Before I reply to Raks I wanted to share that my prediction about last night was correct, mostly, but it took a while to get to there.
Sue did let me touch and play with her pussy and she encouraged me to go down on her if I wanted. She again said she was sorry for not making herself more available and that she would try more in the future for me. As I started to gently play with her sensual folds and separate her pussy lips she continued and said that she felt like she wanted to enjoy the time with Robert with just herself. I told her that I understood that and would respect it if it just wasn't all the time. When she felt my fingers and tongue teasing her vagina and felt herself starting to respond, she did kind of push me away and said "take it easy". I looked up at her and asked her if she wanted me to make her cum and she seemed quiet for a moment and then said "no, if it's okay with you".
By the time I moved up to be next to her she was on the border of tears. I hugged her and told her she should talk to me. I won't try to recap the entire conversation but she said she felt terrible that - for now (and she emphasized that) - that she wanted her sexual outlet to be with Robert. She said to me that she needs to feel that she can be all his - and it wasn't easy for her to say it. She said she loved me and that she didn't want to lose me but now that she's started this with Robert - that just like the affair she said she'd wanted to have - that she feels she needs to let herself go with this if I still want her to. She said she hated saying no to me and that she would love to spread her legs and let me fuck her brains out. But she looked up at me and said "is that what you want? Or do you want to continue on with me and Robert?"
I sat back and - having read some of the last updates to this thread - I said "then we should talk".
I know that it wasn't easy for her. Tears started flowing at several points. She said she couldn't believe that she was actually telling her husband that she wanted to be exclusive with her lover - and then she said that even more was that she couldn't believe she wanted this with me, the person who's brought her so much pleasure and passion for so long. I asked her if it was what she wanted to do for right-now, never mind the past 25+ years. This was one of the points when the waterworks started up as she held off but eventually nodded yes. I told her that I understood how she could be confused and uncertain. I told her that I was too.
But then I said that this was something we'd both started together - and I told her that without a doubt, that I loved her being sexual with other guys. I even patted her pussy and told her that I WANTED her to share "this" with other guys and that her doing so turned me on incredibly. She sniffed and asked me if I was sure. I told her that even though this past week wasn't easy for me - that I wanted to continue on for this week too. I told her that yes, I would love to fuck the heck out of her at that moment. I then took a deep breath and then said "but I would rather jerk-off than to ruin what you are feeling with Robert". She asked me why I wanted her to "fall for him" and I told her that I knew that if she/I stopped it now that it would be something she/I/we would wonder about for the future. She said that she understood that but she wanted to know why I wanted it.
I told her what I'd said before - that I wanted to see and feel the excitement in her of her growing desire for him. But at the same time I also felt that I wanted to, in a way, separate the sexual side of our relationship from the rest and to let her explore that part as she seems to want to. I told her that yes, I missed fucking her, but that I felt great about the rest of our relationship and that in a way, I think I want to see and know that the rest of it is stable even if we aren't sexual together. She giggled and said that she too had thought about this in the past and maybe that's part of what's in her head too.
I don't think she was ready for what I said next though - and that's that I thought it was incredibly arousing to me to know she is his and that it turned me on incredibly to think and know of their sexual pleasure together. And I came out and told her that for now, it turns me on that she will only have sex with him. "Like some of those Penthouse Stories we like so much". I told her that I didn't want it forever - but that for now - it was something I wanted to feel with her.
I asked her if she was worried about falling in love with him. She looked at me and said "no - I know that it'd just be a fling with him if it did happen". She then proceeded to tell me again how he "definitely wants kids" and that he'd "want someone younger" than her. I asked her how she felt about that and she said she tries not to think about it but that she knows that this is just a sexual thing for him. I said "and?" meaning I wanted her to explain how she felt about that and she hesitated at first and then said "it's okay - I know he wants me - a lot" and she proceeded to tell me that she finally feels from him what she's wanted - basically since Brad - that he WANTS to fuck her and that he wants her to be his sexual outlet. She says that they almost never talk about his ex-wife other than that she would never be as sexually compliant as she is with him. The look in her eyes when she said "he says he's never had it as good as with me" told me all I needed to hear.
She hugged me and said that I was being really wonderful about all of this and then added "even if it's what you want, I know it's not easy". I hugged her back and said that I was okay letting her go as long as she was aware of what was going on. She said she did and I asked her "do you love him?". She was quiet for a moment and then said "no, not yet" and that she didn't know if she'd ever really love him the way she does me. I told her that was good but asked her again if she thought she loved him. She said "maybe". I asked her if that feeling grew would it be something she could handle - or would it come between us?. Again with the tears as she hugged me and said it would never come between us - and then she looked at me and said "what about you? will it affect how you feel about me if I do?". I hugged her back and said that nothing could change how I felt about her - not unless I lost her love. I told her that as long as we are "us", then my taking a break from having sex with her wouldn't be the end of the world.
In the end she said to me that she did want to let this happen with Robert. She said to me that I need to know what may happen. I asked her what? And she replied that for her to feel what she seems to need to and to get it out of her system - that she was going to want to be only with him for sex. She said it was hard to admit to me but that the past week had helped her understand that she needed to do this. She said that each time she saw him, that she felt like they were picking up from where they'd left off the last time. She kissed me and said "that's why I don't want to be with you" and that's why she doesn't want me to get her off too. She said that she knows that their desires for each other are going to grow - and that she's never felt so alive since she's agreed to fulfill his desires and needs. Apparently he's been continuing to be clear with her - that he wants her for sex. We talked only briefly about where she thinks they are going relationship-wise and sexually.
She was honest and said that she wanted to see him more and that the 3 times this week should be good for both of them. She asked me if I was okay with that and I said that as long as the kids didn't question it - that I would be okay and might even enjoy it a bit if she'd share more with me. She giggled and said she'd promise to do so. But then she turned a bit more serious and said that "I'm going to want to spend a night or two with him". She said it just like that. It wasn't like she was questioning or asking me - more like she was telling me what she saw in the future. It may sound crazy but that was when I said to her that I'd had this crazy thought of her and him cavorting in Jamaica as we did and that "I could see you lying on the beach knowing what you'd been doing the night before". She squealed at that and said I had a dirty mind but then said that she too had thought it'd be very sensual if she would have been there with a lover instead of me and she said that she'd remembered all that sexy talk when we were there.
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