! (I assume you mean, your first date as a married woman.)

Hubby set up a date with a potential lover.

Cool! Your cuckold-in-waiting has the right idea, and has been sufficiently bold and outgoing to act on it.

We've e-mailed and talked on the phone with him for the past few weeks, and finally agreed to meet for drinks tonight. I'm very nervous, not sure what to expect.

E-mailing then talking on the phone (given, I gather, you didn't mind your candidate learning your phone no.) with him was very important. It enabled you to get a better feeling for what he is all about than e-mails alone would have yielded.

Hubby seems quite excited and not so nervous, but I'm still not sure.

That's entirely reasonable, since you will be "the center of the action." So, it's OK for you to be "not sure." The purpose of your date is to enable *you* to learn whether you want to proceed further with him. You can decide either way. If you find you have an uneasy feeling about him (or find you straight-out don't like him when you meet him in person), tell him "it was a pleasure to have met you [your candidate], but you don't feel quite right about this".... or something similarly polite; i.e., don't insult him. Then, wish him luck with his continuing search for married women and tell him goodbye. In other words, go with your intuition. This sort of thing is, in part, what "women's intuition" is for.

I don't want [my husband] to flip out into a jealous rage tonight.

No, of course not. So, during the course of your date, monitor the behavior of *both* your candidate and your husband. Include your husband in the conversation; make eye contact with him (frequently), not just with your candidate.

Here's something you should do. *This is important.* Set up a pre-arranged signal for your husband to use (tapping your leg twice with his leg, under the table?) if he doesn't have the right feeling about your candidate. Or, if you don't have the right feeling about your candidate, give your husband the same signal. Then, bring your date to a close (along the lines, say, suggested above), with the support and cooperation of your husband.

I'm not even sure what is expected of me.

As a married woman interviewing a potential lover in your husband's presence, you should guide the action. I don't know if that's "what's expected" of you, but it's what you should do.

Hubby was excited with the sexy e-mails and phone sex but in the end that's all fake.

It wasn't fake, Ms. Melo-Jenny. It was what enabled you to get a good enough feeling for your candidate for you and your husband to decide you wanted to meet him in person, as I mentioned above.

I'm not sure how [my husband will] take the real thing.

Finding out how he's responding "in reality" will be one of the purposes of your date.

Plus, I'm not even sure me and this other guy will get along so well in person either.

Finding out is the primary purpose of your date. Remember, follow your intuition. If you don't have the right feeling about him, end your date in a polite, reasonably-kind way and move on. There are many "candidate lovers" for you "out there."

What if this guy is a psycho?

If he is, that won't become evident, necessarily, during your date. People who are psychopaths (not to be confused with sociopaths) can be very smooth and seem totally "normal." One of your husband's roles in this — and it's a critical role — will be to protect you. If you *and* your husband decide to move to the next step — i.e., renting a hotel room for the night and taking your candidate as your lover (at least, for the night or evening) — make sure your husband is THERE, IN THE ROOM.

In connection with self-protection, during the "conversation" phase of your date it will be entirely appropriate — in fact, I recommend this — to casually ask your candidate if he "normally" carries a gun or knife, then pay close attention to how he answers. If he says "no" but you don't have the right feeling about how he says it, END your date. If he says "yes" (meaning, he considers that a reasonable and normal thing to do), then DEFINITELY END your date.

I'm looking forward to tonight but I have a million things running though my head right now. It's kinda scary when you think about it.

Yes. It's entirely reasonable and appropriate for you to have "a million things" running through your head right now. But, by taking the above approach, I suggest it should be possible to ensure reasonable safety for yourself and your husband. Remember, it's *very* important to agree in advance with your husband on a set of signals for *either* of you to use if either of you does not feel right about your candidate.

Good luck! I hope your date goes well for you.

—Custer

 

[chris]

go with

Just meet in a public place and if you don't feel comfortable then dont go along with it. Maybe give hubby a secret phrase he can use if it really gets too much for him (assuming your going to bring your date home and let hubby watch).

And remember most people in life are great! Have fun.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Hi Ms. Melo-Jenny,

Regarding your comment:

Today is my "first date." .... What if this guy is a psycho? ....

See (for instance):

The predator's gaze: scientists explore the frightening world of psychopaths | Science News | Find Articles at BNET

What Makes a Psychopath? Answers Remain Elusive | LiveScience

The first article, in particular, is pretty good. I'd recommend it to any woman who meets and talks with, as candidates to become her lovers, men she doesn't know well from personal experience. This would certainly include men you, or any other woman, meet via the Internet.

Perhaps your "first date" is in progress by now, or soon will be. I encourage you to let us (the forum) know how it turned out, and what your thoughts and feelings are about it.

Best regards—

Custer

 

[AngleBaby]

I would suggest you and your husband read every negative experience from cuckolding on these boards. The divorces, the cheating, the relationships where the wife is in love with the lover and the relationships where the wife is not in love with the husband. Read about and explore your feelings about all those relationships. If you can face all those possibilities and not flinch at the idea that your relationship with your husband can end up like one of those, go for it.

 

[SoonToBe]

You speak the truth. You need to be sure about your relationship before you board this ride. It will push the boundaries of your relationship. If you have a strong one and you can openly share the experience - it can strengthen it. If you don't or you can't be open about it, it is very easy for it to be a problem. You and your husband will feel and experience things that you should be ready for. For my wife and I, so far, it's been a very satisfying experience, not without it's bumps but we may not represent the norm or the majority, I cannot say.

 

[rusman]

I wish you 3 orgasms...

 

[jonathanm]

The first date is very tough. My wife recently went out on her own "first date" since we began cuckolding and it was much, much more intense emotionally than I had anticipated. Seeing her with another man for the first time increased my jealousy 100X and it all came as a shock, even though I knew exactly what to expect.

My advice to you is to just have a good, open, honest talk before the date and go over every possible emotion before. Even thoughts and feelings you think you won't have, you both probably will. Jealousy, insecurity, anger, anything is fair game. Prepare for the worst, give each other constant reassurance and love, and everything will turn out fine

 

[Melo-Jenny]

Hello everyone, Thanks to all for your advice and good wishes. The night went well. We seemed to get along nicely. We did a lot of talking and got to know a few things about eachother. As the night progressed and the drinks were setting in, things progressed a little. I slow danced with him as my husband watched from the table. When we came back to the table from the first dance we sat next to eachother and shared a long island ice tea. We danced again and he kissed me. This was way farther than I had planned to go, I glanced at hubby who didn't signal that he objected so we continued making out as we danced. It was weird since I have never done anything like this. It was even weirder that my husband was watching. I kinda left guilty, like I was cheating on him. After that dance I was afraid things were moving too quickly so I signaled hubby that I wanted to go home. I figured we should quit while we were ahead and before the alcohol took things even further.

Overall, I had a good time. It was interesting being the center of attention for 2 men. After we got home we had the best sex ever. I had never seen my husband so excited, ever! We talked about what happened and how far we want to go. I liked the other guy, I could see myself being intimate with him but I need to get to know him a little more.

And thats it. Nothing else happened. We agreed to meet up again sometime soon.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Ah, good. Your first date as a married woman went well....

Hi Ms. Melo-Jenny,

Good to hear from you again!

Hello everyone; thanks to all for your advice and good wishes. The night went well.

Great! That's good to hear (and you're welcome).

We seemed to get along nicely. We did a lot of talking and got to know a few things about each other.

Good.... I think that's what "first dates" are for....

As the night progressed and the drinks were setting in, things progressed a little. I slow-danced with [my prospective lover] as my husband watched from the table. When we came back to the table from the first dance we sat next to each other and shared a long island ice tea. We danced again and he kissed me.

That was very nice. It means he likes you. But then, you know that....

This was way farther than I had planned to go.

Ah.... but, it leant some delicious excitement to your first date....

I glanced at [my husband] who didn't signal that he objected, so we continued making out as we danced.

Excellent! Both your lover-in-waiting and you tested your prospective cuckold, and he passed. Your date got better and better....

It was weird since I have never done anything like this. It was even weirder that my husband was watching. I kinda left guilty, like I was cheating on him.

You'll get used to it....

After that dance, I was afraid things were moving too quickly so I signaled [my husband] that I wanted to go home. I figured we should quit while we were ahead and before the alcohol took things even further.

You were appropriately cautious. Having met, talked with, danced with, kissed, and made-out with your prospective lover, all in front of your prospective cuckold, you and he can now talk over how both of you feel about your lover-in-waiting.

Overall, I had a good time. It was interesting being the center of attention for 2 men.

Good! And I see you perceive one of the advantages, already, of taking a lover.

After we got home we had the best sex ever. I had never seen my husband so excited, ever!

And then, you experienced another of the advantages....

We talked about what happened and how far we want to go. I liked the other guy, I could see myself being intimate with him but I need to get to know him a little more.

Excellent! And it's entirely reasonable, of course, for you to take your time with taking your first lover. It's important for this to work out well for you.

And that's it. Nothing else happened. We agreed to meet up again sometime soon.

That's as much as needed to happen, and more. That you find you like your prospective lover and agreed to meet him again "soon" means your date was successful. I — and others, I'm sure — will await with interest your post on your second date (coming soon!).

Best wishes to you and your cuckold-in-waiting, as you cultivate your relationship with (it appears) your lover-to-be.

—Custer

 

[Saraha]

There is chemistry between you both on the first meeting. I sincerely hope you can meet him twice a week to grow your friendship, then settle into a warm, loving, caring relationship with full support from your husband. Keep your husband fully informed on what is happening, so he does not feel left out - and remember how much your husband means to you.

 

[Melo-Jenny]

Last week, we went out to meet our friend, his name is Anthony for the second time. We had emailed and spoken on the phone several times since and we agreed to meet at a more relaxed place. We met at a restaurant Tequila Sunrise for dinner and drinks. We sat next to eachother while hubby sat across from us. We talked about the usual stuff, current events until finally getting to the topic at hand. I had a good time. I think we all had a good time. My and hubby seem to be getting along with Anthony. At the dinner we agreed to meet again, next time some place more private. (I'm still hesitant to let him come to our home, I not sure why though.).

At the dinner Anthony told us that he would to take me (alone) out for a day of pampering, I was unsure but then hubby said answered for me and said sure. So, today I met Anthony in Midtown for lunch. I made arrangments at work to take the rest of the afternoon off. We met at a place called Dorit Baxter's New York Day Spa where Anthony had booked a couple's massage package that included a full body massage for both us in the same room.

When we met we greated with a peck on the cheek and headed inside holding hands where we were directed to a massage room. Since we were a "couple" we were allowed to change together. I didn't really dawn on me until that moment that I was going to strip naked in front of him, and he in front of me. We had seen eachother naked before but only in photos sent via emails. Now I was looking at him in person. It was weird for me as it was the first time I was looking at another man's penis up close and it was the first time I was naked in front of another man (other than my doctor) since I got married, and to make it even weirder I was doing it with my husband's approval.

We stripped down to prepare for our massage therapists, as I stripped I could feel his eyes on me. I was sneaking some peeks here and there without wanting to stare. He came toward me and I had no choice but to "look" at him. He put his hands on my shoulders and moved in for a kiss. A part of me wanted to resist and another part of me wanted to keep going. Here I was ditching work for the afternoon, naked in a room with a handsome and naked man, with his erect penis rubbing against me, making out. Even though my husband was fully aware, it still felt wrong, but also felt right at the same time. It was very awkward and confusing.

We started making out passionately and he started to massage my breasts and somehow I ended up with his erect penis in my hand. I thank god that the massage therapists knocked on the door and interrupted us. I know it probably would have gone all the way if they hadn't come and that was not what I was planning for today. Talk about perfect timing.

After the massage, the facial and scrub, we went for a coffee at a nearby starbucks made small talk and then went our separate ways. I called hubby right away to tell him I was on my way home. He bombarded me with questions as to what happened. I told him we would talk at home. I got home before hubby did and I'm not sure what to do. I am very hesitant to tell him "everything" about today, that I almost lost it and almost had sex with Anthony. I'm feeling a little guilty.

Don't get me wrong. I had a great time with Anthony today. Its just that for a second I felt things were going to fast and I would rather hubby also be there. This is his fantasy and I don't want to exclude him from his own fantasy. Also, even thougt I like Anthony and enjoy his company I don't want to start a relationship with him. I'm not looking to cheat on my husband or do anything with Anthony behind my husband's back, I figure if hubby is always there with us that puts the breaks on any like that starting up.

 

[AngleBaby]

That might not put the breaks on anything. The general experience is that you need to make a choice between the two when it comes to love sooner or later. The choice between the two though might come, or it might not. But I would suggest you decide now if you will stay in love with your husband or not, no matter what your feelings for your bf are, and work on maintaining those romantic feelings if you want to keep them.

 

[Saraha]

Your husband wishes you to accept his gift of "extra loving" - and I truly think you should. You also need to tell your husband how much your body "wanted to go all the way", but something was holding you back, "that you wanted your husband in the same room to "see you being fucked".

Anthony is your "first Bull to cut your teeth on" to get a taste of the lifestyle. You can enjoy him for several months and guage how your husband handles you dating, but eventually your body will align up with its "primal needs" and you will find your self attracted to new Bulls who excite, tease and please you in ways you might never have imagined.

It is quite normal to fall deeply in love with a "second husband" who is dating you and having all the sex he desires. Your feelings for him can be very intense for awhile, then they will settle back to a level you can manage. A wife can love several men as well as each of her children.

All you have to do is to keep your marriage strong by sharing with your husband everything your Bull and you do together. This allows your husband to "continue to see" that you are dating Anthony because your husband has asked you to give him that "excitement of being fucked by other men".

Your husband can't expect you to fuck Anthony and not experience beautiful feelings of wanting Anthony's cock to revisit your pleasure tunnel time and time again.

Prostitutes can fuck and not "carry forward emotions", because prostitutes rarely allow kissing. You will be kissing Anthony, so the sexual pleasure will be joined with the pleasure of kissing and the attention of two men.

You have "your time with your husband), and you also have (time with Anthony) = each "marriage" needs its own space, and you have to spend extra time with Anthony getting to know him, and sometimes going away for a naughty weekend to allow you both extra privacy and bonding.

Part of your husband's fantasy is for "you to admit the juicy details of what Anthony does to you", and probably you could sit on your husband's face and drip the creampie into his mouth as he licks your pussy groove like an eft-pos card sliding in the card reader when paying for your purchases.

By telling your husband everything, you have nothing to feel guilty about, because you are opening your thighs to please your husband - because you love your husband and "wish to obey him" and also "accept his gift of extra sex".

If your wedding vows included the words, "promise to obey my husband", then "fucking Anthony is simply obeying your husband", or in other words, being true to your wedding vows.

 

[Melo-Jenny]

After the last date I had with Anthony I thought my husband was going to be somewhat upset about the whole situation with him being excluded and I felt kind of guilty. After talked later that night he was very inquisitive as to what happened and how it happened but he was more curious that upset and we even had incredible sex that night after I told him that I was naked with Anthony even though we didn't do much other than just kiss.

Long story short I met Anthony a second time without my husband, but this time I was feeling much better and a lot less guilty since this time I had my husband's approval. Yesterday I went to dinner with Anthony. We talked and had a lot of fun. We went for a walk along the river at Riverside Park. For those that live in New York its quite a romantic walk a sundown. There was a lot of talking and making out. We both agreed that the time and mood was right to move to the next step. Its just that I did not want to do it without my husband. I called my husband and had him put the kids to sleep so we could all talk. I just wanted to be sure that my husband understood that the next time I saw Anthony there was a very good chance we were going to end up having sex, kind of like giving him a last minute chance to say stop. And I also wanted to lay some ground rules, nothing happens behind anyone's back, condoms are a must, etc.

Anthony drove me home, where we talked with my husband who seemed to be very anxious but also excited. We had a few drinks to put us at ease a bit. Discussing the terms of how and when your wife is going to fuck someone else is not the easiest topic to talk about. We talked, he and my husband seemed to be getting along well.

We started talking about what we liked and did not like in the bedroom. I told Anthony I don't do anal sex and I don't do rim-jobs, but I love oral sex and I've come to like having my feet massaged. My husband having a foot fetish I got used to and enjoy having my feet pampered. I knew this question was comming, Anthony asked if I swallowed. My husband jumped in said "of course". Then then Anthony and my husband took over the converstation talking about they like to have thier dicks sucked and how well I suck off my husband.

It was weird and arousing at the same time watching the two of them talk about how I suck my husband's cock. I also took the opportunity to bring up something I had on my mind.

As much as I like Anthony and we do have a lot fun when we are together, I do not want to be with Anthony without my husband. This is all his fantasy. I brought up that I also wanted my husband present. No so much for a threesome or anything gay or bi between him and Anthony but it would excite me to know he is watching me and I know it would excite him and plus if anything got out of hand or if he suddenly had a change of heart he could stop everything. And I also wanted to bring up the idea of my husband being able to take pictures or video tape us. I want a video or pictures because this would allow me and hubby to re-live the experience when ever we wanted without having to keep finding a third person.

For those that are wondering...Yes, my husband has no problems with facials or me swallowing Anthony's cum but he must wear a condom if we are going to have sex.

With any luck, it should happen very soon, My husband was talking about possibly this weekend. Lets see what happens.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Hi Ms. Melo-Jenny,

.... Long story short I met Anthony a second time without my husband, but this time I was feeling much better and a lot less guilty since this time I had my husband's approval. Yesterday I went to dinner with Anthony. We talked and had a lot of fun. We went for a walk along the river at Riverside Park. For those that live in New York its quite a romantic walk a sundown. There was a lot of talking and making out. We both agreed that the time and mood was right to move to the next step. ....

Congratulations! You're moving both Anthony and your husband forward appropriately, at your own pace. You're handling this very well....

.... I called my husband and had him put the kids to sleep so we could all talk.

Good.... you told your husband what to do in his role caring for your children, and he did it. That's positive. Overall this will work out best for you, now and in the future, if you accustom your husband to taking direction from you — thus conveying to him and to Anthony that you are the one "calling the shots" (as men like to say).

I just wanted to be sure that my husband understood that the next time I saw Anthony there was a very good chance we were going to end up having sex. .... And I also wanted to lay some ground rules, nothing happens behind anyone's back, condoms are a must, etc.

This is sounding better and better. You are doing well as the woman in charge.

Anthony drove me home, where we talked with my husband who seemed to be very anxious but also excited. We had a few drinks to put us at ease a bit. Discussing the terms of how and when your wife is going to fuck someone else is not the easiest topic to talk about. We talked, he and my husband seemed to be getting along well.

Excellent. It's important for your cuckold-to-be to get along well with your lover-in-waiting, and for you to verify that.

We started talking about what we liked and did not like in the bedroom. .... I love oral sex and I've come to like having my feet massaged. Since my husband has a foot fetish, I have grown used to, and enjoy, having my feet pampered. ....

That's important; it's good to hear you've made progress on this front. It will be important for your husband, as your cuckold, to know you expect him to worship your feet and for him to do so. You might consider letting him know (in a factual sort of way, nothing dramatic....) that you expect him to bow down on his knees and kiss your FMBs or pumps on suitable occasions, like when you come home from work, in addition to giving you frequent foot messages. It will be to your advantage to gradually become accustomed to taking full advantage of your husband's foot fetish.

.... It was weird and arousing at the same time watching the two of them talk about how I suck my husband's cock.

Yes, I would think so....

I also took the opportunity to bring up something I had on my mind. As much as I like Anthony and we do have a lot fun when we are together, I do not want to be with Anthony without my husband. This is all his fantasy. I brought up that I also wanted my husband present [during sex him]. Not so much for a threesome or anything gay or bi between him and Anthony, but it would excite me to know he is watching me and I know it would excite him....

It's completely appropriate for you to want to fuck your lover in front of your husband, thereby conveying the message to him, in a way he can't fail to understand, that you are a self-sufficient woman fully-competent to attract and take desirable lovers.

With any luck, it should happen very soon. My husband was talking about possibly this weekend. Let's see what happens.

Yes — I hope it works out well for you, your budding cuckold and Anthony too. As I mentioned above, it sounds like you've been handling this well as has your husband.

Good luck!

—Custer

 

[SoonToBe]

Ms. Jenny - I'm very interested in hearing how your husband handles being there with you when you have sex with Anthony. Although I have see Sue and her partner(s) several times, each time is still very anxious for me and even difficult to stay and be a part of. I wonder if I am alone in these feelings so I'd be curious how your husband handles it and feels afterwards. Please keep us all in the loop.

 

[Melo-Jenny]

Ms. Jenny - I'm very interested in hearing how your husband handles being there with you when you have sex with Anthony. Although I have see Sue and her partner(s) several times, each time is still very anxious for me and even difficult to stay and be a part of. I wonder if I am alone in these feelings so I'd be curious how your husband handles it and feels afterwards. Please keep us all in the loop.

How my husband handles one of my biggest concerns. Its one thing to talk about it and fantasize about it but it is totally different to actually be there watching it happen for real. So far he's been totally ok with it but so far nothing much has happened besides some touching and kissing.

Besides thatn we have different visions as to what hubby should do...He thinks he should stay off to the side and just "enjoy the show." I envision he joins in some how. Making out with me while I have sex with Anthony or best case senario he joins in for a full MFM threesome. That is something we'll have to talk about.

 

[AngleBaby]

I suggest you reaffirm your love often with your husband.