Finally

[2wheel]

Finally, maybe.

For years I have been encouraging my wife to take a lover, a sex partner. A person or persons to satisfy her sexual needs and desires. She has absolutely refused. Early on this quest I setup an AFF profile for her, gave her CL links, got her condoms and her favorite lube and an extra (for travel) dildo. Even setup a private massage for her hoping she would accept his 'extra'.

After years and a lot of discussion she has finally agreed to an MMF. But she is definitely giving me the slow roll. Each time I say let's look at ads for a candidate she says OK but then begs off for various reasons. Only once have I been able to get her to the computer. We started looking at 'men seeking a couple' then she said let's look at 'men seeking a female'. Candidly my plan is to let her and him have at it and try to move out of the action.

She does understands that I MUST be present, she doesn't want to be watched that's why the MMF. As an aside one of her fantasy's and her turns on's has always been being to be watched. OK so things change, I got it.

Each ad we looked at had an issue; too young, too old, too big, too small. Then she threw me off by saying why don't we look at 'men seeking men'. WTF. She said she would be interested in watching me with another man. I think she did this as a tit-for-tat expecting me to resist thereby justifying her past resistance. BUT 2 can play that game. I asked her is she was sure, by asking her how she'd feel about me after watching me on my hands and knees sucking another cock. She mirrored what I always have told her, 'it's only sex'.

I agreed. At that computer session, with us both at the computer I set up a 'play date' 2 days hence with a guy visiting a nearby tourist area. I think she was a little surprised, that I would actually do it and so soon. I told her, why wait?

That was almost 4 weeks ago and I still haven't gotten her back to the computer.

 

[Nazareth]

So did you meet the guy?
Has your wife been inquisitive at all?
Is she still reacting the same way?

 

[2wheel]

Yes we met him. Yes I suck him off. Yes she helped (surprise).

Inquisitive, not at all. I think she got hoisted on her own petard when I agreed to another guy.

She doesn't balk when I say we need to get back to the ads. But there is a definite stall.

 

[Cuckykny]

2Wheel...I fully understand the wife saying, 'yes' and then (possibly) not acting on it...or delaying progress. There have been times during our development of a cuckold relationship she has been very open to the idea to even agreeing to give it a try...with little action...that I have witnessed. She has never told me that she has cuck'd me; however, sometimes I wonder if she has/is cuckolding me. She knows I am fully comitted to the lifestyle and she is in control. There are times she comes home late or works odd day/hours for the work she does....or when we go out to a club/bar she is never ready to go home.

But enough about me. It does sound like you are on your way to happy cuck life. Keep me/us informed.

 

[2wheel]

Cuckykny
She has on occasion agreed then gave me excuses/reasons for no follow-thru.

Keep in mind she was very sexually active having more than 300 partners in her past.

So she says yes than gives me the slow roll.

I am fairly certain she did cuck me at least once.

I was cleaning her car for her and in the trunk, in a plastic bag buried in the bottom of a box of stuff she has, was a tube of lube. I had given her permission to fuck/suck anyone she wanted with the caveat that if I ask she tell me what I want to know. So I asked her, denial. This was about 6 years ago. I asked many times and told her she wasn't being honest.

Then about 2 years ago she she said she did. I kinda of remember the time frame. She was going to her chiropractor 2-3 times a week. Then she says he wants to see her everyday as her back is in bad shape. At the time I didn't think anything of it. So during the 'confession' she asks me if I remember that time period, I say yes. Then she said she started to play with another patient. How often? She said not often enough but several times a week. A few times, several times in one day. I had no idea! How clueless I was. I asked her why she stopped, she said cause I found out. She said if I didn't say anything she would have continued. She added that they were getting ready to include his friends to their playtime. Holy shit! I asked why she wouldn't consider the 'friends' thing with us, she said I live with you. I never understood that answer. I asked why she even did it, she said I did something at the time to piss her off, but couldn't remember what.

So several weeks ago when we started this 'bull morphed into MMF' discussion again I off-handedly mentioned this, she denied doing it, and denied confessing to doing it.

What to believe. What not to believe. That is the question!

 

[Saraha]

@2wheel - if you want her to have sex with other men, then don't demand she tell you about who she does it with, or what happens. Other men may want her to do things with them that she hasn't done with you.

If she does do "extra things", then you will benefit in the long run, by her relaxing the rules for you and her in bed.

She will treat you better, because she will not have to hide her other relationships any more.

 

[2wheel]

Sahara - thanks for the input. For me the excitement, the eroticism IS knowing about it. As you know a good part of the cuckold thrill, the cuckold experience is being part of her engagement with other men, if not in the person then certainly in the retelling. For me, being excluded is just plain cheating, which is a whole different animal.

This may be a poor example but it is the only one I can think of right now. Exacting revenge is only sweet when recipient knows, otherwise it's a hollow act of vengeance.

 

[SquirmingSub]

2Wheel - Sarah has good advise, I have been a cuck in one way or another for more than 20 year with various experiences. With some women you will find that they will share more when they have more freedom to have some level of privacy with there respective play-mate, friend with benefits, lovers, etc. I would not expect every detail although I can assure you that she will begin to share much more over time once she is comfortable that this is what you want and that it is what she wants. The more this is a mutual desire the more she will share with you.

 

[2wheel]

Perhaps your both right. Keep in mind that is the path I took for so very long. Gave her 'permission' and let her go at her own pace.

So I ask, where's the fun if I don't know it's happening? If a tree falls in the woods does it make noise?

For me, not knowing another dick is in her, isn't enjoyable, knowing is.

 

[SquirmingSub]

2Wheel - she does need to know that you enjoy knowing, enjoy hearing. In my case I knew extended details about some of the wife's prior FwB, some were details from her while some were details from the guys. In other cases, I did not know the guys and received only as much details as she choose to share with me. Does she currently have a regular guy?

 

[2wheel]

Hi SquirmingSub - Thanks for your advice and insight. I don't know if she has a a regular guy or random guys or any guys for that matter.

Therein lies the problem, at least for me. I view a fine line between cheating, cuckolding and hotwifeing.
From Urban Dictionary:
Cheating = When one person has a significant other and performs any type of intimate acts with another person.
Cuckold = A man married to an unfaithful wife.
Hotwife = A married woman she has sexual relations with other men, with the husbands approval. Usually while the husband watches or joins.

Generally cheating is a secret, cuckolding and hotwifeing generally includes the husband either in person or by proxy.

Hence, cheating is unacceptable. If she fucked the entire County with my knowledge I'd be OK, but if she cheated with one person I wouldn't be OK. My exclusion is akin to cheating, and to me, unacceptable. Cheating is a violation of trust, a singular act. Hotwifeing, cuckolding isn't, it is a joint activity.

As a matter of history. Before we met she was a real slut. She said she had sex with over 300 guys and that was a conservative number. BUT she refuses to tell me any details, zero. She knows I get off on it, but won't yield, mums the word. The only 2 things she has ever said, big cock hurts, all men taste different. As an aside the latter was a surprise announcement. We we socializing with a bunch of people, maybe 10-12, mostly friends. The conversation strayed to sex, I don't remember the actual subject, but out it comes "I've blown an awful lot of guys and each guys cum taste different". I was a show stopper, I was stunned, not that she sucked a lot of cock but the way she announced her evaluation.

Anyway, for it to work, at least for me, I need to be involved!

 

[SquirmingSub]

It is truly not good if she is not sharing any details or including you on some level.

 

[Saraha]

Sahara - thanks for the input. For me the excitement, the eroticism IS knowing about it. As you know a good part of the cuckold thrill, the cuckold experience is being part of her engagement with other men, if not in the person then certainly in the retelling. For me, being excluded is just plain cheating, which is a whole different animal.

This may be a poor example but it is the only one I can think of right now. Exacting revenge is only sweet when recipient knows, otherwise it's a hollow act of vengeance.

You knew before she married you that she had had sex with 300 guys, so you can't rein in that volume of sexual lust.

I reckon you should let her have a loose rein, and just make sure she gives you all the sex you desire.

As long as you get all you the sex you can handle, you shouldn't complain about all her secret fantasies driving her libido to be expressed.

If she felt you could handle her confessions, she would tell you in detail. I think she might be feeling that you CAN'T handle them - so your body language, or the way you act around her might be keeping you excluded.

You may not be on the same page, even if you feel you should be.

Please, don't get angry if she is fucking half the street like the town bike. Be proud of her, so she can align her mind secrets with your mind secrets.

 

[2wheel]

Good morning Sahara

I'm not in any way trying to rein her in, on the contrary I've been encouraging her. And yes all the sex I want is definitely part of the sum gain equation, even if that is me jerking off to her relating the details.

Believe me I'm not complaining about an active libido. But at his point I don't know how active her libido as, if at all, and therein lies the problem. My non-inclusion. As far as secret fantasies, since she doesn't share I don't know what they are. The exception is that when we have played and I told her stories, some stories had more of a sexual impact than others, to me that was informative.

As far as handling the details, I must say that you bring up an interesting, possible and reasonable cause of her extreme privacy. The very very few times she has said anything, I made sure to not pass judgment or have any negative impact in any way. But that doesn't mean it ain't so!

Hell I'm not angry if she is fucking the WHOLE street. I'm not sure proud is the correct term or emotion. I wouldn't brag about it as if it were a honor school child. But I'd certainly be elated knowing that she is getting all the sexual satisfaction she wants or needs. BUT I must be involved, THAT IS THE ESSENTIAL ELEMENT.

 

[IndyHubby]

2wheel, I believe you are on the mark. I have been a cuckold since 1973. Going behind your back, not sharing, or excluding you is a betrayal of your trust. Those are the type of activities that create distance, rather than helping you grow closer. This is what puts relationships at risk.

These people who advise you to encourage "cheating" on her part, have no stake in your marriage.

 

[2wheel]

Thank you IndyHubby,

Most cuckolds and hotwife husbands hold the same view.

 

[2wheel]

Yesterday I finally got her back to the computer. 25th request in 18 weeks.

We spent about an hour looking at CL listings that I had saved. We looked at about 50 ads. She wasn't interested in any. As you can imagine the mix was all over the place: old, young, middle age, white, Hispanic, black cut, uncut, small, medium, large. To each she had negative interest: don't think so, no, don't know, probably not, I think not. I asked why to most, just not right, I don't feel it, OK, what would you like, silence.

She asked to see the ad I placed. Told her I didn't, that these are ads of men looking. I had previously responded to an ad for us to one guy I thought would be excellent. She read the e-mail and questioned the pic I sent with our faces blocked out. She was not happy, said she could recognize us, I tried to assure her that was because you know it's us and what we look like, that her mind is filling in the blanks with known information. Then she said that she doesn't think CL is a good idea, OK, so where do you think we should look?, silence.

She didn't have a single positive word, all negative.

As we live in an area flanked by 2 CL geographics, I will try the other. And I think I'll start a AAF account.

I think I'm trying to get the elephant to dance.

 

[Nazareth]

Patience and persistence, brother!

 

[2wheel]

Amen to that.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Potential source of problem...

2wheel,

Your recent post (above) suggests rather strongly that your wife really doesn't want to date, let alone go to bed with, other men.

The photo of her you posted, when you began this thread 25 Oct. 2015, shows she's substantially overweight. For that reason, she may secretly feel she's unattractive. She may also feel that any man she views as a candidate to become a lover would reject her, and possibly even make fun of her, for that reason.

Over the longer term, you may have better success if you encourage your wife to lose weight. It's now well-established that adopting a substantially-reduced calorie diet is much more effective for that purpose than embarking on a regular-exercise program (alone). To see why, note that one can spend 1.5 to 2 hours in a gym burning ~400 calories, then — on returning home and rewarding oneself by having something good to eat — easily consume ~400 calories in a matter of minutes.

I'm not an aficionado of diets, but my impression is, low-carbohydrate (low-carb) diets, similar in form to what used to be called the "South Beach Diet," tend to be most effective. One can't avoid carbs entirely, of course — carbs are everywhere. But my neighbor, who was heavily overweight, reduced his weight to normal range via the "South Beach Diet" (he said), and has kept his weight down. I lost over 20 lbs. a few years ago, and have kept my weight low (well within normal range for body mass index [BMI]), by eating a relatively low-carb diet, and keeping my total calorie intake low, on a daily basis.

Your wife will be more likely to succeed if you join her in a long-term weight-loss program. I also suggest both of you join a gym, and motivate yourselves to work out regularly... say, 3 or 4 times a week. (Apparently something like 80% of people who buy gym memberships never exercise.) Begin with very light workouts, to avoid straining a tendon. Keep in mind that tendons gain strength much more slowly than muscles, so on finding one's muscle strength is increasing, it's easy to increase the weights you're lifting too rapidly, which can result in a strained tendon.

If your wife begins combining regular gym workouts with an effective diet (pay attention to the diet being nutritionally adequate), her muscle tone and thus her physical appearance will begin improving as she loses weight. That, in turn, will tend to cause her self-confidence vis-a-vis men to start improving.

As a general guideline: the conventional wisdom seems to be that one should not lose more than ~0.5 to 1.0 pounds per week. If your wife needs to lose (say) 30 lbs., you and she should realize that's likely to take ~7 to 14 months. It's important to stick with it, and not allow oneself to become discouraged by a day of blowing it off and eating too much. When that happens, your wife should just write it off and go back to her diet.

Also, I suggest your wife (and you) weigh yourselves each morning when you first get out of bed, then write your weights on your calendar, then calculate (and also write down) your average 7-day weight at the end of each week. This smoothes out the daily variability, and will help you avoid becoming discouraged (or euphoric) due to the daily ups and downs.

A weight loss and exercise program of this nature, should your wife (with your support and participation) decide to carry it out, would likely improve her physical appearance and self-confidence, hence her attractiveness to other men, and — in addition — would have health benefits in a broad sense.

—Custer