Denial 2015
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Squirmy,
Pessimist may be your perception but realist would be mine. Steve has been busy many times over the last few years, but has usually been able to say something at crucial times. Look at this thread. Devoted to his denial for the whole of the year, unbroken apart from one meaningless event a few weeks ago. His wife not just denying him but actively saying she had her own problems in even relating to him sexually. Finally we get the weekend where it all gets settled, at least partially, one way or another. Leading up to it there must have been serious discussions led by the Dom (Sue). I'm sure Steve participated and paid attention. Then the weekend itself, one of highs and maybe a few lows inevitably. Then the aftermath, the talks about how they both felt after the emotions had settled, the future for now. It's not only strange that nothing is said, it's completely out of character. Something significant has happened, it's not just a busy time. Even a blinkered Uberfan must see that. I just hope he's ok.
Pessimist may be your perception but realist would be mine. Steve has been busy many times over the last few years, but has usually been able to say something at crucial times. Look at this thread. Devoted to his denial for the whole of the year, unbroken apart from one meaningless event a few weeks ago. His wife not just denying him but actively saying she had her own problems in even relating to him sexually. Finally we get the weekend where it all gets settled, at least partially, one way or another. Leading up to it there must have been serious discussions led by the Dom (Sue). I'm sure Steve participated and paid attention. Then the weekend itself, one of highs and maybe a few lows inevitably. Then the aftermath, the talks about how they both felt after the emotions had settled, the future for now. It's not only strange that nothing is said, it's completely out of character. Something significant has happened, it's not just a busy time. Even a blinkered Uberfan must see that. I just hope he's ok.
Peak - no - nothing terrible or terribly significant has happened, just been busy...
I had started this update several times but never felt I'd penned enough to post and then wound up re-starting each time.
While exact words may now escape me, I can certainly say that our reconnection weekend was quite good in many ways. I did woo and seduce her as she'd wanted and it was clearly obvious she was equally horny for me - despite her words that said otherwise at times - which was good to see. We left early that Friday afternoon and were up in NY State with plenty of time to check-in, get some dinner and begin reconnecting.
When we checked in, Sue said she wanted to go shower and wash up so I took some time to unpack a bit and make a drink for both of us (we came prepared). She surprised me when she came out of the bathroom with a towel around her body and she lay back on the bed and asked me if I liked how she looked as she spread her legs and showed me she'd run the razor over her pussy and told me "how smooth" it is. What really surprised me was when she told me to take a closer look and then invited me to lick her. What started out as a gentle lick soon turned into her hand on the back of my head as she eagerly encouraged me to lick her until she came and came and came. It was so erotic at how open she seemed to be about it, holding her legs back for me and not just guiding me but telling me to suck more and lick her clit and even to gently bite at it and pull on her pussy lips. At one point she told me "fuck me with your tongue". When she came the first time, even now it seems like yesterday, she came quite hard and it was clear that amidst the sweet taste of her own arousal that I could also taste what was obviously the taste of Paul's cum in her. But that taste dissipated and indeed, by the time she told me she wanted my fingers in her as I licked, all I was tasting from her was own sweetness. She later said she wasn't thinking it but I was very turned on by the thought that she may have wanted me to make sure she was totally clean before "we" started.
What really surprised me and is why I really feel we are on the right track is that after maybe 15-20 minutes (no - it wasn't an hour that I was between her legs) that I could tell she was satisfied and as I sat back up on the bed she just lay there as if it were nothing to be lying there naked with her pussy now looking quite wet open and used. We kissed and exchanged "love you's" and she got up to get dressed. When I came out of the bathroom a few minutes later she was standing there in just her bra and panties looking at a choice of what she was going to wear - and as we got dressed I remember her saying to me that "this is how I've wanted to feel" and she proceeded to tell me that in the past she would have felt she HAD to let me have sex with her before we'd go out to dinner as again she said she just felt that she got me all worked up and then had always felt that she needed to make sure I was satisfied. But now - she even teased me a little saying that it would make us both horny for later.
I have to admit - it'd been a long time since she'd been into just that - her own pleasure. Even now I can think back to so many times when we'd gone away and that quick startup of me going down on her right after we'd arrive had usually turned into a quick fuck-fest for us. I really do feel bad at how things had seemed to have changed now that I am so aware of it. I really can think back to many times when it happened and now that she's been pointing it out, it's hard to say it but maybe she is right.
Dinner was nothing great but I can't recall specifics, only that we went into a bar nearby the restaurant and had some drinks afterwards and how it must have been maybe 10pm or so when we were dancing a little (one of only a few couples to actually dance together - but I knew that it was something Sue really wanted, to have a real-night-out) and she started to make it clear that she was getting horny. At one point she even jokingly said that if I didn't take her back soon that she was going to find someone else to have some fun with. I had a fleeting thought of taking her up on that challenge but then thought again about it and we were back in our hotel before 10:30pm
Whereas the beginning of Friday is pretty clear - after that things get more cloudy for me in terms of specifics as the effects of alcohol and other fun things seem to have had an effect. But Friday night - WOW - is all I can say. I know that the last time I'd truly felt her bare was over a month earlier and I have to say - the eager anticipation and waiting was worth it!!!! As I'd already said, she was VERY horny for me and it was obvious when we got into bed that no lubricants were going to be needed, her panties were quite wet when she let me pull them off her naked body and the sex that followed was nothing short of incredible.
For Peak and others - for the first time - not just that i know of but at her admission - she came like she does at the end of really good sex - when she almost loses control - she came like that not just once but twice with me - BEFORE I'd cum in her! And at the end, she let loose with one last intense orgasm that I thought would bring complaints from the hotel until she directed her screaming into a pillow. Her pussy literally gushed with sweet wetness several times as we fucked - each time brought her to express "how good you feel in me" and at the end, left her laughing lying in a huge wet-spot! It was very quick - my god was she horny for me and I was for her. I don't know that it was more than 15-20 minutes - but I do know that I loved every moment of it - including feeling her body spasm over and over beneath me as she was literally just responding and not even thinking or communicating. I know my cock felt huge - even for me to say that - but it did, and she felt so so tight - even though I am sure she wasn't. But in the intensity of the moment - it all felt awesome - including seeing her eyes open wide and look up at me as she knew I was about to cum in her and then at the very end, feeling her feet against my legs and butt almost pulling me in deeper.
I will never forget how it felt to finally let go deep inside her after having waited almost 5 weeks to do so. All of the jerking off in the world can't replace the feeling of letting go inside her. I do have many feelings about this that I'll share later on.
But afterwards she was so open and honest and she said that she couldn't remember, except for very long ago, the last time she'd cum like that. I told her that I did remember long ago when we first started dating that she would cum like that sometimes including squirting and getting me and my bed drenched from her wetness. She blushed and said that it'd been almost too long since she'd felt like that and she said "not fucking before dinner really had me worked up" and I told her that I understood what she was saying and while I didn't actually apologize to her about it, I did say that I wanted her to be able to feel like this all the time. Before we got ready for bed, as we lay there, it had been so long since she'd asked that it almost surprised me but she turned to me and asked "do you want to clean me up?" Just like that! Again, it was just so different being in bed with her as lovers that I was surprised by it, but I remember eagerly saying "yes!!!!". And again, something that has been so long since the last time - she again lay on her back and spread her legs for me once again. Only this time it was my mess I was cleaning up and I have to say - even though my cum is a bit more tart than Pauls, and even though he seems to cum a lot more than me - there was just something so nice about nuzzling up to her wet pussy and licking my own cum out of her and hearing her moan softly and contentedly.
I had started this update several times but never felt I'd penned enough to post and then wound up re-starting each time.
While exact words may now escape me, I can certainly say that our reconnection weekend was quite good in many ways. I did woo and seduce her as she'd wanted and it was clearly obvious she was equally horny for me - despite her words that said otherwise at times - which was good to see. We left early that Friday afternoon and were up in NY State with plenty of time to check-in, get some dinner and begin reconnecting.
When we checked in, Sue said she wanted to go shower and wash up so I took some time to unpack a bit and make a drink for both of us (we came prepared). She surprised me when she came out of the bathroom with a towel around her body and she lay back on the bed and asked me if I liked how she looked as she spread her legs and showed me she'd run the razor over her pussy and told me "how smooth" it is. What really surprised me was when she told me to take a closer look and then invited me to lick her. What started out as a gentle lick soon turned into her hand on the back of my head as she eagerly encouraged me to lick her until she came and came and came. It was so erotic at how open she seemed to be about it, holding her legs back for me and not just guiding me but telling me to suck more and lick her clit and even to gently bite at it and pull on her pussy lips. At one point she told me "fuck me with your tongue". When she came the first time, even now it seems like yesterday, she came quite hard and it was clear that amidst the sweet taste of her own arousal that I could also taste what was obviously the taste of Paul's cum in her. But that taste dissipated and indeed, by the time she told me she wanted my fingers in her as I licked, all I was tasting from her was own sweetness. She later said she wasn't thinking it but I was very turned on by the thought that she may have wanted me to make sure she was totally clean before "we" started.
What really surprised me and is why I really feel we are on the right track is that after maybe 15-20 minutes (no - it wasn't an hour that I was between her legs) that I could tell she was satisfied and as I sat back up on the bed she just lay there as if it were nothing to be lying there naked with her pussy now looking quite wet open and used. We kissed and exchanged "love you's" and she got up to get dressed. When I came out of the bathroom a few minutes later she was standing there in just her bra and panties looking at a choice of what she was going to wear - and as we got dressed I remember her saying to me that "this is how I've wanted to feel" and she proceeded to tell me that in the past she would have felt she HAD to let me have sex with her before we'd go out to dinner as again she said she just felt that she got me all worked up and then had always felt that she needed to make sure I was satisfied. But now - she even teased me a little saying that it would make us both horny for later.
I have to admit - it'd been a long time since she'd been into just that - her own pleasure. Even now I can think back to so many times when we'd gone away and that quick startup of me going down on her right after we'd arrive had usually turned into a quick fuck-fest for us. I really do feel bad at how things had seemed to have changed now that I am so aware of it. I really can think back to many times when it happened and now that she's been pointing it out, it's hard to say it but maybe she is right.
Dinner was nothing great but I can't recall specifics, only that we went into a bar nearby the restaurant and had some drinks afterwards and how it must have been maybe 10pm or so when we were dancing a little (one of only a few couples to actually dance together - but I knew that it was something Sue really wanted, to have a real-night-out) and she started to make it clear that she was getting horny. At one point she even jokingly said that if I didn't take her back soon that she was going to find someone else to have some fun with. I had a fleeting thought of taking her up on that challenge but then thought again about it and we were back in our hotel before 10:30pm
Whereas the beginning of Friday is pretty clear - after that things get more cloudy for me in terms of specifics as the effects of alcohol and other fun things seem to have had an effect. But Friday night - WOW - is all I can say. I know that the last time I'd truly felt her bare was over a month earlier and I have to say - the eager anticipation and waiting was worth it!!!! As I'd already said, she was VERY horny for me and it was obvious when we got into bed that no lubricants were going to be needed, her panties were quite wet when she let me pull them off her naked body and the sex that followed was nothing short of incredible.
For Peak and others - for the first time - not just that i know of but at her admission - she came like she does at the end of really good sex - when she almost loses control - she came like that not just once but twice with me - BEFORE I'd cum in her! And at the end, she let loose with one last intense orgasm that I thought would bring complaints from the hotel until she directed her screaming into a pillow. Her pussy literally gushed with sweet wetness several times as we fucked - each time brought her to express "how good you feel in me" and at the end, left her laughing lying in a huge wet-spot! It was very quick - my god was she horny for me and I was for her. I don't know that it was more than 15-20 minutes - but I do know that I loved every moment of it - including feeling her body spasm over and over beneath me as she was literally just responding and not even thinking or communicating. I know my cock felt huge - even for me to say that - but it did, and she felt so so tight - even though I am sure she wasn't. But in the intensity of the moment - it all felt awesome - including seeing her eyes open wide and look up at me as she knew I was about to cum in her and then at the very end, feeling her feet against my legs and butt almost pulling me in deeper.
I will never forget how it felt to finally let go deep inside her after having waited almost 5 weeks to do so. All of the jerking off in the world can't replace the feeling of letting go inside her. I do have many feelings about this that I'll share later on.
But afterwards she was so open and honest and she said that she couldn't remember, except for very long ago, the last time she'd cum like that. I told her that I did remember long ago when we first started dating that she would cum like that sometimes including squirting and getting me and my bed drenched from her wetness. She blushed and said that it'd been almost too long since she'd felt like that and she said "not fucking before dinner really had me worked up" and I told her that I understood what she was saying and while I didn't actually apologize to her about it, I did say that I wanted her to be able to feel like this all the time. Before we got ready for bed, as we lay there, it had been so long since she'd asked that it almost surprised me but she turned to me and asked "do you want to clean me up?" Just like that! Again, it was just so different being in bed with her as lovers that I was surprised by it, but I remember eagerly saying "yes!!!!". And again, something that has been so long since the last time - she again lay on her back and spread her legs for me once again. Only this time it was my mess I was cleaning up and I have to say - even though my cum is a bit more tart than Pauls, and even though he seems to cum a lot more than me - there was just something so nice about nuzzling up to her wet pussy and licking my own cum out of her and hearing her moan softly and contentedly.
I won't reveal much regarding our weekend activities other than generally saying "hiking, swimming, lounging and fucking". I think maybe Sue is getting use to Paul's younger stamina as I am not up to going twice so close in a row as she teased but also was serious about wanting to get me hard a second time on Saturday night - and I did get hard, enough to fuck her and get her to cum, but I couldn't muster another load - of course that it felt like I was cumming a pint in her each time so that may have also accounted for it.
But we did have passionate sex together. And I do mean passionate. Saturday night she rode me for what felt like ages as she eagerly ground herself against me as she came and came. She told me that she still didn't let Paul play with her butt but she did encourage me to gently probe her ass with a wet finger. Indeed, it all came back to me, it'd been so long since she'd let me play with her like this - but as she rode herself up and down on my hard cock she so wanted me. She'd lean forward with her breasts against me raising her ass high in the air and as I'd run my finger around her tight rosebud and then just around the bottom of her vagina and she'd squeal out loud as I ran one finger up each side around my hard cock feeling her pussy lips stretched tightly.
At other times she so wanted to be on her knees with me behind her - whether on the bed or with her at the edge and me standing - she was so into it. But even more - and this is what I know she's been doing with Paul and to be honest, it'd been a long long time for us - but we would fuck for a bit and she'd cum, either a lot or a little, but at some point she would pull herself off of me or push me off her and say "we need to take a break" and she'd prance around the hotel room naked whether getting another drink off the mini-bar or going to the bathroom - she'd then come back onto the bed, suck me hard again and then just climb up on top of me again.
What really surprised me was just how she was sexually. As if it was all about her in a way - she led the way on changing positions and indeed, when she wanted it, she would literally put me on my back and then get up on me and literally ride me as she'd rub herself till she'd cum (a little or a lot) and would then pull herself off of me. It was obvious, even if she hadn't told me, that this is how she is when she's at Paul's and she knows she doesn't have to leave.
Our last fuck for the weekend was on Sunday morning and we both had said we really wanted it. That was something we used to do when we used to go away, whether skiing or otherwise. The last time I could remember that was when we went to Jamaica when she wanted it in the morning from me. On the ride home she said she liked that she still felt wet from our fun in the morning.
I have deliberately separated our sex fun from the things we've talked about and now really gotten out into the open for both of us. I'm thinking that I will likely end this thread when I feel I've gotten to that.
This past week, Sue did not see Paul on Wednesday but she did on Thursday night at my encouragement. She had considered not seeing him this week but I pointed out that we are all off the week after July 4th and that it's unlkely that she'll see him at all that week. She giggled when she heard my reasoning and thought it was sweet that I wanted her to have her fun with him.
Which begins me to lead into the other stuff we did - which was talk - pretty brutally open at times. Again rather than try to recall specific conversation, easier to just summarize where we are and what we've agreed on.
One of the first things I did notice when we went away was that she did not bring any condoms with her nor did she ask me to. I had thought about doing so on my own and when I said that to her it started up one of the most interesting and revealing conversations I can recall with her. More about that later.
But we did have passionate sex together. And I do mean passionate. Saturday night she rode me for what felt like ages as she eagerly ground herself against me as she came and came. She told me that she still didn't let Paul play with her butt but she did encourage me to gently probe her ass with a wet finger. Indeed, it all came back to me, it'd been so long since she'd let me play with her like this - but as she rode herself up and down on my hard cock she so wanted me. She'd lean forward with her breasts against me raising her ass high in the air and as I'd run my finger around her tight rosebud and then just around the bottom of her vagina and she'd squeal out loud as I ran one finger up each side around my hard cock feeling her pussy lips stretched tightly.
At other times she so wanted to be on her knees with me behind her - whether on the bed or with her at the edge and me standing - she was so into it. But even more - and this is what I know she's been doing with Paul and to be honest, it'd been a long long time for us - but we would fuck for a bit and she'd cum, either a lot or a little, but at some point she would pull herself off of me or push me off her and say "we need to take a break" and she'd prance around the hotel room naked whether getting another drink off the mini-bar or going to the bathroom - she'd then come back onto the bed, suck me hard again and then just climb up on top of me again.
What really surprised me was just how she was sexually. As if it was all about her in a way - she led the way on changing positions and indeed, when she wanted it, she would literally put me on my back and then get up on me and literally ride me as she'd rub herself till she'd cum (a little or a lot) and would then pull herself off of me. It was obvious, even if she hadn't told me, that this is how she is when she's at Paul's and she knows she doesn't have to leave.
Our last fuck for the weekend was on Sunday morning and we both had said we really wanted it. That was something we used to do when we used to go away, whether skiing or otherwise. The last time I could remember that was when we went to Jamaica when she wanted it in the morning from me. On the ride home she said she liked that she still felt wet from our fun in the morning.
I have deliberately separated our sex fun from the things we've talked about and now really gotten out into the open for both of us. I'm thinking that I will likely end this thread when I feel I've gotten to that.
This past week, Sue did not see Paul on Wednesday but she did on Thursday night at my encouragement. She had considered not seeing him this week but I pointed out that we are all off the week after July 4th and that it's unlkely that she'll see him at all that week. She giggled when she heard my reasoning and thought it was sweet that I wanted her to have her fun with him.
Which begins me to lead into the other stuff we did - which was talk - pretty brutally open at times. Again rather than try to recall specific conversation, easier to just summarize where we are and what we've agreed on.
One of the first things I did notice when we went away was that she did not bring any condoms with her nor did she ask me to. I had thought about doing so on my own and when I said that to her it started up one of the most interesting and revealing conversations I can recall with her. More about that later.
Lol - no nookie for Paul tonight either, she's feeling better but still not 100%.
Now, where to start with what appear to now be our new equilibrium as l like to refer to it.
Well, the first thing to say is that after our weekend, we both agreed that it was something we both needed and needed to feel with each other. We both felt that it was something that we shouldn't overlook as we both admitted we tended to get a bit "into" our own fantasies a bit and that we both admitted that reconnecting was something that we'd underestimated.
However, we also both agreed that the intensity of what we both felt was because of the time between and what we did with and for each other. More about that as I work my way through everything. But we both recognized and accepted that the sex between us was really really good because we hadn't been active with each other recently. It was a bit awkward for us to both recognize that - but it also made it easier because as we talked, we both admitted that we were both very satisfied with how things had been between us. Again, it's out of context and I can't recall specific words, but we both felt that the build-up and everything else for the weeks before we went away, had certainly intensified things for us.
And I should also add here that Sue said that what she felt with me is something she says she hasn't felt in a long long time with me or with anyone else - and indeed her only real memories of that where she'd literally squirt during sex was with me when we first started dating. And she also said that Paul has never gotten her to that point - and she also said that she didn't think he ever would.
When we started to talk more though, she at first felt like she shouldn't share with me that she enjoys sex with Paul as much as she does but as we talked I told her that I didn't mind hearing her tell me that at all and that I actually wanted to hear her tell me about that (she didn't think I'd want to hear about that while we were away together). It actually turned me on to hear her tell me about sex with Paul and while she didn't want to necessarily do that during our foreplay together, it was something we talked about at other times.
I won't say she seemed surprised at my response but I still don't think she believes that I really do love hearing about her and him. She repeated much of what I'd already known and seen between them. She admits that she "feels something" for him but insists it isn't love - but I understand as she said that after all this time, that when they are in bed together, that she feels very safe and uninhibited. I did sting a little (but in a good way) when she told me that she feels as comfortable with him sexually as she does with me and feels as at-ease with him as she does with me in bed. I remember her giggling and telling me that she likes sharing herself with him and as she realized I really did want to hear it. After that she shared a lot more details including telling me how she liked how he went-down on her and how she likes to cum with him - and she said to me that she really has to like him and feel comfortable with him to let him do that. I know that for fact that she isn't totally into letting just anyone go down and suck on her pussy - that she has to feel more than comfortable for her to let herself cum on his face as she described to me several times over that weekend and since.
That led to us talking about intimacy and she is/was fascinated that I was so horny about how intimate she is with Paul and she brought it up, that it's quite different from how I felt when she first started dating other guys - and it was her that remembered and mentioned how I used to get when she was still using her diaphragm with Brad. As we talked more about that she says now that she didn't expect herself to enjoy the intimacy she felt with Brad and that it was part of what led her to let herself feel out of control about him. She says it was the first guy since marrying me who she'd ever let herself go with and to really let him be a part of her during sex such that she wanted to share herself with him. She laughed and said that it's something she now finds she actually wants to feel with Paul as it heightens everything for her, but back then she says it felt overwhelming to her and that she said I didn't respond nearly like I do now.
Need to take a call from work and lunch - more later.
Now, where to start with what appear to now be our new equilibrium as l like to refer to it.
Well, the first thing to say is that after our weekend, we both agreed that it was something we both needed and needed to feel with each other. We both felt that it was something that we shouldn't overlook as we both admitted we tended to get a bit "into" our own fantasies a bit and that we both admitted that reconnecting was something that we'd underestimated.
However, we also both agreed that the intensity of what we both felt was because of the time between and what we did with and for each other. More about that as I work my way through everything. But we both recognized and accepted that the sex between us was really really good because we hadn't been active with each other recently. It was a bit awkward for us to both recognize that - but it also made it easier because as we talked, we both admitted that we were both very satisfied with how things had been between us. Again, it's out of context and I can't recall specific words, but we both felt that the build-up and everything else for the weeks before we went away, had certainly intensified things for us.
And I should also add here that Sue said that what she felt with me is something she says she hasn't felt in a long long time with me or with anyone else - and indeed her only real memories of that where she'd literally squirt during sex was with me when we first started dating. And she also said that Paul has never gotten her to that point - and she also said that she didn't think he ever would.
When we started to talk more though, she at first felt like she shouldn't share with me that she enjoys sex with Paul as much as she does but as we talked I told her that I didn't mind hearing her tell me that at all and that I actually wanted to hear her tell me about that (she didn't think I'd want to hear about that while we were away together). It actually turned me on to hear her tell me about sex with Paul and while she didn't want to necessarily do that during our foreplay together, it was something we talked about at other times.
I won't say she seemed surprised at my response but I still don't think she believes that I really do love hearing about her and him. She repeated much of what I'd already known and seen between them. She admits that she "feels something" for him but insists it isn't love - but I understand as she said that after all this time, that when they are in bed together, that she feels very safe and uninhibited. I did sting a little (but in a good way) when she told me that she feels as comfortable with him sexually as she does with me and feels as at-ease with him as she does with me in bed. I remember her giggling and telling me that she likes sharing herself with him and as she realized I really did want to hear it. After that she shared a lot more details including telling me how she liked how he went-down on her and how she likes to cum with him - and she said to me that she really has to like him and feel comfortable with him to let him do that. I know that for fact that she isn't totally into letting just anyone go down and suck on her pussy - that she has to feel more than comfortable for her to let herself cum on his face as she described to me several times over that weekend and since.
That led to us talking about intimacy and she is/was fascinated that I was so horny about how intimate she is with Paul and she brought it up, that it's quite different from how I felt when she first started dating other guys - and it was her that remembered and mentioned how I used to get when she was still using her diaphragm with Brad. As we talked more about that she says now that she didn't expect herself to enjoy the intimacy she felt with Brad and that it was part of what led her to let herself feel out of control about him. She says it was the first guy since marrying me who she'd ever let herself go with and to really let him be a part of her during sex such that she wanted to share herself with him. She laughed and said that it's something she now finds she actually wants to feel with Paul as it heightens everything for her, but back then she says it felt overwhelming to her and that she said I didn't respond nearly like I do now.
Need to take a call from work and lunch - more later.
Peak - I guess I didn't share enough of the sentiments she shared with me about that first night away with her. That she would let me go down on her and make her cum like I did even before we went out to dinner was really cool - but what I know was the most meaningful thing in her view was that when she'd cum enough she said she felt good about telling me "that was all for now" and that she didn't feel this internal conflict or pressure or whatever that I know would have, in the past led to her lying there and letting me fuck her.
That sentiment came thought several times during the weekend and since then, she says that she feels "confident" around me, that she can ask for and have what she wants with me and not feel like she has to be concerned with making sure I am satisfied. Perhaps better to say it this way - in talking about her responding to me as she did, she was a little confused about it too until she (and I) came to the conclusion that in our more recent past together, that she felt she was holding herself back to insure my pleasure - whether wanting to try to time things to be simultaneous as we used to experience where I now see that she pressured herself into holding back and resisting cumming herself because she wanted to try to cum at the same time as me, to where it became as she says, that she wanted to feel me cum in her first before she would let herself go and fall into that huge post-fuck (actually after-my-cum) orgasm.
I told her that I remembered the times when I'd made her squirt long ago and as we talked it became clearer to both of us that back then, she always put her own pleasures ahead of mine and she says she can remember many times when we first got together when she'd have cum several times and then she remembered that if I hadn't cum yet, that she would then let me finish after she'd be done with her own pleasure. As we talked I told her that I loved fucking her like that after she'd cum fully and was literally feeling fucked-out and she said she knew I liked that but that didn't overrule what she would joke about "being the good wife".
To me, it seems like she may have figured herself out after all. She seems to have a better balance with me and certainly a better, more open physical relationship with me. We both agreed that not fucking - actually not being sexual with each other - works. At least so far. She says that she feels a lot bettter now knowing that this is really what I am enjoying - that she can and should and will enjoy being with Paul - knowing that I am getting hornier and hornier as the days and weeks pass - knowing that masturbating for her only primes me to want her more. That is out in the open now and she says that knowing she can come home from being with him and not feel that she "has to" let me have her in any way sexually if she doesn't want it, is finally what she say she's been wanting to feel, that her enjoying sex doesn't obligate her to make me feel satisfied just because I am horny about what she 's doing. Maybe that's the piece that I haven't been able to verbalize, that in some way her prior enjoyment of other guys has somehow been mandated to include taking care of me, her husband - and now she sees that I don't need her to do that for me.
I don't know if I'm explaining it right - but in a way - maybe the feelings have intensified since she began seeing other guys? Maybe before other guys came into the picture, this feeling was working for us - but after she started with other guys - maybe that's where the pressure came from, maybe it wasn't pressure but more of a conflict? Either way, she now, I think, truly understands that I want this for now with her.
I'll go out on a limb and say that maybe it's good that Paul is the kind of guy he is, in that it may have driven Sue back to me to want to feel the intimacy and closeness with me if she wasn't getting that part fulfilled by Paul? i"m guessing on that though but it's a comforting feeling.
Where we are for the future is clear for the summer - that we're going to continue our 4-5 week time-away plan. And that she'll be his sexually between those weekends. It is what I want. Even now with her being sick this past week, I actually miss knowing she'd been with him. It still seems crazy to say it but I like the way it feels to not be fucking her or not being sexual with her and to feel the build-up and desire as I see and experience her fulfilling her own desires with him. I love the way it feels to be with her but to know she is his sexually until it is my turn. I know it sounds crazy and self-defeating for me to want this but it is how I, no, both of us feel right now. She likes the way at 54 she feels so sexually aroused at doing something so taboo with her lover as to only have him and not her husband. I love the way I have a 54 year old hottie running around who can't keep her legs together.
I hope this helps clarify things. There's so much more I could still share but for now, this will have to do.
That sentiment came thought several times during the weekend and since then, she says that she feels "confident" around me, that she can ask for and have what she wants with me and not feel like she has to be concerned with making sure I am satisfied. Perhaps better to say it this way - in talking about her responding to me as she did, she was a little confused about it too until she (and I) came to the conclusion that in our more recent past together, that she felt she was holding herself back to insure my pleasure - whether wanting to try to time things to be simultaneous as we used to experience where I now see that she pressured herself into holding back and resisting cumming herself because she wanted to try to cum at the same time as me, to where it became as she says, that she wanted to feel me cum in her first before she would let herself go and fall into that huge post-fuck (actually after-my-cum) orgasm.
I told her that I remembered the times when I'd made her squirt long ago and as we talked it became clearer to both of us that back then, she always put her own pleasures ahead of mine and she says she can remember many times when we first got together when she'd have cum several times and then she remembered that if I hadn't cum yet, that she would then let me finish after she'd be done with her own pleasure. As we talked I told her that I loved fucking her like that after she'd cum fully and was literally feeling fucked-out and she said she knew I liked that but that didn't overrule what she would joke about "being the good wife".
To me, it seems like she may have figured herself out after all. She seems to have a better balance with me and certainly a better, more open physical relationship with me. We both agreed that not fucking - actually not being sexual with each other - works. At least so far. She says that she feels a lot bettter now knowing that this is really what I am enjoying - that she can and should and will enjoy being with Paul - knowing that I am getting hornier and hornier as the days and weeks pass - knowing that masturbating for her only primes me to want her more. That is out in the open now and she says that knowing she can come home from being with him and not feel that she "has to" let me have her in any way sexually if she doesn't want it, is finally what she say she's been wanting to feel, that her enjoying sex doesn't obligate her to make me feel satisfied just because I am horny about what she 's doing. Maybe that's the piece that I haven't been able to verbalize, that in some way her prior enjoyment of other guys has somehow been mandated to include taking care of me, her husband - and now she sees that I don't need her to do that for me.
I don't know if I'm explaining it right - but in a way - maybe the feelings have intensified since she began seeing other guys? Maybe before other guys came into the picture, this feeling was working for us - but after she started with other guys - maybe that's where the pressure came from, maybe it wasn't pressure but more of a conflict? Either way, she now, I think, truly understands that I want this for now with her.
I'll go out on a limb and say that maybe it's good that Paul is the kind of guy he is, in that it may have driven Sue back to me to want to feel the intimacy and closeness with me if she wasn't getting that part fulfilled by Paul? i"m guessing on that though but it's a comforting feeling.
Where we are for the future is clear for the summer - that we're going to continue our 4-5 week time-away plan. And that she'll be his sexually between those weekends. It is what I want. Even now with her being sick this past week, I actually miss knowing she'd been with him. It still seems crazy to say it but I like the way it feels to not be fucking her or not being sexual with her and to feel the build-up and desire as I see and experience her fulfilling her own desires with him. I love the way it feels to be with her but to know she is his sexually until it is my turn. I know it sounds crazy and self-defeating for me to want this but it is how I, no, both of us feel right now. She likes the way at 54 she feels so sexually aroused at doing something so taboo with her lover as to only have him and not her husband. I love the way I have a 54 year old hottie running around who can't keep her legs together.
I hope this helps clarify things. There's so much more I could still share but for now, this will have to do.
Steve, thank you for the follow up post with the additional details. I must say that it does fill in many area of possible speculation with more solid statements of feelings and desires. It is great to hear that you two have found a balance, the equilibrium as you called it in a prior post. Sue does sound like my wife in many ways, she appears to have indicated the desire to be with one man exclusively with consideration of the sexual perspective with what sounds like the exceptions of the planned reconnects or until she decides she needs or desires something more sexual from you. Sexual intimate with Paul and intimate with you in every other way. Enjoy the journey.
Steve,
You profess to be and in most ways want to be a cuckold. You are excited by Sue being sexually satisfied by another man. I get that and understand why you are ok with the status quo. I equally can understand your narrative of Sue wanting to break out of a pattern of feeling obligated to perform in a certain way with you. It just leaves one area that makes no sense to me and it has nothing to do with your feelings or desires but Sue's.
When Sue is with her lovers she must feel obligated in some sense to perform with them. They are not cuckold. If she didn't they would likely not feel equally obligated to perform with her. It begs the question why she is ok with them in this way but now not ever with you. The fact that you don't want her to is irrelevant to this question but you seem to struggle to see past it. The second issue is one of love. You express your love by giving Sue as many orgasms as she desires. Whilst it could be said that sometimes you actually desire to experience none in return that is not how you are explaining it. You are saying that Sue doesn't want to give you any in return. Nothing to the man she loves but many instead to the man she merely fucks. It makes no sense.
You profess to be and in most ways want to be a cuckold. You are excited by Sue being sexually satisfied by another man. I get that and understand why you are ok with the status quo. I equally can understand your narrative of Sue wanting to break out of a pattern of feeling obligated to perform in a certain way with you. It just leaves one area that makes no sense to me and it has nothing to do with your feelings or desires but Sue's.
When Sue is with her lovers she must feel obligated in some sense to perform with them. They are not cuckold. If she didn't they would likely not feel equally obligated to perform with her. It begs the question why she is ok with them in this way but now not ever with you. The fact that you don't want her to is irrelevant to this question but you seem to struggle to see past it. The second issue is one of love. You express your love by giving Sue as many orgasms as she desires. Whilst it could be said that sometimes you actually desire to experience none in return that is not how you are explaining it. You are saying that Sue doesn't want to give you any in return. Nothing to the man she loves but many instead to the man she merely fucks. It makes no sense.
peakmb said:
So very right Peak. This logic and probable reasons behind it sound dangerous. It's as if Sue is hiding something which she is not willing to share with you. Because the reason, she is telling (and , if it's true, She never ever loved you - you always do something you feel obligated to - even with people you love, but that doesn't mean that you cut them off to retain the balance.)
peakmb said:
Bang on point. I think Sue has grown out of love with STB and she is giving these reasons just to keep him off the balance so that her dalliance with Paul could go on unhampered.
SoonToBe said:
Really... Not fucking each other is good for you! Not being sexual with each other works. Being Sexual with Paul works? More you masturbate for her, more she knows that you want her? Does Paul masturbates for her? Is she seeking love and sex from you or from Paul ? You know the answers.
I strongly think that both of you are living with false ideas. Let sue admit that she has fallen out of love with you. She only realizes that you need her when she sees you suffering. But she realizes and fulfils her (and Pauls needs) without any such requirement.
I really wonder sometimes if people understand this is a forum for and about CUCKOLDS and CUCKOLDING, the flavors of which are many and varied. Steve and Sue are not only doing fine, they're doing great. She's giving him exactly what he wants. She's checked, re-checked, and triple-checked with him every step of the way. When she's "pushed" any previous boundaries, she's made absolutely sure before-hand that he would be able to handle it, and that it was what he actually wanted. She's stayed close and affectionate to him. She answers every question he asks, she practically gets his permission in advance before every visit with her lover. And while we're at it, can we please keep in mind that Steve is not obligated to answer any question or concern expressed by us regular readers, no matter how often it is asked or expressed or how much any of us might like him to say what we want him to say. So there.
- Status
