@Mimi, you ask some good questions
What do I want? I want a sexual and emotional relationship with my wife. Sadly, for me, I also want her to fuck other men. I want her to ignore me at times, to not satisfy my sexual and emotional desires. I want her to be dominant but, at other times, to acknowledge and submit to my needs and wants. It's a paradox, it makes no sense, I know.
I couldn't love the girls any more if they were my own. I adore them. I have spent countless days and nights holding them when they are scared or sick or just need love. It goes without saying that I would miss them. My life would be empty.
No, Bryan is completely incapable of taking care of Mel and the girls. I'm sure even Mel knows that. He knows it too. Which is one of the reasons he avoids me. Worse for him, I think the girls understand that he is their biological father but they think of me as their Dad. They are closer to me. For all Mel's shortcomings, she has never, ever been critical of my parenting. Which is why the issue of adoption has come up from time to time. Mel also, for all her weaknesses, loves those girls and wants more than anything for them to be warm, safe and happy. I'm sure some of Mel's moods come from the realization that Bryan simply can't or won't provide those things.
I would not be happier without Mel. She hurts me, at times, but I need the things she gives me. All the dominance, the humiliation, the cucking, I crave it, I need it. It somehow calms me. It brings me to a place sexually that is beyond words. In the end, Mel would not be happier without me. I think she walks the same tough line that I do. I know Mel loves me. I know she feels indebted to me for taking care of her and the girls. I know she is sexually attracted to me-even with all my kinks and fetishes. It would probably be easier for her to say goodbye to Bryan and live a normal life with me than it would be for her to say goodbye to me and live with him. Yet, we both find ourselves in a place where we need some of the things that makes our partner unhappy or uncomfortable.
Sometimes, when she looks at me, I can see how much she loves me. I think she keeps waiting for me to become completely assertive and "take" her from Bryan. I know when I look at her, she knows that I really do love her and would do anything for her, even if we didn't live in this dom/sub cuck relationship. I suppose we have a hard time talking about these things because they are hard to talk about-hard to explain our feelings. She is young, too, and I'm sure confused and trying to find her way through life. I'm not young but just as confused. I want conflicting things. I want a loving wife but one that can also be mildly cruel and unfaithful.
I wish it was easier. Maybe one day it will be.
Last night, I did go home and wash her panties and bras. Canberraguy, I did smell those panties and bras. I smashed them to my nose and inhaled like I was smoking a joint. Fuck, just touching the spandex or lycra or whatever was totally fucking arousing.
I was like a sexual beast by the time I made it to our room. She was propped up on pillows watching television. I went to her feet and rubbed them. She asked if I had done my chores. I rolled her over on her stomach and rubbed her shoulders and her back and her legs. While I massaged her legs, I thrust my head into her ass and kissed it and licked it. I left her panties on but took her shorts off. I slid those panties every way I could to get to her ass when she finally took them off. She rolled onto her back, grabbed my head and pushed it between her legs. She was so wet and I dove in with my tongue. She had an orgasm quickly. She shocked me by throwing me on my back, pulling my underwear off and giving me a blow job-she actually let me come in her mouth.
Her sexual appetite has increased lately. I do wonder if it is because she is off the pill or because she did get a break from watching the girls all day when we were on vacation. Maybe it's a combination of both.
Bryan was absent again today. It was hot here and she took the girls to the Swim Club again. I'm still not home but that's because she just left the club a little while ago. I didn't want to go home to an empty house.
Mel has some trust issues with me. She doesn't say a lot because I think she is always trying to walk that fine line between turning me on and turning me off. Don't get me wrong, she enjoys fucking Bryan, I know she loves him. But, still, she tries to keep me in a safe place. She doesn't want to push me too far. I know there are times when I feel like we are not in love, but, I think that's the nature of this lifestyle. It's hard to figure it all out and understand all these emotions.
How about you Mimi? I'll have to look up your threads and posts here. Do you find it equally difficult to walk that fine line?
The absence of Bryan has me confused. Sometimes, I wonder what our life would be like if he wasn't around. I wonder if we have enough between us for the relationship to survive. It is a tough area to understand.
I think though I realized that I do love her when she was talking about her lack of education and how I didn't spend time with her in that way. In her own way, I know she was trying to tell me that she wanted me to spend more time talking about those things were, spend more time doing things that broadened her intellectual horizons. At one point, she almost said that she wanted me to be proud of her but she mumbled it and didn't repeat it. Anyway, I wanted to hug her and tell her about all her good qualities (and she does have good qualities). I wanted to tell her how much I loved her. I almost wanted to tell her that maybe we should just try to live a more normal, more quiet existence, but, I was afraid. I think afraid that maybe without all this sub/dom shit, I don't know, it would require a different kind of hard work.
I have not commented before because your tale is all too real, and I certainly understand because I feel the emotions you have. What do you want? Bryan is not the problem you have just enabled him through her. You are not the first not the last.
If she left would you miss the children?
Do you feel Bryan is capable of looking after the Children and her?
Would you be happier without her?
What do I want? I want a sexual and emotional relationship with my wife. Sadly, for me, I also want her to fuck other men. I want her to ignore me at times, to not satisfy my sexual and emotional desires. I want her to be dominant but, at other times, to acknowledge and submit to my needs and wants. It's a paradox, it makes no sense, I know.
I couldn't love the girls any more if they were my own. I adore them. I have spent countless days and nights holding them when they are scared or sick or just need love. It goes without saying that I would miss them. My life would be empty.
No, Bryan is completely incapable of taking care of Mel and the girls. I'm sure even Mel knows that. He knows it too. Which is one of the reasons he avoids me. Worse for him, I think the girls understand that he is their biological father but they think of me as their Dad. They are closer to me. For all Mel's shortcomings, she has never, ever been critical of my parenting. Which is why the issue of adoption has come up from time to time. Mel also, for all her weaknesses, loves those girls and wants more than anything for them to be warm, safe and happy. I'm sure some of Mel's moods come from the realization that Bryan simply can't or won't provide those things.
I would not be happier without Mel. She hurts me, at times, but I need the things she gives me. All the dominance, the humiliation, the cucking, I crave it, I need it. It somehow calms me. It brings me to a place sexually that is beyond words. In the end, Mel would not be happier without me. I think she walks the same tough line that I do. I know Mel loves me. I know she feels indebted to me for taking care of her and the girls. I know she is sexually attracted to me-even with all my kinks and fetishes. It would probably be easier for her to say goodbye to Bryan and live a normal life with me than it would be for her to say goodbye to me and live with him. Yet, we both find ourselves in a place where we need some of the things that makes our partner unhappy or uncomfortable.
Sometimes, when she looks at me, I can see how much she loves me. I think she keeps waiting for me to become completely assertive and "take" her from Bryan. I know when I look at her, she knows that I really do love her and would do anything for her, even if we didn't live in this dom/sub cuck relationship. I suppose we have a hard time talking about these things because they are hard to talk about-hard to explain our feelings. She is young, too, and I'm sure confused and trying to find her way through life. I'm not young but just as confused. I want conflicting things. I want a loving wife but one that can also be mildly cruel and unfaithful.
I wish it was easier. Maybe one day it will be.
Last night, I did go home and wash her panties and bras. Canberraguy, I did smell those panties and bras. I smashed them to my nose and inhaled like I was smoking a joint. Fuck, just touching the spandex or lycra or whatever was totally fucking arousing.
I was like a sexual beast by the time I made it to our room. She was propped up on pillows watching television. I went to her feet and rubbed them. She asked if I had done my chores. I rolled her over on her stomach and rubbed her shoulders and her back and her legs. While I massaged her legs, I thrust my head into her ass and kissed it and licked it. I left her panties on but took her shorts off. I slid those panties every way I could to get to her ass when she finally took them off. She rolled onto her back, grabbed my head and pushed it between her legs. She was so wet and I dove in with my tongue. She had an orgasm quickly. She shocked me by throwing me on my back, pulling my underwear off and giving me a blow job-she actually let me come in her mouth.
Her sexual appetite has increased lately. I do wonder if it is because she is off the pill or because she did get a break from watching the girls all day when we were on vacation. Maybe it's a combination of both.
Bryan was absent again today. It was hot here and she took the girls to the Swim Club again. I'm still not home but that's because she just left the club a little while ago. I didn't want to go home to an empty house.
Mel has some trust issues with me. She doesn't say a lot because I think she is always trying to walk that fine line between turning me on and turning me off. Don't get me wrong, she enjoys fucking Bryan, I know she loves him. But, still, she tries to keep me in a safe place. She doesn't want to push me too far. I know there are times when I feel like we are not in love, but, I think that's the nature of this lifestyle. It's hard to figure it all out and understand all these emotions.
How about you Mimi? I'll have to look up your threads and posts here. Do you find it equally difficult to walk that fine line?
The absence of Bryan has me confused. Sometimes, I wonder what our life would be like if he wasn't around. I wonder if we have enough between us for the relationship to survive. It is a tough area to understand.
I think though I realized that I do love her when she was talking about her lack of education and how I didn't spend time with her in that way. In her own way, I know she was trying to tell me that she wanted me to spend more time talking about those things were, spend more time doing things that broadened her intellectual horizons. At one point, she almost said that she wanted me to be proud of her but she mumbled it and didn't repeat it. Anyway, I wanted to hug her and tell her about all her good qualities (and she does have good qualities). I wanted to tell her how much I loved her. I almost wanted to tell her that maybe we should just try to live a more normal, more quiet existence, but, I was afraid. I think afraid that maybe without all this sub/dom shit, I don't know, it would require a different kind of hard work.