how can I find out?

[Custer Laststand]

.... I was lying on the floor and my wife was seated in front of me. She was masturbating me with one foot, and she said I could have anything I wanted, while she pushed the toes of her other foot against my mouth. We both knew what I was going to say but she made me say it anyway...

And? What did you say...?

...then, my wife pushed her toes into my mouth and had me suck them while she brought me to orgasm. Then she said, "It's sad that the only sex you get is from my feet."

Well, more than a few men are into worshipping the feet of their wives or LTR partners. So if you're a foot worshipper, perhaps she doesn't realize she's giving you ultimate sexual pleasure by allowing you to suck the toes of one of her feet while she masturbates you to orgasm with the other...

She said the words "it's sad," but she laughed when she said them.

I suppose she must have meant sad for you but rewarding for her. It was kind of your wife, though, to provide you with an orgasm with her foot while allowing you to suck the toes of her other foot...

 

[cheggers]

And? What did you say...?

It was humiliating but I said, "Your feet."

Well, more than a few men are into worshipping the feet of their wives or LTR partners. So if you're a foot worshipper, perhaps she doesn't realize she's giving you ultimate sexual pleasure by allowing you to suck the toes of one of her feet while she masturbates you to orgasm with the other...

I didn't start out this way. For months and months, the only way I could have intimate contact with her was if I gave her a footrub first. Then only if the footrub was a "good" one and I earned a reward. Then the reward became a footjob. Now I go for weeks and months at a time with no special touching at all.

It's at the point now that sometimes she'll have 8 or 10 pairs of shoes on the floor and she has me crawl from one pair to the next. I sniff them to see if they're stinky. And sometimes she'll have me sniff her feet before she goes out to make sure they don't smell. When she gets home, however, I often give her a footrub and they're sometimes stinky. There is no pleasure in rubbing stinky feet, believe me.

Sometimes I get off on it. But I'm always ashamed and humbled by it. She says it's what I need.

I suppose she must have meant sad for you but rewarding for her. It was kind of your wife, though, to provide you with an orgasm with her foot while allowing you to suck the toes of her other foot...

Yes, it was kind. It is kind. It's not the only way I get sex, though. Sometimes she uses her hands.

 

[cheggers]

When my wife was going out this evening I wasn't present at the door to say goodbye when she was ready to leave. I knew what time she was going but lost track. She was not pleased that I didn't show proper appreciation for her.

Will this lead her to do things while she's out to prove that I should be more appreciative? No, I think she'd do that regardless. I think it will make things uncomfortable for me when she gets home, though.

 

[Angevin]

Looking for advice.

A few weeks ago my wife started getting phone calls & texts in the late evenings from a guy she works with. At one point, she got a call five nights in a row.
She's always tired and cranky in the evenings. Too tired to do much more than go to bed early. But when this guy calls, she perks up and will chit chat with him.
How can I find out if there's something going on between them without asking her directly? By the way, sometimes he calls when she's in the shower, etc. and she told me to answer when that happens, so I know it's the same guy who calls.

uh...yeah...

 

[cheggers]

uh...yeah...

well....yeah....

She's gone for the evening. She's at the faculty's Halloween party at the university. She said they're coordinating costumes, and since I'm not really a part of it, and since I don't really know anyone but her, and since she'll be mostly hanging with her friends to keep the costumes together, I probably wouldn't really enjoy myself so it's better for me to skip this one.

One of the guys picked her up so they could all get dressed together. The theme is "Viking men and women and their captured slaves." Obviously something one of the nerd professors in the History department came up with. I didn't see her outfit, it was stuffed in a bag but there's a receipt from PetSmart for a dog collar laying on the kitchen floor. I'm going to leave it there for her to find it and realize she dropped it.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Hm... sounds like there may be a hint here about the role-playing that's going on...

My wife is gone for the evening. She's at the faculty's Halloween party at the university. She said they're coordinating costumes, and since I'm not really a part of it, and since I don't really know anyone but her, and since she'll be mostly hanging with her friends to keep the costumes together, I probably wouldn't really enjoy myself so it's better for me to skip this one.

How could you disagree? Your wife's reasoning is impeccable...

One of the guys picked her up so they could all get dressed together. The theme is "Viking men and women and their captured slaves."

Interesting. It would be worthwhile for you to slip in dressed as something neutral... say, a skeleton or Zorro or The Lone Ranger or something-or-other... just to see who adopted "Viking masters and misstresses" roles vs. who adopted "slave" roles...

I didn't see her outfit because it was stuffed in a bag, but there's a receipt from PetSmart for a dog collar laying on the kitchen floor.

I guess that would be a hint re. which role your wife decided to adopt...

I'm going to leave it there for her to find it and realize she dropped it.

Maybe she left the receipt on the kitchen floor to give you some insight into her sexuality. That is, maybe your wife has a strong need to be dominated sexually by a lover with a "strong personality," while simultaneously she has a strong desire to be dominant in her marriage vis-a-vis a submissive cuckold husband... and, you are playing the latter role for your wife.

 

[cheggers]

Interesting. It would be worthwhile for you to slip in dressed as something neutral... say, a skeleton or Zorro or The Lone Ranger or something-or-other...

Good idea, sir, but I'm afraid she'd recognize me, and I don't know what to use as a costume anyway.

That is, maybe your wife has a strong need to be dominated sexually by a lover with a "strong personality," while simultaneously she has a strong desire to be dominant in her marriage vis-a-vis a submissive cuckold husband... and, you are playing the latter role for your wife.

I can only confirm and elaborate on what you've already deduced. Before we were married, indeed, after as well, she said her dream was to be married to a strong, leading man while she played a supportive role. All the men she dated prior to me were strong, alpha types: football players, ROTC, military, etc. Men in uniform. Try as I might, I am not that man, and she has grown frustrated over the years.

In the bedroom, it was she who introduced some bondage play, and flat out encouraged me to have her tied up whenever I wanted it. It gave her a whole-body adrenaline rush to be bound. I asked her if she had done it before and her response was, "How else would I know about it?" Sexually speaking, she used to brag that all a guy had to do was toss her over his shoulder and carry her upstairs and he could have her.

Try as I might, I am not that man. I am a submissive man, in real life and in the bedroom. And she has grown frustrated over the years.

 

[Custer Laststand]

I can only confirm and elaborate on what you've already deduced [Custer]. Before we were married, indeed, after as well, my wife said her dream was to be married to a strong, leading man while she played a supportive role. All the men she dated prior to me were strong, alpha types: football players, ROTC, military, etc. Men in uniform.

But, none of them asked her for her hand in marriage, evidently...

Try as I might, I am not that man, and she has grown frustrated over the years.

You are, however, the man your wife married. In that sense, you have triumphed over all those "alpha men in uniforms" she says she lusted after...

In the bedroom, it was she who introduced some bondage play, and flat out encouraged me to have her tied up whenever I wanted it. It gave her a whole-body adrenaline rush to be bound. I asked her if she had done it before and her response was, "How else would I know about it?"

The implication seems to be, you have never wanted to tie your wife up in bed and found yourself essentially unable to do that, despite her heavy hints she wanted that.

What forms of sex do you want when you're in bed with your wife? Have you told her, and attempted to come to some sort of accommodation with her such that she gives you what you want sometimes, and you give her what she wants sometimes?

Sexually speaking, she used to brag that all a guy had to do was toss her over his shoulder and carry her upstairs and he could have her.

Depending on how much your wife weighs, maybe that's something you could do for her more easily if you had a place with bedrooms on the main floor. Anyway, with comments like that it sounds like she was giving you a glimpse of your future which would be to become her cuckold...

Try as I might, I am not that man. I am a submissive man, in real life and in the bedroom. And she has grown frustrated over the years.

A woman marries a given man for reasons involving a compromise among the things she knows she will need. In the case of your wife, those things may have included a stable husband who would be submissive to her, and not object to her taking lovers who would satisfy her own need to be submissive to "macho men" who would fulfill her sexually by fucking her with wild abandon.

From this point of view, perhaps your wife has not "grown frustrated over the years" with you at all. Rather, your submissive nature is what your wife knew she would need from her husband (you) from the beginning, for a stable home life while she pursued hot "macho men" as lovers.

Do you and your wife have children? If so, how old are they?

 

[cheggers]

But, none of them asked her for her hand in marriage, evidently...



You are, however, the man your wife married. In that sense, you have triumphed over all those "alpha men in uniforms" she says she lusted after...



The implication seems to be, you have never wanted to tie your wife up in bed and found yourself essentially unable to do that, despite her heavy hints she wanted that.

What forms of sex do you want when you're in bed with your wife? Have you told her, and attempted to come to some sort of accommodation with her such that she gives you what you want sometimes, and you give her what she wants sometimes?



Depending on how much your wife weighs, maybe that's something you could do for her more easily if you had a place with bedrooms on the main floor. Anyway, with comments like that it sounds like she was giving you a glimpse of your future which would be to become her cuckold...



A woman marries a given man for reasons involving a compromise among the things she knows she will need. In the case of your wife, those things may have included a stable husband who would be submissive to her, and not object to her taking lovers who would satisfy her own need to be submissive to "macho men" who would fulfill her sexually by fucking her with wild abandon.

From this point of view, perhaps your wife has not "grown frustrated over the years" with you at all. Rather, your submissive nature is what your wife knew she would need from her husband (you) from the beginning, for a stable home life while she pursued hot "macho men" as lovers.

Do you and your wife have children? If so, how old are they?

I had written a lengthy reply but must not have submitted it correctly for it hasn't shown up.

Basically, two men were interested in my wife for marriage, though there were no formal engagements. She broke up with one after he cheated on her. (she claims to have taken her revenge by sleeping with all his friends before she broke up with him)

She ended her relationship with the other, whom she had dated off and on for several years, when he set her up with one of his buddies. He is a rising officer in the Army, on his way to full Colonel and beyond. He wanted his buddy to test her faithfulness by hitting on her. She smelled a rat and didn't fall for the trap.

Ironically, we had been dating for a couple months when that one happened. Apparently he didn't seem to care that she was attached to me at the time.

She doesn't believe in Mr. Right. She believes in Mr. Right at the Right Time. And she believes stable, reliable, cooperative men make good husbands.

She did more than hint at her bedroom desires. She told me that's what she wants. I just never had the testosterone to do it more than a couple times. When she flat out said, "You can spank me if you want." I didn't know what to do so I did nothing. When she said, "My fantasy is to be tied to a pole and used for sex by a group of guys," I didn't know what to say and said nothing.

I would prefer her to be the dominant one, and for me to be the bedroom submissive. What I got was to be the lifestyle submissive.

I really feel that I've somehow restricted her sexual interests by not enthusiastically leading her into them.

As for children, I'd prefer they not be aware of the status of our relationship.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Cheggers,

[My wife] doesn't believe in Mr. Right. She believes in Mr. Right at the Right Time. And she believes stable, reliable, cooperative men make good husbands.

That sounds consistent with her choice of you to be her husband, after her experiences with assorted macho men.

She did more than hint at her bedroom desires. She told me that's what she wants. I just never had the testosterone to do it more than a couple times. When she flat out said, "You can spank me if you want." I didn't know what to do so I did nothing. When she said, "My fantasy is to be tied to a pole and used for sex by a group of guys," I didn't know what to say and said nothing.

Not good. You don't have to BE a testosterone-fueled macho man to give your wife what she told you she wants in bed. Rather, you need to pretend you're an actor in a play or movie. Motivate yourself by telling yourself you're submitting to what your wife requires of you; view it as out of the question to NOT do what your wife requires of you; and suppress your "real" personality while you visualize yourself acting out the role she requires.

In other words, visualize your wife as your boss demanding you give her what she wants and needs, and pretend it's out of the question for you to do otherwise because you MUST submit to her desires.

I would prefer my wife to be the dominant, and for me to be the bedroom submissive.

I have the impression you've never told your wife that in so many words. Is that the case?

Anyway, this sounds like a basis for negotiation. Perhaps it could (conceivably) go something like this.

(1) Put on a macho man performance for her, tying her up and spanking her then fucking her. If she resists and won't let you, be aggressive and make it clear you want to do all those things to her.

(2) Later, when she seems amazed that you've finally come through and given her (or aggressively insisted you want to give her) what she wants, confess that in reality, deep down, you want to be sexually submissive to her and for her to be the dominant partner in bed and in your marriage.

(3) Then, propose the two of you formally agree on a femdom (or female led) relationship (FLR), in which there will be only one rule: your wife will make the rules, and you will follow her rules.

(4) In your femdom (formalized as such) marriage, propose that you will be willing to play macho man in bed, as if you are some sort of heroic movie actor when she requests that of you, if she would be willing to dominate you at home and in bed, as your boss-wife, at other times.

When and for how long each of you will play your respective roles can be subject to negotiation and mutual agreement.

—Custer

 

[cheggers]

Thank you. This seems like really great advice, and I'm really going to try to get started on it. It sounds like something that could really work for me (us.) It will be a hard thing to do, but I'll try.

I mean, over the weekend her parents were visiting, and I made some opinionated remarks during lunch (a lunch I prepared and served) that didn't sit well with my mother-in-law. She didn't say anything, but my wife was not pleased. Afterward when I was in the kitchen cleaning up the dishes, my wife gave me a short but intense lecture that ended with her spanking me (something that's happened a few times before). She even swatted my bottom a couple times as my in-laws walked through the kitchen.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Thank you. This seems like really great advice, and I'm really going to try to get started on it. It sounds like something that could really work for me (us.) It will be a hard thing to do, but I'll try.

Well, good luck. (And, you're welcome.)

I mean, over the weekend her parents were visiting and I made some opinionated remarks during lunch (a lunch I prepared and served)...

Preparing and serving meals and doing other housework-type tasks when your wife's parents or friends visit, so your wife can relax and enjoy talking with them, should — of course — be part of your self-defined role as your wife's submissive husband (which she obviously expects from you on such occasions)...

...but, that didn't sit well with my mother-in-law. She didn't say anything, but my wife was not pleased [either].

Oh oh... sounds like you incurred more than a small risk of corporal punishment...

Afterwards, while I was in the kitchen cleaning up the dishes, my wife gave me a short but intense lecture...

Very good; she demonstrated her role as your dominant boss-wife (which you want her to be)...

...that ended with her spanking me (something that's happened a few times before).

That was better than good; it was outstanding. She clearly demonstrated she is your boss wife, and you are her submissive husband, by showing her parents that she is willing to humiliate you in front of them with corporal punishment (as if you were a small boy), while you your boss-wife's behavior, in effect, by demonstrating that you are willing to accept humiliating corporal punishment from her...

She even swatted my bottom a couple of times as my in-laws [her parents] walked through the kitchen.

Good, good... your boss-wife's parents wanted, of course, to verify for themselves what was going on, and your boss-wife obliged with appropriate cooperation from you...

Now that your wife has played the role of your dominant boss-wife, and you have obliged and played the role of her submissive husband in a situation where she required that, will you be best off to continue reinforcing her view of you, and your perception of yourself, as her submissive husband while you reinforce her view of herself as your dominant boss-wife?

Or, will you be best off to surprise her and unexpectedly step forward and play the role of a "dominant macho man" in your bedroom in the near future? I.e., what's the next step...?

 

[cheggers]

Or, will you be best off to surprise her and unexpectedly step forward and play the role of a "dominant macho man" in your bedroom in the near future? I.e., what's the next step...?

I have no idea. Her control as boss-wife has increased over the years. My father-in-law was the last to accept that she is the boss but even he is starting to understand. The weekend's spanking incident was the first time corporal punishment happened with other people around. Publicly she has referred to me as everything from "personal assistant" to "trophy husband" to "trash boy."

Back to the cuckolding situation, one day last week when I got home from work she had already gone out for the evening and I noticed a very, very strong fragrance of men's spray deodorant in the bathroom. I haven't used spray deodorant like that since junior high school, so there's no chance at all someone sprayed an old can belonging to me.

 

[Custer Laststand]

[My wife's] control [of me] as boss-wife has increased over the years. My father-in-law was the last to accept that she is the boss, but even he is starting to understand.

Men are not always real bright when it comes to perceiving something is not as they think it should be (for cultural reasons), but it isn't surprising that your father-in-law was capable of "coming around" as a result of you and your boss-wife treating it as totally normal that she is the boss, and as a result of both of you demonstrating that to him consistently.

The weekend spanking incident was the first time [my boss-wife subjected me to] corporal punishment with other people around.

Hm... well... that sounds positive, from the point of view of your boss-wife becoming more comfortable with viewing herself as such and, as well, viewing how you feel about it as being of no significance...

Publicly she has referred to me as everything from "personal assistant" to "trophy husband" to "trash boy."

I guess I would hafta' say "trophy husband" sounds slightly better than "personal assistant" or "trash boy" (the latter as in, her boy who takes out the trash...?), but how she addresses you, of course, is and should be up to her.

Back to the cuckolding situation: one day last week when I got home from work she had already gone out for the evening and I noticed a very, very strong fragrance of men's spray deodorant in the bathroom. I haven't used spray deodorant like that since junior high school, so there's no chance at all someone sprayed an old can belonging to me.

Ah... so your boss-wife's lover, whose identity you suspect but have not yet confirmed... stopped by and picked her up at home for a date. That's good, from the point of view that it demonstrates she has become comfortable with "openly" having a lover in the sense that one or more of your neighbors may have seen that, but your boss-wife obviously was not bothered by that possibility.

That suggests you may be able to meet and introduce yourself to your boss-wife's lover by coming home "unexpectedly" early next time you're pretty sure she will be departing for a date prior to when she thinks you'll be home. You could, for instance, park your car down the road so it won't be obvious to her lover that you're home, then greet your wife when your walk in and treat it as perfectly normal that she's in the midst of her date preparations, then — as she continues her preparations — answer the door, invite her lover to come in, and introduce yourself and talk with him as if you view it as perfectly normal for your boss-wife to be going out with another man. Finally, wish both of them a good time on their date when they depart. If it works out successfully, that will effectively make you part of their relationship and your boss-wife will no longer feel any need to conceal the fact that she has a lover (and his identity).

In other words, given your boss-wife has been trying for a long time to make it clear to you she has a lover (by asking you to answer the phone when he calls, etc.), a strategy like the above could "normalize" your role as her cuckold and eliminate the need (perceived by her, evidently) for further pretense.

On the whole, it sounds like your wife is sufficiently advanced in her role as your boss-wife that it would probably be best for you to continue in your preferred role as her submissive cuckold (including continuing to encourage her to be your boss-wife), rather than attempting to pretend to be a "macho man" from time to time in bed, thereby satisfying her need for that. That is, leave "being a macho man" to her lover — whom you will soon meet, probably (perhaps "inadvertently") — since he is playing that role for your boss-wife anyway.

 

[cheggers]

"personal assistant" or "trash boy" (the latter as in, her boy who takes out the trash...?), but how she addresses you, of course, is and should be up to her.

I accompanied her to a picnic, and stood at her side to serve as needed. She was seated with some lady friends, and told me to clean up after all of them, and said, "We can call you trash boy!" with a laugh. Her friends took it all quite naturally, and simply handed me their trash without breaking conversation.

 

[cheggers]

Short updates:

He called the other night, looking for her. She was out, obviously not with him. I don't know why he didn't call her cell phone.

I think I didn't handle the conversation well enough. It was a bad time for him to call, and I was kind of rude, rather then welcoming.

Anyway, last night she felt I'd finally earned a reward and she pleasured me with her hand. I never really got hard, and I remarked about it.

She said, "I don't think that's something you need to worry about."

 

[Custer Laststand]

I accompanied my wife to a picnic, and stood at her side to serve as needed.

Very good, that was the proper and appropriate thing for you to have done...

She was seated with some lady friends, and told me to clean up after all of them saying: "We can call you trash boy!" with a laugh.

Ah, I see...

Her friends took it all quite naturally, and simply handed me their trash without breaking conversation.

That would suggest your wife has effectively communicated your role in her marriage to her friends, and they accept that as natural...

[My wife's apparent lover] called the other night, looking for her. She was out, obviously not with him.

Maybe he wanted to reinforce his personal relationship with your wife in your mind, and humiliate you slightly in the process, by calling at a time when he thought you would be home and would answer the phone...

I don't know why he didn't call her cell phone.

Maybe he did, after he verified with you that she was out "somewhere" (not with him).

I think I didn't handle the conversation well enough. It was a bad time for him to call, and I was kind of rude, rather then welcoming.

Not good. You should, of course, be as polite and respectful as possible when other men call to speak with your wife. Addressing her apparent lover as "Mr. [his last name]," for instance, would have been appropriate...

Anyway, last night she felt I'd finally earned a reward and she pleasured me with her hand. I never really got hard, and I remarked about it.

It sounds like your wife feels you're fulfilling your role she expects of you as her cuckold, even though she hasn't informed you explicitly that's what you are. Anyway, it was very kind of her to give you a hand job, even if it was incomplete...

She said, "I don't think that's something you need to worry about."

Hm... it sounds like your wife may anticipate allowing you progressively less sex of any kind in the future, but of course that's just speculation...

 

[hiki]

> He called the other night, looking for her. She was out, obviously not with him.
> I don't know why he didn't call her cell phone.
Makes me wonder if this wasn't some kind of a test, considering the reward you got afterwards...
maybe she was with him when he called, to gauge you reaction to another man calling for her?

> I think I didn't handle the conversation well enough. It was a bad time for him to call, and I
> was kind of rude, rather then welcoming.
If you had handled it really well, what might the reward have been?

-Hiki

 

[cheggers]

You should, of course, be as polite and respectful as possible when other men call to speak with your wife. Addressing her apparent lover as "Mr. [his last name]," for instance, would have been appropriate...

I know. In my defense, I don't know his last name. When he called he asked for her, then when I offered to take a message he said, "This is M-." He said he was 'the guy who's always calling her.' I said, 'she probably has your number but give it to me anyway.'

It sounds like your wife feels you're fulfilling your role she expects of you as her cuckold, even though she hasn't informed you explicitly that's what you are. Anyway, it was very kind of her to give you a hand job, even if it was incomplete...

Hm... it sounds like your wife may anticipate allowing you progressively less sex of any kind in the future, but of course that's just speculation...

Actually, it was complete this time. I just never got hard. She was being pretty rough with me. As for progressively less sex, I don't know how much further it can progress unless we hit absolute chastity.

Plus, the reward started while I was giving her a footrub, and she began pleasuring me with her feet. I was rock hard, then. When she had me come up onto the bed to use her hand I started going soft. That sounds weird, but it was as if I needed her feet for my erection.

 

[cheggers]

> He called the other night, looking for her. She was out, obviously not with him.
> I don't know why he didn't call her cell phone.
Makes me wonder if this wasn't some kind of a test, considering the reward you got afterwards...
maybe she was with him when he called, to gauge you reaction to another man calling for her?

Holy crap. I never thought of that. That's why he couldn't have called her cell.

> I think I didn't handle the conversation well enough. It was a bad time for him to call, and I
> was kind of rude, rather then welcoming.
If you had handled it really well, what might the reward have been?

-Hiki

Uh....that's pretty much the only rewards I get. Three or maybe four times a year I get to have penetrative intercourse with her, but it has to be over really quick (as in a few seconds) and I'm not allowed to do much of any kind of touching.