My ex and I split up around 10 years ago. I left her.
She cheated on me several times with two black guys (I swear this is 100% true) and ended up getting together and marrying the last black guy she cheated on me with.
I almost walked in on her cheated on me with the first guy, after coming home early from a night out. I didn't see anything, he left through another door, and she only admitted it after I found some of his items in my bedroom and after an hour of messing around I had him on the phone apologising and confessing to it. She was completely *****. She went to sleep while I cried.
I stayed with her for another year after finding out. After this happened I learned how turned on I was by the humiliation, and she regularly (after a lot of convincing to do it the first time) told me how much better the other guy was with a smile on her face (at this point I only knew about the one guy that I almost walked in on).
I have been in a relationship with a girl for nearly 10 years now, apart from a 9-month break last year (first and only split, mainly due to lockdown stress). She is the love of my life in every single way and I couldn't dream of someone better. I have a family now and life is great.
However, when is comes to my sex life, I am still infatuated with my ex, to this day. One in every 10 jerks, I cum thinking of her. I pay for custom videos from femdom models and have them tease and humiliate me for the things she did to me and for how I still obsess over her sexually. The cruelness of my ex and the way she broke me completely dominates my sexual drive. It wasn't just the cheating, she spoke to me like shit, never had sex with me, made me spend my money on her even though I was broke. She was really ruthless. So much so, that years after the event I'm still on subreddits like this, I'm still watching cuck porn, still paying to be humiliated for what she did to me.
I jerk over her FB and even have gay fantasies about sucking off her husband while she laughs at me. There is absolutely nothing that turns me on me than remembering how I felt back then and still to this day.
I would never in a million years want her back, but she will always be my number one jerk off material and I'm so thankful that she's there in my head to bring me to orgasm every so often, with the knowledge that she does not have a clue how what she did still affects me today.
Update:
I wrote the above as a comment on another post a couple of years ago. Last year (when my current partner and I were on a break), I got in touch with my cheating ex.
We spoke and did a friendly catch up on the phone after I had gotten her number from a friend of hers. We spoke about what she's done over the last 10 or so years (I had not bumped into her even once since we split), work-wise, relationship-wise, family-wise. I tried to keep as much detail about my life to myself and just spoke about her. She was happy to speak and to be fair she didn't have many questions about my life. She told me how she had honestly not given me much thought since we spit up (not in a cruel way) just being truthful.
I confessed how I fantasize about her still and how I get off to the memory of how she treated me. She seemed to be really interested in this. I told her how I think about when she cheated on me and how I get off to the pain.
She reminded me of all the times I used to make her tell me about when she cheated on me during sex. She then confessed to cheating on me with her husband (they split around 5 years ago). I got so turned on. As soon as she told me, (although I was shocked) I made extra effort to give her really positive vibes and told her how thankful I was. I knew she most likely had done other things and I wanted her to know it was fine to tell me and that my reactions would never be bad.
After an half hour of chit chat I got to the point of my call and I made her my offer. I said I would pay her £50 if she took the time to write me a mean letter confessing, in detail, all the times she cheated on me.
She jumped at the opportunity. I said I wanted her to discuss what she hated about me, why she cheated, which of her friends knew, and other details I didn't know but would hurt me.
A lot of the times when I mentioned her cheating she had defended herself by bringing up something bad or wrong I had done or said in the relationship. I made it clear that if she was to do this letter, she wasn't to justify herself in any way by putting the blame on me. I wanted her to be a total cruel, bitch, she agreed.
I wrote her a huge template of the things I wanted her to cover in the letter to ensure that it wouldn't be just five sentences. She said she would do it in a couple of days. Five days later, she still hadn't done it. Also she wouldn't answer the phone to me. I had only spoken to her that once and she hadn't messaged me back since. I texted her saying that if she did the letter that night I would pay her £80 instead of £50. She messaged me later saying it was done. She told me to transfer the money. I did. She sent the letter via email.
The letter was everything I wanted and more. She talked about how she never saw me as real man. She made fun of me for only ever wanted to eat her arsehole, have her spit in my mouth and for her to talk about the guy she cheated on me with. She said that fantasizing about other people while we had sex got her through it. She even added laughing emoji's at really cruel and hurtful parts.
She confessed loads that I didn't know, I have jerked to the letter multiple times. She mentioned two other guys she fucked behind my back. She told me about her best friend (who used to come around the house and chill with us both) knowing and encouraging her, as well as covering for her.
She asked if I remembered when she used to do a college course. She confessed that it never lasted as long as she made out at the time. It would finish much earlier, and she would hook up with another guy behind my back. She told me that she would hold out on sex with me to enjoy it more with that guy she was seeing.
She told me all the things I did in the bedroom that put her off. She made fun of me for crying when I found out she cheated. She then confessed that the day I found out she cheated (even though she promised that she would never speak to that guy again) she went to meet her friend, they had a laugh about me catching her, and she then phoned the guy and apologized for me ruining the night while they both laughed and joked about it. I still remember her going out for 20 minutes that day with her friend. I really believed that she was sorry and wouldn't contact that guy. This brought back so much pain that I had to stop reading out of fear I would cum before getting to the end.
When I continued, I read how she didn't want to come home that day as she knew I would be crying, and she couldn't be arsed to deal with it. I remember when she came home that day I was lay on the sofa crying waiting for her to tell me she loved me.
I still have the letter, I may post it but it's going to take a while to edit as once I remove names and personal details I will need to add fake names and places so that it still makes sense.
I spoke to her a few months after and made her a second offer, I will write about it in my next post. It involved us seeing each other (no sex, she remained clothed throughout and didn't touch me). I paid her £200 for her to spend one hour with me and for her to be totally honest about how pathetic I am while I masturbated.
I'll possibly write about it in a future post as it's going to be loooooong. She has properly accepted and fully understands my obsession with how cruel and hurtful she can be.
Before she came round I had made it very clear that I didn't have a lot of money and that I wanted her to know that I couldn't really afford it but that I got turned on by her knowing that and still taking the money.
When I was with her she kept saying "I can't believe you paying me £200 just to be around me, you're so pathetic, I will happily take your money," and "You're such a loser, you didn't even offer money for sex, you just want to masturbate while I look at you? And no I don't feel bad for taking your money". I thanked her whenever she said this.
With, with a big smile on her face she made thank her for cheating on me so many times. She kept making me say it out loud. She also made me apologize for her having to sit through my crying for days after I caught her cheating.
What she doesn't know is that I recorded the whole hour audio of that session which I jerk of to all the time. I feel so privilaged that after 10-11 years of jerking to the thought of her, I now have her real voice forever, telling me exactly what I want to hear.
She cheated on me several times with two black guys (I swear this is 100% true) and ended up getting together and marrying the last black guy she cheated on me with.
I almost walked in on her cheated on me with the first guy, after coming home early from a night out. I didn't see anything, he left through another door, and she only admitted it after I found some of his items in my bedroom and after an hour of messing around I had him on the phone apologising and confessing to it. She was completely *****. She went to sleep while I cried.
I stayed with her for another year after finding out. After this happened I learned how turned on I was by the humiliation, and she regularly (after a lot of convincing to do it the first time) told me how much better the other guy was with a smile on her face (at this point I only knew about the one guy that I almost walked in on).
I have been in a relationship with a girl for nearly 10 years now, apart from a 9-month break last year (first and only split, mainly due to lockdown stress). She is the love of my life in every single way and I couldn't dream of someone better. I have a family now and life is great.
However, when is comes to my sex life, I am still infatuated with my ex, to this day. One in every 10 jerks, I cum thinking of her. I pay for custom videos from femdom models and have them tease and humiliate me for the things she did to me and for how I still obsess over her sexually. The cruelness of my ex and the way she broke me completely dominates my sexual drive. It wasn't just the cheating, she spoke to me like shit, never had sex with me, made me spend my money on her even though I was broke. She was really ruthless. So much so, that years after the event I'm still on subreddits like this, I'm still watching cuck porn, still paying to be humiliated for what she did to me.
I jerk over her FB and even have gay fantasies about sucking off her husband while she laughs at me. There is absolutely nothing that turns me on me than remembering how I felt back then and still to this day.
I would never in a million years want her back, but she will always be my number one jerk off material and I'm so thankful that she's there in my head to bring me to orgasm every so often, with the knowledge that she does not have a clue how what she did still affects me today.
Update:
I wrote the above as a comment on another post a couple of years ago. Last year (when my current partner and I were on a break), I got in touch with my cheating ex.
We spoke and did a friendly catch up on the phone after I had gotten her number from a friend of hers. We spoke about what she's done over the last 10 or so years (I had not bumped into her even once since we split), work-wise, relationship-wise, family-wise. I tried to keep as much detail about my life to myself and just spoke about her. She was happy to speak and to be fair she didn't have many questions about my life. She told me how she had honestly not given me much thought since we spit up (not in a cruel way) just being truthful.
I confessed how I fantasize about her still and how I get off to the memory of how she treated me. She seemed to be really interested in this. I told her how I think about when she cheated on me and how I get off to the pain.
She reminded me of all the times I used to make her tell me about when she cheated on me during sex. She then confessed to cheating on me with her husband (they split around 5 years ago). I got so turned on. As soon as she told me, (although I was shocked) I made extra effort to give her really positive vibes and told her how thankful I was. I knew she most likely had done other things and I wanted her to know it was fine to tell me and that my reactions would never be bad.
After an half hour of chit chat I got to the point of my call and I made her my offer. I said I would pay her £50 if she took the time to write me a mean letter confessing, in detail, all the times she cheated on me.
She jumped at the opportunity. I said I wanted her to discuss what she hated about me, why she cheated, which of her friends knew, and other details I didn't know but would hurt me.
A lot of the times when I mentioned her cheating she had defended herself by bringing up something bad or wrong I had done or said in the relationship. I made it clear that if she was to do this letter, she wasn't to justify herself in any way by putting the blame on me. I wanted her to be a total cruel, bitch, she agreed.
I wrote her a huge template of the things I wanted her to cover in the letter to ensure that it wouldn't be just five sentences. She said she would do it in a couple of days. Five days later, she still hadn't done it. Also she wouldn't answer the phone to me. I had only spoken to her that once and she hadn't messaged me back since. I texted her saying that if she did the letter that night I would pay her £80 instead of £50. She messaged me later saying it was done. She told me to transfer the money. I did. She sent the letter via email.
The letter was everything I wanted and more. She talked about how she never saw me as real man. She made fun of me for only ever wanted to eat her arsehole, have her spit in my mouth and for her to talk about the guy she cheated on me with. She said that fantasizing about other people while we had sex got her through it. She even added laughing emoji's at really cruel and hurtful parts.
She confessed loads that I didn't know, I have jerked to the letter multiple times. She mentioned two other guys she fucked behind my back. She told me about her best friend (who used to come around the house and chill with us both) knowing and encouraging her, as well as covering for her.
She asked if I remembered when she used to do a college course. She confessed that it never lasted as long as she made out at the time. It would finish much earlier, and she would hook up with another guy behind my back. She told me that she would hold out on sex with me to enjoy it more with that guy she was seeing.
She told me all the things I did in the bedroom that put her off. She made fun of me for crying when I found out she cheated. She then confessed that the day I found out she cheated (even though she promised that she would never speak to that guy again) she went to meet her friend, they had a laugh about me catching her, and she then phoned the guy and apologized for me ruining the night while they both laughed and joked about it. I still remember her going out for 20 minutes that day with her friend. I really believed that she was sorry and wouldn't contact that guy. This brought back so much pain that I had to stop reading out of fear I would cum before getting to the end.
When I continued, I read how she didn't want to come home that day as she knew I would be crying, and she couldn't be arsed to deal with it. I remember when she came home that day I was lay on the sofa crying waiting for her to tell me she loved me.
I still have the letter, I may post it but it's going to take a while to edit as once I remove names and personal details I will need to add fake names and places so that it still makes sense.
I spoke to her a few months after and made her a second offer, I will write about it in my next post. It involved us seeing each other (no sex, she remained clothed throughout and didn't touch me). I paid her £200 for her to spend one hour with me and for her to be totally honest about how pathetic I am while I masturbated.
I'll possibly write about it in a future post as it's going to be loooooong. She has properly accepted and fully understands my obsession with how cruel and hurtful she can be.
Before she came round I had made it very clear that I didn't have a lot of money and that I wanted her to know that I couldn't really afford it but that I got turned on by her knowing that and still taking the money.
When I was with her she kept saying "I can't believe you paying me £200 just to be around me, you're so pathetic, I will happily take your money," and "You're such a loser, you didn't even offer money for sex, you just want to masturbate while I look at you? And no I don't feel bad for taking your money". I thanked her whenever she said this.
With, with a big smile on her face she made thank her for cheating on me so many times. She kept making me say it out loud. She also made me apologize for her having to sit through my crying for days after I caught her cheating.
What she doesn't know is that I recorded the whole hour audio of that session which I jerk of to all the time. I feel so privilaged that after 10-11 years of jerking to the thought of her, I now have her real voice forever, telling me exactly what I want to hear.
I Paid My Ex to Talk to Me (with audio) ch. 02
A few weeks ago I submitted a post talking about the time that I paid my ex to write me a letter confessing all of the times she cheated when we were together. I shared the letter with that post and said I may do the follow-up, here it is. This is what happened after.
Warning! There is huge gay theme in this story, it is all relevant as it all stems from her and what she did to me. Also, none of the audio I have is off me or her or me, I won't be sharing that.
So yea, some months after I had contacted her about doing the letter for me, I reached out again. We had our normal catch up chat. I admitted to her that I jerked off over the letter quite a lot and that I loved it so much and appreciated her doing it for me. She said that she didn't mind doing it and was glad that I enjoyed it.
She didn't sound mad that I had called. In the letter I'm sure I remember she said not to contact her again but she sounded cool and happy to chat about her life. She was seeing someone but it wasn't serious. She has been split from her husband (one of the black guys she cheated on me with) for 5 or 6 years now. I don't know who her current boyfriend/guy she's seeing is, I'm not jealous and I don't care who he is. The pain I feel that leads to me getting horny, only comes from her ex and the other guy she cheated on me with.
So once again, I'm on the phone to her, listening about her life, all the time having a horny request to make of her. When the initial chat got boring for both of us, she asked what I wanted this time. Not in a mean way, more in a "We both know you want something so why don't you just come out with it?" kinda way.
I can't remember word for word my request but it went something like this:
"Well you know that I have always got off to your cheating, hence why I requested that letter from you? I want to tell you that I don't think you know the extent to how much it has affected me over the years. Nothing else has ever turned me on as much as what you did to me and no matter how many women I go with, no one can replicate what we went through. Therefore, you will always have a place in my horny brain which no other woman can replace."
"For the above reason, over the last 10 or so years, I have been paying amateur and professional woman online to humiliate me for what you put me through. I pay them to laugh and joke about how you hurt me while telling me to jerk off to you."
"I confess to them my deepest sexual confessions and get off to them mocking me for them. You are the main subject for many of the videos. I never thought this would happen but one of my ultimate fantasies which started last year, was having you lay next to me while I watch the videos and jerk off. I would be so embarrassed and humiliated but it's something I've thought about a lot. I would pay you for to come to my place and do this for me. Would you consider it?"
I remember the first thing she said was something like "So you don't want me naked, you don't want me to have sex with you, you just want me to be there and talk to you while you jerk off". I said yes. When she asked about the money I said that I would pay her £2 a minute. I had previously worked out that 1.5 hours would cost me £180, and I was comfortable paying that. She seemed interested but said that she would think about it and that she had to go as she was at work.
After speaking on the phone that day, she had asked that I call her a few days later, on a particular day. I did call her on that day and asked if she'd had time to think about my proposal. She said that she had and that she would agree to come and see me for 1 hour in exchange for £200 ($284). I jumped at her offered and agreed. I date was set.
I was so excited. I did my best to try not to jerk off to the thought of what would happen. Too many times in my life I have ruined fantasies I have made a reality because I have spent so much time jerking to the thought of them going a particular way that when they go slightly different I feel it's ruined.
Oh shit! I nearly forgot. Here's the gay part:
So, you may recall that in the letter that I initially wrote to her, with details about how I would like her to format her letter to me, I had confessed to fantasizing about sucking off her man. This was the first time I had ever told her anything like this and I really downplayed it because in fact, I think about sucking off her husband much more that I let on. I don't consider myself gay, I just he was the route of a lot of pain and it's the ultimate dedication to her, in my head.
I have been out and paid to suck the cock of two black guys and one black shemale. The black shemale wouldn't let me film but the two guys did. The first black guy had a normal sized cock and one point I had lay my camera down facing me (side view) and had filmed me sucking him off for about 30 seconds. I then asked him to hold the camera directly at my face (I had told him that I would ask this of him before I got there).
He was filming me, I ignored him and spoke to the camera. I said "Hey ****, I just wanted you to see this video so you can see what I have become. Then I started sucking. I then come back up and look at the camera, saying "You've done this to me, because you cheated on my with ****. I now go out and pay to suck cock". I start sucking again and before I know it the guy grabs the back of my head and cums in my mouth. I swallowed. He stopped recording.
At the time, I remember getting dressed, trying not to look him in his eye and get the fuck out the house as fast as possible, I had purposely found someone online who lived MILES away from me. I had no attraction or care for the guy at all. I just wanted a real cock to suck on and nothing else.
A few months after that guy I saw another guy. Ripped body builder. He had a huge cock, like porn actor size. He was cool. I explained that I didn't wanna talk, and he was happy to lay back on his bed and put his earphones in while I knelt on the floor and played with his huge cock. He was also cool with putting a big pillow on his bellow so that I couldn't see his face, and he couldn't see mine. I felt a lot more comfortable with this guys as he couldn't hear me due to his earphones.
After recording an initial blowjob video for myself, I then recorded one for her. Saying something like:
"Hey *****, look what you have turned me into! Thank you so much for cheating on me *****. This is what my sex life now consists of, I pay to suck black cock all because of you!"
Between each sentence I deepthroat the huge cock while maintaining eye contact with her (the camera).
"Thank you so much, ****. I'm going to cum soon" I was jerking myself off the whole time. "I'm going to cum with this black cock in my mouth and its all thanks to you, thank you so much for turning me into a fag ****. "
I kept the video running while maintaining eye contact with the camera and thinking of my ex watching me, until I came while his cock was still in my mouth. Same as before, I made a quick exit before a LONG drive back home.
Okay. So after all that, I had been left with those few videos. I have jerked off to them countless times while I imagine her watching them in horror, disgust, disappointment...
A day or two before she arrived I went through all my videos that I had paid female models for over the years. Where I would confess my stories and shit to women online. I only had her for 1 hour and I didn't want the whole time to be spent watching videos, so I chose the relevant ones and spent a long time cutting them to size. Some clips I cut down form 15 minutes to just 4 minutes that I would want her to listen to. Other clips I cut to just 30 seconds, some less, some more.
I listed each clip in the order that I wanted her to see and kept them all in a folder on my PC. In a separate folder I had the two videos of me with the two black guys. They were gonna be the finale.
The day finally came. She was 5 minutes late. She was dressed very conservatively, not sexy one little bit, really covered up. Thick tights and a long skirt. She came straight to my room. We chatted for about a minute before getting straight into it. She noted the time and my hour began. I lay next to her, looking into each others eyes and I put my hands down my shorts and started jerking off.
Straight away she knew what to say. I'm going to copy and paste part of it from my last post, so I don't need to rewrite:
When I was with her she kept saying "I can't believe you paying me £200 just to be around me, you're so pathetic, I will happily take your money," and "You're such a loser, you didn't even offer money for sex, you just want to masturbate while I look at you? And no I don't feel bad for taking your money". I thanked her whenever she said this.
With, with a big smile on her face she made thank her for cheating on me so many times. She kept making me say it out loud. She also made me apologize for her having to sit through my crying for days after I caught her cheating.
This went on for about 15 minutes. She continued talking down to me with a big smile on her face. She asked me how much I would pay her to watch her fuck her new man. I said that I wouldn't because I have not pain or history with him. I said I would pay for her to fuck her ex. She laughed and told me how he was the best fuck she had ever had.
I spoke about her recording me an audio of her reading that letter to me. I thought that there was no way she would say yes, but she did. Well, she said if the money was right she would.
After some time she asked "So, are you gonna show me these videos that you have been going on about?"
My stomach turned. I knew I had them ready but had been scared to bring them up. I acted with confidence though when she mentioned them (well I tried to) I pretended that I had forgotten and was suddenly reminded of them "Oh shit yea, of course" I said.
I got the folder open, the fist video ready. I got my dick out and faced the big screen, she lay next to me on my bed, both of up against the wall behind us. Our head and shoulders were next to each other. I was thinking "What the fuck am I doing?", before I pressed play on the first video and started to jerk of, being sure not to cum too soon.
The length of all videos was about 24 minutes. I have cut some (audio only) bits to share with you. Some of the best vids are un-shareable due to the amount of times our names are said.
This is the sound of the first video. The girl is sat on the floor reading from a page with a list of my confessions.
My ex laughed out loud at some parts. She kept agreeing out loud with the girl at certain points. At many other points she remained completely silent. I didn't know what she was thinking, I couldn't see her face most of the time. I knew it must be fucking weird for her. I just continued to jerk off in shame.
Another audio clip for a joi vid I paid for:
In this next audio, I asked the girl to do a video with one of her friends and tell her friend about me and my confessions so that I could get off to their reaction:
This from one video where I confessed many things to the model. This clips just contains her talking about the letter I paid for:
This one was a whole 15 minute video, where the model directed the whole video to my ex. I had it done about 4 years ago never thinking she would ever see it. I can only share one bit of this as every other part our names are all over it:
When my ex heard this she looked at me, asked if I would seriously pay her for this. I said I would, and she said that she's up for doing that. I stopped jerking so that i didn't cum right there and then.
Last one. Girls is right up to the camera. It's from a different video, a couple years apart, but features the same girl from the first clips I sent. https://soundcloud.com/private-account-253229889/7-1/s-xUnVVgmB1fy
She watched all those videos with me. Her comments became less, but they were always positive or humiliating (same thing). She never acted too freaked out. I actually had even more to show her but I sensed that she had seen enough and I wanted to cum to her not the videos, so I told her that would do for the day and turned off the videos.
Part of me was hoping she would complain and demand to see more as it was clear that I had more as she was watching me open and play each numbered file. She didn't stop me however. Part of me was glad because I was scared shitless about her seeing the gay vids. I realised though that they would be too much. Fuck me! What she just watch was too much from a guy she hadn't thought about for years.
I asked her how she felt, whether I had freaked her out too much. She said that she was cool. I asked her what she thinks about it all. She said that she thinks I'm definitely gay and that she can't believe how obsessed I am with sucking off her ex. She said "imagine if he knew". She continued putting me down and I sensed that my time was coming to an end.
I asked her to straddle me and she did. She looked into my eyes as I jerked off. She told me how fucked up in the head I was. She told me that she regrets me. She told me that I will never fuck her again. She told me to imagine sucking off her ex after he had fucked her. To imagine him cumming down my throat while she laughed at me. She told me to jerk off while she happily takes my money, how I will always obsess over her. She made me thank her for cheating on me. She looked in my eyes and told me she will always be there to take my money and that she's glad she cheated on my so many times. She told me that she's glad a cried when she cheated and that I got hurt so much. She said (her exact words) " You should be thanking me! You should be thanking me for EVERYTHING!
I thanked her, I truly meant it!
I came all over myself...
That was the last time I spoke to her.
Warning! There is huge gay theme in this story, it is all relevant as it all stems from her and what she did to me. Also, none of the audio I have is off me or her or me, I won't be sharing that.
So yea, some months after I had contacted her about doing the letter for me, I reached out again. We had our normal catch up chat. I admitted to her that I jerked off over the letter quite a lot and that I loved it so much and appreciated her doing it for me. She said that she didn't mind doing it and was glad that I enjoyed it.
She didn't sound mad that I had called. In the letter I'm sure I remember she said not to contact her again but she sounded cool and happy to chat about her life. She was seeing someone but it wasn't serious. She has been split from her husband (one of the black guys she cheated on me with) for 5 or 6 years now. I don't know who her current boyfriend/guy she's seeing is, I'm not jealous and I don't care who he is. The pain I feel that leads to me getting horny, only comes from her ex and the other guy she cheated on me with.
So once again, I'm on the phone to her, listening about her life, all the time having a horny request to make of her. When the initial chat got boring for both of us, she asked what I wanted this time. Not in a mean way, more in a "We both know you want something so why don't you just come out with it?" kinda way.
I can't remember word for word my request but it went something like this:
"Well you know that I have always got off to your cheating, hence why I requested that letter from you? I want to tell you that I don't think you know the extent to how much it has affected me over the years. Nothing else has ever turned me on as much as what you did to me and no matter how many women I go with, no one can replicate what we went through. Therefore, you will always have a place in my horny brain which no other woman can replace."
"For the above reason, over the last 10 or so years, I have been paying amateur and professional woman online to humiliate me for what you put me through. I pay them to laugh and joke about how you hurt me while telling me to jerk off to you."
"I confess to them my deepest sexual confessions and get off to them mocking me for them. You are the main subject for many of the videos. I never thought this would happen but one of my ultimate fantasies which started last year, was having you lay next to me while I watch the videos and jerk off. I would be so embarrassed and humiliated but it's something I've thought about a lot. I would pay you for to come to my place and do this for me. Would you consider it?"
I remember the first thing she said was something like "So you don't want me naked, you don't want me to have sex with you, you just want me to be there and talk to you while you jerk off". I said yes. When she asked about the money I said that I would pay her £2 a minute. I had previously worked out that 1.5 hours would cost me £180, and I was comfortable paying that. She seemed interested but said that she would think about it and that she had to go as she was at work.
After speaking on the phone that day, she had asked that I call her a few days later, on a particular day. I did call her on that day and asked if she'd had time to think about my proposal. She said that she had and that she would agree to come and see me for 1 hour in exchange for £200 ($284). I jumped at her offered and agreed. I date was set.
I was so excited. I did my best to try not to jerk off to the thought of what would happen. Too many times in my life I have ruined fantasies I have made a reality because I have spent so much time jerking to the thought of them going a particular way that when they go slightly different I feel it's ruined.
Oh shit! I nearly forgot. Here's the gay part:
So, you may recall that in the letter that I initially wrote to her, with details about how I would like her to format her letter to me, I had confessed to fantasizing about sucking off her man. This was the first time I had ever told her anything like this and I really downplayed it because in fact, I think about sucking off her husband much more that I let on. I don't consider myself gay, I just he was the route of a lot of pain and it's the ultimate dedication to her, in my head.
I have been out and paid to suck the cock of two black guys and one black shemale. The black shemale wouldn't let me film but the two guys did. The first black guy had a normal sized cock and one point I had lay my camera down facing me (side view) and had filmed me sucking him off for about 30 seconds. I then asked him to hold the camera directly at my face (I had told him that I would ask this of him before I got there).
He was filming me, I ignored him and spoke to the camera. I said "Hey ****, I just wanted you to see this video so you can see what I have become. Then I started sucking. I then come back up and look at the camera, saying "You've done this to me, because you cheated on my with ****. I now go out and pay to suck cock". I start sucking again and before I know it the guy grabs the back of my head and cums in my mouth. I swallowed. He stopped recording.
At the time, I remember getting dressed, trying not to look him in his eye and get the fuck out the house as fast as possible, I had purposely found someone online who lived MILES away from me. I had no attraction or care for the guy at all. I just wanted a real cock to suck on and nothing else.
A few months after that guy I saw another guy. Ripped body builder. He had a huge cock, like porn actor size. He was cool. I explained that I didn't wanna talk, and he was happy to lay back on his bed and put his earphones in while I knelt on the floor and played with his huge cock. He was also cool with putting a big pillow on his bellow so that I couldn't see his face, and he couldn't see mine. I felt a lot more comfortable with this guys as he couldn't hear me due to his earphones.
After recording an initial blowjob video for myself, I then recorded one for her. Saying something like:
"Hey *****, look what you have turned me into! Thank you so much for cheating on me *****. This is what my sex life now consists of, I pay to suck black cock all because of you!"
Between each sentence I deepthroat the huge cock while maintaining eye contact with her (the camera).
"Thank you so much, ****. I'm going to cum soon" I was jerking myself off the whole time. "I'm going to cum with this black cock in my mouth and its all thanks to you, thank you so much for turning me into a fag ****. "
I kept the video running while maintaining eye contact with the camera and thinking of my ex watching me, until I came while his cock was still in my mouth. Same as before, I made a quick exit before a LONG drive back home.
Okay. So after all that, I had been left with those few videos. I have jerked off to them countless times while I imagine her watching them in horror, disgust, disappointment...
A day or two before she arrived I went through all my videos that I had paid female models for over the years. Where I would confess my stories and shit to women online. I only had her for 1 hour and I didn't want the whole time to be spent watching videos, so I chose the relevant ones and spent a long time cutting them to size. Some clips I cut down form 15 minutes to just 4 minutes that I would want her to listen to. Other clips I cut to just 30 seconds, some less, some more.
I listed each clip in the order that I wanted her to see and kept them all in a folder on my PC. In a separate folder I had the two videos of me with the two black guys. They were gonna be the finale.
The day finally came. She was 5 minutes late. She was dressed very conservatively, not sexy one little bit, really covered up. Thick tights and a long skirt. She came straight to my room. We chatted for about a minute before getting straight into it. She noted the time and my hour began. I lay next to her, looking into each others eyes and I put my hands down my shorts and started jerking off.
Straight away she knew what to say. I'm going to copy and paste part of it from my last post, so I don't need to rewrite:
When I was with her she kept saying "I can't believe you paying me £200 just to be around me, you're so pathetic, I will happily take your money," and "You're such a loser, you didn't even offer money for sex, you just want to masturbate while I look at you? And no I don't feel bad for taking your money". I thanked her whenever she said this.
With, with a big smile on her face she made thank her for cheating on me so many times. She kept making me say it out loud. She also made me apologize for her having to sit through my crying for days after I caught her cheating.
This went on for about 15 minutes. She continued talking down to me with a big smile on her face. She asked me how much I would pay her to watch her fuck her new man. I said that I wouldn't because I have not pain or history with him. I said I would pay for her to fuck her ex. She laughed and told me how he was the best fuck she had ever had.
I spoke about her recording me an audio of her reading that letter to me. I thought that there was no way she would say yes, but she did. Well, she said if the money was right she would.
After some time she asked "So, are you gonna show me these videos that you have been going on about?"
My stomach turned. I knew I had them ready but had been scared to bring them up. I acted with confidence though when she mentioned them (well I tried to) I pretended that I had forgotten and was suddenly reminded of them "Oh shit yea, of course" I said.
I got the folder open, the fist video ready. I got my dick out and faced the big screen, she lay next to me on my bed, both of up against the wall behind us. Our head and shoulders were next to each other. I was thinking "What the fuck am I doing?", before I pressed play on the first video and started to jerk of, being sure not to cum too soon.
The length of all videos was about 24 minutes. I have cut some (audio only) bits to share with you. Some of the best vids are un-shareable due to the amount of times our names are said.
This is the sound of the first video. The girl is sat on the floor reading from a page with a list of my confessions.
My ex laughed out loud at some parts. She kept agreeing out loud with the girl at certain points. At many other points she remained completely silent. I didn't know what she was thinking, I couldn't see her face most of the time. I knew it must be fucking weird for her. I just continued to jerk off in shame.
Another audio clip for a joi vid I paid for:
In this next audio, I asked the girl to do a video with one of her friends and tell her friend about me and my confessions so that I could get off to their reaction:
This from one video where I confessed many things to the model. This clips just contains her talking about the letter I paid for:
This one was a whole 15 minute video, where the model directed the whole video to my ex. I had it done about 4 years ago never thinking she would ever see it. I can only share one bit of this as every other part our names are all over it:
When my ex heard this she looked at me, asked if I would seriously pay her for this. I said I would, and she said that she's up for doing that. I stopped jerking so that i didn't cum right there and then.
Last one. Girls is right up to the camera. It's from a different video, a couple years apart, but features the same girl from the first clips I sent. https://soundcloud.com/private-account-253229889/7-1/s-xUnVVgmB1fy
She watched all those videos with me. Her comments became less, but they were always positive or humiliating (same thing). She never acted too freaked out. I actually had even more to show her but I sensed that she had seen enough and I wanted to cum to her not the videos, so I told her that would do for the day and turned off the videos.
Part of me was hoping she would complain and demand to see more as it was clear that I had more as she was watching me open and play each numbered file. She didn't stop me however. Part of me was glad because I was scared shitless about her seeing the gay vids. I realised though that they would be too much. Fuck me! What she just watch was too much from a guy she hadn't thought about for years.
I asked her how she felt, whether I had freaked her out too much. She said that she was cool. I asked her what she thinks about it all. She said that she thinks I'm definitely gay and that she can't believe how obsessed I am with sucking off her ex. She said "imagine if he knew". She continued putting me down and I sensed that my time was coming to an end.
I asked her to straddle me and she did. She looked into my eyes as I jerked off. She told me how fucked up in the head I was. She told me that she regrets me. She told me that I will never fuck her again. She told me to imagine sucking off her ex after he had fucked her. To imagine him cumming down my throat while she laughed at me. She told me to jerk off while she happily takes my money, how I will always obsess over her. She made me thank her for cheating on me. She looked in my eyes and told me she will always be there to take my money and that she's glad she cheated on my so many times. She told me that she's glad a cried when she cheated and that I got hurt so much. She said (her exact words) " You should be thanking me! You should be thanking me for EVERYTHING!
I thanked her, I truly meant it!
I came all over myself...
That was the last time I spoke to her.
