Malta,
Yes, of course I have discussed this at length with my wife who has little desire to follow through on it. Yes, she has had some well hung lovers before me (15 plus years ago) but she is offended when I bring it up because that is not what she belives a marriage should be. That said, I should throw the question out there.....who has been in my situation where the wife is dead set against the cuckold lifestyle and did a complete 360? Pushing my wife into the arms of another is extremely erotic for me but also all of the things you describe....fear, jealousy, etc. I think I love her so much that I want her to experience what a hot wife like her should experience (being filled up), as opposed to sex with my very average 6" cock which is only 5" around. We have several dildos and all are much thicker than me. One is 9 1/2" around and this is her favorite. With me she needs a pocket rocket to cum but with the big didldo, she experiences vaginal orgasms and also squirts periodically, which she has never done with me. The only variable to this is that she loves to feel the man over her...skin to skin turns her on which is why she likes the dildos but prefers close contact with a man. I am no rocket scientist but I kind of put the two things together. On a side note, the best part is fucking her after I have used the dildos one her....tallk about ****** pussy! Several times when I have done this, she just starts laughing when I put it in and that excites me beyond belief, and generally makes me "pop off" very quickly!
Most of this is probably normal for a cuckold or "wanna be" cuckold as in my case, so how it has taken the turn towards a divorce exciting me....I really have no idea but I will take an old College try at it. Yes, I do love my wife more than anything but it's more than that....I think I am infatuated with her. Her hair, her smell, her perfect legs and feet, everything! I always find myself starring at her but don't let her see it. This whole infatuation thing probably started roughly a year ago. I was ALWAYS very attracted to her but lately is has been more of an obsession. No for the Pshych 101.....I have had 4 serious relationships and EVERY Girl dumped me for a guy with a larger cock. This is not fantasy but reality! How do I know....not sure why, but I always pried until I got my answer in that dreaded long conversation before, during or after the breakup. My first girlfriend started dating a black guy in high school and I was crushed. 15 years later, we were still friends and she admitted that she didn't want to have sex with me after that because she was afraid it wouldn't feel good for me or her after having been "enlarged" down there. Another girlfriend in College left me for a man with the nickname "cobra" and when I asked her why, she just smiled. Another left me for a guy (I later found out) she called "doorknow" because his cock was as thick as one. Yet another left me for a guy named "meat". While some of this may seam far fetched, I swear that it is 100% true...all of it! The final straw was a girl that I dated for 6 years and was the first girl I really loved. We were young and even though we loved each other, we experimented around with others (behind each others back). She slept with the varsity Quarterback on our College Football Team who was a big dude and also slept with three other guys....all athletes (as was I ) but they were all bigger than me and I saw two of them while showering after baseball practice.....both were much bigger and thicker than me at least limp they were, so I assume hard they were as well. So with all that said.....I guess Psych 101 would lead me to the deducement that I have a hard time dealing with a happy relationship because every girl has left me for bigger and better. Now, this thought process didn't creap into my head until my wife and I were married for 10 years so while a bit overdue, my subconscious mind must have wandered back to all of that hurt and disappointment I felt as a younger man.
I am not sure what it is about the divorce thing....we had some issues recently and I brought it up (the dreaded "D" word) and even though we are in a better place now, I started thinking about the divorce thing and it turned me on that she would eventually find another man who no doubt would be more successfull than me and I am sure have a much larger cock....she has admitted that she likes big cock but says she is happy with me and we have toys when she is in the mood for bigger. Since these thoughts started creaping into my head, I find myself lying with her in the morning before we wake up, you know....where you're both half asleep but kind of playing with each other also, touching, etc. In those moments, when she has her eyes closed, I find myself looking at her and receiving so much excitement picturing her saying to me that she is in love with another man and telling me that she wants a divorce, but wants to keep the house....I essentialy give her everything and start over in an apartment I guess. Sure, I would love this to start with a situation where I watch her with another instead of taking the immediate quantum leap to divorce but I wanted to explain to Malta why I may have some of these thoughts or desires which are VERY strong. Of course I would miss her and probably be miserable for letting a great thing get away (that's the realist in me) but the fantasy guy in me pictures her with a wealthy, hung stud where I see her at the grocery store, she smiles and is just "glowing" in her new life.
Probably the most fucked up thing any of you have heard and if so, I get it, after all it is whacked,crazy, all of the above.