Cocu - yes, I think I can now more fully accept what you've been suggesting. I think I'd also emphasize that I don't think she'd ever veer off and that this would become something that truly became real. That's what I've always felt from her - that while we've done a lot of different things denial-wise, I've never felt that she lost my enjoyment as a huge part of her motivation. Or, put another way, her treatment of me as a beta-male is much more oriented to my pleasure and not a true desire by her to elevate a lover to a position above me. But man - the role-playing of it is intense!!!!
Denial discussion
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Steve,
I think I can only echo what cocu has said above. As Sue and you search together for ways to go after Robert finally departs you may go through several options like this. You do have some history of talking each other up, either one mentioning something and the other asking if that is really what you want. I can't remember the last time you reported either of you actually saying No. You have no real history being a true beta and I'm not sure you can just turn into one. So this is a feeling for a direction probably. Either way, you have a few interesting discussions and maybe a few dramatic Wednesdays ahead perhaps. ..
I think I can only echo what cocu has said above. As Sue and you search together for ways to go after Robert finally departs you may go through several options like this. You do have some history of talking each other up, either one mentioning something and the other asking if that is really what you want. I can't remember the last time you reported either of you actually saying No. You have no real history being a true beta and I'm not sure you can just turn into one. So this is a feeling for a direction probably. Either way, you have a few interesting discussions and maybe a few dramatic Wednesdays ahead perhaps. ..
Peak - yeah, I know it's not easy to change roles from alpha-to-beta, but I don't think I really want it for real - but more that she plays it up as if it were for real, including taking more control at times and playing the role more for real as she is with her desire regarding my use of condoms. I think this has become something that's moved or is moving towards the borderline of real-vs-role-playing. And that's where I'm coming from regarding her own desires - this is something she wants. I admit it's even a little scary to think that way - that even after Robert's gone, that we may have reached a point with this that we don't retract from. Her repeated mention of many couples using condoms is what gives me the pause for concern. But I balance that with the intensity and desire when we did relax and go back to as we were.
I'm giving her the reins on this one - I may rue the day that I gave in and agreed to this should we be years out and I am still relented to using condoms, perhaps when she no longer is even seeing anyone. On one hand, it is very horny that our sexuality between each other has taken on this form for symbolism - a condom full of my cum - but it is nonetheless very arousing if she's truly chosen this to be our norm. Thing is, I don't know if she even knows how she feels other than to know she's enjoying it right now!
I'm giving her the reins on this one - I may rue the day that I gave in and agreed to this should we be years out and I am still relented to using condoms, perhaps when she no longer is even seeing anyone. On one hand, it is very horny that our sexuality between each other has taken on this form for symbolism - a condom full of my cum - but it is nonetheless very arousing if she's truly chosen this to be our norm. Thing is, I don't know if she even knows how she feels other than to know she's enjoying it right now!
from my personal experience, many cuckolds start the lifestyle not seeking to be the beta male but more about standing on equal grounds with the lover, but it gradually moves in that direction because it is what most cuckolds really want but don't want to initially accept.
being beta all the time loses its edge, and once becomes the norm its not fun anymore. you really want to be the main guy every now and then to enjoy being the beta male when the opportunity arises.
being beta all the time loses its edge, and once becomes the norm its not fun anymore. you really want to be the main guy every now and then to enjoy being the beta male when the opportunity arises.
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Just a short update.
We talked a bit more last night and sort of talked out my newest revelation with her about my playing more of a beta-status sexually at times.
She's not into the alpha/beta terminology so I put it more that "I've been her 'man' for almost 30 years" and I repeated again that I found it very arousing to feel like she's preferring (or whatever terminology/inference you want to draw) another man sexually over me.
She said she's taken some time to think about it and she feels that, perhaps, her fetish (as I call it) desiring me to use condoms with her - may just be that - that she too is embracing some of this same feeling. She made it clear that no one could ever replace me as her husband, lover, partner and leader of our family - but that after almost 30 years, that she is loving feeling her own sexual freedom to want to enjoy another man as much as she enjoys me. And she did admit that knowing SHE wanted it herself is a big step for her at this point in her life.
She said she's incredibly pleased at how our relationship has developed and that she's becoming very comfortable in how to relate to me with regards to other men including understanding a bit more of what is driving me to accept her new desires.
What she did say was that if things do end fully with Robbie - that she would want me to resume having sex with her without condoms - and she openly admitted that she would "miss the feeling". But she also said that if she had 'other guys' that she was involved with - she held my hand and said "if I have other guys, then I want that to be something I just share with them" meaning she'd want me to continue using condoms with her.
I held her hand and said that we can figure all of that out when the time comes. She giggled at my pun/play on words!!!
We talked a bit more last night and sort of talked out my newest revelation with her about my playing more of a beta-status sexually at times.
She's not into the alpha/beta terminology so I put it more that "I've been her 'man' for almost 30 years" and I repeated again that I found it very arousing to feel like she's preferring (or whatever terminology/inference you want to draw) another man sexually over me.
She said she's taken some time to think about it and she feels that, perhaps, her fetish (as I call it) desiring me to use condoms with her - may just be that - that she too is embracing some of this same feeling. She made it clear that no one could ever replace me as her husband, lover, partner and leader of our family - but that after almost 30 years, that she is loving feeling her own sexual freedom to want to enjoy another man as much as she enjoys me. And she did admit that knowing SHE wanted it herself is a big step for her at this point in her life.
She said she's incredibly pleased at how our relationship has developed and that she's becoming very comfortable in how to relate to me with regards to other men including understanding a bit more of what is driving me to accept her new desires.
What she did say was that if things do end fully with Robbie - that she would want me to resume having sex with her without condoms - and she openly admitted that she would "miss the feeling". But she also said that if she had 'other guys' that she was involved with - she held my hand and said "if I have other guys, then I want that to be something I just share with them" meaning she'd want me to continue using condoms with her.
I held her hand and said that we can figure all of that out when the time comes. She giggled at my pun/play on words!!!
Quote Steve: “After I posted that update above on Tuesday night I was horny and I poked around on some other websites, I found that have cuckold-related stuff. I don't know where I saw it specifically,.... but I'd read something, and the more I thought about it, the more it ... made sense to me. I know it's been said [on this site] many times, in other threads, and probably many times, on my own by others, who may be more insightful.
Last night, as we were having some fun, I shared this with her: That I've been her ‘alpha-male’ for for just about 30 years now, and that I (now) want to experience being the ‘beta-male,’ at times with her. I didn't use the ‘alpha/beta’ terminology, and I said a lot more than 2 sentences.
She seemed to understand, and she smiled and said, she had never thought about it that way.
I told her (for one of many reasons), that I wanted it to feel real for me, that she, ‘wanted’ her lover, above me, and that it was intense when she did.
She smiled and said, ‘she knew it turned me on,’ then she paused and asked me, "what if it was for real, and not ‘just me doing it’ because I know it turns you on?" I held her hand and told her that, ‘as long as I didn't lose her, that I thought it would be okay.’
I didn't ask more at the time but we did talk a bit more about it later. She told me that we will always connect in ways, that she could never with other guys, but that it turned her on, to know more about what I wanted to feel, and experience. She giggled and said, "who knows, maybe some big stud will come my way!" 'unquote' (editing mine)
Steve, You are right, this is not the first time this has ‘come up’. I wont take the time for such research, but It would not be a surprise to me that, as a manager, in charge of many others, in your ‘professional life, to want a part of your ‘personal life,' (in this case, sexual) to, ‘as it were, trade places, to the extent that, you were, ‘relieved’ of all responsible decisions.’ Thereby, giving sue the choice of expressing her sex life with whomever she would choose whether that be you, or some other man. And, to do that in a way that placed you in a subordinate position. (treat or regard as of lesser importance, or lower position, than something, or someone else).
This has come up recently in reference to “inferior” and “preferring” in relation to Sue wanting Robert’s cum to ‘stay in her’, and for yours to be ‘washed out’ as soon as practical. Or rather to not even be in her, by grace of the condom. Thereby giving his semen “preference” over yours, within her. Cheers, Harry
Last night, as we were having some fun, I shared this with her: That I've been her ‘alpha-male’ for for just about 30 years now, and that I (now) want to experience being the ‘beta-male,’ at times with her. I didn't use the ‘alpha/beta’ terminology, and I said a lot more than 2 sentences.
She seemed to understand, and she smiled and said, she had never thought about it that way.
I told her (for one of many reasons), that I wanted it to feel real for me, that she, ‘wanted’ her lover, above me, and that it was intense when she did.
She smiled and said, ‘she knew it turned me on,’ then she paused and asked me, "what if it was for real, and not ‘just me doing it’ because I know it turns you on?" I held her hand and told her that, ‘as long as I didn't lose her, that I thought it would be okay.’
I didn't ask more at the time but we did talk a bit more about it later. She told me that we will always connect in ways, that she could never with other guys, but that it turned her on, to know more about what I wanted to feel, and experience. She giggled and said, "who knows, maybe some big stud will come my way!" 'unquote' (editing mine)
Steve, You are right, this is not the first time this has ‘come up’. I wont take the time for such research, but It would not be a surprise to me that, as a manager, in charge of many others, in your ‘professional life, to want a part of your ‘personal life,' (in this case, sexual) to, ‘as it were, trade places, to the extent that, you were, ‘relieved’ of all responsible decisions.’ Thereby, giving sue the choice of expressing her sex life with whomever she would choose whether that be you, or some other man. And, to do that in a way that placed you in a subordinate position. (treat or regard as of lesser importance, or lower position, than something, or someone else).
This has come up recently in reference to “inferior” and “preferring” in relation to Sue wanting Robert’s cum to ‘stay in her’, and for yours to be ‘washed out’ as soon as practical. Or rather to not even be in her, by grace of the condom. Thereby giving his semen “preference” over yours, within her. Cheers, Harry
We had another bit of a heart-to-heart last night amidst messing around in the bedroom.
In one of the closer moments we had she kissed me and said that she'd thought about what I'd said to her.
In different words than yours Harry, she said some of the same things. That I'm busy all the time and have to do so much at work and in the "male role" (my words not hers) at home that it made sense to her what I'd said about wanting to experience not being the "main man" (her words).
She said again how our relationship is so much more than "just sex" and that she'd never want to hurt me or us - but that if what I'd told her was truly my deepest desire that might be behind all of this - she said that she'd try to give me more of what I wanted. She said it wasn't easy for her - and she said it - that talking about and opening up about her fantasies and thoughts with Robert - had made it easier to understand me. At one point she said "you want to feel that it's real" and I nodded and then added that I hoped in her heart that it wasn't though. She giggled and again said that if she didn't know it turned me on, what she's doing, that it wouldn't mean or feel the same to her. She held my hand and said "it's knowing that you want me to that lets me let go with them like I do".
In one of the closer moments we had she kissed me and said that she'd thought about what I'd said to her.
In different words than yours Harry, she said some of the same things. That I'm busy all the time and have to do so much at work and in the "male role" (my words not hers) at home that it made sense to her what I'd said about wanting to experience not being the "main man" (her words).
She said again how our relationship is so much more than "just sex" and that she'd never want to hurt me or us - but that if what I'd told her was truly my deepest desire that might be behind all of this - she said that she'd try to give me more of what I wanted. She said it wasn't easy for her - and she said it - that talking about and opening up about her fantasies and thoughts with Robert - had made it easier to understand me. At one point she said "you want to feel that it's real" and I nodded and then added that I hoped in her heart that it wasn't though. She giggled and again said that if she didn't know it turned me on, what she's doing, that it wouldn't mean or feel the same to her. She held my hand and said "it's knowing that you want me to that lets me let go with them like I do".
Steve, It was with a bit of trepidation, that I wrote that. But, also with a measure of ‘confidence,’ from reading all that you have written here about your life, and work. Often being pulled away, and sometimes retained, to babysit a situation, sometimes through the night.
Sue, on the other-hand, leaves her work at her desk when she leaves, with little or no thought until she returns the next day, allowing her mind to think more of the pleasures in her life. And so she does!!!
Cheers, Harry
Sue, on the other-hand, leaves her work at her desk when she leaves, with little or no thought until she returns the next day, allowing her mind to think more of the pleasures in her life. And so she does!!!
Cheers, Harry
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Far2 - I honestly don't think she's going to go that far. At least I'm hoping. As I've said, she's somewhat fixated on this now obvious fetish of hers.
I re-read what I posted earlier and left out a few things in my haste. One thing that she said to me that made me feel good and seemed to convey that she seems to know me better than I'd thought was when she said to me - "you don't want them to be better than you, you just want to feel that I want them more than you". And I think in that instant I think I felt incredibly more secure in all of this. She's out at her parents right now but she's promised to "get you to fill that condom for me again".
Harry - I'm not sure that I'd been able to appreciate it before or that maybe I didn't want to let myself see what may have been obvious to others here. You're right - in my day-to-day job, I have 11 people that report to me and I have to make decisions, sometimes 24x7. I don't want to cede all of my authority - nor does that feel right in terms of how our home and our lives run. I guess I'm perhaps reluctant to admit what I maybe should have recognized all along. Whatever has gone on between us now - it's given me a feeling that I want to let this run its course. What I don't feel is that it's something that's a bad thing for us. That's why I don't think Far2 is correct.
I am going to say that almost from the first time we used condoms together in almost 2 decades - when she had her IUD just put in - that even then I recall having profound feelings at how they changed how we felt with each other. I've re-read how I felt and how I told her to let Don be the first. I didn't recognize it then but I do now - I so loved feeling that she wanted that with him. Even though it was with my encouragement - in the end, that she agreed and in that agreement she told me that she too wanted him to share that first time. Even now, that drives me crazy to think about. I never dreamed how those strange feelings back then would foreshadow how I feel now. It's crazy to think that in some way, I almost don't want to cum in her of my own desires - it is weird. I feel she is on this sexual pedestal - knowing what she'll do with others and not me - it just turns me on incredibly.
At times I've wondered why I posted all of this here - and then at times like these, I am thankful that I had. For as turned on as I am about her letting Don try out her IUD before me - my thoughts of her with Frank are far more revealing, I think, of showing again what I was unable to see that I wanted. I eagerly re-read about how I felt when I wanted her to be with Frank after her IUD was removed. There wasn't even a pretend medical reason I could blame it on as there was with Don. No. It all seems so clear now - the thoughts and feelings I had knowing she wanted to share that first time truly without any birth-control with Frank - through all of the angst, pain, anxiety and eagerness - even now when I think of my baby giving her truly bare pussy to her lover for the first time in over 20+ years (since I'd put 2 children into her) - it makes me feel like I want to do it all over again and relive every moment. Even now - I know that there is always that knowledge in the back of my mind.
When she asked me to begin using condoms with her - it brought back all of this excitement and incredible arousal. But it makes sense to me now - knowing what I've finally realized and understood. It's crazy but I love it.
Anyway - she's due home soon and I'm now totally horny after dumping my soul out here and relishing in what I am understanding about myself.
I re-read what I posted earlier and left out a few things in my haste. One thing that she said to me that made me feel good and seemed to convey that she seems to know me better than I'd thought was when she said to me - "you don't want them to be better than you, you just want to feel that I want them more than you". And I think in that instant I think I felt incredibly more secure in all of this. She's out at her parents right now but she's promised to "get you to fill that condom for me again".
Harry - I'm not sure that I'd been able to appreciate it before or that maybe I didn't want to let myself see what may have been obvious to others here. You're right - in my day-to-day job, I have 11 people that report to me and I have to make decisions, sometimes 24x7. I don't want to cede all of my authority - nor does that feel right in terms of how our home and our lives run. I guess I'm perhaps reluctant to admit what I maybe should have recognized all along. Whatever has gone on between us now - it's given me a feeling that I want to let this run its course. What I don't feel is that it's something that's a bad thing for us. That's why I don't think Far2 is correct.
I am going to say that almost from the first time we used condoms together in almost 2 decades - when she had her IUD just put in - that even then I recall having profound feelings at how they changed how we felt with each other. I've re-read how I felt and how I told her to let Don be the first. I didn't recognize it then but I do now - I so loved feeling that she wanted that with him. Even though it was with my encouragement - in the end, that she agreed and in that agreement she told me that she too wanted him to share that first time. Even now, that drives me crazy to think about. I never dreamed how those strange feelings back then would foreshadow how I feel now. It's crazy to think that in some way, I almost don't want to cum in her of my own desires - it is weird. I feel she is on this sexual pedestal - knowing what she'll do with others and not me - it just turns me on incredibly.
At times I've wondered why I posted all of this here - and then at times like these, I am thankful that I had. For as turned on as I am about her letting Don try out her IUD before me - my thoughts of her with Frank are far more revealing, I think, of showing again what I was unable to see that I wanted. I eagerly re-read about how I felt when I wanted her to be with Frank after her IUD was removed. There wasn't even a pretend medical reason I could blame it on as there was with Don. No. It all seems so clear now - the thoughts and feelings I had knowing she wanted to share that first time truly without any birth-control with Frank - through all of the angst, pain, anxiety and eagerness - even now when I think of my baby giving her truly bare pussy to her lover for the first time in over 20+ years (since I'd put 2 children into her) - it makes me feel like I want to do it all over again and relive every moment. Even now - I know that there is always that knowledge in the back of my mind.
When she asked me to begin using condoms with her - it brought back all of this excitement and incredible arousal. But it makes sense to me now - knowing what I've finally realized and understood. It's crazy but I love it.
Anyway - she's due home soon and I'm now totally horny after dumping my soul out here and relishing in what I am understanding about myself.
Steve. Speaking of Frank. Is it possible that Sue will go back to him, if it ends with Robert soon, and she has no-one else lined up before the end of the year?
I recall that she said she will always have a soft spot in her heat & a warm place in her pussy, for him. What do you think?
Cheers, Harry
I recall that she said she will always have a soft spot in her heat & a warm place in her pussy, for him. What do you think?
Cheers, Harry
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Only a few minutes free right now - crazy Monday.
Harry - I've / we've run into Frank a few times while we've been out/about - but we haven't gotten closer, if anything, there's a bit more of a distance between us. I haven't asked, but I suspect he feels weird around me/us - we were never that close before but I feel that our budding friendship may have been nixed by what went on. Yes, Sue still has a soft-spot in her for him - but she admits that for everyone (well, other than Don), she has a soft-spot.
I hope to have more time later but I can say that based on last night, things are changing - the dynamics between us are changing. It's refreshing and arousing for sure - but a little scary. I think I described it before as the feeling of taking you hands off the wheel and now, for me, letting Sue steer/drive. For example - last night she openly teased me and said "I wonder how Tony is in bed?". Tony is this guy Sue's worked with for ages. He's hit on her in the past but it's been light-hearted and she's given it back too - but they've worked together for probably 8 years now. I looked at her and asked her if he was her first choice as to who she'd "do at work" - she giggled and said "I guess, out of all of them, yeah, he'd be my number 1 choice.
I'll end this post here before I go too far into my thoughts and will just say that I'm finding I'm not totally sure how to respond to this from her. It is most definitely changing - she's not really asking me about doing it, more asking me how I think it'll be - I'm seeing that she's taking more of the decision-making role. As Will said - it was intensely arousing to see and be there with her as she talks so calmly and nonchalantly about who she is thinking about fucking! She knew I was worked up like crazy last night. She sucked my cock for a bit as I spread her legs and fingered her pussy. I was so hard seeing her spread like that - as I moved into position between her outstretched legs she smiled as she handed me a condom from the nightstand.
Harry - I've / we've run into Frank a few times while we've been out/about - but we haven't gotten closer, if anything, there's a bit more of a distance between us. I haven't asked, but I suspect he feels weird around me/us - we were never that close before but I feel that our budding friendship may have been nixed by what went on. Yes, Sue still has a soft-spot in her for him - but she admits that for everyone (well, other than Don), she has a soft-spot.
I hope to have more time later but I can say that based on last night, things are changing - the dynamics between us are changing. It's refreshing and arousing for sure - but a little scary. I think I described it before as the feeling of taking you hands off the wheel and now, for me, letting Sue steer/drive. For example - last night she openly teased me and said "I wonder how Tony is in bed?". Tony is this guy Sue's worked with for ages. He's hit on her in the past but it's been light-hearted and she's given it back too - but they've worked together for probably 8 years now. I looked at her and asked her if he was her first choice as to who she'd "do at work" - she giggled and said "I guess, out of all of them, yeah, he'd be my number 1 choice.
I'll end this post here before I go too far into my thoughts and will just say that I'm finding I'm not totally sure how to respond to this from her. It is most definitely changing - she's not really asking me about doing it, more asking me how I think it'll be - I'm seeing that she's taking more of the decision-making role. As Will said - it was intensely arousing to see and be there with her as she talks so calmly and nonchalantly about who she is thinking about fucking! She knew I was worked up like crazy last night. She sucked my cock for a bit as I spread her legs and fingered her pussy. I was so hard seeing her spread like that - as I moved into position between her outstretched legs she smiled as she handed me a condom from the nightstand.
So - to finish my thoughts from earlier this morning. What I am feeling very excited about is how I feel in response to her.
It's weird to think that after all of this time - that a big part of my underlying desire has been to feel like this - for her to openly talk about her own desires now for other guys and to play-up and tease me about it. I guess she really does know me and that this feels comfortable for her right now to do and explore. Like last night - at one point we rolled over and she got on top for a bit. As she leaned down towards me and just rubbed her nipples across my chest and up to my mouth - she said to me that I should think about how she does this with Robert and how she loves the feeling of her pussy devouring his cock (her words!). I told her that I could feel how she would like that and I answered her that I've thought about her many times grinding herself against him. She kissed my cheek and whispered "I'll bet you also think of just how full my pussy is with his big cock?" and she sat back up and said "he's so big in me sometimes - I can feel him so deep" and I just knew the moan that followed was because she'd felt my own cock throb deeply as she said it.
She knows I love to finish in the missionary position as does she. Last night as we were both getting closer we rolled back over and I just had to marvel at how wonderful she felt at that moment. Yes, the condom dulled it a little - but I could still feel how wet and open she was.
I'd read (remembered) and now proved true that a drop of two of lubricant inside the condom really makes it feel so much better too - and that, combined with what was in my head really had me horny. I know she's done it before but it just seems different now coming from her as she teased me about whether she should let Tony "give me a try". It wasn't just that - she lay there beneath me with her legs spread apart holding her own knees back for me and she smiled and looked up at me and said "how are you going to feel when I let them both cum in me?" and the obvious implication that I do not!.
Again she hasn't asked me anything - all she's done is more tell me what she wants to do. It's all a bit crazy feeling like this after all of this time.
Even more weird is thinking that maybe I've wanted this all along - and that it's a big part of what makes me want it all. I know it's crazy to say this but as we made love last night - she orgasmed several times (she always does) - it felt strangely fulfilling to still feel them with her and to share that moment but at the same time to know what I'm not feeling - that my cock doesn't feel her pussy directly. I could feel her get wet and open - no denying that, and I know that for 99.9% of the physical - it doesn't matter that there's that thin layer of latex - and that her orgasms were truly deep and even profound at some points. But I cannot deny the incredibly strange sense of fulfillment to know that mentally - that mentally we both know that it is there and that it symbolizes something sexual that we are now sharing - a different way - but there is no doubt in my mind after how she was last night especially, that this seems to somehow enhance or make what we are doing something truly unique and special that we are sharing. Maybe it's justifying it in my mind, not sure, but even though neither of us said anything truly about it - we both know I have a condom on. Just as it turned me on to think of my cock not feeling her pussy - she had to also have that same thought at that same moment.
She felt me cum last night and I was even aware of feeling her pussy clenching at my cock. But I am going to say something now that I'm actually kind of surprised to admit - but in many ways, I seem to have a much deeper feeling of satisfaction. It's always been wonderful to orgasm deep in her and to share that moment of pleasure with her but afterwards, I can't explain it, but I feel much closer with her and in some ways a more tender afterglow with her as we lay together.
It's profoundly weird to find myself so aroused and content to deny myself what should be the most intimate moment a couple can share. And yet I do. I suppose I'm not alone - there is a world of cucks out there - so Cocu is correct - self-knowledge is indeed a wonderful thing.
It's weird to think that after all of this time - that a big part of my underlying desire has been to feel like this - for her to openly talk about her own desires now for other guys and to play-up and tease me about it. I guess she really does know me and that this feels comfortable for her right now to do and explore. Like last night - at one point we rolled over and she got on top for a bit. As she leaned down towards me and just rubbed her nipples across my chest and up to my mouth - she said to me that I should think about how she does this with Robert and how she loves the feeling of her pussy devouring his cock (her words!). I told her that I could feel how she would like that and I answered her that I've thought about her many times grinding herself against him. She kissed my cheek and whispered "I'll bet you also think of just how full my pussy is with his big cock?" and she sat back up and said "he's so big in me sometimes - I can feel him so deep" and I just knew the moan that followed was because she'd felt my own cock throb deeply as she said it.
She knows I love to finish in the missionary position as does she. Last night as we were both getting closer we rolled back over and I just had to marvel at how wonderful she felt at that moment. Yes, the condom dulled it a little - but I could still feel how wet and open she was.
I'd read (remembered) and now proved true that a drop of two of lubricant inside the condom really makes it feel so much better too - and that, combined with what was in my head really had me horny. I know she's done it before but it just seems different now coming from her as she teased me about whether she should let Tony "give me a try". It wasn't just that - she lay there beneath me with her legs spread apart holding her own knees back for me and she smiled and looked up at me and said "how are you going to feel when I let them both cum in me?" and the obvious implication that I do not!.
Again she hasn't asked me anything - all she's done is more tell me what she wants to do. It's all a bit crazy feeling like this after all of this time.
Even more weird is thinking that maybe I've wanted this all along - and that it's a big part of what makes me want it all. I know it's crazy to say this but as we made love last night - she orgasmed several times (she always does) - it felt strangely fulfilling to still feel them with her and to share that moment but at the same time to know what I'm not feeling - that my cock doesn't feel her pussy directly. I could feel her get wet and open - no denying that, and I know that for 99.9% of the physical - it doesn't matter that there's that thin layer of latex - and that her orgasms were truly deep and even profound at some points. But I cannot deny the incredibly strange sense of fulfillment to know that mentally - that mentally we both know that it is there and that it symbolizes something sexual that we are now sharing - a different way - but there is no doubt in my mind after how she was last night especially, that this seems to somehow enhance or make what we are doing something truly unique and special that we are sharing. Maybe it's justifying it in my mind, not sure, but even though neither of us said anything truly about it - we both know I have a condom on. Just as it turned me on to think of my cock not feeling her pussy - she had to also have that same thought at that same moment.
She felt me cum last night and I was even aware of feeling her pussy clenching at my cock. But I am going to say something now that I'm actually kind of surprised to admit - but in many ways, I seem to have a much deeper feeling of satisfaction. It's always been wonderful to orgasm deep in her and to share that moment of pleasure with her but afterwards, I can't explain it, but I feel much closer with her and in some ways a more tender afterglow with her as we lay together.
It's profoundly weird to find myself so aroused and content to deny myself what should be the most intimate moment a couple can share. And yet I do. I suppose I'm not alone - there is a world of cucks out there - so Cocu is correct - self-knowledge is indeed a wonderful thing.
She'd teased me yesterday morning that she "needed to see Robbie" and she played up how she was looking forward to seeing him.
However that exuberance didn't carry to when she got home. Apparently they had "the talk" last night. She giggled and said "it was after we'd fucked..." but before she left, he told her that their "regular Tuesdays" would probably need to change in the next few weeks - and he apologized and said that (as I'd/we'd expected all along) after Thanksgiving he was going to be spending more time with his new girlfriend - and yes, that's become more serious. Sue said she peppered him with questions about whether she is "Mrs. Right" for him and his reply was that if he didn't take her seriously, that he'd never find out.
So, naturally, she wasn't all up and happy when she got home. She says she's happy for him. And yes, she shared that they're now regularly having sex which Sue admitted made her feel a little guilty about what she was doing with him. I didn't need to ask in that she shared that they are still using condoms together - but that he'd said that he hoped that by Christmas, that they'd both be comfortable enough that he could be with her like he is with Sue, without condoms.
She didn't tease or mention anything else - although in the back of my mind I can now see her giving in more readily to any of the guys at work who might make a pass at her. I asked her if she'd want to go up to our bedroom and get comfy or something (hinting around at whether she was still horny at all, etc.) - she kissed me and said "can you wait till tomorrow?". She seemed in a pensive mood so I didn't push it. I am quite certain tonight will reveal many things though. Certainly will reveal that I"m wicked horny - when we spooned up and snuggled up in bed last night she giggled at my hard-on pressing against her back - it went unsaid that I was horny thinking of her having been with him earlier.
So, no, Dana, she didn't let me play with her or really do anything last night other than talking a bit.
Gotta run...
However that exuberance didn't carry to when she got home. Apparently they had "the talk" last night. She giggled and said "it was after we'd fucked..." but before she left, he told her that their "regular Tuesdays" would probably need to change in the next few weeks - and he apologized and said that (as I'd/we'd expected all along) after Thanksgiving he was going to be spending more time with his new girlfriend - and yes, that's become more serious. Sue said she peppered him with questions about whether she is "Mrs. Right" for him and his reply was that if he didn't take her seriously, that he'd never find out.
So, naturally, she wasn't all up and happy when she got home. She says she's happy for him. And yes, she shared that they're now regularly having sex which Sue admitted made her feel a little guilty about what she was doing with him. I didn't need to ask in that she shared that they are still using condoms together - but that he'd said that he hoped that by Christmas, that they'd both be comfortable enough that he could be with her like he is with Sue, without condoms.
She didn't tease or mention anything else - although in the back of my mind I can now see her giving in more readily to any of the guys at work who might make a pass at her. I asked her if she'd want to go up to our bedroom and get comfy or something (hinting around at whether she was still horny at all, etc.) - she kissed me and said "can you wait till tomorrow?". She seemed in a pensive mood so I didn't push it. I am quite certain tonight will reveal many things though. Certainly will reveal that I"m wicked horny - when we spooned up and snuggled up in bed last night she giggled at my hard-on pressing against her back - it went unsaid that I was horny thinking of her having been with him earlier.
So, no, Dana, she didn't let me play with her or really do anything last night other than talking a bit.
Gotta run...
STB,
You seemed to be already to be going through some internal change yourself before Sue broke the news about Robert. I wonder whether this increase or go on the back burner for a while. You are justifying a long term change in your relationship by using examples of excitement which are unique and one off. Extended condom use v first time IUD and first no contraception. Doesn't mesh. So far, every time Sue has lost a lover, your relationship has pretty much snapped back to base. At least until a new lover appears. This time you seem to be seeing a new norm. I wonder whether Sue really sees the same or she is just playing very real games?
On the issue of Robert, now that Sue knows his new lover is serious, does she not feel it is right for her to pull out? No pun intended. I wonder how she feels about what might happen in say six months time if he contacted her to say he tried but it didnt work out. There may come a point where he drops his dream of fatherhood and wants to settle instead for a great relationship. At some point he may decide that Sue would be perfect for that. Have you thought any of this through yet? If Sue doesn't want to get back with him later, she may be better being the one to end it. Difficult maybe, but perhaps a better long term strategy?
I trust your not posting your Wednesday night talk doesn't fortell bad news, just a busy life. Either way you know we will all do what we can to support you as you transition once more.
You seemed to be already to be going through some internal change yourself before Sue broke the news about Robert. I wonder whether this increase or go on the back burner for a while. You are justifying a long term change in your relationship by using examples of excitement which are unique and one off. Extended condom use v first time IUD and first no contraception. Doesn't mesh. So far, every time Sue has lost a lover, your relationship has pretty much snapped back to base. At least until a new lover appears. This time you seem to be seeing a new norm. I wonder whether Sue really sees the same or she is just playing very real games?
On the issue of Robert, now that Sue knows his new lover is serious, does she not feel it is right for her to pull out? No pun intended. I wonder how she feels about what might happen in say six months time if he contacted her to say he tried but it didnt work out. There may come a point where he drops his dream of fatherhood and wants to settle instead for a great relationship. At some point he may decide that Sue would be perfect for that. Have you thought any of this through yet? If Sue doesn't want to get back with him later, she may be better being the one to end it. Difficult maybe, but perhaps a better long term strategy?
I trust your not posting your Wednesday night talk doesn't fortell bad news, just a busy life. Either way you know we will all do what we can to support you as you transition once more.
