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Denial

  • Thread starterSoonToBe
  • Start date
  • #141
Peak - I admit I had some concerns too. Whether my head was too far into the fantasy, and also whether she was too into the reality.

We had some interesting talks since then that I'll try to recap later but she helped Friday night along too by not being too in-your-face about it all. She's since asked me about what turns me on about it all and we've talked a bit more about that - which is a first.

The thing about Friday was, for me at least, that I felt once we got started and past the initial hesitation as well as her gentle but effective teasing - and the feeling that she wanted it slow and sweet between us, helped me.

What I will say that she's shared a bit is that - as I've said here before - she hasn't ever really told me blow-by-blow or thrust-by-thrust about how she is with Robert. What she did say yesterday and again this afternoon surprised me. On both Friday and last night, she's been a bit more bossy - not exactly dominant, but clearly that she wants to be in control.

What she surprised me with is that it's NOT him that's the dominant one when they're together. She said since she's understood this more between her and I that she's seeing it more between her and him. Yeah, he wanted her - and yes, he still most definitely wants her - but she's said now that lately, she's been taking the lead - telling him what she wants. I told her it's her - it's how she is naturally and that she doesn't have to hide it. She seems reluctant to see this in herself until there's a clear situation. She knows I love it when she'll take charge.

Anyway - I'm reading a lot into what she obviously wants to talk more about this week as she seems to want to better understand how I'm feeling and to explain what she's feeling.
 
  • #142
Steve,
It's like peeling an onion! You just understand one layer only to find another one underneath. Does that mean on all those previous Fridays that it was Sue deciding to come home full and too tired to perform with you? You really have found the perfect woman for you. Still, she didn't marry a doormat, don't think that now this layer is revealed that is what she wants. This holiday looks like being fun AND revealing! Be careful out there!
 
  • #143
Does anyone her know what's in Sue in mind??? What She is Looking For??? Its not for anyone to say what Sue is looking For. Except Sex!!! Other than that weather Steve is at Her Feet. Or forcing her to his Feet. Has anyone spoken to Sue about That. Steve seems happy being a sub.
Again We all have to remember. Steve is allowing Us to look in. Nothing more. I think We are lucky he has taken the time to share His life with all of Us. When comment and advice are asked they will be given. I for One will not tell Steve how to live His Life. Except to do what ever make him happy.
 
  • #144
Will

i do agree with you and i do think steve is liking being told when . and where he will get sue again.

if both of them are happy we all just need to give advice when asked for it. and enjoy reading about steve's and sue's fun.

keep us posted.

ps can't wait to see what this week bring's for steve. with what sue want's to do now with robbie.
 
  • #145
Okay - so we talked more over the past 2 days and it's not like she's totally in charge when she's with him, but she described it as her "a lot of times being a little aggressive". She said that for the past few weeks that she's felt like she wants to tell him more of what she wants and what she enjoys. But she said that it's not that he doesn't want it - it's more that she is guiding him at times.

From talking to her, it seems to me that she started this new track with him when she realized/came to terms that he wasn't going to go the route of the whole emotional affair that she'd thought originally. I didn't ask but can suspect that maybe her deception when it comes to us may have played a role but I won't say that to her. But maybe he's reluctant to push her more sexually in light of his respect for her and my relationship? She said that he's just as amorous as he was but that she either feels she needs to or feels she has to guide him a bit. I didn't ask her for a lot of details as I'm not sure how she's really feeling about all of this - I'm not sure she knows how to deal with things. As she said "you both want different things" and she said she's not totally sure of it all but said that my agreeing with her to start wearing panties last week - she said "really helped me" by, I guess, helping her - I guess for lack of a better way to describe it, to "stay in role".

We didn't have sex last night as we got caught up in some stuff with our son up at school and then the obligatory family phone calls. But today she's already hinted that when our daughter goes over her boyfriend's later this afternoon - that is when "it's our time" - and she's made it clear what she wants.

It's been interesting as we've talked about a lot of stuff in addition to her changing role with Robert. She's asked me how I feel about her "not sharing her pussy" with me? And I've told her that if it's what led to how we're feeling this week - that it's been pretty excellent to which she giggled and heartily agreed that I've left her VERY satisfied. We haven't talked anything more about after this week - not yet. And she also hasn't said she is going to see him this week. If she were to tell me she wouldn't be long and would come home and let me have her afterwards - I'd even drive her there myself! But I know that her focus on me this week is something that I think we both need. It's been awesome reconnecting with her even if it has required some re-wiring of my mental fantasies back to physical ones! She's shared that she's come to enjoy knowing how I feel and that it is definitely what keeps her going - actually what she said was "knowing that really helps me enjoy what we're doing". At one point she said that there have been lots of times when she's been doing her normal things - shopping in the foodstore - sitting at her desk at work - driving somewhere - or even just hanging around the house - when she says that she'll suddenly think about sex and that she's "only been with Robert" in weeks and that it will turn her on incredibly. She said she was hesitant to admit that until she's heard me saying the exact same thing. She admits too that "your fantasies have influenced mine". But it was more how she described it - she said that she'd be doing whatever and that as the thought of her just fucking Robert would come over her, that she'd feel her pussy seem to get swollen and aroused and yes - wet. I told her that turned me on to think about too.
 
  • #146
Steve this is my point. How can Me or anyone tell You and Sue what's right for You. Both of You are still in many ways are finding Your way in this.

I can tell You what I feel and see in Your writtings. But that's where its ends. You and Sue will choose Your own paths.
 
  • #147
Will2112001 said:
Steve this is my point. How can Me, or anyone tell You and Sue what's right for You. Both of You are still in many ways are finding Your way in this.
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Will, True enough, but if so, what's the point of Steve posting here at all. I am assured that he appreciates our thoughts & comments.

Cheers, Harry
 
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  • #148
Harry - you are correct. As I've said all along - I post here for my own purposes in addition to hoping to get opinions, reassurances or otherwise. I realize what we're doing isn't exactly for everyone.

Basically what we've been talking about again is her trying to explain how she feels about what we're doing and - quite comically - her also not being able to find the words to explain it.

I pushed a little bit and she did say that Robert is sometimes, as she put it, too respectful of our relationship. I told her that it probably would have been different if she hadn't deceived him about us and I asked her if she thought he might be confused by us. She said that he'd asked about how I could be so agreeable and receptive to the amount of sex they're having together and she said that she told him that he wasn't her first lover and that I "make the best of it" and that I'm "okay with it" and she hinted that she'd also shared that it turned me on and was something that was good for us. But she did agree that him still not understanding it all might be true too. I asked her if she'd ever tell him the truth and she said maybe but that she doubted it.

I heard something in how she said that and I asked her what she thought of the future and she said again that when they didn't grow together emotionally, that she knew it wasn't going to be something that lasted a long time. She giggled and said that's why she's seeing him as much as she does - because she doesn't think it's going to last more than the summer either. She seemed sad about that but when I asked her she said again that it was too bad it didn't happen with him because, as she put it, "he was someone I could have fallen for". I asked her if maybe she scared him off and she giggled that at first she thought it was clicking - but now she's thinking that she may have confused his desire/want for her as something more than just physical desire. She joked with me that she doesn't have a lot of experience to really tell the difference (at least didn't at that point) and said that "Brad was a long time ago now". But she said that she knew that when it hadn't really clicked between them emotionally, that she knew that this wasn't a long-time thing. I again asked her if she was sad about that and she said that at first she was - but that the sex was really (emphasis on REALLY) good with him (and she emphasized how big he is again too) - and that kept her wanting to see him.

As best as I can explain it - she said that over the past few weeks, that she'd become much more comfortable with this new direction (for her at least) and that is also when she felt she could/would be more aggressive with him. She joked at one point that she wanted to get all she could out of this. After which she looked at me and asked me if I was still okay with it - knowing that it's been mostly her desires now. I held her tightly and said some of what I've been saying to Peak here - that I loved seeing this sexual side of her coming out again and that I loved the energy it was giving her and us.

Oh well - enough of the psychological stuff here - what we did talk about together was how incredibly aroused I am this week and how much I feel I need to fuck her this week. After we went at it again last night she looked up at me and said how horny I seem to be and she even commented on how thick and hard I feel to her. As I lay next to her afterwards I told her that it turned me on incredibly to think that in another few days she'll put her panties back on and I'll again have to wait for her. She asked me if it was better or easier for me with her panties on or off - I told her that I loved seeing her naked and that seeing her and knowing I couldn't have her was really a turn-on - but I then admitted that not seeing her and either only getting short/sneak peeks or having to leave it up to my brain was also surprisingly and very strangely arousing. She again told me that it was a lot easier for her if she wore panties - at times, such as Wednesday nights, she's very aware of what it does to me to see her wearing panties as I'm so obviously sexually aroused - but at other times she says that it affects her too. I moved up on one elbow and looked at her as she talked. It was one of the first times she'd opened up like this.

She said that when she'd see herself in the mirror as she dries her hair and she has panties on - that it immediately reminds her of what she's doing and that when they're on - that she sometimes even finds herself daydreaming about what they mean. She held my hand but didn't look at me when she said that she feels totally sexual when she lets herself think about her only being with her lover. She said that sometimes - when she sees me watching as she'll pull up a pair of panties beneath her robe or a towel around her waist - that she almost has mini orgasms from the arousal she sometimes feels. She confessed that sometimes she'll rub herself for just a second or two as she pulls the panties up and that she is amazed at how turned on she is that she can almost cum just from feeling her fingers at that moment. I told her that I'd seen the expression on her face and thought it was sexual too and I held her hand back and said that I loved knowing "these secrets" about her.

She pulled me close and hugged me and said that she loved me and that feeling us together - and feeling us be so good together - was making her feel good. Even though the weather has been disappointing Sunday and yesterday - it hasn't affected us together. She looked at me last night and said that she needed this week of us together to feel good about it all.

No, we haven't talked about beyond this week - but I think it's obvious that she wants to take this thing with Robert as far as it'll go. She hasn't seen him this week and unless she goes there today - he'll be leaving tomorrow and won't be back till the end of the weekend.

I will end here saying that last night as we were in bed and getting down to business I started to push her to tell me more about how he is with her. Other than that he's big, that she cums with him pretty easily and that he loved to cum in her - she's never really shared much in details. So last night I started to push her a bit and I did learn that his favorite position is to be behind her while she's kneeling at the edge of the bed. As she said last night "he fills me up so good in that position". I admit that when I was behind her - that I could definitely see in my head how him being bigger could be good for her in that position. I told her later on that it turned me on to know more about them together and she got a bit shy on me and said she'd try. I said that I'd seen her at least once or twice with everyone before now and she said that made it easier for her to talk about it later on.

Anyway - let me run for right now.

More later I suppose.
 
  • #149
STB

sound's like you and sue are now on the same page with all of. this and sound's like sue is having some of the best sex of her life with robbie and you now.

take it and run with it and have all the fun you both can.

i hope you both have a very happy 4th of july.

look forward to hearing what will happen next week. with your daughter going to be gone how much a lone time will sue want to have with robbie then.

keep us posted.

also how is sue's dad doing now.
 
  • #150
Harry2614 said:
Will, True enough, but if so, what's the point of Steve posting here at all. I am assured that he appreciates our thoughts & comments.

Cheers, Harry
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Fair enough Harry. I guess what I'm trying to say is. Its one thing to offer a though. A bit of advice on something. But I really Feel You cross a certain line when you tell someone how to react in the bedroom sexually. That is their own Human Nature. If asked I will offer advice. but not till then. I cringe when I hear others impose something onto this only for the purpose of making their own cocks harder. It may make them feel good.
But does it really help Steve and Sue???? Sorry I did not express myself Better.
 
  • #151
A little sanctimonious there Will. I'm sure Steve isn't in the habit of taking instructions from anyone on this site. In fact I'll bet he gets amused sometimes at the contradictions we all regularly throw his way. Don't take it too seriously. I'm sure he doesn't.

I'm just glad he's enjoying this week, loving Sue just as well as he always has done. Sue seems to be not missing her lover much either. It's great that they can both enjoy the complementary sides of their relationship so well and with so little conflict.
 
  • #152
peakmb said:
I'm just glad he's enjoying this week, loving Sue just as well as he always has done. Sue seems to be not missing her lover much either. It's great that they can both enjoy the complementary sides of their relationship so well and with so little conflict.
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If indeed they are enjoying the complementary sides of their relationship with so little conflict. This weeks postings do seem to indicate just that, however, we in Reader-Land only know what we are told. One of the "undercurrents" that has not been detailed to much degree so far though is the fact that Sue, it appears, is beginning to come to terms with the writing on the wall in regards to Robert's suitability (or more and more his lack of it) for the long term "emotional" affair that she still desperately desires. So, what does this mean for the upcoming weeks and months. If I was a betting man I'd say definitely nothing post-Christmas or maybe even sooner.
So, WHATS NEXT??
Option 1. Find somewhat more age appropriate to Sue in that he has either had his children already, or is at a point where he has decided against. Someone who is single/alone with no "baggage" to prevent 100% participation. And lastly someone with at least a semi-dependent personality who can demonstrate his "true want/need" of Sue. Yes, I know what you're thinking and you are right. This IS extremely dangerous territory. But IMHO this IS what it's going to take to get to the next level. Now I know I promised never to mention the term again but can I at least put a small check-mark beside P-O-L-Y.
Option 2. Quit. And I'm sure at least some of the faithful would say "quit while you're ahead". But me thinks perhaps this is easier said then done. Once a Cuckold always a Cuckold????.....right.....Well, we will just have to wait and see.
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  • #153
Insomnia has me up for a while, for a short 'observation'.

Again, Brad's name comes up as sort of a "standard" for what Sue now desires in a 'lover'.
Steve, do you ever wonder how you would feel/react, if it were just now finally Brad, that Sue was having this affair with.
You didn't get into "long term denial" durning that period. Nor did Sue allow herself as much emotional freedom with Brad. It makes me wonder then, If the "full blown emotional affair" she was desiring, was to experience once again, what she had with brad, but without the "restrictions" she placed on herself at that time?

Cheers, Harry
 
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  • #154
peakmb said:
A little sanctimonious there Will. I'm sure Steve isn't in the habit of taking instructions from anyone on this site. In fact I'll bet he gets amused sometimes at the contradictions we all regularly throw his way. Don't take it too seriously. I'm sure he doesn't.

.
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Thank You for pointing that out. I'll be sure to be a far better person in the future. Did something I say Hit close Home ????
 
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  • #155
Steve,
I wondered if Wednesday followed its usual pattern during your holiday week? You seem to have discovered so much already this week, is there yet more to discover tonight?
 
  • #156
STB

hope you and sue and the family have a happy 4th.

keep us posted.
 
  • #157
Dana,
Thanks for the reminder. We don't do that holiday over here in England. Can't think why ....

See you later in the week then Steve.
 
  • #158
Hey all - Happy 4th. We're home for a while longer today then going over Sue's parents for a barbeque and over to fireworks later on.

The week has been excellent thus far all around. Obviously the sex has been good - I can't say it's teasing me because it's bringing us both pretty intense feelings - but in addition to her sexy comments about this or that - we did start to talk last night about what's going to happen after this week.

And as part of that - discussion - she's come out and said that some of her apprehension and uncertainty has been related to what she was thinking might happen or come between us when she told me that she's been more of the aggressive one than Robert has been. She said she felt dumb thinking/worrying about this but at the same time she said it concerned her. She said that in the past, a lot of what transpired between us was an extension of what was happening with her and her lover - but that this time, she was concerned that I might feel differently (despite what I've been professing for months or years now) if it was really happening. I again told her what I've shared here - that I love seeing her more demanding sexually and to see her wanting new or different sexual experiences for herself. She seemed to want to hear me telling her that it's okay if she wants to deny having sex with me - and that as long as we share what's going on as we have been - that it'll be okay and that "what will be will be".

So - when we started to talk about after this week she looked at me and asked "so, you'll be okay going back to how we were for the past few weeks?". I told her yes and she said she wanted to hear me tell her so I did. I told her that if she wanted to go back to being exclusive with Robert and wearing panties around me - that I wanted her to - and I told her that she still turns me on sexually and that she should know that even if it's not her directly giving me my pleasure or satisfaction - that it IS most definitely her actions indirectly. She again said how wearing panties made it easier and I again told her how it turned me on too.

She was the one who asked me if I was going to be okay if we tried to hold off till our vacation time in August. I told her that was another 4 weeks and she corrected me and said "it's 5 weeks baby, will that be okay?". I swallowed a bit hard and I nodded yes to her. She smiled and slid over next to me and said that we should make sure the next 4 days are good and I said I had no doubt they would be. She giggled as she reached over and felt the obvious swelling in my pants and said "it DOES turn you on, doesn't it?". We kissed and when she pulled away she said "we should talk about when xxxxxx will be away". I asked her if she'd changed her mind on spending the night with him and she said she wanted to be sure with me that it was okay - especially now knowing that it would be her pushing for that more than he is (again with the excuse that he's concerned about our relationship).

I held her hands and I looked at her and said plainly "if YOU want to spend the night with him" - I paused a second and then said "then I want you to". It hurt a little to say it - I admit it. It does feel a little different knowing she is orchestrating this now and that she's leading him on - and I do have to think and remind myself that it is what I wanted. She said they were going to talk more about it this coming week and she'd let me know. Before we said anything further she looked at me and said "I am going to spend the night with him". I asked her about what she'd said earlier about not being ready for it and she said that was when she was getting ambivalent feelings from him and not feeling that he wanted their relationship to progress emotionally, etc. She says that in the weeks since then though, that she's had this new - almost revelation - that she wants this for herself now - as she joked with me "he's sooo big" and she's really getting more used to feeling this way. I almost told her that she is feeling unleashed - but didn't want to say it in a way that she might be offended or upset by the implications - but it's true....

Peak - no to yesterday being our usual. Somehow being naked in bed together just lent itself to good old sex than our masturbation festival. Plus, we'd been so open talking - and she had me all horned up from our talk about next week - that it just happened. She rode me for a while and I have to say that if felt awesome to feel her fucking me the way she wanted to be - her in control if you will. I think maybe it struck me more mentally than I'd recognized at the moment.

Harry - if Robert were somehow Brad (he'd returned or whatever) - then I admit that I would be much more hesitant and cautious and even scared about letting their emotions go. As I said, I felt a bit of security somehow with Robert that he felt a bit of a boundary - but if it were with Brad - I know I'd be a lot more hesitant/cautious. But to be honest too - and I guess this is something I have to accept - I don't think I'd stand in their way. I know it'd hurt more and have a lot more risk - but at the same time, I do think she wants to have this full-blown-affair. We haven't talked about it much - I guess since she's felt this change in her relationship with Robert. But I know she would like to feel this sense of validation by another man wanting to sweep her off her feet.

More later.
 
  • #159
STB

sound's like you and the family are having a good 4th. great update and look forward to anymore update's.

ps how is sue's dad doing now you have now said in a long time now. hope he is doing better.

keep us posted.
 
  • #160
Steve,
Sometimes it is clear why people chip in with wildly contradictory advice. Your conversations with Sue at crucial junctures are sometimes so ambiguous. Sue must be used to you by now I'm sure, but when she asks you what you really want, you do sometimes so drop it back to her and giving her what she wants. I know this is the cucky submissive in you, particularly in bed, but she must get frustrated at times and it must both add to her apprehension as well as acting as a brake on her at times. You knew the conversation on denial until August was due, and that the subject of the overnight was coming but you didn't have your views planned. Even if we all knew the answers would be "5 weeks please' and 'stay overnight' just so long as you knew what was happening all the way through! So some will say, 'give her what she wants' and others will say 'be careful of giving her what she wants'.

Meanwhile we all stay glued to our screens wondering just how it will all play out! I for one wouldn't want it any other way. Three days left. Have fun of one kind before your fun of another kind starts again.
 
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