I think you are already locked into the cuckold thought vortex STB. If you are hovering now, by Friday it will be a certain 'yes'. If you jerk off tonight, try to make your decision after that, its the only clear chance you will get probably. If it was nothing, it wouldn't be bugging you, so it isn't nothing. You can't go back after either. Only question is, does it really matter to you ? Unlike everyone else, I can't answer that for you. Either way, I hope the experience tomorrow is everything that you both hope it will be. Have fun ...