Denial discussion

[SoonToBe]

So - I'm not sure I can put all of the thoughts and discussions we had into one short post, but I'll at least start - as some of what we talked about revealed things that surprised me.

We started talking about it on Saturday and continued into yesterday.

The basic elements of the conversation were her trying to understand more about my penchant for denial and what I was feeling. She in turn shared some of her thoughts and realizations too.

One of the thoughts she shared with me was that she feels that my using condoms with her, in some way in her mind, gives her the reinforcement that our relationship isn't just based on sex - and that my willingness to give up that, as she put it "most intimate" feeling seems to convey to her that I want her for more than just sex and for more than just her willingness to fuck me or cum in her. I hadn't ever thought about this before - it surprised me that she'd read this into what we were doing. But I suppose, the more I thought about it, the more it made sense to me in a way. She seemed to really feel that my acceptance of her request signified that it's her that I want and not merely the opportunity to deposit my cum in her (her words, not mine).

Needless to say - this led to a lot of things and led me to realize a lot of what turns her on seems to touch her in more ways than I'd thought. She says that this feeling she has is really sort of independent of Robert or whoever - and that she even thinks its something that she's felt now for a long time - that my accepting of all of the stuff - all of the denial stuff we've done - that it's always reinforced that it's her that I want with or yes, without the sex part. I told her that I'd never really thought about it that way - but that maybe somewhere I might have some of the same thoughts - and I shared with her that in many ways, the odd pleasure of denying me the ability to cum in her - that maybe it's somewhat similar. I know that despite my sometimes thought that I would like to feel her bare again, that despite that - when we are done, I do feel a tremendous feeling of satisfaction that's beyond just the orgasm itself.

A thought that I shared with her is that my feelings and arousal at using condoms with her aren't unique or new. She was curious at what I was getting at and I admitted to her that it scared me a little to talk like this with her about these sorts of things - but she was really sensitive and convinced me that there shouldn't be anything that I couldn't say to her. Eventually I did finally tell her that it turns me on incredibly to use condoms with her - and I shared that it seems to have always turned me on that she shared some of her most intimate moments (as she'd called them) with other guys before me. I think she thought I was going to start with her with Brad but instead I told her that it'd turned me on so much to hear her tell me about losing her virginity - and again I told her that what she'd shared about her promiscuousness in college really turned me on - and I told her that included her boyfriend back then who used to fuck her anally all the time (she says he had a really skinny cock).

She was a bit surprised. I continued and told her that it turned me on to think of her first wedding and yes, that first night for her with her ex-husband. I don't think she remembered that over time she'd given me bits and pieces of these things that I put a picture together from. She blushed as I told her that I'd seen a few pics of her in her wedding-dress from the first time and I'd seen a pic of her ex and that it turned me on to think of him undressing her that first night and having her on their hotel bed.

I guess I explained myself a bit to clarify things for her because a moment of so later she said that she started to understand why some things had happened as they did and that she now understood how significant they must have felt to me. She said she always felt that she had to reach a certain level of intimacy with her guys but that once she was there, she felt very free with them - she hadn't realized that when she reached there, that it had such an arousing effect on me. She giggled and she said she can remember how almost upset I was but yet how turned on I was way back when things first started - she said that she remembered how upset AND worked-up I would get when she first showed Brad how to check on and later, how to put in her diaphragm. She said she remembered me saying something about how it was when she showed me how to do that.

She looked at me and said "so it turns you on that they get to do that instead of you?". I was so deep in thought that it took me a minute to nod my head yes to her. She smiled and giggled a little and said that she'd not realized all of this back then. She kissed me deeply.

It felt good to talk to her - she was right, it wasn't hard to talk to her, it really felt good to be able to talk, openly.

More in a bit.

 

[SoonToBe]

At another point she shared that she wasn't totally sure of her own motivation. What she said was that she had originally, and up to very recently, thought her desire to have me use condoms with her was out of her own arousal at being exclusive for her lover - but she now admits that it turns her on to know that she is denying me. She asked me how I felt about that and I repeated what I'd said before - that it turned me on to deny myself and to give her what she wanted. I told her that when I was buying condoms in our local CVS that I thought how erotic it was that I was buying my own condoms to deny myself one of the most intimate pleasures we can possibly share.

The look on her face as I said that to her seemed to share more than anything she could possibly say. I told her that I couldn't fully understand it all but I knew that it brought me, as I've already described it, that it makes me perversely turned on. She hugged me and said that it turned her on too - to think that she's my loving wife and that between us both, we don't want me to cum in her. I say "we" because she asked me that - do I like it and I couldn't lie and I told her again that it turned me on enough that I would do it for as long as she wanted me to.

My admission of enjoying it led her to start to ask me a lot more exploring type of questions. I was floored by one of the questions she asked:
"If I wanted it - would you want to have anal sex with me? Or would you want someone else to?" I was speechless for a moment until she looked at me and said that I'd wanted her to do other stuff with her lover before me - and she made clear mention of both the time with her new IUD and again after it was removed - and she basically said to me "is that the kind of denial that turns you on?".

When I was still speechless she held my hand and said to me "it's okay if it does" and she proceeded to tell me how my honesty was totally captivating - she said she'd never felt so close to me and told me several times that it's okay if this turns me on - that it's just something she wouldn't ever think less of me for - if anything, she said she thought so much more of me that I'd be willing to talk about this kind of thing.

I know it was the height of the moment but it was also what she was saying to me. She said that she felt so sexually alive at what we're doing and at how horny it all made her feel. She says that knowing it turns me on like I was saying only made it all the better for her. When I was still kind of figuring out what to say to her she said something like maybe this will help. "When you think of me having sex with Robert and me having sex with you - what turns you on to think about the most?". I moaned out loud at that and I told her that the most erotic thing that I can think of that turns me on incredibly was to think about what she's seen in some of the video's that I enjoy - I told her that it turns me on to think of him cumming in her and then him pushing back into her afterwards like sloppy seconds. She teasingly said "awww, that would be something you don't get to feel...." as if to have sympathy with me but at the same time to point it out to me.

She started to say something to me but then she stopped - it was my turn to coax it out of her. She said that she was going to say something but then as she thought about it, she wasn't sure that she should say it now. Well, obviously I couldn't let it drop - not in the heat of the moment and I pushed her a bit and said "remember what you said - that you could share anything" and then I added that I wanted to know. She took a deep breath and she said she was going to say something else that I didn't get to feel but that she wasn't sure it was something that would necessarily turn me on. I told her that she should just say it. She said something like "you don't get to feel me cum when you do". I wasn't sure of what I'd heard until she got more explicit and said that "feeling him cum in me always makes me cum too" and she said "I don't feel that (much) with you since the condom holds it all". She said that was something she realized that she was turned on herself that she would only feel with Robert and it's something that led to her new realization that she enjoys denying me - and she looked at me and said "I'm sorry baby, but it turns me on to think that I only feel that with Robert" and she proceeded to tell me how erotic she felt knowing that the orgasm she feels as he cums in her is something that she only feels with him. She held my hand and said that she was sorry if that hurt me at all. It did hurt - but it also turned me on incredibly!!! Oh my god did it turn me on to hear her say that. I told her that it turned me on that she did - that it turned me on that she experienced sexual feelings only with her lover. She turned to me and said "even if it's instead of with you?" - I nodded yes, kissed her and said "yes". She hugged me and a flood of emotions were let loose for a few minutes as she even had to wipe away a tear or two.

I kissed her and to sort of calm her down I told her that one of the most erotic thoughts I have that turns me on like crazy is to think about it only being Robert that gets to feel the inside of her pussy. I told her that while I do really miss that feeling - I told her that knowing I am missing it is incredibly arousing to me - and that the arousal I feel at knowing that, in many ways, outweighs the pleasure that I know I am missing.

She looked at me and said that was maybe the most meaningful thing I've told her in a long time. She kissed me passionately and said "I think I'm understanding you even more".

 

[Harry2614]

Steve, WOW!! I don't know how to respond to all that! I really don't!!!

I know, that these are things that you have been telling us, for a long time, now. I, and many others of your readers, have often 'wondered' what Sue has been thinking abouit this, all this time. Now that I am getting some 'insight' into how she thinks, and why she does what she does, and what her 'motivation is. It is really beyond my comprehension.

I just don't know how to 'take it in' without a lot of thought.

One thing for sure, as you said in post #73 last thread:
Quote Steve, "I will say this, that she knows me well, including the stuff that I've kept to myself in the past, but more, that she knows how to tease me with it. It is truly a unique feeling to feel more in love with her, and certainly more aroused about her than ever before (well, except those first few years!!)."

Yes, she certainly does know you well, and is learning more every day. Yet I am incredibly amazed that she is so very willing to, not only "play along with it," but to capitalize on it, for her own pleasure.

Cheers, Harry

 

[SoonToBe]

Harry - as I said - it was a very revealing, enlightening and even a bit scary - but in the end, I can say that I think we're in a better place.

We kept on talking into yesterday and I'd even say that we're not done yet as she seems very animated about all of this and very "up" on this being something new between us. Other things she said were equally enlightening - at one point she said that "some couples just use condoms all the time" and I replied that they do that for other reasons than we are - her response at that point was that she knows of many women who detest the mess and that's why they use them and again I replied that they are different from her which made her giggle. But she did say that it wasn't so strange or odd in that other couples, intentionally or not, also didn't share this type of pleasure.

She seemed very captivated that I was able to tell her how certain things turned me on - and I think it surprised her at some of what aroused me. When I told her that it turned me when I thought about Robert feeling sloppy-seconds with her - later on she asked me to tell her more if I could about how it made me feel. I told her what I'd already said, that some of the most intense moments were knowing that Robert would cum in her and then push back into her and share that post-fuck feeling of leaving his cock in her pussy. And I told her that when I cum in the condom and that I don't get to feel that erotic feeling of pushing back into her and feeling her pussy full of my cum - but knowing that he does that with her - I told her that it gives me a crazy kind of satisfaction and that even as I lay on her with my cock still in her in the condom - that it turns me on and even keeps me hard for a little longer (and sometimes another spurt or two of cum) as I think that I don't get to feel that in her. She responded that it scared her sometimes to know that she doesn't feel some of this with me - but now, after hearing how intense it makes me feel - that she said it helped her a lot to understand me better. I told her it was the same thing as when we first start to have sex - that knowing when I put on the condom, that I"m giving up what she freely shares with Robert - that I am knowingly giving up not only cumming in her but really, even feeling the silky insides of her pussy - wow did her eyes really open up, and later on - she said that she hadn't really known just how deep and intense some of this makes me feel.

We only briefly talked about Wednesdays - she giggled and said that she's long told me how much she likes watching me. I told her that it was something I looked forward to and she giggled again and said that she knew I liked it. She said that she loves our Wednesdays because she loves being able to watch me and that she knows that when I cum, that it's something she's helped bring me to - but she also repeated again that it made her feel very horny in seeing me cum and knowing it's not going in her.

I did tell her several times how scared I felt admitting all of this to her - but her response was just so calm and even nurturing. Later on she said that all along she'd hoped this was all good for me and that it was working for me - but now she is realizing that in many ways, we are both feeling the same arousal but maybe just from different sides of the same coin.

I'm sure I missed something in this recap - each time I re-read what I just posted, more thoughts come into my head. Harry - you pulled out something that truly makes me feel great about all of this though - I truly never thought I would feel this much sexual arousal at this point in my life. I know it's a crazy thing that I've given up some of the most intimate moments I can share with my wife - but at the same time - I cannot deny how turned on it makes me knowing I'm doing so.

A part of me is thinking that Sue's brought all of this out in the open so that it's just that - out there in the open as something that we can both fall-back on when things wind down with Robert - as well as something that I know she thinks (we've said so together) will continue to put her fun with her lover, present and future, as something we can both look forward to. She did say that I was a bit crazy enjoying all of this as I am - but she hugged me and said that she was lucky to have me as her husband and to go down this road together.

I'm pretty sure that this isn't the end of our discussion.

 

[peakmb]

Steve,
It is humbling to be a witness to your revelations here. You have voiced this feeling several times here in the last few months but never quite as completely and certainly never in such a way to Sue. What is not quite clear from all these discussions is exactly what was your state of mind at the time. A lot of what really turns you on seems to appear when the small brain is fully engaged and the big brain is all but disconnected. Whilst that doesn't destroy the validity of the thought (far from it), I do wonder whether, in the cold light of day, and when you are not aroused, you still think the same way. In particular whether you would really prefer to cycle the bareback denial a little more frequently. I can understand that when aroused, the denial becomes arousing in itself and this carries you through, but I do wonder if afterwards you sometimes regret allowing that to happen. My choice of wording there was deliberate by the way, in the end it is you who allows it to happen, not Sue. If you really needed / wanted her bareback, she would go along, maybe even find it sexy that you pushed through into her because you found the desire for her to be so overwhelming.

I ask this because your narrative leaves it unclear to me just what the circumstances of your talks was and whether or not Sue sees a difference between your thoughts under arousal and those under more normal conditions. I say all this because there is a clear risk in long term denial of this sort. As you say, Sue does not see it in the same way you do, even though the benefit at the moment is mutual. There could come a time when she sees your desire as a rejection of her at some level. Although this seems not logical given your talks, it would be an emotional response if it happens and not subject to logic in the same way. I think you need to be sensitive here, that's all. Be thankful that your desires coincide so well just now, but be aware that could change - in either of you.

 

[cscguy]

My admission of enjoying it led her to start to ask me a lot more exploring type of questions. I was floored by one of the questions she asked:
"If I wanted it - would you want to have anal sex with me? Or would you want someone else to?" I was speechless for a moment until she looked at me and said that I'd wanted her to do other stuff with her lover before me - and she made clear mention of both the time with her new IUD and again after it was removed - and she basically said to me "is that the kind of denial that turns you on?".

Steve, you never clarified what your answer/thoughts were on this question. What did you wind up deciding/telling Sue on this???

 

[Harry2614]

Yes, Guy has observed something here that I wonder about too. Sue is apparently asking how you you would feel if she were to TOTALLY give herself to Robert before the end of their affair. Before you get to 'have her anally' that she would offer that to her 'lover,' Robert.
Also, I agree with the eloquently expressed 'cautionary' language of Peak. change is eminent. We all change in one way or another. Our attitudes are included. It would be wise to make your statements 'conditional' to the extent that you indeed feel the way you do for now, and for what you perceive of the near future, but given a change in your attitude - or given the inevitable change in a 'lover' for her, these thoughts will certainly change in some way. You must allow that your willingness to, "Go along with anything she wants", will change as well.
Please give yourself the option to control at least your acceptance of what happens whether yes, or no, now, so you will not fall into a trap later.
Cheers Harry

 

[SoonToBe]

CSC - I didn't answer her question at the time, she had asked it more rhetorically than really wanting an answer from me (or so it seemed).
Like most everything else - when I'm in a truly horny/sexual mood - the thought of her giving Robert the opportunity for anal sex is very arousing.
But I also know that it's not something she really wanted an answer for as I know she won't be doing that with him - not if he's as large as she's said he is.

Peak I know I shared a lot - it wasn't easy for me to say it all to her but it was a bit easier to write it all down and now, I look back at what I've said and written and I know how I feel around her and I am happy with it all. I think the openness and honesty between us has been very refreshing - and as I've said in the past, each step like this seems to remove some of the heaviness I've felt at these thoughts and feelings over time and having shared them (or rather, revealed them) feels like a burden has been removed. As I said, it's weird to share these thoughts with her - but her desire to hear them - and actually listen to them is very rewarding.

Harry - I know you're always concerned about risks and such. Good points but I don't see any linkages yet between my admissions, her desires and what's playing out with Robert.

What I do think is that it is surely going to amp up what Sue does and shares with me when we're together. I was a bit (lol - a bit!) scared to reveal this stuff to her - but she is right, why shouldn't I share it with her - it's obvious that its something that I've thought about and is a part of both my arousal and acceptance of what we're doing. It felt good in away to share intimate secrets like that.

She IS seeing him tonight - and she said before she just left for work that "we can talk more tonight if you want". I didnt' ask but it does appear that they are now going down to 2x a week that they are getting together.

 

[peakmb]

STB,
I take from your response that it is with both your big and small brains that you think that way and that Sue knows it. That lays a very clear marker for her as she goes on. I see no real risks for you both in exploring the edges of these desires at the moment. In particular while Robert is a part of Sue's sex life.

Just bear in mind the different angles you both get to the same point at the moment. You are turned on by denial of her bare pussy. You could happily (maybe not quite the right word!) carry on with this after Robert has moved on. Indeed you are in danger of making it your new 'norm'. Sue is turned on by being full of cum by her lover and then by knowing only he can do this and not you. There is a conflict arising when no one is filling her up, and Sue seems to like the sensations arising from being filled. The mutual game has a clear boundary. Just don't trip over it.

 

[Harry2614]

"Harry - I know you're always concerned about risks and such. Good points but I don't see any linkages yet between my admissions, her desires and what's playing out with Robert."

Steve, you read me wrong. I didn't mean by: "It would be wise to make your statements 'conditional' to the extent that you indeed feel the way you do for now, and for what you perceive of the near future." to only apply to Robert, but to the future in general, whomever that lover is.
You are willingly, if not happily, giving up much, if not all, the intimacy that a husband should enjoy from his wife, regardless of your cuckold desires. And doing so literally deprives her the intimate emotional contact she should expect from you as her husband. Over time, she would come to depend on 'only a lover' to provide her with these most desired pleasures.

I am trying not to be overly alarmed by what I read, Really I am, but I am 'shocked' as well, that she is even asking these things of you.
Cheers, Harry

 

[cscguy]

You are willingly, if not happily, giving up much, if not all, the intimacy that a husband should enjoy from his wife, regardless of your cuckold desires. And doing so literally deprives her the intimate emotional contact she should expect from you as her husband. Over time, she would come to depend on 'only a lover' to provide her with these most desired pleasures.

As Peak has eloquently summed up a number of valid concerns in his previous few posts and Harry as well in post #10, although I do agree with much of what has been presented this post will attempt to offer an alternate view, sort of the other side of the same coin so to speak.
First of all when you began this current journey with Sue in 2007 you did so knowing that the reality of “opening” your previous monogamous marriage to include other men would change its course permanently. Not to have considered the impact of this reality over the past 6.5 years would mean that you and Sue are total idiots, something which I believe is the very furthest thing from the truth.
After a lengthy interest in playing with “Denial”, this spring, with the introduction of Robert into your relationship your interest finally became reality, and now after experiencing it in a couple of different formats, the experience has paid some unique benefits, not only for yourself but for Sue as well. And it is these “secondary” benefits that I think are worth mentioning at this point.
Despite Sue’s initial interest to be “exclusive” with Robert (mostly to accommodate your own fetish at first) after finding little satisfaction with lengthy periods of abstinence from intercourse with you she modified the initial plan making you (for the most part) a “condom only” Hubby.
Her initial interest/arousal with this form of play was that it turned her on to NOT have your cum going into her and she was sure to mention this fact usually while measuring the actual amount in the condom.
As time has elapsed however this “primarily physical” interest/attraction has developed secondary benefits, both physical in that she now shares the physical feeling of orgasaming as her Lover cums in her exclusively with Robert, and psychological, as she has now revealed that her “newest” turn-on is that your use of condoms with her confirms that your interest in her goes beyond just the physical.
For you, your initial interest/arousal at denying yourself of intimate pleasure with her while knowing that someone else was freely enjoying that same pleasure has now developed secondary benefits as well.
Your initial interest/ arousal has now morphed into arousal at “giving her what she wants”, being insanely turned on to NOT cum in her, being aroused that she now shares particular sexual feeling exclusively with her Lover, becoming increasingly aroused at the prospect that only her Lover gets to feel her “bare”.
With the above facts quickly becoming entrenched in your marriage to Sue they cannot help but to permanently change your marital reality, and although I do find value in most of the concern and “cautionary” advise you receive, a lot of those red-flags are based on the assumption that, at any point you and Sue can and will return to a “normal/traditional” marriage based on convention. IMO that is simply no longer the case in that your and Sue’s “new reality” cannot/will not tolerate it.
I do agree with Harry that you are “willingly if not happily giving up much in terms of what a husband should enjoy from his wife”. However, I suppose the question then becomes--does the current “new” levels of emotional intimacy, honesty, discovery, sharing and respect you enjoy in your “new marriage” to Sue compensate for these loses.

 

[far2easy]

Haven't posted in a while but still an avid fan. One thing that I've learned is that nothing is finite or permanent in this relationship. She will always love and do what is right for her man. I think that she wants more and so does Stb in terms of denial but where Evers that may lead they will go together... No worries just enjoy the ride, the pussy free ride!

 

[SoonToBe]

When I read Harry's post last night, of course my immediate response was that "of course it's conditional, it's all conditional" - and even despite CSC's post and observations, I do still believe that. I think it might bring about a whole boatload of depression and the like, for both of us but surely her, I still believe in my heart that if I truly objected or that it was spinning out of control, that she would find a way pull back from the edge. I console myself by saying - after all, I can still fuck her as well as anyone she's been with when the circumstances are right like when we're away or able to detach from our kids. In my head as long as we can still share and most definitely reconnect like that periodically - I'm not sure that I see it as being something that can't be changed.

However, re-reading CSC's post, I do agree that we are bordering on a new "norm" for us. It does scare me - but again, as long as I know that we can/do reconnect - I don't fear it enough to say I don't want to continue. I can't be sure just yet - but there is a growing part of me that feels this is the type of denial I've been searching for since 2007 - I continue to say that it's crazy to feel this way, but it does turn me on incredibly to do what we are doing - and it is surely a "we" and that is the other thing - however it's working for us, it still seems like this is something we're doing together. The desire I feel for her seems to have grown even more since starting this, and as I've posted, the satisfaction I feel has also increased.

I don't know that either of us has fully processed it all - and I'm sure that our usual Wednesday night open discussions will be revealing - she kissed me passionately before she left for work and gently mentioned looking forward to tonight. She did see Robert yesterday and at one point she did tease me a bit about it when she kissed me and more so at several times when she'd shift how she was sitting or would adjust her panties and she would see me looking at her and she'd have a huge grin. But after she got up during a commercial in the TV show we were watching and whispered in my ear that she was going to change her panties - that really got me horny - but we didn't talk or really go back to it after that - instead we got engrossed in some of the new shows on TV and honestly - the night just passed by with us sharing sly smiles back and forth but nothing more than that.

I did also want to add that I really took her question about anal sex to be rhetorical as it came up after I'd mentioned to her about her ex-boyfriend back in college who used to fuck her that way. Although, there is obviously some truth to the question. I think I have a complicated answer. If she were to ask me, or it were to come up such that it was a sexually charged moment - there's a good chance I would give into my denial desires and yes, I'd probably tell her it was okay to do so. But on the other hand, in a strange way, I don't think it's something I would want her to come home and surprise me with, as in "oh yeah, Robbie did my butt tonight" - I can't explain it but maybe it's that she involved me in the decision to give her to him? All of this just came to me as I was clicking send - this is the cause of my re-edit. Gotta run now.

 

[uthman]

niiiiiice

 

[peakmb]

STB,
From the order of things with Robert at the beginning I seem to remember that Sue had started to get close to him before she discovered the size of his cock. As he slowly leaves the stage, will Sue actively search for that characteristic or just go to someone she is attracted to?

It leaves the intriguing possibility that she could go next with someone of average or even slightly smaller penis size. That would of course bring into play the option of anal sex. A whole new denial (and clean up!) ball game. Who knows. The only thing we do know is that we don't know what will happen.

 

[dana007]

STB

hope you and sue had a very. good wednesday night togather.

keep us posted.

 

[SoonToBe]

Last night was as I expected and anticipated! I don't know who out there might think it's weird - but I've come to really enjoy our "ritual" of our open discussion and of my masturbating while she encourages and watches appreciatively!

As I said, I anticipated discussing my revelations more last night. But before I share that thought - after Sue fell asleep last night, despite cumming twice with her, I tossed and turned for a while listening to her sleeping so peacefully. As I lay there I came to a realization.

What I realized was that Sue has, in a way, at least in my head - and I don't mean this in a degrading way - but in my head, in a way, she's become that ********** that I looked in on way back at that college frat pledge party. It's weird to think that maybe that experience formed my current desires (I always knew it influenced me strongly). Maybe that's where my excitement originates - I can so remember standing there in the hallway 35 years ago staring at the scene unfolding before me, but I didn't participate back then.

I don't know - but I surely also don't want to tell Sue that in my head she's a ******!! lol.....

This is why I like posting here - I can sort my thoughts out and get some feedback. I'd be a mess if I didn't do it.

 

[SoonToBe]

Peak - I honestly don't know what to expect from her in terms of next steps after Robert. I'd like to think - in one way that she wouldn't be so shallow as to select a lover based on the size of his cock - but then again, in the other way - it actually seems totally appropriate!!!! I do know that she's not one to just fuck anyone - as I've mentioned, even in her promiscuous days past - she'd only fuck guys she truly liked and would want to see again - so I believe there has to be a bit of an attraction there. Put another way, he could be the most handsome chiseled guy, but if it doesn't click with her, I don't see it happening - at least not in the sense of finding someone for a longer-term thing.

That said - I could also see her lowering her standards depending on how long it takes to find the right guy. I do not believe she'd ever look for someone "smaller" so that she could do anal with him. She's never brought it up again and I do think it was in context with my recalling her past experience from college. I think after what she's enjoyed with Robert, that she'd not want someone "smaller". She's actually not really into anal - as I said, we tried it a few times and I even got in there once and came in her - but she said it was more painful than pleasurable and we never tried it. But we do have a smaller dildo and a small "plug" - both of which we use as well as my fingers sometimes - all of which are quite a bit smaller than me no less Robert. She isn't always into it though - actually it's very infrequent. I will tease her at times - if I'm behind her doggy-position I'll rub around and even push my fingers in. She'll cum a lot of the time when we first get into it but she always wants me/it out by the time we really get to fucking. I've always thought that because I'm pretty big and Robert is even bigger - that maybe it's just not that comfortable for her.

We used to have these anal beads (not really beads but similar in shape) - those would drive her crazy, especially if we'd get to fucking and I'd pull them out of her slowly. But I think it was more the general sensation than the plunging/thrusting motion of them that aroused her.

I was going to click to post this when I thought that I might have a pic from a few years ago of her with the beads - and sure enough, I found it - hope you all enjoy - got me horny attaching it. She's in the same leopard-print camisole that she was wearing in some of the older pics I posted.

 

[SoonToBe]

I have that pic of her right above the window where I'm typing this now - it's kind of erotic to see her for all to see...

Before the day got away from me I wanted to also pen my thoughts and some of the experience from last night.

Rather than a blow-by-blow, or rather, a stroke-by-stroke - it seems better to me to simply post what we talked about.

She was still quite enamored and "up" about what I'd shared with her. She told me several times - actually - we told each other several times how the openness that we seem to feel with each other is really amazing both of us. She used the word "connected" several times to describe how she feels about me and us right now - and in a way it surprised both of us to know we were feeling the same way in light of what we're doing.

No doubt she shared that she still feels incredibly sexually aroused at what we're doing. She admitted that at times she did miss feeling me in her and feeling/sharing those moments with me - but she always said immediately afterwards that those feelings weren't frequent and she enjoyed telling me that "all the rest of the time it turns me on that it's just for Robert" (meaning her pussy).

With each thing she'd say - she'd almost always ask me "how does that make you feel?" or "what does that make you think about?".

Thing was - it just felt really - and I mean REALLY good to be able to answer her. It was a little awkward at first but I soon did tell her that I loved thinking about her feeling his cock pushing into her. And that I loved thinking about what he was feeling and what he was sharing with her. At one point I told her that it turned me on to think about his big cock being so deep inside her - and yes - how when he cums - it's deep inside her - and I added, which made her squeal, "where I used to".

At another point though, she wanted me to tell her how I felt and what I was thinking about it being "Roberts pussy" (or "only just for Robert" as she said it), it was me who called it Roberts Pussy. I told her what I've said here many times - that every time I see her that it's all I can think of that she spreads her legs and shares herself bare with just him. I think she was almost as turned on as I was hearing and talking like we were. She cooed back at me about how I felt about it being like 6 weeks now since I've cum in her - and she pointedly added "knowing he's cum in me probably 30 or more times?". It turned me on so to tell her "it sounds like it really his 'his pussy'".

(I suppose I should have mentioned that we've arranged a "fall foliage" weekend away over 10/12-10/13 - our son is coming home from school that weekend and we're getting away. And yes, I'm expecting to go condom-less over that weekend, especially in light of last night's talks.)

She really worked me up for my first orgasm last night by pushing me with the time and number thing. She slid up next to me and really laid it on about it being 'his pussy' and how much he fucks her and how much she cums with him. But what really got me off the first time was her talking about that it will be almost 8 weeks when we go away since the last time I fucked her bare. That got me really close as I know it's been a while but hearing that number and thinking that it's 2 months - damn, that just made my cock throb. And what got me to erupt all over - even to her own squeal too - was her telling me that "by then, baby, he'll have cum in me more than 40 times". Just hearing her say that and thinking about just how much cum that it - well, that did it - I arched my back and stroked out a vicious orgasm with the first two spurts or so almost reaching my chin. Hearing her sexy moan as I did so really made it an intense moment.

 

[SoonToBe]

There are some nights when I'm just so-so on helping her clean me up - but not last night. Like I said, I just feel so much closer and more comfortable with her that when I felt her fingers scooping my cum together I leaned up a little bit and watched her have fun. It felt really erotic to suck her fingers clean while we both sort of looked in each others eyes. She moaned and even closed her eyes when I lingered running my tongue up and down between her fingers.

As she enjoyed herself she started to tell me again just how horny it made her seeing me cum and seeing my cum all over - and yes, she again said as she rubbed her fingers together spreading my sticky semen how horny it made her that I didn't cum in her. Even though I'd just cum I KNOW that I felt my cock throb as she talked like that.

She looked up and then moved up to kiss me and she again apologized to me as she told me just how horny and turned on it made her to know that I'm not cumming in her. She said that "seeing your cum all over like this just turns me on" and as she looked at me she said "I can't believe it turns me on like this but it does baby". I know all I could do was moan and struggle to answer her.

As she finished cleaning me up a bit more she started to say how sexy she feels knowing only Robert is cumming in her. And - I'm guessing that she must have seen my cock start to respond that she continued. She told me again how sometimes she'll feel his semen dribble out and she said that sometimes she'll be so lost in the feeling that she'll find herself rubbing her legs together and even sometimes giving herself a mild orgasm.

When I was able to, I told her that those thoughts were so erotic and arousing to me - and I told her that knowing she had his cum in her so much really turned me on. She came up next to me and kissed my neck and told me how wonderful I was "letting me do this stuff" and I managed to tell her that if it didn't turn me on I wouldn't want her to do it. She giggled and said "you're so horny aren't you....".

And before I knew it she'd reached down and started to stroke me herself. My cock ached after having just cum like 15 minutes earlier - but the more she talked, the harder it got. At first I wasn't sure I was going to be able to cum a second time but the more she talked, the harder I got.

Her whole demeanor changed a bit - she took on much more of a teasing/taunting stance. She was stroking me and started to say "does he miss feeling my silky pussy?" (as if she were talking to my cock) and then she looked up at me and said "I love you using condoms baby" and as she stroked me she kept going - telling me "mmmm - I haven't felt you either" and then she looked in my eyes and said "but oh do I feel Robert".

She asked me again to tell her - "tell me how it feels to put that condom on?". I moaned and told her that knowing her pussy was full of his cum and that I all I could feel was her feeling so slick and open - but not feeling her pussy - was incredible. She moaned for me to continue and I let myself go and I told her that I loved knowing that she wasn't feeling my cum in her turned me on. That made her moaning louder as she encouraged and teased me on. As she put my hand on my cock she told me how she loved feeling how hot my cum feels in the condom and she really turned on the teasing when she said that "mmmm, you know only Robbies stuff does that to me".

Needless to say - I was stroking away and I felt great telling her how horny it makes me to open the condom package and put it on. She giggled a little and said "I know - I can tell when I watch you". I told her that it turned me on to think about what I was doing - and that looking down and seeing that she's still wet from Robert drove me crazy. She cooed and told me to tell her more. When I told her that when I put the condom on I know in my head that I am giving her to Robert it seemed to get to her and she let out this low sexy moan. She looked at me and said that she felt the same - that seeing me do that "for her" turned her on incredibly and she said she can feel her pussy get wet and even throb a bit as she watches me.

I was really into it as she leaned over and told me that while she told me that she came with Robert just as he cums in her, she looked at me and said with the most sexy voice that "I cum just as much when I feel the condom on your cock as you push into me" and she said that when she can feel the thin latex pushing into her and she knows that its covering my cock - that it drives her crazy - and that when she feels me deep in her and she knows that I'm in a condom, she says that she sometimes has really intense orgasms. I moaned back at her that I knew that as I could feel it even through the condom.

But it was how she described she felt seeing me pull out of her afterwards that ultimately brought me to my second orgasm last night. She made it seem like it was the most beautiful thing - seeing me pull out. I told her that it turned me on too and she asked me to tell her about it and I told her that seeing my cum in the condom and knowing what I was denied feeling only made me want her even more - and that knowing what she feels and shares with Robert just drove me crazy. She giggled and said she can tell from how big and hard I feel and how forceful I am with her. But it was how she said how she would sometimes even orgasm a little herself as she picks up and holds the condom full of my semen - it may not sound like something so intense but it was the way she said it that pushed me over. I think it even surprised her at first but as I stroked she got the most beautiful smile on her face. I didn't cum nearly as much that second time but in a way it felt even better than the first time. It felt weird sharing that moment knowing what else it represented, an affirmation that I wanted all of this just as much as she did.

She leaned onto me and kissed me really passionately and hugged me (careful to not roll onto the cum on my stomach) and as closely as she could whispered that she loved me so much. A second later she let go and suddenly giggled and said "okay - lets get you cleaned up". She swept the smaller amount of cum into a puddle as she moaned gently and as she said how horny it gets her to "play with your stuff and not have it in me". She brought 2 finger-fuls up to my lips (which got most of it, lol) and as I moved up to lick at them - she brought her mouth to mine and we shared them together - she pulled them out and we shared a snowball for a moment. She giggled as she pulled away from me and said "that's really erotic doing that with you and, you know, knowing all we said....".

I think back and from how she sounded saying some of what she'd said, that I think she was masturbating herself, either with her other hand or maybe just rubbing her legs together - after we lay together and watched a little more TV, she seemed to fall asleep effortlessly while I lay there and my mind raced - raced until I came to the realization I started with - that in my mind, she's that ****** from the fraternity party and I'm one of the guys using a condom with her while others aren't.

And she wonders why I'm so horny for her all the time.... I could go off again right now....