The Real Story I Have To Tell -1
- Thread starterdevavu2009
- Start date
Up the Rollercoaster
During Christmas vacation of 2003, Annie had breast augmentation surgery. At the time, I wondered why she wanted to do this; her breasts were quite nice the way they were. I remember driving her to the clinic and waiting there. The whole procedure took the better part of a day. When she was released to me, the nurse gave us instructions for post surgery. She explained that her breasts would need to be massaged regularly, especially for the first several months. This would prevent the implants from hardening.
"So you're gonna have a lot of fun for awhile," the nurse joked.
Of course, I never did. Annie massaged them herself. And Aaron massaged them. The finished product certainly looked spectacular. They were noticeably larger but still within the normal range. They retained their perfect shape, and seemed to be as soft and natural as can be. My God, they were beautiful.
But they were off limits to me. I know because they both told me so.
"I did this for Aaron," Annie told me at the time. "And because I always wanted bigger breasts."
When the three of us were together, Aaron always made a point of feeling her naked breasts, kissing them, licking them, sucking them. He would stand behind her, cupping both breasts in his hands, kissing her neck.
"These are MINE," he would say.
And they were. Annie told me that it was the one part of her body he could truly feel was "virgin" other than to him. No man had ever touched them in their new form, other than him. No man would. In the years since, including the time Annie and I were alone, I have never touched them. If she is walking from the shower or getting ready to go out, and happens to be topless, she covers them up so I cannot see them. I understood this when we were with Aaron the first time, and I understand it now. I never quite understood why she did this during our 4 years alone.
Anyway, the fact is, the only time she has ever freely shown them to me - her new breasts - is when she was/is with Aaron.
So I was surprised when she walked into my bedroom a few days ago completely nude, breasts uncovered. They looked delicious. She climbed on the bed, and lifted her pussy over my face.
"We're going to have a serious talk," she said. "But first, I am going to make love to you."
During Christmas vacation of 2003, Annie had breast augmentation surgery. At the time, I wondered why she wanted to do this; her breasts were quite nice the way they were. I remember driving her to the clinic and waiting there. The whole procedure took the better part of a day. When she was released to me, the nurse gave us instructions for post surgery. She explained that her breasts would need to be massaged regularly, especially for the first several months. This would prevent the implants from hardening.
"So you're gonna have a lot of fun for awhile," the nurse joked.
Of course, I never did. Annie massaged them herself. And Aaron massaged them. The finished product certainly looked spectacular. They were noticeably larger but still within the normal range. They retained their perfect shape, and seemed to be as soft and natural as can be. My God, they were beautiful.
But they were off limits to me. I know because they both told me so.
"I did this for Aaron," Annie told me at the time. "And because I always wanted bigger breasts."
When the three of us were together, Aaron always made a point of feeling her naked breasts, kissing them, licking them, sucking them. He would stand behind her, cupping both breasts in his hands, kissing her neck.
"These are MINE," he would say.
And they were. Annie told me that it was the one part of her body he could truly feel was "virgin" other than to him. No man had ever touched them in their new form, other than him. No man would. In the years since, including the time Annie and I were alone, I have never touched them. If she is walking from the shower or getting ready to go out, and happens to be topless, she covers them up so I cannot see them. I understood this when we were with Aaron the first time, and I understand it now. I never quite understood why she did this during our 4 years alone.
Anyway, the fact is, the only time she has ever freely shown them to me - her new breasts - is when she was/is with Aaron.
So I was surprised when she walked into my bedroom a few days ago completely nude, breasts uncovered. They looked delicious. She climbed on the bed, and lifted her pussy over my face.
"We're going to have a serious talk," she said. "But first, I am going to make love to you."
Up the Rollercoaster
Annie climbed on the bed and sat on my face. Not exactly "making love," I thought. But I'll take it. She spent 20 or 30 minutes riding my mouth, alternately placing her pussy and ass over it. I eagerly licked both. It wasn't too long before she came. My cock was as hard as it can get in a small steel cage. The entire time, she said not a word.
When she removed herself from my face, she left the room for a few moments. When she returned, she was wearing a harness and a strap on dildo. It looked like the setup I had purchased some 9 years ago, when we first started experimenting with chastity. I would wear it to fuck her while remaining locked in my CB. The dildo's I used on her were a lot bigger than the one she walked in with. Thank God.
"I am going to fuck you, D," she said, stating the obvious. "No matter what I do, you are NOT to touch my breasts. Do you understand?"
"Yes."
She mounted me and slowly inserted the rubber dong. It hurt. It hurt even worse when she started fucking me. It really, really hurt. It hurt bad. But the bad hurt gave way to a good hurt. The good hurt gave way to just plain good. She went harder and harder and it felt incredible, like nothing I have ever experienced. I felt constantly on the verge of having an orgasm, but I could never quite get there. I began fucking her back, moving my ass to meet her "cock." I screamed, like a girl. I begged her to fuck me harder, as if that would make me cum. It didn't, but the harder she went the closer I got. She leaned over, her breasts swinging fore and aft with each thrust. I wanted to kiss them, to suck them. But I didn't want to chance disobeying her. Not now. Not when I was feeling the closest, the most electric connection to her that I have ever felt.
Annie came several times. My bed was flooded with her juices. When she finally pulled out of me, I realized I had "cum" too - there was semen leaking from my cock, quite a lot of it, all things considered. I hadn't experienced an orgasm, but something similar. I did not feel ashamed or humiliated. I felt grateful for the best sexual experience of my life. I felt totally in love. Completely, absolutely, totally in love.
She kissed me. Then she withdrew from me. She removed the harness and threw the whole works on the bed.
"Clean that thing up," she said, smiling. "And then we'll talk."
Annie climbed on the bed and sat on my face. Not exactly "making love," I thought. But I'll take it. She spent 20 or 30 minutes riding my mouth, alternately placing her pussy and ass over it. I eagerly licked both. It wasn't too long before she came. My cock was as hard as it can get in a small steel cage. The entire time, she said not a word.
When she removed herself from my face, she left the room for a few moments. When she returned, she was wearing a harness and a strap on dildo. It looked like the setup I had purchased some 9 years ago, when we first started experimenting with chastity. I would wear it to fuck her while remaining locked in my CB. The dildo's I used on her were a lot bigger than the one she walked in with. Thank God.
"I am going to fuck you, D," she said, stating the obvious. "No matter what I do, you are NOT to touch my breasts. Do you understand?"
"Yes."
She mounted me and slowly inserted the rubber dong. It hurt. It hurt even worse when she started fucking me. It really, really hurt. It hurt bad. But the bad hurt gave way to a good hurt. The good hurt gave way to just plain good. She went harder and harder and it felt incredible, like nothing I have ever experienced. I felt constantly on the verge of having an orgasm, but I could never quite get there. I began fucking her back, moving my ass to meet her "cock." I screamed, like a girl. I begged her to fuck me harder, as if that would make me cum. It didn't, but the harder she went the closer I got. She leaned over, her breasts swinging fore and aft with each thrust. I wanted to kiss them, to suck them. But I didn't want to chance disobeying her. Not now. Not when I was feeling the closest, the most electric connection to her that I have ever felt.
Annie came several times. My bed was flooded with her juices. When she finally pulled out of me, I realized I had "cum" too - there was semen leaking from my cock, quite a lot of it, all things considered. I hadn't experienced an orgasm, but something similar. I did not feel ashamed or humiliated. I felt grateful for the best sexual experience of my life. I felt totally in love. Completely, absolutely, totally in love.
She kissed me. Then she withdrew from me. She removed the harness and threw the whole works on the bed.
"Clean that thing up," she said, smiling. "And then we'll talk."
I want to thank everyone for their feedback, advice, etc. I have a lot to say. And it would be quicker to just list what happened and get it over with. But I want this narrative to be as complete as possible, because I don't want to forget. It is easier for me to try to recount things in certain detail, and as much as possible, to recreate conversations. That is how I remember things, and thus, how I write. I will try to catch up this week.
This is all, for awhile
Annie says I always end up doing the right thing - after I've tried everything else. I think she stole the line from Winston Churchill's quote about Americans. Anyway, after Annie made love to me the other night - ok, she fucked me, but she also made love to me - we had a long conversation on my bed. There were several very strong themes. I don't have time (nor do you, probably) to recount everything that was said. But the messages were clear:
1. She truly loves me
2. She really knows me
3. She will never leave me
4. She is going to divorce me and marry Aaron
I know that numbers one through three are true, beyond a shadow of a doubt. Now I know that number four is too. She will never leave me. If I don't accept #4, I can leave. She didn't say that. She didn't have to.
She does know me. She knows everything about me. Even things I hide, or try to make secret she knows. She seems to know every place I've ever visited on the internet, or at least enough of them to form a clear picture. Hell, she probably knows I'm here on this site.
"I should have been a detective," she often says.
Apparently, she already is. This ability of hers to seemingly know everything I do is one of the reason I deleted this narrative after starting to post it here a few years ago. I didn't want her to know I was telling our story. At the time, I thought the story was over. Far from it, I now know.
"D, you must stop running away from your needs, from who you are. You have to come out of hiding. There can be no secrets. You've spent too much of your life on that computer instead of living. You look at the same things over and over and over again. For years now. Chastity, slavery, cuckolds and sissies. I think that about sums it up, doesn't it?"
I nodded yes.
"Month after month. Year after year. Looking at other people living their lives, or performing at life. Looking at pictures, reading stories. And they all boil down to one thing: Submission to power. That's your interest, that is your passion. That is your need. Do you know what you don't look at? You don't visit "man and wife" sites. You aren't interested in stories or themes about normal sex between married people, except in the context of cuckolding, or being dominated."
"I'm sorry, Annie," I said. And I really meant it.
"Quit being sorry," she replied. "We're way past that. You've been struggling all these years to be something you are not. A husband. And I've struggled with what to do about you. There are so many of you up there," she said, rapping on my noggin.
"Now listen closely. I am going to marry Aaron. I want him to be my husband, my lover, my man. He's GOOD at it. You are not. It just isn't in your DNA."
She paused and said, "Are you ok?"
I nodded yes, and she continued.
"The way I see it is that you will be more like my wife. And our slave. Since we won't be married anymore, I don't want to hear the word 'cuckold'. I've never liked the word."
It is true. She hates the sound of it, but not the concept.
"You may struggle with your role sometimes, but at least you'll be struggling in the direction of who you are, instead of who you aren't."
Annie is a very smart woman. She really thinks things out, and she always tells me the truth. She looked so freaking sexy that night, I just wanted her - I wanted her like a man wants a woman. I'd have done anything to touch her breasts right then and there, to make love to her like Aaron makes love to her. Even a complete sub has "normal" urges. She's just so beautiful. But I knew I wanted to follow her into this new phase of our lives even more. If I wasn't mesmerized by her, I wouldn't have an ounce of testosterone left in my body.
"Do you have any questions, D?" she asked.
"Not right now," I said. I was a bit choked up, but very happy in a way I haven't really experienced before. I decided to lighten things up a bit.
"I can't believe you actually came while fucking me," I said.
"You really liked that, didn't you, you little bitch," she laughed.
"I did. A lot."
"Honey, just remember one thing: If I couldn't cum, I wouldn't do it. I didn't fuck you for my health. I'm glad you enjoyed it, but the only thing that should matter to you is my pleasure, and Aaron's. This is not about you. Not anymore. You are a part of our relationship now, we aren't props in your fantasy. If you start thinking this is about you, you'll be very unhappy. Focus on our pleasure and happiness will find it's way back to you. Remember that."
I said "Yes, Ma'am." I have never called her "Ma'am" before. She looked at me with a serene, somewhat triumphant expression on her face. She must have liked it.
Annie says I always end up doing the right thing - after I've tried everything else. I think she stole the line from Winston Churchill's quote about Americans. Anyway, after Annie made love to me the other night - ok, she fucked me, but she also made love to me - we had a long conversation on my bed. There were several very strong themes. I don't have time (nor do you, probably) to recount everything that was said. But the messages were clear:
1. She truly loves me
2. She really knows me
3. She will never leave me
4. She is going to divorce me and marry Aaron
I know that numbers one through three are true, beyond a shadow of a doubt. Now I know that number four is too. She will never leave me. If I don't accept #4, I can leave. She didn't say that. She didn't have to.
She does know me. She knows everything about me. Even things I hide, or try to make secret she knows. She seems to know every place I've ever visited on the internet, or at least enough of them to form a clear picture. Hell, she probably knows I'm here on this site.
"I should have been a detective," she often says.
Apparently, she already is. This ability of hers to seemingly know everything I do is one of the reason I deleted this narrative after starting to post it here a few years ago. I didn't want her to know I was telling our story. At the time, I thought the story was over. Far from it, I now know.
"D, you must stop running away from your needs, from who you are. You have to come out of hiding. There can be no secrets. You've spent too much of your life on that computer instead of living. You look at the same things over and over and over again. For years now. Chastity, slavery, cuckolds and sissies. I think that about sums it up, doesn't it?"
I nodded yes.
"Month after month. Year after year. Looking at other people living their lives, or performing at life. Looking at pictures, reading stories. And they all boil down to one thing: Submission to power. That's your interest, that is your passion. That is your need. Do you know what you don't look at? You don't visit "man and wife" sites. You aren't interested in stories or themes about normal sex between married people, except in the context of cuckolding, or being dominated."
"I'm sorry, Annie," I said. And I really meant it.
"Quit being sorry," she replied. "We're way past that. You've been struggling all these years to be something you are not. A husband. And I've struggled with what to do about you. There are so many of you up there," she said, rapping on my noggin.
"Now listen closely. I am going to marry Aaron. I want him to be my husband, my lover, my man. He's GOOD at it. You are not. It just isn't in your DNA."
She paused and said, "Are you ok?"
I nodded yes, and she continued.
"The way I see it is that you will be more like my wife. And our slave. Since we won't be married anymore, I don't want to hear the word 'cuckold'. I've never liked the word."
It is true. She hates the sound of it, but not the concept.
"You may struggle with your role sometimes, but at least you'll be struggling in the direction of who you are, instead of who you aren't."
Annie is a very smart woman. She really thinks things out, and she always tells me the truth. She looked so freaking sexy that night, I just wanted her - I wanted her like a man wants a woman. I'd have done anything to touch her breasts right then and there, to make love to her like Aaron makes love to her. Even a complete sub has "normal" urges. She's just so beautiful. But I knew I wanted to follow her into this new phase of our lives even more. If I wasn't mesmerized by her, I wouldn't have an ounce of testosterone left in my body.
"Do you have any questions, D?" she asked.
"Not right now," I said. I was a bit choked up, but very happy in a way I haven't really experienced before. I decided to lighten things up a bit.
"I can't believe you actually came while fucking me," I said.
"You really liked that, didn't you, you little bitch," she laughed.
"I did. A lot."
"Honey, just remember one thing: If I couldn't cum, I wouldn't do it. I didn't fuck you for my health. I'm glad you enjoyed it, but the only thing that should matter to you is my pleasure, and Aaron's. This is not about you. Not anymore. You are a part of our relationship now, we aren't props in your fantasy. If you start thinking this is about you, you'll be very unhappy. Focus on our pleasure and happiness will find it's way back to you. Remember that."
I said "Yes, Ma'am." I have never called her "Ma'am" before. She looked at me with a serene, somewhat triumphant expression on her face. She must have liked it.
Hi Ms. Milliscent,
Thank you for weighing in with your extended, articulate and well-expressed thoughts on Devavu vis-a-vis his wife Annie and her lover Aaron. It's unusual for an authentic professional dominatrix (please let me know if that isn't an accurate description) to evaluate any given cuckold's situation from her point of view, and honor him — indeed, all of us — with an analysis, on this forum, of the kind and quality you have presented. I, for one, greatly appreciate it.
—Custer
Thank you for weighing in with your extended, articulate and well-expressed thoughts on Devavu vis-a-vis his wife Annie and her lover Aaron. It's unusual for an authentic professional dominatrix (please let me know if that isn't an accurate description) to evaluate any given cuckold's situation from her point of view, and honor him — indeed, all of us — with an analysis, on this forum, of the kind and quality you have presented. I, for one, greatly appreciate it.
—Custer
I can not believe it. I truely do feel sorry for you. She may be right about strugling to be your husband, but it is bulshit to say you haven't been good at it if she hasn't tried to make the relationship work as well. She said her self you have tried, but ask yourself, has she tried as well? In those four years, would you have been happier if you had some intimacy, walked arm in arm on the beach with her? Or would you have been happier if Aaron stayed and that relationship continued? You stuck around for four years because you were interested in a normal, loving relationship with your wife. For four years, was she interested in the same? Four four years, was she there because she loved you and wanted to be your wife?
I was cheering for you when you said no. And I still am hoping you say no and leave their relationship. Get yourself a lawyer, protect what you can and let them be happy together and find some one who will give you at least some intimacy.
Cuckolding is a fantasy for a lot of guys, but it shouldn't be over played to the point of emotional turmoil.
I was cheering for you when you said no. And I still am hoping you say no and leave their relationship. Get yourself a lawyer, protect what you can and let them be happy together and find some one who will give you at least some intimacy.
Cuckolding is a fantasy for a lot of guys, but it shouldn't be over played to the point of emotional turmoil.
Except that, this IS what he wanted all along. Read his posts again. He sleepwalks through life, living in this fantasy state. It's really all there. He's said it all. He's ignored the posts telling him to change things before it's too late and just wants to get his story out because, at the end of the day, the fantasy is all that matters. His wife hit it on the head. He's wasted years of his life living in fantasy land. Now, at least, he'll get some reality.
Sorry, Angle, you can't save him. He's going to plunge into this. And, all his little complaints or gripes are really just window dressing. He's grumbling because that's what some long forgotten instinct tells him to do, but, it's really not how he feels.
I am pleased to see that Devavu is continuing to post his story here for all of us, and honestly thrilled to see that he is going to take a chance at turning fantasy into reality. So many want it, yet so few get the opportunity. I hope that it works out perfectly for the three of them.
I love the fact that Annie completely denies Devavu her breasts, it seems that he is freely given the rest of her body, but I’ve always thought it to be extremely hot to reserve a part of the body, parts of the body for ones lover only. To completely deny a husband something that he must watch her give her lover.
There are comments on this thread expressing the opinion that Devavu is not receiving any intimacy. I’ve never thought that to be true in reading his story, but I think this latest string of posts clearly points out that he is receiving intimacy, tremendous intimacy:
“I was feeling the closest, the most electric connection to her that I have ever felt.”
And
“I felt grateful for the best sexual experience of my life. I felt totally in love. Completely, absolutely, totally in love.”
If that isn’t intimacy, then I surely don’t know what intimacy is.
Annie apparently felt it was a great experience as well:
“Annie came several times.”
A dominant woman fucking her man with a strap-on can be just as intimate as the best vanilla sex. To think otherwise is I think to not understand the powerful emotional bond that can grow through this form of sexuality, and that is extremely limiting.
I think, as Devavu does, that Annie understands him perfectly. He does run from who and what he is, what he truly needs. So few people are ever given the opportunity for true submission. It would be, in my view, a terrible shame if he chose to hide from the opportunity he is offered. A terrible shame if his fantasy life was limited only to reading about others on his computer, when in fact he has the chance to live what he has dreamed about for so very long. I do not think that Devavu will regret taking the chance he is taking, I know that he would regret letting it pass him by.
There is of course the possibility of this relationship failing. If it does, what truly is lost? If it succeeds, three people will be living as others can only dream about. A risk very much worth taking in my view, and I’m thrilled that Devavu has decided to do so.
I love the fact that Annie completely denies Devavu her breasts, it seems that he is freely given the rest of her body, but I’ve always thought it to be extremely hot to reserve a part of the body, parts of the body for ones lover only. To completely deny a husband something that he must watch her give her lover.
There are comments on this thread expressing the opinion that Devavu is not receiving any intimacy. I’ve never thought that to be true in reading his story, but I think this latest string of posts clearly points out that he is receiving intimacy, tremendous intimacy:
“I was feeling the closest, the most electric connection to her that I have ever felt.”
And
“I felt grateful for the best sexual experience of my life. I felt totally in love. Completely, absolutely, totally in love.”
If that isn’t intimacy, then I surely don’t know what intimacy is.
Annie apparently felt it was a great experience as well:
“Annie came several times.”
A dominant woman fucking her man with a strap-on can be just as intimate as the best vanilla sex. To think otherwise is I think to not understand the powerful emotional bond that can grow through this form of sexuality, and that is extremely limiting.
I think, as Devavu does, that Annie understands him perfectly. He does run from who and what he is, what he truly needs. So few people are ever given the opportunity for true submission. It would be, in my view, a terrible shame if he chose to hide from the opportunity he is offered. A terrible shame if his fantasy life was limited only to reading about others on his computer, when in fact he has the chance to live what he has dreamed about for so very long. I do not think that Devavu will regret taking the chance he is taking, I know that he would regret letting it pass him by.
There is of course the possibility of this relationship failing. If it does, what truly is lost? If it succeeds, three people will be living as others can only dream about. A risk very much worth taking in my view, and I’m thrilled that Devavu has decided to do so.
Custer,
Thank you for your very kind words, they are certainly appreciated.
Your description of my vocation is correct.
I do read a great deal on blogs and forums, but very seldom feel the need to weigh in on the conversations. I found Devavu's story, and his way of writing it very compelling.
Thank you again for your kind thoughts, I'm pleased that you found my posts to contain some measure of value.
Thank you for your very kind words, they are certainly appreciated.
Your description of my vocation is correct.
I do read a great deal on blogs and forums, but very seldom feel the need to weigh in on the conversations. I found Devavu's story, and his way of writing it very compelling.
Thank you again for your kind thoughts, I'm pleased that you found my posts to contain some measure of value.
Except he will never walk arm in arm with his wife, which is more than just sex.
I hope Devavu will atleast protect his finances and rights and finds happiness.
If his attempts at reconciliation have been taken for granted by Annie, I am doubly sorry for him. I read the four years as his attempt, his effort at being a good husband. For it to be dismissed like that must sting on some level.
I hope Devavu will atleast protect his finances and rights and finds happiness.
If his attempts at reconciliation have been taken for granted by Annie, I am doubly sorry for him. I read the four years as his attempt, his effort at being a good husband. For it to be dismissed like that must sting on some level.
If Annie is reading these pages, then there are wise words from Sarah I hope you will take to heart Annie.
"Give her only what she wants, because that her comfort zone and what makes her feel life is most worthwhile."
If what you want is too much for your husband and if what he wants includes walking arm in arm with you, if what he wants is for you to love him as his wife, and you deny that to him, is his life most worth while to him, despite any fantasy he is living?
"Give her only what she wants, because that her comfort zone and what makes her feel life is most worthwhile."
If what you want is too much for your husband and if what he wants includes walking arm in arm with you, if what he wants is for you to love him as his wife, and you deny that to him, is his life most worth while to him, despite any fantasy he is living?
Devavu rejected the Steel trap, so he is fully capable of leaving the relationship and asking a Lawyer for his 50% if he chooses - but I think he will take some time out (like he did last time) and then give Annie exactly what she wants.
Devavu would be shattered if Annie kicked him out - he loves her unconditionally, even though he has not reached the point of automatic, willing obedience yet. In her own way, Annie loves him, but as she pointed out, "why did you want to give me to other men, are you bi, you are playing games with my life?"
Annie wants to keep Aaron, so she wants to marry him to lock him in to her life. He has "keeper value".
Annie knows her submissive Devavu will see the light eventually, because of his history of visiting all the websites in his fantasies.
Devavu will put back on the Steel Trap, it is the only way his fantasies can have real energy in the moment. It would be impossible for him to find another women who would carry on from Annie (she is one in a 100 million).
Devavu would be shattered if Annie kicked him out - he loves her unconditionally, even though he has not reached the point of automatic, willing obedience yet. In her own way, Annie loves him, but as she pointed out, "why did you want to give me to other men, are you bi, you are playing games with my life?"
Annie wants to keep Aaron, so she wants to marry him to lock him in to her life. He has "keeper value".
Annie knows her submissive Devavu will see the light eventually, because of his history of visiting all the websites in his fantasies.
Devavu will put back on the Steel Trap, it is the only way his fantasies can have real energy in the moment. It would be impossible for him to find another women who would carry on from Annie (she is one in a 100 million).
Except he will still not be the guy who walks arm in arm with Annie. The reality likely will never live up to the fantasy.
There are both physical and emotional parts of Annie that are exclusive to Aaron now, and the emotional parts are the most important parts and should never be exclusive. Those are the parts I concern myself with.
If Annie wants both, then she could have both, but her current husband shouldn't need to suffer for her own fantasy or desires. Despite his fetish, I think emotional availability is more important to him, and that is what is at stake here. I think his internet habits were an attempt to fill a hole left by Annie becoming partly emotionally unavailable to her husband and not indicative of his true nature, or more likely, his fetish is exaggerated as a way to cope.
I think you should talk with Annie again and recount every good memory you have had with her before your fetish came up and compare how you felt then to how you felt with Aron the first time, the four years after the break up and now.
And Annie, assuming you are reading this, do not argue what those memories mean or those feelings. You said he is not a good husband. Well, a good marriage is a two part effort and acceptance of short comings. If he is to be a good husband, you need to help him. If he wants to try to become one, listen to your husbands memories and help him become a good husband as your effort.
Love is where neither side gives up on what is important to the other.
And to be sure she reads it, show Annie this thread, please.
There are both physical and emotional parts of Annie that are exclusive to Aaron now, and the emotional parts are the most important parts and should never be exclusive. Those are the parts I concern myself with.
If Annie wants both, then she could have both, but her current husband shouldn't need to suffer for her own fantasy or desires. Despite his fetish, I think emotional availability is more important to him, and that is what is at stake here. I think his internet habits were an attempt to fill a hole left by Annie becoming partly emotionally unavailable to her husband and not indicative of his true nature, or more likely, his fetish is exaggerated as a way to cope.
I think you should talk with Annie again and recount every good memory you have had with her before your fetish came up and compare how you felt then to how you felt with Aron the first time, the four years after the break up and now.
And Annie, assuming you are reading this, do not argue what those memories mean or those feelings. You said he is not a good husband. Well, a good marriage is a two part effort and acceptance of short comings. If he is to be a good husband, you need to help him. If he wants to try to become one, listen to your husbands memories and help him become a good husband as your effort.
Love is where neither side gives up on what is important to the other.
And to be sure she reads it, show Annie this thread, please.
Anglebaby, thank you so much for your concerns. I appreciate them. I know what we're about to do is unconventional, and I understand the risks. At least I think I do. Maybe something will change, but right now the train is running full speed. I do want to say, because of events I selected to write about - and those I left out - I may have created the impression that there is no intimacy between Annie and me. That is a false impression, and I am sorry. Our 4 years together in between Aaron episodes was pretty lonely for both of us though, I will admit. The last almost 3 months have been very intimate - like the first few years we were with him, before she went with him on her own.
You already made it clear there is some intimacy between the two of you, but my concern is that there are emotions that she has which are reserved only for Aaron. Even in a cuckold relationship, emotional deniles should be avoided at all costs.
The wisest members of this forum have also weighed in and feel this is dangerous for you and have compelled you to atleast protect your assets in the divorce. That translates into their expectations of a relationship failure. No one here wants to see another cuckold hurt and abandoned.
The advice I gave you can be used to either justify going further into this relationship or stopping it in its tracks. It comes down to what conclusions you make about how your memories make you feel and how far she is willing to go to make you happy.
But I also need to thank you. Your relationship highlighted cracks in my own relationship and I am working on those cracks. What you have written has taught me more than you may think.
The wisest members of this forum have also weighed in and feel this is dangerous for you and have compelled you to atleast protect your assets in the divorce. That translates into their expectations of a relationship failure. No one here wants to see another cuckold hurt and abandoned.
The advice I gave you can be used to either justify going further into this relationship or stopping it in its tracks. It comes down to what conclusions you make about how your memories make you feel and how far she is willing to go to make you happy.
But I also need to thank you. Your relationship highlighted cracks in my own relationship and I am working on those cracks. What you have written has taught me more than you may think.
Tomorrow we see our lawyer. It is real. I don't think I will be writing many details about that. Ann told me that our type of divorce can be finalized in 3-6 weeks, unless a judge intervenes. I will see what the lawyer says. It's kind of uncomfortable, not just what we're doing, but I know the lawyer. He's been "our lawyer" for 15 years. Not that we need a lawyer that often, but we've used him twice before. I am not sure how to proceed with this. It was the real story I had to tell. It was mostly about the past, but now it's about now, and the future. It has turned into more of a journal. It has been helpful for me to document all of this, and to receive advice and opinion. For now, since I made a choice to use this forum to record my thoughts, I will continue posting here.
