Denial 2015
- Thread starterSoonToBe
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Steve all I can truly say is WOW. As always you have shared those most inner feelings, experiences and thoughts and I for one truly do appreciate it. You and Sue are going down a path that which will be very rewarding for you both. It is time to enjoy the acceptance of your beta side, provide the encouragement along with support to Sue and see were Sue takes you both as your relationship continues to evolve.
Well, the kids are now fed and I had a few minutes. I don't expect Sue to be back before 9:30pm at the earliest but she did say that she would probably be earlier than that.
I admit that I'm a mess right now. I feel so conflicted. My brain is saying one thing - at least the thinking part is, but my cock and the horny part of my brain is clearly somewhere else. I so want this but at the same time I have to admit my fears that it could lead to things that we don't want. I am sticking with the sentiment that as long as it feels good between us, that it'll be okay. And, while I'm quite anxious right now, at the same time, I do love knowing where she is, who she's with and obviously what she is doing - my cock is rock hard and my underwear has a huge wet-spot from the pre-cum that seems to just seep out of me at times like this.
Let me go do a few things for a bit and maybe my horniness will subside a bit by then.
I admit that I'm a mess right now. I feel so conflicted. My brain is saying one thing - at least the thinking part is, but my cock and the horny part of my brain is clearly somewhere else. I so want this but at the same time I have to admit my fears that it could lead to things that we don't want. I am sticking with the sentiment that as long as it feels good between us, that it'll be okay. And, while I'm quite anxious right now, at the same time, I do love knowing where she is, who she's with and obviously what she is doing - my cock is rock hard and my underwear has a huge wet-spot from the pre-cum that seems to just seep out of me at times like this.
Let me go do a few things for a bit and maybe my horniness will subside a bit by then.
Steve, you have way too much of a successful track record with this to start having beginner's jitters now. Sue is trying hard to give you what you are desiring. Sure, it has to be fun and fulfilling for her too, along the way, but don't begrudge her that. You already know that you can pull the stop rope at any time and things will stop. With that knowledge, I agree with others here who are advising you to chill out and let Sue make her plans. Questioning her plans too much at this point will only frustrate her and make Sue doubt all the work you have both put into all this. Remember, just as there are certain things about all this that turn your crank more than others, so it is with Sue as well. She has fantasies to explore within this arrangement too. Does not mean there is anything for you to get nervous about.
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Maybe if you wrote in Word first. You could spell check and edit then before copying and pasting into here. Just put a password on the document and it will all still be secure. Probably the easiest solution but it's happened once in a few years so maybe just do it for a few weeks. I'll bet someone somewhere has it saved anyway. Perhaps they could re up it?
Lost post's
Sorry, Steve, can't help this time, I usually 'Copy & Paste' it into memory as soon as I read it, but yesterday I was at the lab for test's and scans. I had an adverse reaction to (I believe) the contrast drink for a CT scan. I was soo cold when I got home, that I put a massage table heater on the bed, and turned it up. It still took over an hour for me to stop shivering. [sorta like when your out on the slope's, having a good time and keep going & going. One more run, one more time to get that jump just right, and suddenly your so cold, you can't seem to get back to the club house fast enough] Anyway, I read your last long update (on my Cell) but didn't get to the computer to put anything into safe storage yesterday. I could have 'copy & pasted' it into an e mail to myself, but who would know that they would loose all those posts.
Did you write it in 'notebook' before posting? If it's still there, you can repost that one at least.
SoonToBe said:
Sorry, Steve, can't help this time, I usually 'Copy & Paste' it into memory as soon as I read it, but yesterday I was at the lab for test's and scans. I had an adverse reaction to (I believe) the contrast drink for a CT scan. I was soo cold when I got home, that I put a massage table heater on the bed, and turned it up. It still took over an hour for me to stop shivering. [sorta like when your out on the slope's, having a good time and keep going & going. One more run, one more time to get that jump just right, and suddenly your so cold, you can't seem to get back to the club house fast enough] Anyway, I read your last long update (on my Cell) but didn't get to the computer to put anything into safe storage yesterday. I could have 'copy & pasted' it into an e mail to myself, but who would know that they would loose all those posts.
Did you write it in 'notebook' before posting? If it's still there, you can repost that one at least.
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No, not going anywhere else - just annoyed. Even now, it's flakey and loads very slowly sometimes.
And no, I hadn't posted it elsewhere or in a word or notepad document either.
There's far too much to try to recap in any level of detail. She did see him on Tuesday night and the most distinct memory I have of that night is that she made no effort to hide anything. If anything she seemed to even emphasize things more. She got undressed and then washed up including standing naked at the sink knowing I was eagerly staring at her. The reason I remember quite well is that in the mirror and then when she turned I could see her breasts had been handled and that her pussy was swollen and quite reddened. She saw me looking and I she told me I could look but not touch. I knew she wanted to enjoy how she felt and knew that it turned me on.
She had told me about how she was when she was at Paul's. She told me how she got changed shortly after she got there and then later, spared little detail when she told me virtually everything of how they had sex together. But what was more significant than that was that she says she now feels she knows what turns me on. I felt it on Wednesday night - just the way she teased me and taunted me. Little comments - asking me if I missed feeling her pussy. She knew how it turned me on - my god it was so obvious.
I think the other thing I had posted about which is actually a bit more fresh in my mind is that she's begun to talk more about separating me from her sexually. We've talked a bit more openly and she said that it's not something that she really wants but that she needed me to know that she is feeling it. I told her it was natural. She was concerned and for a bit, we changed places and I consoled her and told her that it was okay and that she should just be sure that she talks to me like she was and that it would be okay. That calmed her and surely after I came violently at her explicit description of Paul making her scream, she knows that this is something I am okay with. We kissed and she asked me what I meant about it being natural. I told her just what I'd said at other times and what others here have said and know. I told her that I wanted to be the beta and that this was part of it, and that I knew she was really enjoying herself with Paul and that I wanted her to do so.
We did have sex this past Friday and yes, she did cum again, but she was okay about it and even afterwards we hugged and kissed as we lay together. Other than the condom between us, it felt like just a normal night of sex. She told me afterwards that she'd decided she would still enjoy it with me when she was still in the mood for it.
We aren't sure of our plans now for this week. This snowstorm has messed things up and she went to bed a little moody. I am going to go into the office in the morining because I expect to be home on Tuesday and I need to get a few things done.
We're ready for the storm - or at least as ready as we can be for now.
And no, I hadn't posted it elsewhere or in a word or notepad document either.
There's far too much to try to recap in any level of detail. She did see him on Tuesday night and the most distinct memory I have of that night is that she made no effort to hide anything. If anything she seemed to even emphasize things more. She got undressed and then washed up including standing naked at the sink knowing I was eagerly staring at her. The reason I remember quite well is that in the mirror and then when she turned I could see her breasts had been handled and that her pussy was swollen and quite reddened. She saw me looking and I she told me I could look but not touch. I knew she wanted to enjoy how she felt and knew that it turned me on.
She had told me about how she was when she was at Paul's. She told me how she got changed shortly after she got there and then later, spared little detail when she told me virtually everything of how they had sex together. But what was more significant than that was that she says she now feels she knows what turns me on. I felt it on Wednesday night - just the way she teased me and taunted me. Little comments - asking me if I missed feeling her pussy. She knew how it turned me on - my god it was so obvious.
I think the other thing I had posted about which is actually a bit more fresh in my mind is that she's begun to talk more about separating me from her sexually. We've talked a bit more openly and she said that it's not something that she really wants but that she needed me to know that she is feeling it. I told her it was natural. She was concerned and for a bit, we changed places and I consoled her and told her that it was okay and that she should just be sure that she talks to me like she was and that it would be okay. That calmed her and surely after I came violently at her explicit description of Paul making her scream, she knows that this is something I am okay with. We kissed and she asked me what I meant about it being natural. I told her just what I'd said at other times and what others here have said and know. I told her that I wanted to be the beta and that this was part of it, and that I knew she was really enjoying herself with Paul and that I wanted her to do so.
We did have sex this past Friday and yes, she did cum again, but she was okay about it and even afterwards we hugged and kissed as we lay together. Other than the condom between us, it felt like just a normal night of sex. She told me afterwards that she'd decided she would still enjoy it with me when she was still in the mood for it.
We aren't sure of our plans now for this week. This snowstorm has messed things up and she went to bed a little moody. I am going to go into the office in the morining because I expect to be home on Tuesday and I need to get a few things done.
We're ready for the storm - or at least as ready as we can be for now.
Maybe a few more details 
Enjoy fine sir!!
PS: I too see the slow page loads, and I'm always worried when stuff like this starts. You may consider typing your posts in word then copying them over, and look into another site (e.g. O_W)... just in case.
Note to everyone else.... did anyone happen to save the text from the last few days? If so, can you report, or send it to SoonToBe.
Thanks
Wingman
While I know you lost several days typing, I was wondering if you could recount in more detail "how" she is now teasing and taunting you. For example, when she is doing this, is she giving you a handjob, or are you working yourself? The conversation-level retelling of those moments are so so erotic.. especially the way you tell itSoonToBe said:
Enjoy fine sir!!
PS: I too see the slow page loads, and I'm always worried when stuff like this starts. You may consider typing your posts in word then copying them over, and look into another site (e.g. O_W)... just in case.
Note to everyone else.... did anyone happen to save the text from the last few days? If so, can you report, or send it to SoonToBe.
Thanks
Wingman
Steve,
I think it’s perfectly normal for Sue to come back from Paul’s house and keep her body to herself. You are lucky she is willing to share with you what happened that night. Continuing to process the personal feelings can be almost as powerful and continuing to feel the physical sensations and she could want to keep it all to herself on her immediate return.
I do think you are in some danger of missing out on what many have alluded to by going for a blow by blow narrative. The thing driving it from your perspective is your extreme excitement created by the whole build up leading to her return. By not jerking off you are not allowing the pressure to release and can’t stop yourself going for the detail it seems. This goes against what Sue wants at this point which is for you to not see her as a sex object at that time but instead to see her as your wife. The loving nature of interaction which is not sexual is the reconnection she needs from you now at that time. Saving yourself in some way for a bigger bang the next day is not actually doing anything for her.
Even the news over here is full of the snow falls in the US so your life must be full of it at the moment. I thought your children were heading back to college this week too. With Sue’s visit to Paul at risk tomorrow are all your plans out the window this week? It seems strange but I still think the full impact of the new year change has not really hit yet. A denied routine hasn’t really settled where your children are not on the scene and where the newness and associated excitement hasn’t worn off. The next few weeks should finally establish that which will lead you neatly to Valentine’s Day. This day for lovers is on a Saturday this year and the feeling must be strong with Sue to want to spend the entire night with Paul. What more could reinforce your beta position than to spend that night alone? Have you any idea what Sue’s plans are yet?
I do think you about to enter new territory in the next few weeks. Your beta actions need to start walking the talk a bit more if you really are serious about wanting to go that way. I’m not entirely sure myself that you are just yet but from what you tell us, it does seem that Sue has a lot more mapped out in her head than either you or Paul really imagine at this point. Whilst this may come as a very pleasant surprise for him, there is a risk that it will create some serious conflict for you as you go forward and long term denial starts to bite.
I think it’s perfectly normal for Sue to come back from Paul’s house and keep her body to herself. You are lucky she is willing to share with you what happened that night. Continuing to process the personal feelings can be almost as powerful and continuing to feel the physical sensations and she could want to keep it all to herself on her immediate return.
I do think you are in some danger of missing out on what many have alluded to by going for a blow by blow narrative. The thing driving it from your perspective is your extreme excitement created by the whole build up leading to her return. By not jerking off you are not allowing the pressure to release and can’t stop yourself going for the detail it seems. This goes against what Sue wants at this point which is for you to not see her as a sex object at that time but instead to see her as your wife. The loving nature of interaction which is not sexual is the reconnection she needs from you now at that time. Saving yourself in some way for a bigger bang the next day is not actually doing anything for her.
Even the news over here is full of the snow falls in the US so your life must be full of it at the moment. I thought your children were heading back to college this week too. With Sue’s visit to Paul at risk tomorrow are all your plans out the window this week? It seems strange but I still think the full impact of the new year change has not really hit yet. A denied routine hasn’t really settled where your children are not on the scene and where the newness and associated excitement hasn’t worn off. The next few weeks should finally establish that which will lead you neatly to Valentine’s Day. This day for lovers is on a Saturday this year and the feeling must be strong with Sue to want to spend the entire night with Paul. What more could reinforce your beta position than to spend that night alone? Have you any idea what Sue’s plans are yet?
I do think you about to enter new territory in the next few weeks. Your beta actions need to start walking the talk a bit more if you really are serious about wanting to go that way. I’m not entirely sure myself that you are just yet but from what you tell us, it does seem that Sue has a lot more mapped out in her head than either you or Paul really imagine at this point. Whilst this may come as a very pleasant surprise for him, there is a risk that it will create some serious conflict for you as you go forward and long term denial starts to bite.
Peak, I think your advise is well thought out and pertinent.
I have noticed for some time that there is an "underlying message" that Sue wants less sexual pressure from Steve. [Not to mean less sex, but less pressure to have sex]
Note from post #56: "we've been talking a lot and yesterday she again told me how she was liking how things were between us - that we can be close and even somewhat sexual with each other and it doesn't have to lead to sex. She told me how happy she's feeling and has again told me that she'd never really noticed it before but now that it's not there, that she says there was always this tension she felt, that if she was acting sexy and I was horny, that she said she'd also felt almost an obligation to have sex with me and now she doesn't feel that at all. She looked at me and said "even you no longer assume we'll just be having sex because you're horny" and she said how liberating that feels.
Giving him more 'details' would only excite him more, and put more pressure on her, making her feel more obligated, when she really wants to 'normalize' things.
Just my understanding from what I read, Harry
I have noticed for some time that there is an "underlying message" that Sue wants less sexual pressure from Steve. [Not to mean less sex, but less pressure to have sex]
Note from post #56: "we've been talking a lot and yesterday she again told me how she was liking how things were between us - that we can be close and even somewhat sexual with each other and it doesn't have to lead to sex. She told me how happy she's feeling and has again told me that she'd never really noticed it before but now that it's not there, that she says there was always this tension she felt, that if she was acting sexy and I was horny, that she said she'd also felt almost an obligation to have sex with me and now she doesn't feel that at all. She looked at me and said "even you no longer assume we'll just be having sex because you're horny" and she said how liberating that feels.
Giving him more 'details' would only excite him more, and put more pressure on her, making her feel more obligated, when she really wants to 'normalize' things.
Just my understanding from what I read, Harry
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Wow, - our internet is finally back. It was good that the storm fizzled out as our internet has been out since someone hit a pole somewhere with our cable on it so we'd both gone into work today - later than usual but the roads were pretty good by then. But she was out of the mood to see him. Actually I got her out of her funk when the internet went out by proposing that we do that ski-trip this coming weekend and that the snow should be great. Well, that put her on cloud nine when she asked me "does that mean...." and I told her that if Paul can get up there on his own, that if it's what she really wanted, that we can try it out. But I told her that it would only be Saturday night. We are going to drive up on Friday night and we'll ski Saturday and Sunday. As far as I understand it right now, he is going to go up and get his own place to stay and that he may stay another night and come home on Monday if the skiing is good and Sue and I will return on Sunday as both of us have to work on Monday. She agreed with me when I said that I wanted to try it out for one night with him being there and not have to deal with it all after driving all the way up on Friday night. She hugged me and kissed me and joked with me that I am being a "wonderful husband' for her and teased me that will surely earn points and she told me that I should remind her of that some day. It took me a while to realize what she was talking about but once I did, I turned back to look at her and when I smiled she gave me the knowing grin.
Wing - that's an example of what she's started to do more. She's started to be much more open about her with Paul and that it "is" something that is going to happen. I am so horny already thinking about what she will do and say with me tomorrow night. She's already started to tell me in a more teasing/taunting way how she's enjoying sex with Paul and even earlier tonight she asked me if I knew what tomorrow was and when I said no - she said "it's the one month anniversary of when you stopped cumming in me". I groaned - it was how she said it as well as what she said - not that it's been a month since I started using condoms with her but she'd begun making it a point to remind me and as I experienced last week, showing me that her lover gets to cum in her.
Peak - you wrote several things that she's begun to say more of too. I am coming to recognize that my desire to be horny or even hornier, in essence, "for her" is misguided on my part. As your comment on my desiring a bigger-bang with her really hit home and I know you are right. I also know that her sharing details should be something she wants to do for me and not something that I force or coerce her into doing when perhaps she would rather enjoy the afterglow of being with him.
I made the drive to take our daughter back on Saturday but our son opted to wait later that day to head back himself. So trying to make the best out of the snowfall, I offered up a ski-trip - something she'd hoped for. I think she was surprised at first but then turned to me and looked at me and said "it DOES turn you on, doesn't it..... that my boyfriend is going to come skiing with us.....". We will have to get online tomorrow and look for a place to stay. We will obviously need a 2 bedroom as I'm assuming that he'll be staying with us on Saturday night. I would be lying to you if I told you that I am not rock-hard sitting here thinking about this.
It is something that I can't escape feeling and wanting. I know how we've been when we've gone skiing and she has spent a day exercising out in the fresh air - she gets so horny when she has a drink or two at the end of the day. It seems crazy but right now I could cum in a minute to the thought of me hearing (and seeing? being with?) the two of them together. I know how I've enjoyed her so much over all of these years in just that setting - apres-ski horniness - it seems crazy but I so want to give her to him and this time to just see her enjoy it.
Not sure about Valentines Day. I have received a few PM's from others who suggested I make it a special day for her. Let me get through this coming weekend first though.
Harry - I read your post and it really hit me that in some way I am very likely adding some kind of pressure - that's what I said above that my thinking that somehow my arousal is something I should do for her is misguided.
Anyway - it's late and while I am horny, I do want to wait for tomorrow night.
Wing - that's an example of what she's started to do more. She's started to be much more open about her with Paul and that it "is" something that is going to happen. I am so horny already thinking about what she will do and say with me tomorrow night. She's already started to tell me in a more teasing/taunting way how she's enjoying sex with Paul and even earlier tonight she asked me if I knew what tomorrow was and when I said no - she said "it's the one month anniversary of when you stopped cumming in me". I groaned - it was how she said it as well as what she said - not that it's been a month since I started using condoms with her but she'd begun making it a point to remind me and as I experienced last week, showing me that her lover gets to cum in her.
Peak - you wrote several things that she's begun to say more of too. I am coming to recognize that my desire to be horny or even hornier, in essence, "for her" is misguided on my part. As your comment on my desiring a bigger-bang with her really hit home and I know you are right. I also know that her sharing details should be something she wants to do for me and not something that I force or coerce her into doing when perhaps she would rather enjoy the afterglow of being with him.
I made the drive to take our daughter back on Saturday but our son opted to wait later that day to head back himself. So trying to make the best out of the snowfall, I offered up a ski-trip - something she'd hoped for. I think she was surprised at first but then turned to me and looked at me and said "it DOES turn you on, doesn't it..... that my boyfriend is going to come skiing with us.....". We will have to get online tomorrow and look for a place to stay. We will obviously need a 2 bedroom as I'm assuming that he'll be staying with us on Saturday night. I would be lying to you if I told you that I am not rock-hard sitting here thinking about this.
It is something that I can't escape feeling and wanting. I know how we've been when we've gone skiing and she has spent a day exercising out in the fresh air - she gets so horny when she has a drink or two at the end of the day. It seems crazy but right now I could cum in a minute to the thought of me hearing (and seeing? being with?) the two of them together. I know how I've enjoyed her so much over all of these years in just that setting - apres-ski horniness - it seems crazy but I so want to give her to him and this time to just see her enjoy it.
Not sure about Valentines Day. I have received a few PM's from others who suggested I make it a special day for her. Let me get through this coming weekend first though.
Harry - I read your post and it really hit me that in some way I am very likely adding some kind of pressure - that's what I said above that my thinking that somehow my arousal is something I should do for her is misguided.
Anyway - it's late and while I am horny, I do want to wait for tomorrow night.
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