My Darling Cuckold

Jason would rue the day he crossed me like this. What would ever possess him to betray our love for that skank was beyond me. Just two days ago we had been talking about eloping and being together forever after. I had been looking forward to getting out of this hick town and finding a world where it was large enough to get lost in. I’d had enough of every Tom, Dick, and Harry sticking their noses in my business.

Granted, I had grown up rather promiscuous, and I did get to know many of the guys in town quite intimately, but I wasn’t alone in those adventures. So, when Jason came along and showed me how a guy really in love doted on his girl, I finally fell in true love. That was what was taking me by surprise so badly.

When I heard the rear door bang shut, I knew it was time to confront Jason over his cheating ways and dump his ass for good. I waited in the front room for him to come to me and tightened every muscle in my body for my attack. But things took a serious turn for the abstract when he walked into the room. He was bleeding from his nose and his lip was busting out in growth over getting hit so hard. My instinct was to run to him, but knowing that he had been cheating on me was enough to keep my ass planted right where it was for the moment.

In my most sarcastic voice possible, I said, “Looks like someone caught you in a hen house. What happened?”

At first he didn’t want to fess up, but when he finally did I knew why he had gotten his ass kicked and I had to fight back my own giddy smiles. He had gotten his just desserts from Kenny, so I decided to wait a little while before letting him know that I knew why he had gotten beaten up. Yesterday I would have kissed his booboo’s and fawned over him like a mother cat, but knowing what I knew now, he was on his own.

You see, the story goes like this. My best friend, Abby, and I were at the mall earlier and she had slipped over her own tongue. We’ve always shared everything between us and had even made the point a thousand times that, “What’s mine, is yours.” However, I had thought that sharing our boyfriends was the one exception and could go unsaid. But she had let it slip out that she had been with Jason the night before. When I pressed her on what she meant, she blushed and got all uneasy. That told me right there what they had been up to and I flew into a rage. I demanded to know how many times they had been together and what her boyfriend thought about it.

“Kenny already knows,” she told me. “And I just met him a few times and after everything you told me about him, I just thought… you know, that you wouldn’t really mind. I thought you’d even get a kick out of it to find out. Now Kenny is all pissed off and looking for him.”

I had heard enough and was pissed. I decided that I had to leave the bitch at the mall and stormed off. She had become a great example of all the reasons I wanted to move to a city; to get away from all this back stabbing hick shit. So, I guess I know now why Jason looks the way he does. Kenny had obviously found him and had kicked his ass for messing around with his girl. It would be my turn in a while, but I wanted him to be lulled into a false sense of security around me before I hammered him for a second time. But things didn’t go down anything like I expected.

I asked him, “What happened to you, honey?”

“Kenny went nuts on me for some reason. I don’t really care to talk about it.”

I bet! He really knew he didn’t want to tell me that he’d been cheating on me. I had given up men cold turkey when we decided to be a couple, and he swore to me that there’d never be another girl in his life. That was when it hit me that before I dumped his ass, maybe I could put him to a final use for me. I thought about it for a moment and decided on my strategy.

“That does it, Jay. I want to leave right now. This fucking town has gotten too damn small for us. Let’s leave tonight.”

I expected him to put an end to things right there and confess to me what he had done. But instead, he agreed with me. I was happy to know I was getting a ride away from the knowing stares I would now be humiliated over to my face, and perhaps even milk his bank account some to finance the relocation. In our earlier plans, Jason had already secured a job in a city about a hundred miles away. We decided to go that way and after packing our meager processions, we headed out. We stopped at the bank on our way out of town and I watched as he all but drained his account. When he got back in the car, I had my hand out for the money and reminded him just how horrible he was at spending it. Little did he know that he would barely be getting back enough of it to eat on until I disappeared. I counted it out and found I now had twenty-two hundred dollars to start my new life with and smirked over my plans to run off with it.

My cell phone began ringing off the hook and when I saw that it was Abby each time, I refused to answer it. I knew I would talk to her eventually, but not until she saw just how much she had fucked up my life so she could live with that forever. How could that bitch have screwed my boyfriend behind my back?

Two hours later we were pulling into a motel parking lot just outside of the city limits. I sat there looking at the fucker sitting next to me and my hatred for him just kept growing. I knew I had to teach him a lesson before taking off on him, but I wanted it to rise to the level of humiliation I was feeling at the moment over getting played so badly.

“What are you staring at, Bliss?” Did he really need to ask? “I told you he just went nuts on me and started wailing away. He’s twice my size, so what do you think I could have done?”

“Hmmm, just attacked you for no reason? That’s so odd even for him. Maybe I can get Abby to tell me when I’m ready to talk to her.”

He bolted upright and did everything he could to discourage that from happening. He knew that after finding out that we had left town that she would come clean with me, but he had no idea she already had let their affair slip out.

We headed into the office to get a room and I walked behind Jason all the way. I was trying to understand what I had been so attracted to all these months. He wasn’t the bulky kind of guy I liked, but he did have some balls at one time; however, they obviously had shriveled up. It came down to three things that I figured had swayed me into falling in love with him that was undeniable to me and that I would have to overcome in my next boyfriend. He had long hair that most girls would die for, treated me like a princess despite knowing my past, and he had the greatest talent in bed I have ever had the pleasure to enjoy; he ate pussy probably better than any lesbian could. The last point was a big one, because before meeting Jason, I was the only one ever giving pleasure in my relationships. He was so good at it as a matter of fact, that his smallish endowment hadn’t even bothered me.

After settling into our room, I told Jason to shower and clean his wounds while I made plans. He wasn’t going to play a big role in them, but that was something he would become aware of a little too late. I decided I wanted to go out one last time and began changing into my grungies. I had just pulled off my halter top when the door to our room banged open and there was a guy standing there with two bags of ice. I covered my boobs as he excused himself. He told me that he was on the wrong floor and forgotten he had hiked up the stairs to get to his room. The guy started to shut the door, but paused and nicely added, “You know, you really ought to keep your door locked to keep people like me out.” He hesitated for a minute and added, “Especially when you look like you do.” His leering at my hands covering my boobs made it clear that he had been impressed with the fleeting sight of my “girls” before I got them covered.

I went over to lock the door when it finally clicked shut, but I stood there and remembered what it felt like to be admired in such a quick moment. I had shut those things out of my head for nearly a year now, but it was nice to feel again since I would soon be free to partake of such hunks.

That got me to thinking that tit for tat is always a pretty good way to leave a cheating boyfriend and mulled over a way to accomplish that precise idea. I looked out the window and saw the bar across the street that I had dismissed as too seedy to go into, but now I wondered if it might help me to make a distinct point to Jason before running out on him with all his money. I took off my baggy shirt and decided to take a shower and spruce up to spend the night hunting. While I waited for the shower to turn off, a hundred different ways of getting even with Jason came to mind, but none really seemed perfect. It ended up with two conclusions formed; I was going out to get laid, and I would have to find a way to keep Jason busy until I at least I had had my fill of rubbing all this in his face.

Jason was taking forever, so when my cell rang for like the fortieth time, I answered it. It was Abby, of course and her first words were all, “I’m so sorry” over and over. I decided to give her a chance to explain, but decided I wouldn’t tell her where we were at just yet.

“Bliss, I never would have done anything like this to you guys if I didn’t think it would have been… cool, with both of you.”

I flipped out on her and fired back, “Cool? Cool? What the hell did you think? I was just going to let you use my boyfriend a couple of times and take him back?”

“No, it wasn’t like that at all. If you didn’t like my idea, I would have left it alone and never mentioned it again.”

“You’re such a piece of work, Abby. What, you were just going to fuck him a couple of times to see if I would come around to a more permanent thing?”

There was a very unusual silence; something that was a true rarity with Abby. I really needed to hear it in her own words and waited just as silently until her voice came back in a very halting fashion,

“Jason… he didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what? That you two were bed mates? We were planning on getting married. You really think he would tell me that he was cheating with my best friend?”

Again there was a long silence until I heard Abby say in a very apologetic voice, “We never had sex, Bliss. I would never do that to you.”

Now I was stunned! What in hell was she talking about? Why in the world would Kenny have wailed on him if they hadn’t had sex? I guess my silence made it clear that I was ready to listen.

“Yeah, I met with Jason a few times, but it wasn’t for me. Not like that! I was just doing what I thought you would find… hot, if not, at least funny. Did Jason tell you we slept together? He’s lying if he did, but I can see why he would.”

I was flabbergasted over everything she was saying. Not for her? That I would find him cheating on me hot… or even funny? I still couldn’t do much more than utter an incoherent word here or there.

“Let me explain! You remember how we were all ***** last month at Cindy’s reception? It started out how you were bragging over Jason’s… special talent in bed. I kidded you about how maybe he was gay and how eating pussy was a sign of it.” I barely could recall the conversation, but told her to go on. “I was only kidding you, but you should have seen your face. I could see you were thinking about it. Well, I told Kenny and he sort of agreed that what I had said might be more true than any of us wanted to admit. You know, he does have a slight build and acts a little too… accommodating at times. Well, it ended up with me asking Kenny to check him out for you. That’s when everything got weird between Jason and Kenny and they met a few times. I had no idea that it would lead to this.”

I was shocked beyond belief. Jason was cheating on me, but with another guy. I never had anything against guys being gay, but to lead me on like that infuriated me and suddenly became even more embarrassing to me than the thought of him cheating on me with Abby. At least she had a smoking hot body. I was too humiliated to keep talking to her and hung up the phone. When she called right back, I blocked her calls and sat back against the head board of the bed to think. How did everything get so turned around so quickly?

Jason came out of the bathroom right then and I scurried past him to keep him from seeing the tears in my eyes. I shucked the rest of my clothes and hopped into the steamy shower and tried getting my head together. Just the thought of him having sex with Kenny was so… icky to me. I think it was the difference in their sizes that really made it weird for me, because that meant it was pretty evident to me who was doing what to whom.

In the end, none of this meant much difference to me. He had still cheated on me and even worse, he was hiding his true desires to be with guys from me all along. I knew I was sticking to my plan to leave him tonight, but now I was fuming over being played as a major fool; not to mention the embarrassment of people possibly finding out it had happened to me this way. I ended my shower and was even more determined to twist the screws on my soon-to-be ex-boyfriend. I counted the money in my shorts pocket and left all of it but a hundred dollars in the safe under the sink. I was on a mission to humiliate Jason just as much as he had done to me.

Jason was lying in his underwear on the bed and I told him to get dressed; we were going out to get *****. He started to protest, but a simple look his way told him the subject wasn’t going to be debatable. Fifteen minutes later we were headed across the street to the bar and I was happy seeing that the lot had filled up the minute it had grown dark.

I eased into my whole plan by flirting very lightly with guys at first, but by ten-thirty I was getting pretty wasted and acting very loose. I could see the effect I was having on Jason and he began pleading with me to leave. We had some words and I found myself storming off to the bathroom to have some time alone. A girl fixing her makeup wanted to know why I was so close to crying, and for some dumb reason it all came spilling out. After I had confessed my own folly, I could see she was acting just like I would have expected from any girl finding out that another girl had lost her boyfriend to another guy. That made me so frigging mad.

I guess she saw my stupor over my dilemma, and then she seemed to want to help me. She gave me the usual advice to dump him and offered ways of insulting him, but when I told her my plan of cheating on him first, she had an even better suggestion. I almost snapped out of my blotto demeanor as I listened and agreed with her ideas. When I told her I didn’t know anyone in the area, she decided to help me out as a matter of sisterhood.

With the plans set, she led me back to her table and I sat down with her to meet her friends. She introduced me to a hunk of a guy by the name of Mack, and came right out and told him I needed to get laid in the worst way. I was too wasted to be very embarrassed, and even sat by as she explained everything to her friends about my recent turn of events. Mack, I guess wanting to see just how true his friend was over her offer of me, stepped right up and said he knew some people that might help me get even with Jason. At first I thought he was suggesting a small orgy involving me and when I declined that offer, he explained himself better. I loved what he was proposing, but I loved that he ended it with him and I hooking up. I looked over his strong, well built chest and felt myself growing wet just over the thought of fucking a strange man for the first time in over a year.

Jason came over to where I was and began to hassle me into going back to our own table. Mack asked me if “he” was the guy and I told him it was, and poor Jason’s fate was sealed right then and there. Mack winked at me and suggested that I go back to my table, so I obliged my newly acquired gay friend. All we did for the next ten minutes was argue over my flirtatious behavior and I was just about to lay into him to set him straight about which of us had the real problem when Mack came over to us with three male friends. Mack started openly hitting on me and Jason just sat there. Looking back on it, I can see he was not only outnumbered, but each of the men was larger than he was, thus making it wise for him to keep his mouth shut despite my emasculation of him.

A few minutes after I saw Mack’s flirting was having a very good effect on Jason, I took up his offer to go to the parking lot with him. Jason, not wanting to leave my side followed as did the three other men. That was going to prove costly to him. I had a very good idea what was going to happen, but not to the degree a sober mind would have expected.

Outside, Mack pulled me to him for a kiss, and I made sure not to offer him any reluctance. Jason got furious and came after me to pull me away. That was when one of the other men held his arms behind his back and ****** him to watch us finish our kiss. Mack asked me to go off with him and Jason flipped out when I said “okay”.

After several expletives thrown at me, Mack nodded for the guys to take him away. When I saw he was getting very scared, I made it that much worse for him by saying, “Don’t worry! You’re going to have your fun, too.”

Mack wrapped his arm around me and asked about the motel room I was staying in and then began walking me across the street. For a fleeting moment I grew worried about what I had helped set up Jason for and turned back to see the three men just turning the corner to go behind the bar. Jason was boxed in between them and seemed to be struggling against their efforts to guide him by pushing his feet straight out into the dirt in front of him.

“They won’t hurt him, will they?” I took another look to see the lot now free of people and only a fine wisp of dust that Jason had stirred up was blowing around in the night breeze. “You sure? They won’t make him do anything he doesn’t really like, will they?”

Mack grinned and answered me with, “He’s a fucking queer. He’ll get what he wants. I suggest you keep your mind on screaming out the right name when I make your toes curl.”

That was all I had to hear. I’d been dreaming of fucking a new guy since the minute we had begun our drive here. And hearing him talk about making my toes curl set my lower regions into a fit of heat and desire to feel him between my legs. It was nice being under another man’s arm; he was so much larger than Jason and acted much more manly towards me. I guess I know why now.

Back at the motel room, it was wonderful seeing someone hitting on me so freely again. It had been such a long time since I had been swooned into a state of ecstasy. Being the object of attraction in a man’s eyes made me feel like a powerful woman all over again and when I thought about what might be going on between Jason and his new friends, I didn’t have a care left for him.

Mack wanted to get right down to the nitty gritty, but it had been a long time since I had been romanced by anyone other than my now gay ex-boyfriend, so I teased him into what I wanted instead. He ran his hand up under my skirt and exclaimed how wet I was for him. Now I was glad I was too wasted to feel the humility I would have normally felt over his remark. I marveled in the feel of his fingers toying with my lips and the opening to my vagina. I tried to bend forward to force his fingers over my clit, but he seemed impervious to what that precious little bump was for, and he simply sat me up straight again. After a while of getting fingers crudely shoved up inside of me, my poor clit was aching for the touch that Jason knew how to give it so well.

I wished there was someway to blend these two worlds into one, and I guess that was when it really hit me. There seemed to be two kinds of guys when it comes to love making. There was this guy whose lap I was nestled upon; a strong, hunky bulk of a man that had the want and ability to “curl” a girl’s toes at will, and then there was the soft and tender knowledge that Jason had seemed extremely capable of wielding. Too bad that left guys like him so close to that fine line between being straight and gay.

Before I knew what was happening, we were both nude to the world and I felt the strong arms of Mack spinning me around to sit on his lap in the desk chair. But that wasn’t what he was really after. My mind raced in ecstasy when one arm went around me and hoisted my body into the air as he placed his cock to my pussy and slowly dropped me over his shaft as it absorbed me like a hot knife into butter. I felt the girth of his cock and remembered what I had given up when I decided to go with the more sincere and gentle love making that Jason brought to the table. I was amazed how easily I could still take a real man’s hardon. It’s really an easy thing to do when you think about how that tool is in that condition because of how wild your body has driven the man waving it.

It was hardly an effort for him to grab my cheeks and lift me up and down on his cock. I grabbed my boobs in my hands and tweaked my nipples harder than I would ever let someone else do it. I knew Mack was doing nothing more than using my hole as a sex toy to get him self off, but it was that very animalistic form of sex that I had once craved myself. He finally gave me a chance to ride him the way I like to work a man’s cock, and I bobbed my pussy over him in long, slow strokes. Then he just had to inadvertently hit my clit and I had a sudden craving for Jason’s mouth to attack the little guy for me.

I felt horribly mean when I thought about Jason. Mack had said that his friends would only give him a hard time, but now that I knew he was gay, did that mean they might use him like guys would in a prison movie? I turned around and between my strokes I asked Mack, “What are they doing to him? They wouldn’t hurt him would they?”

His eyes had been closed enjoying the feel of my muscles encapsulating him, and he faced me away from him again. “They’re just going to put him to work a little. Hell, they’re bikers; what did you think they were going to do to him?”

A picture came to mind of poor Jason being held on his knees in front of one of the men and ****** to suck him off. I never really thought about what they might do; not really. Now that I was thinking of all the vile things that could be happening to him, I was ill over the nasty things I was thinking. I began accentuating my motions to the groaning sounds of pleasure coming from Mack, and I could feel that almost imperceptible growth of a man’s cock just before getting off. I slammed my body down over his red hot poker until he was nearly screaming. And then when I felt my insides warming, I held myself down as low on his shaft as I could go to garner every minute quiver of his expulsion of cum into me. My mouth was wide open and I was in the throes of a massive wave of orgasmic pleasure, and then the door popped open. There I was, unable to move an inch while waiting for my climax to subside, and seeing Jason coming to grips with what I was doing.

I would have wanted to die right then, but I had a choice to finish out a dream fuck, or worry about the feelings of a guy that had been lying to me for a year now. Having made my choice, I tightened my muscles and squirmed around on the amazingly rock hard shaft still pulsing within me. I finally noticed the three men had escorted Jason back to the room and were right behind him. I saw the reason he hadn’t moved was that two of them were holding him facing me by his elbows.

I had no idea what my lips were about to say, but I knew I at least had to get off Mack. I stood up and nearly fainted as I felt his cock fall away from my grasp. That was followed by an immediate drooling sensation that I felt embarrassed over and went for a towel I had left on the bed. I started wiping up my leaking crotch and turned to see Jason wholly pissed at what he had walked in on. But I started getting something else from the picture before me.

As I looked over Jason, the front of his shirt had wet spots on it, and realizing what it really was, I looked over the rest of his upper body. He had spots of semen all over him. He even had some still on his cheek and a long splash down his neck. What I had imagined happening to him as I had been fucking Mack, had indeed happened. It was very obvious that he had given one of the men a blowjob, but he really didn’t seem as happy about it as I would have thought.

I asked Jason, “Have a good time? I guess you can see I did.”

That was when I learned what he had really gone through when one of the men spoke up to announce to the whole room, “He had a really good time. Fuck, he blew us all in less than ten minutes.” The man pushed his shoulder abruptly and demanded, “Speak up… tell her how you fags love pulling a train.”

Jason didn’t say a word, but his face did. He seemed ready to cry and that got me feeling really guilty over my part in all this. I went over to Mack and told him in a near whisper how wonderfully he had fucked me, but told him it was also time to end things with Jason. I asked him to leave and lied to say I would meet him the next night at the bar. I knew I would be long gone by then.

I began dressing along with Mack and I suddenly became aware that three other strangers were watching me. I knew that it was nearly a harmless final dig at Jason, so I made my dressing into somewhat of a flirtatious reverse strip dance. The men appeared to like it, and Jason was just thankful that they released their grips on him. I hadn’t put on my top yet when Mack came over to me to say goodbye and gave me another full on, long kiss to stick it to Jason. I felt guilty again when as Mack walked by Jason, he checked him with his shoulder and said, “Thanks for the fuck, kid. You fucking queer.”

After the door shut, I turned away and dropped my head as I buttoned my top up. Jason fell onto the bed and against the headboard to sulk. I quickly grew into a very pissed mood when I thought about what he had done to me and simply said, “It’s all your fault, so don’t try and blame me for what happened to you.”

In total defiance he shot back, “Funny, they told me it was all your idea, and then I come back to find you fucking another guy. Why would you do this to me?”

“To you,” I screamed? “And what about what you were doing behind my back? Hell, I thought you were fucking Abby at first, and then she told me the real story. Kenny? What the fuck?”

I saw him trying to pretend that he didn’t know what I was talking about. That got me even madder and I just didn’t want to talk about it for a while. I was trying to muster the courage to send him out the door for something so I could run off with his car and his money. The silence was killing me in the mean time and I threw the towel in his face that I had used to wipe up my own mess and said, “You have some leftovers on your cheek and neck. Aren’t you afraid of people finding out you’re gay?”

Jason fumed back at me, “Because you had three goons do that to me doesn’t make me gay; it makes you a twisted bitch.”

“Okay, that’s on me. And for the record, I didn’t tell them what to do to you. That was between you guys.”

“Like I had a choice? What the fuck made you do that to me. If you didn’t want to get married, fine. You could have just broken it off with me and left.”

I walked right up to his face and really rubbed my facts in his face. “Okay, like I said, you can blame me if you want for having to give those three guys blowjobs, but that doesn’t excuse you for Kenny.” I saw him feigning not knowing what I was talking about again, so I laid it out for him. “Yeah, I know all about it. You and Kenny? Abby told me about you two hooking up.”

Jason got off the bed to look out the window just to keep from having to look at me now that he knew I was aware of his homosexual fling. He asked me, “What did that bitch say to you that would cause all this?”

“Jay,” I whined, “just give it up. She told me it wasn’t her you were cheating on me with; it was Kenny. And I know Kenny wouldn’t be the one getting on his knees.”

He turned around with the most puzzled look on his face and said, “She lied to you, you dumbass. I never did a thing they were trying to do to me. Why do you think he beat the hell out of me? I told them I was going to tell you about what they were trying to force me to do. If anyone has anything to hide, it’s them, not me. If anyone is queer here, it’s Kenny. He was the one trying to get me to do stuff.”

Now my mouth was wide open for a much different reason. I raced through all the things that had been said between me and Abby. I realized she never really did say they were… involved or anything. Just a few hours ago it was Abby that I had felt betrayed by, and then… could I have… jumped to the wrong conclusions. I have never known Jay to lie about anything to me, not really; just stuff that wouldn’t matter anyways. I studied his eyes trying to search out the truth. Oh, my god! What’s happening? Did I just destroy the greatest love of my life?

“You aren’t gay,” I pleaded to know. “Please… tell me the truth.”

“No,” he screamed. “You couldn’t tell that? Why would you believe that?”

I just slowly fell to the floor in total disbelief that my world had just fallen in around me yet again. How many times could that happen to me in one day? I looked down and saw a spot on my crotch where Mack’s stuff had begun leaving a wet mark. I never felt so ashamed of my own actions. I began crying and covered my head with my hands as I started telling Jason everything that had transpired. And then I made an even bigger mistake when I admitted why I had talked him into coming all this way; including planning on taking his money and even driving off in his car. When he heard that, I knew I had blown it right then.

“You want that, too? Take the fucking money. Take the fucking car. You took everything else from me, take it all. Run off with that guy you fucked and have a nice life.” And with that he went out the door, slamming it behind him.

I couldn’t move and sat there for an hour crying. I finally had to know just how wrong I had gotten everything. I called Abby and found her just going to bed. I told her some of the things that had happened and even touched upon what the three guys had done to Jason. I begged her to come clean and tell me everything that had really happened.

“I’m so fucking sorry, Bliss. It was all just a wild… not a joke, but… Kenny and I just really thought he was the kind of guy that swung both ways. I thought with your past that that kind of thing would really turn you on to know, so…”

After getting herself together for a moment, she finshed. “The idea was for Kenny to get Jason alone a few times to feel him out. If he was receptive, Kenny was going to… well, you know. I was going to get in on camera for you. I swear, we just thought it would freak you out in a good way. You always said how he was the most tender guy you ever had and it was sort of like having it both ways with him. I thought if you had guys in common, that you would find it… that you would have something else to share. Come on, look at all those stories you told me about with your past guys, and all the things you did before Jason. It sounded like you were missing something. I thought if you knew he was gay that you might get to… have your past and your present, too. You know what I mean?”

Strangely enough, I did know what she meant. After all, wasn’t that what I had just been wishing for as I fucked myself so hard against Mack? I told Abby I would call her the next day and went looking for Jason on foot.

The motel was on a highway into the city and didn’t have any side streets that went anyplace but housing. I walked the entire length of it until the streetlights ended, and then went in the other direction. Almost three hours after I had last seen Jay, I finally found him sitting on a bench under a streetlight about a half mile from the motel. I sat down next to him, but was too afraid to say a word. We sat there for a good half without saying a word. Finally I had to at least make some attempt to apologize, but I wasn’t sure where to start so I asked.

“I need to tell you how sorry I am. I know that you don’t want to have anything to do with me anymore, so I’m not trying to ask for your forgiveness. I need to know what hurt you the most. Was it what you walked in on, or what those guys did to you?”

He didn’t answer for the longest time, but I could see him working on the answer. Then he finally told me some other things I hadn’t known. “Abby told me how she knew you were missing the old days. I thought that was what she was getting at the first time we talked. I thought she wanted Kenny to fuck you. I thought a lot about that and was about to tell you that I loved you too much to tie you down. I know you like fucking, and I know you still wish you could fuck other guys. Seeing you sitting on that guy… and then how you were dripping wet when you got off him. I watched you wiping yourself up and walking around in front of all those guys without a care in the world. Yeah, it hurt me, but in another way I was happy that you had gotten what you wanted, and apparently… couldn’t wait to get. I didn’t know you were smiling because of what you had done to me.”

I reached over and touched his hand, but he pulled it away and I started crying inside.

“I’m not mad at you for fucking him. I should be, but I’m not. You just looked too satisfied to hold that against you. But what you had those guys do to me; I can’t forget that. You have any idea how humiliating that is to a guy.”

For some dumb reason I thought that if he could forgive me for fucking Mack that easily, that maybe I could trivialize the other thing so we could stay together. “Jason, I know you don’t want to hear this, but it’s just sex. No one knows about it but you and me. You have any idea how many guys I’ve given blowjobs to? Can’t we just forget that ever happened and move forward? I swear I’ll never tell a soul about it. And I also swear I’ll never fuck another guy if you’ll stay with me.”

I could see he really had something tough to say and finally he choked out, “No, I can’t stop you from doing what I know you’re really craving. It didn’t take you but all of four hours to jump on that guy’s dick. Don’t lie to me now. I can’t be with you if that means you can’t ever fuck other guys ever again.”

I don’t know what it was in what he said, but I was hearing something that blew my mind. I knew how much he loved me and even after everything I had done, he was still sitting here talking to me.

“I have to know something, Jay. If I really… I don’t know how to ask this, but… what if we stayed together and I did want to go to bed with another guy? If I told you about it first, could you handle that?”

I couldn’t believe it when I saw him shrug his shoulders. We had often talked about how a shrug was the “easy” way to say yes without having to actually say the word. As much as it had to hurt him to see me on Mack’s lap, he loved me enough to move above that.

He finally repeated my own words from earlier and said, “Like you said, it’s just sex.”

I swung around into his face so he couldn’t look away and said, “Then let’s go back to the motel. We can get some sleep and work on the other stuff later.” I knew I had to confess one more thing to make him know I was being as honest as I could. “You’re right, I did crave that, and for a long time. I don’t know what it is, but it was just so different. But I stayed with you because you’re still the best lover I’ve ever had, and Mack, he was just a fuck. Just a stupid animalistic fuck! All he did was use me… and to be honest, I was just using him. Hell, I even told him that I’d see him tomorrow night, but that was bullshit. I only said it to get rid of him quicker; and… and a little because I wanted to piss you off.” There was one last bit of honesty I had to come clean with and added, “And when I got off him, I saw your face. Even though I was trying to piss you off by making sure you knew what he had just been doing to me, and even though you had every right to hate me with every fiber in you body, all I saw in your eyes was how much you loved me.”

Jason turned to stare into my eyes and I could see he was crying inside, but I did really still love him and needed to make this all right. He has always been the kind of guy to make everything into a joke to make the really bad things seem less worrisome, so I gave it a shot. “If you come back to the motel with me, I’ll try to make the other thing right, too. By my count I owe you three blowjobs. You can have them all at once, or you can spread them out if you want.” I finished with a hopeful smile to get a glint of laughter.

His eyes were just dead, but after staring at me for a couple of minutes, he finally replied with, “You know I don’t like blowjobs; especially now.”

I had it, the slightest and almost imperceptible life came to his eyes. I stood up and took his hand to tug him to his feet and we began slowly walking towards the motel. He didn’t want to hold me like on past walks, but I didn’t press it; at least he was coming back with me. We only talked for a few of the minutes, but I knew it was eating him up. He asked me to tell him about Mack and if I had benefited from doing it with him. I knew it hurt him a lot, but not knowing the details and how I really felt about getting a strange fuck would hurt him more. So, I came clean and gave him as many details as I thought he could handle.

In bed I held him until I saw he was asleep before I would allow myself to nod off. The last thing I thought about was if I could salvage his love for me, could I get away with dating an occasion guy on the side? What kind of a world would that be?