New and Need Some Advice

[melscuck]

@Mimi, you ask some good questions

I have not commented before because your tale is all too real, and I certainly understand because I feel the emotions you have. What do you want? Bryan is not the problem you have just enabled him through her. You are not the first not the last.

If she left would you miss the children?

Do you feel Bryan is capable of looking after the Children and her?

Would you be happier without her?

What do I want? I want a sexual and emotional relationship with my wife. Sadly, for me, I also want her to fuck other men. I want her to ignore me at times, to not satisfy my sexual and emotional desires. I want her to be dominant but, at other times, to acknowledge and submit to my needs and wants. It's a paradox, it makes no sense, I know.

I couldn't love the girls any more if they were my own. I adore them. I have spent countless days and nights holding them when they are scared or sick or just need love. It goes without saying that I would miss them. My life would be empty.

No, Bryan is completely incapable of taking care of Mel and the girls. I'm sure even Mel knows that. He knows it too. Which is one of the reasons he avoids me. Worse for him, I think the girls understand that he is their biological father but they think of me as their Dad. They are closer to me. For all Mel's shortcomings, she has never, ever been critical of my parenting. Which is why the issue of adoption has come up from time to time. Mel also, for all her weaknesses, loves those girls and wants more than anything for them to be warm, safe and happy. I'm sure some of Mel's moods come from the realization that Bryan simply can't or won't provide those things.

I would not be happier without Mel. She hurts me, at times, but I need the things she gives me. All the dominance, the humiliation, the cucking, I crave it, I need it. It somehow calms me. It brings me to a place sexually that is beyond words. In the end, Mel would not be happier without me. I think she walks the same tough line that I do. I know Mel loves me. I know she feels indebted to me for taking care of her and the girls. I know she is sexually attracted to me-even with all my kinks and fetishes. It would probably be easier for her to say goodbye to Bryan and live a normal life with me than it would be for her to say goodbye to me and live with him. Yet, we both find ourselves in a place where we need some of the things that makes our partner unhappy or uncomfortable.

Sometimes, when she looks at me, I can see how much she loves me. I think she keeps waiting for me to become completely assertive and "take" her from Bryan. I know when I look at her, she knows that I really do love her and would do anything for her, even if we didn't live in this dom/sub cuck relationship. I suppose we have a hard time talking about these things because they are hard to talk about-hard to explain our feelings. She is young, too, and I'm sure confused and trying to find her way through life. I'm not young but just as confused. I want conflicting things. I want a loving wife but one that can also be mildly cruel and unfaithful.

I wish it was easier. Maybe one day it will be.

Last night, I did go home and wash her panties and bras. Canberraguy, I did smell those panties and bras. I smashed them to my nose and inhaled like I was smoking a joint. Fuck, just touching the spandex or lycra or whatever was totally fucking arousing.

I was like a sexual beast by the time I made it to our room. She was propped up on pillows watching television. I went to her feet and rubbed them. She asked if I had done my chores. I rolled her over on her stomach and rubbed her shoulders and her back and her legs. While I massaged her legs, I thrust my head into her ass and kissed it and licked it. I left her panties on but took her shorts off. I slid those panties every way I could to get to her ass when she finally took them off. She rolled onto her back, grabbed my head and pushed it between her legs. She was so wet and I dove in with my tongue. She had an orgasm quickly. She shocked me by throwing me on my back, pulling my underwear off and giving me a blow job-she actually let me come in her mouth.

Her sexual appetite has increased lately. I do wonder if it is because she is off the pill or because she did get a break from watching the girls all day when we were on vacation. Maybe it's a combination of both.

Bryan was absent again today. It was hot here and she took the girls to the Swim Club again. I'm still not home but that's because she just left the club a little while ago. I didn't want to go home to an empty house.

Mel has some trust issues with me. She doesn't say a lot because I think she is always trying to walk that fine line between turning me on and turning me off. Don't get me wrong, she enjoys fucking Bryan, I know she loves him. But, still, she tries to keep me in a safe place. She doesn't want to push me too far. I know there are times when I feel like we are not in love, but, I think that's the nature of this lifestyle. It's hard to figure it all out and understand all these emotions.

How about you Mimi? I'll have to look up your threads and posts here. Do you find it equally difficult to walk that fine line?

The absence of Bryan has me confused. Sometimes, I wonder what our life would be like if he wasn't around. I wonder if we have enough between us for the relationship to survive. It is a tough area to understand.

I think though I realized that I do love her when she was talking about her lack of education and how I didn't spend time with her in that way. In her own way, I know she was trying to tell me that she wanted me to spend more time talking about those things were, spend more time doing things that broadened her intellectual horizons. At one point, she almost said that she wanted me to be proud of her but she mumbled it and didn't repeat it. Anyway, I wanted to hug her and tell her about all her good qualities (and she does have good qualities). I wanted to tell her how much I loved her. I almost wanted to tell her that maybe we should just try to live a more normal, more quiet existence, but, I was afraid. I think afraid that maybe without all this sub/dom shit, I don't know, it would require a different kind of hard work.

 

[duke9555]

@Duke-btw, I assumed the David reference was in response to my use of the term Philistine so I do give you a lot of credit for that. It's your last response that leaves me wondering if you've left the reservation again.

========

oh please Alice .....don't pretend in all ur cuck yrs
you haven't gone a little dotty now n again and just
screamed then cried then ate a big bowl of coffee ice-cream

 

[Lamont]

And now for an unpopular point of view. Get your thumbs down finger ready. I talk some tough love here because I actually care to see you fix this mess, not just to be an *SS. I don't know all the details of your life beyond the ones you post here, so this is all just an opinion. Personally I think you've made all the decisions you're going to end up making here. You started this thread asking for help, and as the thread grew, your writing has changed from that same tone of asking for help, to telling your story almost with some measure of excitement and pride as the days go on. I wonder if you actually came looking for acceptance and someone to enable you rather than help you see this all a little more objectively. Unfortunately it's all a little like watching a train wreck unfold, and there's ultimately (IMHO) going to be a lot of pain and victims in this one starting with you and these kids. If you loved these kids and wanted to raise them half as much as you claim, then you owe it to them to at least regain some semblance of sanity over this situation and in a big hurry. No more standing up for yourself only to let her strip it all away by using your fetishes against you. To this point you've been all bark, no bite, complete wallet and meal ticket. While I agree with many of the early posters, I think the point that wasn't hit on enough is that this is mostly your own creation. You've enabled all of this by taking her in, teaching her how to treat you and even rewarding her heavily for it. She's only being exactly what you've allowed and created, so I blame you here for this predicament first and foremost. Sure she obviously had some of this in her given her own parents tossed her out, but instead of putting your own foot down, or creating and establishing some healthy boundaries, you chose to enable her power, not guide her like a father figure. She's still a kid herself and you're a fully grown man, which is a topic all on its own for another day. My own opinion is that as you allude to, she couldn't care less about you beyond the security you provide in terms of putting a roof over her head, someone to raise her (yes her) kids, and money in her wallet. You're a placeholder, not a lover, not a confidant, not a soulmate. You're the equivalent of the nice neighbour everyone likes. What's worse is that she's now wanting to get pregnant again. I'm willing to bet she hopes this one is yours, and not his. That might sound backwards given how she toys with you and has a pair of his kids already, but it makes all the sense in the world. You see this one, if yours becomes a handy little insurance package just in case you ever decide to really get real and head for the door. This one, if yours, guarantees that you're never rid of her and always ****** to support her even if you do eventually go. It's a brilliant plan too I might add. She didn't just suddenly have some epiphany and discover that she has true emotions for you and that you were worthy of all the sex she's let you have of late. No there's a distinct plan behind that. I imagine that's why she's pretended to let you be a little more assertive as well. She's allowing you because it's to her advantage. I also imagine it's why Bryan hasn't been around quite as much. She's giving you the head start to get the job done so to speak. I can almost envision the conversation the two of them had about it ahead of time, though I doubt he liked the idea much. There's just no way she can risk you walking under any circumstance, and your insistence for more has probably in part sparked this whole plan. Now the whole homosexual part may have been to get a little chuckle at your expense "hey look I can even make my husband (if you want to call him that) a full fledged fag if I want." but really all it did was put yet another card in her back pocket should you ever decide to leave. You yourself said your reputation and professional life were important to you. Sure she could already ruin you with what she's got, but there's just something about telling everyone you're actually gay, and being able to now prove that (given he's actually her ally) which takes away your one hope of playing the "bitter divorce, angry wife, he said she said" card if she tried just saying you let her sleep around to your friends, neighbours and coworkers. I'm sure some of this all dawned on her when you nailed the sister, and that's when she started realizing she needed something a little more lasting to keep the word sucker firmly tattooed on your forehead and the payments and support coming. However that aside, the biggest worry for you is going to be when Bryan grows up a bit and sees his friends all getting married and having kids, and keeps seeing his kids and mowing your grass at the same time. He just may decide to grow up himself one day, get a good job, show responsibility and reclaim his kids and your wife, and you can bet they'll all be gone in a heartbeat if he ever decides he wants that, and neither one of them will care if you want to still see the kids or not. You'll be fighting tooth and nail just to see your own kid (if it's yours) now that you're engaging in extramarital homosexual acts, etc. Really though it all comes down to this...if a better option walked up and presented itself what would she do? I think you know the answer to this, and that alone should tell you how this is all going to end for you. To your credit you at least keep saying you know it can't last like this forever, and you're right, it won't. Now you also keep saying you're using her too. Thats not exactly accurate. You cant let her go and she only touches you and is nice to you to keep her own meal ticket rolling. Like a ********** she wants something, and she knows what she needs to do to get it. You hide behind that statement to somehow rationalize that this is all mutual and more okay than it looks. This is not a mutual using of each other at all, not even close. That all said, if you're satisfied living in an emotionally devoid place where your wife honestly and truly doesn't care that you're hurting in some ways then great, keep having at it. I would find it a little hard to swallow though since you claimed you were so in need of human contact and intimacy that you were willing to go gay to get it. That didn't set off more than a few warning bells? That didn't worry you that your wife may tell his kids that you miss so badly and want to raise all about how you, the temporary stand-in dad used to blow a male friend of hers (when this is all over)? You see many posters here could at least tell their kids that mommy and daddy love each other very much, and were just exploring and expressing in different ways, but it's because we love each other so much that we're able to explore our sexuality. Sure that would still be difficult to explain and not quite as simple for most of us if our kids discovered or heard about our activities…but in your case, your kids would likely be seriously traumatized over this situation, especially when they become old enough and aware. They'd be devastated, ashamed and embarrassed. I really think when you have young kids you have to be super cautious and put them and their needs first. You can still play a bit, but it has to be done very carefully. If you consider yourself an actual parent then you have to start thinking with your brain and not your erection. You're not just risking your own life and happiness here, but theirs as well. Sometimes being a parent means having to make tough decisions and set aside some of your own perversities….but again that's all assuming you actually care about them like you say. You haven't seemed to show that's true though by what you're continuing to allow. You've proven countless times in these posts that she has a heart of coal and is capable of absolutely anything. However it may all be moot and too late for you now. Your moment to do something may have come and gone all because you couldn't use your head (or at least the right one). Sorry to be sounding so harsh here. I honestly am. I do hope you can find a way out because right now you're blinded by lust and your uncontrolled libido and fantasies, not love. Just remember, those kids are going to be hurt in the end just like you, and it won't all be Mom's fault. They count on you to make the right choices. Better to leave and be able to tell them you wanted more but their mother couldn't give you what you needed, rather than her leaving and getting to tell that story another way. The only thing left to decide is whether you want respect for leaving on your terms, or the humiliation of her leaving on her terms. I'd bet a large chunk of cash this will end sooner than you think one way or another. Stories like this always do. But it's your life. Live as your choose. Enjoy your ride while it lasts. Now back to your show...

 

[melscuck]

@Lamont-where to begin? First, I appreciate all the time and effort you put into the post. Next time, how about making it a few paragraphs with some space between the paragraphs. I'm just pulling your leg .

Everything you said I have probably thought at one time or another. Let me start at the beginning and by that I mean the start of my marriage. Everyone on here assumes that I was in love with Mel when I married her. I wasn't. I have been in love before and I know how I felt. I never felt that with Mel when we married. I did not marry her because I loved her. I married her for all the wrong reasons. She needed and wanted me to take care of her and her children. I needed and wanted to have her close to me so that I could experience all those fantasies that I wanted to experience. I never married her with the belief or hope that we would be soul mates or even lovers in the classic sense of the word. I wanted her to fuck other men-Bryan, actually. I wanted her to let me explore all my kinks and fetishes. I wanted her to dominate me. You talk about her in terms of being a ********** and understand that is what I wanted or expected when we married. Even before we married, being with her was like a game or something. A sexual game. I did have some feelings for her-it's impossible to spend a lot of time with someone, listening to their life story and problems, dreams, etc. and not feel something. But I did not love her.

One of the parts of all these cuckold stories and experiences that I was never able to understand, never able to get my arms around, was this notion that somehow the wife of the cuck loves the cuck more than any man she has ever known. The cuck is her world, she needs him as much as she needs air to breathe. And, she tells him that as she's leaving the house (where he's watching their kids) to go fuck Johnny Bull. After Johnny Bull has fucked every hole in her body, the loving wife goes home to her loving cuck and the cuck couple snuggle and revel in their love for one another. Cuck husband then shows his wife how much he loves her by sucking out Johnny Bull's cum from the pussy of the love of his life. That is just incomprehensible to me. Really, I can't understand it. Now, it's my turn to get the thumbs down.

Seems to me if a marriage is perfect, wife and husband don't need anyone but each other. Seems to me that in a perfect or even good marriage, the husband and wife are lovers, soul mates and friends. Johnny Bull is nowhere around. When I really liked a girlfriend or loved one, even when I fantasized about the girl fucking around on me, in my imagination, I made up a reason for it. I had cheated on her and she caught me so now she was going to fuck around on me and make me endure the knowledge that she was now fucking someone else. It wasn't like a Hollywood movie relationship where the wife just happened to be getting a little good sex on the side.

So, please, understand that in my mind the only way that I felt that I could live a life like I fantasized about was to be with a woman that I did NOT love. You say that I didn't/don't use Mel, I disagree. I have always used Mel for my selfish, perverted (or as I call them "kinky") fantasies. I at least have my eyes opened enough to see that. Mel knew that too. We each wanted something out of our marriage/relationship that had nothing to do with love. Love was the last thing on either of our minds when we got married. Again, let me say that I could have used the money I spend on Mel on dungeons, mistresses that I pay, internet websites like Kinkbomb and Clips4sale where a bunch of strange women generically call me and every other man that buys their clips a "Loser" and taunt the men to lick their feet, their ass, whatever. All for $10 or $20 a clip. What a bargain!

On the other hand, I've never really understood the other side of the cuckold stories in these forums. This side is the one where the wife basically spits hatred at her husband as she heads out the door to fuck Johnny and Jerome Bull. Husband in this version is nothing more than a panty wearing slave that cleans for his wife and her lovers, that listens to his wife ridicule his small dick, that gets beaten and punished by the wife and her lovers.

What I wanted and expected was something in between those two positions.

 

[melscuck]

For a while, it seemed that I got what I bargained for. That whole year before her second child was born and the year or so after, we did not have intercourse. I gave her oral sex, I licked her ass, I worshiped her-she jacked me off every now and then. Great. I was always lost in some sexual fantasy. She was happy, she had Bryan and didn't have to worry about my emotional needs or wants.

What changed then? As those years went by, the kids were there and the kids needed loving parents. Mel and I were united in taking care of those girls. An emotional attachment, a bond if you will, developed between Mel and I because of our mutual responsibilities in caring for the girls. We wanted to raise them in a normal family and so, around the girls (and around others), we acted like a normal couple. When one of the girls had a fever, we both stayed up all night, together, fretting about out child's health and condition. So, despite our original intentions, fate and life were making Mel and I have to have some sort of normal, quasi loving relationship. Once I began to feel comfortable with her in that role and in the role of the woman of the house, it wasn't as easy for me to just let her be emotionally and sexually distant. In my mind, once we had to be close in raising the girls, I felt we had to be close or closer sexually and emotionally. In my mind, the two went hand in hand.

But, I didn't start off in love with Mel. Most couples have love as the foundation of their relationship. In the hard times, they can always fall back to the safety of their love. We never had that. It really was hard for me to stay up all night with Mel and one of the girls, or spend a week with them on vacation, living like a normal family and then not have a normal sexual relationship with my wife as well. I couldn't even fall back on the "Well, at least I know she loves me and I love her." We didn't.

When I made my way here, I was at my wits end with that. I did need advice or, at least, someplace I could unburden all my secrets, where I could confess all my sins or wrongs or whatever. You are right, Mel, at 24, is a kid. I am a grown up. I should have been the one who saw life with more mature eyes. I didn't. I did just the opposite. I enabled my wife to treat me like shit. Fuck, you're right too, I rewarded her for treating me like shit. I couldn't see past my own hard on.

For most of my life I did what most guys do. I dated, sometimes I fell in love, but, somehow, I lost interest in the whole thing-particularly, sexually. You know the old cliche: "Show me the most beautiful woman in the world, and somewhere there's a guy who's tired of fucking her," well, I lived that cliche. I can remember Saturdays and Sundays watching football, alone, rather than have to go on a date and have old-fashioned boring sex. How many times, I thought, "I can't do it, I can't fuck this girl one more time." I would fuck them until they orgasmed and then start fantasizing in my mind some kinky thought just so that I could cum.

Mel changed that. After having lived though without any real emotional or sexual contact for 2 years or so, I had had enough of that, too.

Seems like I can never find that perfect balance. Just can't. Maybe, there isn't one. I said my feelings are a paradox and they are. I want to love my woman and I want her to love me, but, I want her to fuck someone else. I both like and hate the fact that she fucks someone else. I want her close to me but not too close.

 

[Curious Observer]

Lamont's absolutely right. She's got you by the balls and can end your entire life in hours if she wanted to. I understand roleplay and stuff if one sets boundaries. This is insane, though. And your situation is all of your own making. You're going to have to hold onto your delusions for your own psychological wellbeing - you have no other options.

I wonder if you will still post here when it all goes tits up? When you have a lot of people even on forums that cater to your fetish telling you that you're deranged, does that not make you think?

I hope she takes every last thing you have to be honest. No sympathy.

 

[Curious Observer]

The other point I have to make is that your self-destructive streak must be extremely strong to even considering embarking in such an obviously-doomed 'relationship', a kind of relationship that would be doomed from the beginning, all things considered. If you were a 'standard', i.e. vanilla couple, it might not have gone so disastrously wrong - i.e. you'd have kept your dignity and so on. I know little of your fetishes - that are obviously quite extreme - but there must be people and gatherings that you could have gone to, secretly, to fulfil your temptations. That would have been far, far, far less dangerous than the course of action you have taken.

Your arguments don't make any sense - you're worried about your job, your position and your standing in the community so you don't want to go to SM type functions or gatherings of people, yet you're quite happy to subject yourself to such extreme and high-risk practices with little benefit for you personally outside your own erotic satisfaction. At no time ever during this course of action have you ever really stopped to think with anything other than your groin - i.e. of your own self-preservation that is hugely and recklessly being endangered by the course of action you have taken.

It's a very high price to pay to be turned on, I'll grant you that. Nowt so queer as folk.

Either that, or it's a gigantic trolling exercise. In which case. I salute you, sir. If you were local I'd buy you a pint.

As Lamont rightly says though: it's your life. And everyone else is laughing loudly - so loudly, with bemused contempt - at yours.

 

[melscuck]

In truth, I have not been so perfect or submissive, always, with Mel. You are right, you know only what I post. I can tell you that once, we were in a terrible argument. We were arguing in the garage so as not to wake the girls. I was right in the argument. She just kept acting irrationally and I got angrier. At one point, I snapped, grabbed her by the throat and threw her. I picked her up by her hair and dragged her out the garage door and threw her on the driveway (in the rain-it was pouring, I remember) and told her to stay the fuck out of the house and my life. This was maybe a year ago. I went back in the house and sat, pouring myself a drink, waiting for the police to come arrest me for domestic violence. After 2 or 3 hours, no police. I looked outside, there was Mel, crying on the porch. I opened the door and she ran to me, not to hit me, but to hug me. Before I could say anything, she said "I'm sorry." I was the one who was sorry and I told her so, I had committed an act of violence against her, I never thought I could raise my hand to a woman, but, I did.

Now, as to the kids. You make it sound like if I boot her and the girls, I'll be able to explain to them why the marriage ended. I'll have visitation in the future and will be able to cater to their emotional needs and questions. I have no financial obligation to them, as I said, they are not mine. The opposite is also true. If Mel leaves, I have absolutely no legal right to ever see them again-ever. She can take them and be gone from my life forever. I WOULD NEVER, EVER tell these girls the bizarre sexual life that Mel and I have. Children should never be told that.

As to the whole Michael thing, yeah, I've thought about her laughing and telling Bryan that she made me a fag. That even that wasn't beyond my limits. As to the blackmail part, I can only laugh. I have no fears about that. First, it's not like they have pictures of me. It was a 10 day thing. I sucked his cock a couple times, he sucked mine and let me fuck him multiple times. It was different, interesting. He actually tried to call me and meet me a few times since (who knows if Mel knows that or put him up to it). But, the point is, if it ever came up in some divorce proceeding, the court would have to take the word of these 2 20 somethings over my word. I don't think any judge would. They have no proof and the story doesn't even fit with what people see of us. To the outside world, Mel is a loving, doting, caring (but bossy) wife. In public, she kisses me, touches me, holds my hand. If she ever told the story of our lives, no one (and I mean no one) would believe it. It is not how we have portrayed ourselves. Plus, more than anything in the world, Mel loves those girls. She has actually told Bryan that it is me, not him, who makes the final decisions on their care and upbringing. He tried to talk to me about that and I told him that there was nothing to talk about. She would never destroy her children's beliefs over money or a divorce or anything. She also wouldn't go telling a court about cuckolding and fucking her boyfriend-she wouldn't do anything to risk a children's services investigation. She has as much to lose, if not more, than I do if anything comes out. There are some other things on this subject, but, I won't get into that now. Really, there is absolutely no way that Mel spreads any story out there. Bryan, either. The thing about people is, blackmail that kind of stuff only works if they think you will succumb to it and it will get them something. I think Bryan thinks I'm like some crazy doctor or something and Mel, well, she has told me a 1,000 times that it concerns her that I seem to have no fears.

You are right, I did need human contact. I felt isolated, alone. He fulfilled that need. He did. So did her cousin Lindsey (not her sister) and, lately, so has Mel. Which is where this whole paradox thing kicks up again. The more we spend time like a husband and wife (vacation, dinner, sex), the more I'm drawn to that side of life. Maybe, I get to the point with her where it's so routine that I fall back into that "I'm tired of fucking her" mode. The more we don't have contact, the deeper I fall into the whole submission/cuck routine until I reach the point where I feel so isolated and alone, that I need contact and especially contact with her.

The pregnancy-again, I've thought the same thing. If she has my child, she's got me on the hook forever (or at least 20 years or so) with child support, that kind of thing. On the other hand, if I had a normal life and wife and had a child, I'd be on the hook for 20 years or so with taking care of the child-so how am I in any different position?

As to Bryan growing up-LMAO. OK, maybe someday-ROFL. I'll worry about that when it happens. But, what are my options, anyway. The kids aren't mine, I've already grown attached to them, I already love them. I'm stuck, I have to hope that we find a way to stay together and I get to see them grow up and take care of them.

For those people that say shit like "well their not yours-why are you wasting your time and money," I say, really, tell me that after 2 little girls look you in the eyes and tell you how much they love you.

but again that's all assuming you actually care about them like you say.

Really, why on earth would I put up with some of the bullshit (that even as a submissive/humiliation freak I can't stomach) that goes on. The kids are kept completely out of all this. They are happy, growing children. Their lives are live a fairy tale. If you knew Mel and knew me, you wouldn't ever worry about the kids. There are weeks where the kids are all we seem to agree on or get along about.

Mel's problem-my problem-something's changed here. Somewhere along the way, somehow, we have developed some mutual love or feelings towards each other. You may all think she's a gold digger, she may be. But, when we have fought before, I have given her a very easy and financially lucrative way out. I have offered to buy her a house, pay her bills, and give her money. Setting up a trust fund for her and the girls. All she has to do is promise that I get to see the girls once a week. She has always declined the offer. I have even gone so far as to have papers drawn up indicating monetary amounts. She's not interested.

She's 24. She doesn't know what she wants in life. It may not be me forever but it's certainly not to live without me, either. I'm 45, I'm not so sure I want to spend the rest of my life with her, either.

I think I've talked about all your post. I will end with a story of last night. I do not tell these fragments of my life to get a thrill or to get reinforcement. To me, it's like going to confession. It clears my mind. Mel was laying in bed, trying to fall asleep (again no Bryan yesterday or today-you probably are right that she's keeping him away to make sure the baby is mine). I was watching a baseball game in bed. She looked so peaceful laying there. She looked pretty too. I couldn't keep my hands off her legs. I rubbed them, gently, as I watched the game. I rubbed her butt, too. She felt so smooth, so perfect. She moved around a little so that her feet were on my legs-I rubbed those too. Nothing dramatic, nothing overly sexual. As I went back to rubbing her legs, she took my hand and put it onto her pussy and pushed my hand down. I started to rub harder and knew she was getting off on it. So was I. Just as I was about to make her orgasm, she turned the TV off, threw her shorts and panties off, slid my panties off, and got on top of me. I saw our half open bedroom door and said, "the girls" meaning let's shut the door (as we always do) so the girls don't happen to get up and walk in on us fooling around. She didn't respond, just slid her wet (really wet) pussy lips over my cock and rode me for about 10 seconds before she came. As she came, I shot my load-a rarity for me and us (same time orgasms-they almost never happen during our infrequent sexual encounters). As she lay on top of me, she looked at me and started to say something but then just kissed me.

Maybe it is all an act on her part. But, Lamont, I'm not a sucker. I'm smart enough to know the difference between fake and real. She is caught in the same netherworld or no man's land that I am.

 

[melscuck]

I wonder if you will still post here when it all goes tits up? When you have a lot of people even on forums that cater to your fetish telling you that you're deranged, does that not make you think?

In this forum, we have people that talk about blacks "breeding" their wives, we have men talking about being in chastity for years on end, men who suck their wives lovers off, men who lick their wives bulls assholes-and they're telling me I'm deranged. Too funny

We'll see what happens if it all goes "tits up."

I hope she takes every last thing you have to be honest. No sympathy.

At least you're honest. It's a shitty and lousy thing to say but at least it's honest.

 

[melscuck]

If you were a 'standard', i.e. vanilla couple, it might not have gone so disastrously wrong -

Are you reading anything that I'm writing. If we were standard, vanilla couple we .... well, we wouldn't have gotten married. We weren't in love. Oh. I'm laughing, I mean, obviously we are both (Mel and I) very fucked up in a sexual sense.

Your arguments don't make any sense - you're worried about your job, your position and your standing in the community so you don't want to go to SM type functions or gatherings of people, yet you're quite happy to subject yourself to such extreme and high-risk practices with little benefit for you personally outside your own erotic satisfaction.

Because I'm not worried in the least about Mel or Bryan saying anything. Anytime someone pays for sex or to explore their kinks, somehow, it gets out. Call girls and hookers (or dominatrices that get paid)-they also tell someone. It won't happen here. Everyone seems to miss one large point, Mel is devoted to her girls, her girls love and adore me (more than Bryan). She is not going to do anything to me which might hurt those girls. You all have to trust me on that point.

You are quite right though on the thinking with the dick thing, I do need to tone that down.

And everyone else is laughing loudly - so loudly, with bemused contempt - at yours.

Again, these are the guys that lick some guys ass while the guy is fucking their wife. LMAO.

On a lighter note, I'd love to have a beer with you. I'm not nearly as self-destructive as you think. Reckless, oh yes, of that I'm guilty.

 

[melscuck]

@Curious

One final note, since we've been posting all night, one guy has started a thread in which he explains how he is enjoying sticking dildos and latex up his ass and fucking himself raw. Now, I don't judge his story or his kinks in the least, but, I mean, you're telling me that these are the kind of people that are laughing at my predicament. LMAO.

@Lamont

You're right that Bryan is mowing my wife's grass. Do you think I could get him to really mow the grass (and do the mulching and tree trimming)? I do truly despise yard work.

 

[Lamont]

Thanks for the reply. I know I didn't pull a lot of punches on my commentary.

See? I have an enter button. That said it's because I'm actually typing on a computer rather than an iphone. When last I typed I had many spaces and paragraphs when typing into a text document. However when I then cut and paste, all the spaces for everything went away and I unfortunately only realized after I hit reply.

Have you thought that perhaps one of the reasons why her uneducated nature caters to your particular situation, which you haven't helped her change (recalling her comment on you never spending intellectual time with you), might be more related to your fear that you may lose her and your kinky lifestyle if she were to become educated and had a goal, a dream or vision for her future? I know you have spoken more than once about how it makes you mental that she uses poor english on her facebook page for example... and you have then retracted that by saying her level of education may make things more humiliating for you. But really, perhaps you're subconsciously afraid that if she decided she wanted to go to college, and make something out of herself, and become something her daughters could be proud of, that it would mean she'd ultimately also decide that what you're wanting or taking from her wasn't in her future. Are you afraid that if she became smart so to speak, that she might see that this was a fad and phase that she's no longer as willing to participate in? Kink aside, as alluring as it is... Isn't it YOUR responsibility having married a 24yr old woman to at least suggest or help guide her in the direction of being something in life? What if you had a heart attack at 55? Who would be providing for her and these kids if you died, especially given you seem in it for the long haul. Certainly not her... So why not future-proof your marriage, be a stand-up guy and guide her to get an education, a job, or heck even a career where she learns more about real life, becomes more of a contributor to society... See I don't think it's bad that you're older and she's a lot younger... I just think that comes with responsibilities whether you want them or not. If she could be your daughter, and you have 20 years of living on her, you owe her the opportunity to become something, and morally, probably should be steering her in that direction. I'm just wondering if subconsciously, or in the back of your mind, you think that if she were to wisen up, she'd realize that all of this (as fun as its been) just didn't fit, and leave you. A worry? There's no secret about the powerful draw between older men with life experience and naive young women who deep down are afraid of the unknown and have little experience. So if this is what you meant by your statements about using her, then yeah I give in there... you are. But again, this is your life... If you figure you can make it all out to be alright and make it end happily, then have at it... get it done, and show us. No problem there.

 

[Lamont]

@Curious

One final note, since we've been posting all night, one guy has started a thread in which he explains how he is enjoying sticking dildos and latex up his ass and fucking himself raw. Now, I don't judge his story or his kinks in the least, but, I mean, you're telling me that these are the kind of people that are laughing at my predicament. LMAO.
.

Be careful melscuck... about 90% of what you read here is completely fake and nothing more than fantasy. This is not the sounding board of reality. Using stories here to feel any better about your own would be a mistake. You're currently in the land of crazy....

 

[melscuck]

Be careful melscuck... about 90% of what you read here is completely fake and nothing more than fantasy. This is not the sounding board of reality. Using stories here to feel any better about your own would be a mistake. You're currently in the land of crazy....

I only talked about that because Curious said that even people on this board are 1. laughing at me and 2. think I'm deranged. I jokingly was pointing out that the people on this board who are either laughing at me or think I'm deranged are, as you put it, living in the "land of crazy."

Now as to Mel's lack of education. When we were first seeing each other-if you want to call it that-I tried until I was blue in the face to convince her to go to college and get an education. She had no intention or ambition to do that. I've talked to her about it recently and her position now is that she doesn't have the time, energy or concentration to go now because she spends all day taking care of 2 little girls.

I have always thought she's afraid to try and go to college because she's afraid she'll fail. I'm sure she regrets not trying harder in high school. I do understand how much energy, patience and work she expends taking care of the girls. I wouldn't be able to do it all day and go to college too.

I do not want her to stay undereducated so that I can more or less keep a hold on her. It does turn me on to be ruled by a woman who is less educated-I guess it's one of those factors that makes it more humiliating in my mind. She is not dumb, believe me, but it's sort of like "I'm so much smarter than this girl and yet she still controls me" kind of turn on.

Isn't it YOUR responsibility having married a 24yr old woman to at least suggest or help guide her in the direction of being something in life? What if you had a heart attack at 55?

It is my responsibility, you are right, and I will keep pushing her. If I died, her and the girls would be rolling in money from the insurance proceeds. LMAO. But, don't tell Mel that (just kidding-she knows how much life insurance I have).

I'm just wondering if subconsciously, or in the back of your mind, you think that if she were to wisen up, she'd realize that all of this (as fun as its been) just didn't fit, and leave you.

I'm not sure either one of us would say it's been fun. Sometimes it is, sometimes not. In our own ways, we each need the other. That's the best way that I can say it. She does need the security I provide, I get that. I need the sexual freedom or sexual/erotic play time she gives me. In my opinion, the problem is that I don't think either of us figured there would ever be any emotional attachment between us. You are right, she thought of me as a nice guy, I thought of her as a free thinking/spirited cute younger woman. I don't think either of us figured that there would be any emotions beyond those original emotions. We have had ups and down, been close, been distant, barely talked to each other, talked to each other for hours. Somewhere in there, things subtly changed.

What I see now is that it probably would be easier to go our separate ways than try to figure out a place where we can both be happy, but neither of us wants to make that move. It's not just laziness on our part, I think both of us do need the other (even though neither of us wants to admit it). By that, I mean beyond the obvious reason that she needs my financial support and I need her body and mind for my sexual role playing. I'm not suggesting that we are "in love," with each other, but, I do think that we have grown "to love" the other person. Which makes very little sense because there are a lot of times when we are positively awful to each other.

So if this is what you meant by your statements about using her

No one quite seems to understand how I am using her so I'll put it in pure economic terms. Locally, a dominatrix charges about $300 for a 2 hour session. If I paid a dominatrix for one, 2 hour session a week, I would be paying her $1,200 for a month (for 8 hours of fantasy time). I spend about $250 a week on food and groceries for the house. Probably about $200 of that grocery money (a week) is for Mel and the girls. I do pay for Mel's car (a Chrysler Town and Country that costs me about $300 a month to lease) and the insurance. Add their clothes and other things and maybe I spend $2,000 a month on the 3 of them (I bought the house before we were married so I'd be paying the mortgage with or without Mel and the kids). I also get the tax exemptions of being married, having 3 dependents, along with all the child tax credits. So, the way I see it, it probably costs me about $1,200 a month (with all the tax breaks) to take care of them. Coincidentally, the same amount that it would cost to go see a professional dominatrix for 8 hours a month. By having Mel at home, any time I want, I can kiss her ass, lick her toes, rub her legs, be dominated, etc. I DO get something out of all these kinks and playing, I get sexual release.

If you figure you can make it all out to be alright and make it end happily, then have at it.

That's it in the end, I don't know that there is a way to make it all end happily. We are 2 people who-emotionally, agewise, etc.-shouldn't be together. But, we are and raising 2 children. In a fucked up way, we are like all the "normal" husbands and wives out there who can't get along but stay together for the kid's sake. The strange part of it is that I think it is the fact that we both work so hard together to be good parents, that we are actually closer because of the kids.

I did take what Mel (and you) suggested to heart. Last night, we watched a documentary on Nostradamus together and had no sex or physical activity. I get a kick out of Nostradamus and how some things he wrote seem to be so clear and others are like total, generic bullshit that people read all sorts of things into. When it was over, we pulled a couple books I have on him and I showed her the actual wording of the quatrains so that she could see for herself how open to interpretation they are. I have to say, it was a nice, simple, fun night. I mean, Mel and I were never Mike and Carol Brady and we're never going to be. Sometimes. though, we have Brady Bunch moments. I suppose this could all be some game on her part but it really wouldn't make any sense. I want a child and she knows if she has mine, I'm on the hook to her financially for a long time. I wanted our life to be a little less sexually out there, I didn't ask for her to be a model suburban wife. So, there really is no reason for her to go this far with me.

There must be a genuine issue with Bryan and Mel because he hasn't even been over to see the girls. Our oldest said she talked to him on the phone, yesterday, but I can't quite figure why he hasn't been over.

Happiness? In a perfect world, I would be fucking Lindsey (who is very pretty and far more compatible with me) and having Mel dominate me once a week. I could enjoy both parts of my life then. Since that will never happen, I have to make something work with what I've got.

 

[Curious Observer]

I only talked about that because Curious said that even people on this board are 1. laughing at me and 2. think I'm deranged. I jokingly was pointing out that the people on this board who are either laughing at me or think I'm deranged are, as you put it, living in the "land of crazy."

Might I answer this? Most of the stories are most likely either people writing nonsense for their own erotic turn-ons and their own 'dream' of being dominated by black. In real life, if anything, it's not about the skin colour - apart from in some quite defective personalities - but about strong personalities and the feeling of submitting to someone 'inferior' than them.

To recap: most of these stories are made up by people who wouldn't entertain these fantasies in real life. Or if they do, they don't often tell the world about them because they probably turned out to be far less enchanting than they thought (or they had a cheating wife that was using their fetish as an excuse for her cheating).

It's all bollocks of course. My point was that most people here are fakers and liars and so the few people on here (and related cuckold boards who are for real - discounting the obviously mentally challenged ones) look at you and your situation with, as I said, a bewildered laugh. We can't understand it. I recommended searching for an extreme US-based BDSM board - you weren't interested.

People like yourself don't actually want help in a meaningful sense - all you want to do is bat suggestions away whilst telling the world how comfortable you are with how sick you are and how you're a pervert.

 

[melscuck]

People like yourself don't actually want help in a meaningful sense - all you want to do is bat suggestions away whilst telling the world how comfortable you are with how sick you are and how you're a pervert.

So, now we're not going out for a beer? Curious, you have given me the following advice: 1. Leave your wife. Sorry, at the moment, given the kids, I can't and won't do this. 2. Go to a BDSM group/pay a dominatrix. Why? I have the sexual roleplay stuff at home.

You also said:

At no time ever during this course of action have you ever really stopped to think with anything other than your groin - i.e. of your own self-preservation that is hugely and recklessly being endangered by the course of action you have taken.

So, did Lamont (in different words). I agreed/agree with both of you and am trying to spend less time thinking with my dick and more time trying to figure out what is the best course to take from here.

I'm sick? But, you (and apparently the people you refer to on these Boards) who "are fakers and liars" and who write stories here that "are made up by people who wouldn't entertain these fantasies in real life. Or if they do, they don't often tell the world about them because they probably turned out to be far less enchanting than they thought (or they had a cheating wife that was using their fetish as an excuse for her cheating)" are not sick.

Let me get this right. I've got a wife, 2 kids and am trying to find some happy middle ground for Mel and I-I'm sick. The guy who wants black men to piss on white women and the guy that takes his wife's dildos and shoves them in and out of his ass so many times that his ass is raw, they're OK?

Just trying to clarify things here.

 

[melscuck]

@Curious

I recommended searching for an extreme US-based BDSM board - you weren't interested.

Wait, so now you're saying that my little life where I like to kiss my wife's ass and feet, where I like to have her be bitchy and controlling, where I like to know that she's fucking another guy-that's too extreme for this place?

On the other hand, the people here who want their wives pissed on, fucked and breeded by black men, the people who want to lick a black man's asshole while the black dude fucks his wife and, for good measure, when it's all over be locked in chastity and slapped around and fucked by the black man, the people who want dildos and cocks up their asses-they are perfect for this less than extreme board.

Do you actually read the fucking posts in this place?

 

[Buggalee]

I started reading some of this, and melscuck seems like a good guy. He's really let himself go, and he thinks he can't exit the situation because of the little girls. It's really a terrible situation.

But something was a little bit wrong about melscuck from the get-go. Forty-five and never been married, no kids might point to some kind of deficiency. He's very articulate and intelligent, but maybe there is something about him that excluded him from normal relationships. Then maybe the despair opened him up to be willing to enter a terrible relationship, and his supple mind found sense in the arrangement instead of finding disgust.

melscuck, I think you have a lot to offer the right woman. I honestly think you should break free from mel and never look back. I know you don't want to leave the girls, but you'd actually be doing them a favor in the long run.

Find yourself a normal woman. Stay away from the kink. Masturbate if you need to, but stay away from it. Cultivate a normal relationship with a normal woman and think about having a child or two of your own.

You've got too much to offer to settle for cuck-kicks instead of an honest, mutually-respectful relationship.

If you're not going to break free and live clean, then don't bother giving me excuses. You know, in your heart of hearts, that I'm right. I don't say that to all the cucks. I tell some of them to start sucking dick and this and that, but you're different. You still have a chance at a real life. Do it or stay and waste your life. It's up to you.

 

[duke9555]

.........

 

[Curious Observer]

If you're not going to break free and live clean, then don't bother giving me excuses. You know, in your heart of hearts, that I'm right. I don't say that to all the cucks. I tell some of them to start sucking dick and this and that, but you're different. You still have a chance at a real life. Do it or stay and waste your life. It's up to you.

This man is right here. If you're not satisfied with your life, you're still young enough to change it. If you don't want to change it and are happier revelling in your own perversity (and ignore the guys who say they want big, black, thuggish bulls to get their 'wives' pregnant - it's not about these idiots who probably don't exist anyway outside their own perverse imagination - they generally don't stick around to provide proof!, but about you) then do so. Don't moan to any of us when six months down the line you get everyrhing you deserve.

You still can have a shot at happiness with the right woman - with or without kink. I still think that Mel's kids are a part of your perversion, even though you're - apparently - entirely proper with them. The whole situation is still wrong and sick, sick, sick.

It's your life, your choice. Go die in your own hell for all I care. And Buggalee is right; he's showing a bit of care for you, even though he seems a total tampon licker.