Sue's "new Guy"
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Maybe, but it seems a joke in poor taste viewed from your perspective to me, nor is it the first time you have said this is Sue's intention. Perhaps it's a humorous way for her to remind you that this remains her real desire and intent. Sue has not put an end point on your experiment next year, only saying she will end it when you call time. At the same time she is preparing her tricks to keep you going as long as possible. Do you really think that if you didn't crack, Sue would stop it herself?
Peak - I have no illusions at this point that if I didn't cry uncle or say enough, that she would likely continue until things run it's course with Paul - however long that may be. Would it be a permanent state, I do not think so. Could things with Paul take longer than just a few months to run its course, yes. There is a sense of reality in how she jokes, I am aware of that.
Mmm, even after all this time it's a dangerous game you play sometimes. No matter that for the most part all you do is warm your hands on the fire, within it there are real flames. This one has all the potential to become more difficult for Sue to snap back from. Especially if it goes on longer than you imagine it might today. Still, what's life without risk. Pretty boring for the most part. I'm still with you, on balance.
Well, last night continued what I now see as her gradually escalating things probably till the end of the year if I am seeing things clearly.
It was Wednesday and she'd been teasing me that "I'll bet you're horny" so I knew what we'd be doing later on. And sure enough, when we did go up to the bedroom she kissed me and felt my hardening/swelling cock through my jeans and said "mmm, I love feeling you.... let me see it.". And a second later I was virtually naked holding my shirt up and kicking my pants and underwear off. She told me she loved seeing my hard cock as I started to stroke it.
We talked for a little bit - she told me she loved how my cock looked when it was big and hard and she asked me how I was feeling and whether I was turned on. I told her I was and she told me she wanted me to "share" with her what was on my mind. I hesitated and she moved closer to me and asked me if it'd be easier if she were undressed too - I know she said it to tease me and get me more horny but I went along and said "I'd like that". As she stood there and slowly undressed she asked me what I was thinking about and as she stepped out of her panties and began to take off her bra she said "come on honey".
I told her again how weird it made me feel to tell her some of my thoughts. By now she was naked and was lying next to me - close enough I could feel her warmth and smell her. She took my free hand and held it and said "you can tell me baby...." and then she added "it's nothing I haven't heard baby, is it?....". She was right but I told her again that it made me feel weird to tell her that I was turned on thinking about what we are planning and that it still seemed really crazy for me to tell her that I was looking forward to not having sex with her. She smiled and held my hand tighter and told me that she knows it feels weird to say that but that she didn't think so. "Baby, I think it's beautiful that you can tell me that." and she hugged me. A moment later she leaned back and moved such that I could see almost all of her and she said "do you want to look at me baby?" and as she did that she raised one leg and then said in a really sexy voice "want to see my vagina?". I grunted at how she said it so bluntly and again she laughed afterwards at how I respond to her using the "right words".
I guess when she saw me responding - I'm realizing even now that my arousal must have been visible - because she kept it up. She looked at me and started to - gently at first - talk to me about what we'd started to talk about earlier. She told me that she loved me and loved having sex with me, but.... and she told me again how sometimes she felt "confused" - after being so passionate with Paul, that being with me in-between was sometimes getting in the way for her. She slowly started to spread her legs apart as she talked to me and as she told me all of this she gradually revealed all of herself to me. She again looked at me and said "do you like to look at me?" and then she added again "looking at my vagina" and as I glanced downward to stare more she added "and my little button, or rather, my clitoris!?". As I watched she gently spread her pussy lips apart revealing everything and then pulled them apart at the top revealing her clit. I grunted back a yes and she giggled softly.
She slid up against some pillows and lay back more and told me that "Paul is the first guy I feel totally comfortable with baby" and she was lazily just running her finger up and down the now swollen sides of her pussy - sorry - make that the swollen sides of her vaginal opening to use her precise words. And as she talked she started to say how she wants me to enjoy "the last few times" but at the same time she also said how she was looking forward to "not having you in me". She leaned down and said that just like for me how I feel it says something bad about her that I"m turned on by not having her, that she understands that - and then she looked at me and said that "its the same way I feel" telling me she doesn't want me in her. That it's not something about me, but rather about what she wants. I told her it felt similar to me even though I knew it wasn't nearly the same but it was still wanting something different. She held my hand tightly and told me she loved me but that "after almost 35 years baby.... it's time to take a break" meaning from PIV sex with me. I heard a lot of borderline-crying at times from how she said it that I understood - she felt conflicted - loving me and knowing she enjoys sex with me - vs what she feels she needs to do right now to "feel whole as a woman". But through all of this talk - my cock was absolutely rigid.
I told her again how I was hesitant about it and uncertain - but a huge smile came over her face when I said that I understood what she wanted and that I wanted to do it not just for her but also for me. I told her how once again we seemed to be excited about 2 sides of the same coin. She held me again and said that she wanted to make it good for me - and after a short pause - she simply said "but I do really want to do it honey. I'm sorry but I do want to do this with Paul next year". I leaned over and kissed her forehead and with my free hand I felt down her stomach and then down to her bare mound and I put my hand over her pussy and just said softly "ok.... I want you to give this to just him". She let out a loud sigh and I could almost feel her body relax as I said that. And a moment later she moved a bit on the bed and sat up against the headboard and this time she raised her legs and spread her pussy wide open and again teased me. "see my vagina baby - see up inside me.... " I was eagerly looking and stroking as she continued saying stuff about "this is going to be just for him baby" and she began to gently stroke herself.
So as I said, she'd worked both us up into quite the frenzy as she said later on "I was just being honest with you". I know many here say I shouldn't give in or have these kinds of conversations at these times, but it is when they happen most and sometimes like what they say about people when they drink, sometimes I wonder if this is a more honest time between us. I was aching as she was teasing me and more - but I have to say it was amazing - I knew she just wanted me to look and look I did. I so remember when she'd be self-conscious about this - but as I watched she literally pulled herself open and told me as I looked that she just wanted this for Paul next year. I think she was both turned on as well as wanting to see my reaction. I told her that it made me crazy horny and I told her again that I wanted it. She smiled and cooed and moaned and then she leaned over towards me a bit more and she started in again. She told me how she wanted "to feel his big penis inside my tight vagina...." and she kept it up when she saw and heard my grunts in response. After that I only recall the proper-words - she cooed how only "his semen will be inside me" and something about "on my cervix...." - whatever she was saying - I just simply exploded and spewed all over - all over my stomach and chest - onto the bed - some onto her leg and one spurt up towards her upper thigh. She later teased me about "were you trying to get some of your cum near my pussy?" which made us both laugh.
It was Wednesday and she'd been teasing me that "I'll bet you're horny" so I knew what we'd be doing later on. And sure enough, when we did go up to the bedroom she kissed me and felt my hardening/swelling cock through my jeans and said "mmm, I love feeling you.... let me see it.". And a second later I was virtually naked holding my shirt up and kicking my pants and underwear off. She told me she loved seeing my hard cock as I started to stroke it.
We talked for a little bit - she told me she loved how my cock looked when it was big and hard and she asked me how I was feeling and whether I was turned on. I told her I was and she told me she wanted me to "share" with her what was on my mind. I hesitated and she moved closer to me and asked me if it'd be easier if she were undressed too - I know she said it to tease me and get me more horny but I went along and said "I'd like that". As she stood there and slowly undressed she asked me what I was thinking about and as she stepped out of her panties and began to take off her bra she said "come on honey".
I told her again how weird it made me feel to tell her some of my thoughts. By now she was naked and was lying next to me - close enough I could feel her warmth and smell her. She took my free hand and held it and said "you can tell me baby...." and then she added "it's nothing I haven't heard baby, is it?....". She was right but I told her again that it made me feel weird to tell her that I was turned on thinking about what we are planning and that it still seemed really crazy for me to tell her that I was looking forward to not having sex with her. She smiled and held my hand tighter and told me that she knows it feels weird to say that but that she didn't think so. "Baby, I think it's beautiful that you can tell me that." and she hugged me. A moment later she leaned back and moved such that I could see almost all of her and she said "do you want to look at me baby?" and as she did that she raised one leg and then said in a really sexy voice "want to see my vagina?". I grunted at how she said it so bluntly and again she laughed afterwards at how I respond to her using the "right words".
I guess when she saw me responding - I'm realizing even now that my arousal must have been visible - because she kept it up. She looked at me and started to - gently at first - talk to me about what we'd started to talk about earlier. She told me that she loved me and loved having sex with me, but.... and she told me again how sometimes she felt "confused" - after being so passionate with Paul, that being with me in-between was sometimes getting in the way for her. She slowly started to spread her legs apart as she talked to me and as she told me all of this she gradually revealed all of herself to me. She again looked at me and said "do you like to look at me?" and then she added again "looking at my vagina" and as I glanced downward to stare more she added "and my little button, or rather, my clitoris!?". As I watched she gently spread her pussy lips apart revealing everything and then pulled them apart at the top revealing her clit. I grunted back a yes and she giggled softly.
She slid up against some pillows and lay back more and told me that "Paul is the first guy I feel totally comfortable with baby" and she was lazily just running her finger up and down the now swollen sides of her pussy - sorry - make that the swollen sides of her vaginal opening to use her precise words. And as she talked she started to say how she wants me to enjoy "the last few times" but at the same time she also said how she was looking forward to "not having you in me". She leaned down and said that just like for me how I feel it says something bad about her that I"m turned on by not having her, that she understands that - and then she looked at me and said that "its the same way I feel" telling me she doesn't want me in her. That it's not something about me, but rather about what she wants. I told her it felt similar to me even though I knew it wasn't nearly the same but it was still wanting something different. She held my hand tightly and told me she loved me but that "after almost 35 years baby.... it's time to take a break" meaning from PIV sex with me. I heard a lot of borderline-crying at times from how she said it that I understood - she felt conflicted - loving me and knowing she enjoys sex with me - vs what she feels she needs to do right now to "feel whole as a woman". But through all of this talk - my cock was absolutely rigid.
I told her again how I was hesitant about it and uncertain - but a huge smile came over her face when I said that I understood what she wanted and that I wanted to do it not just for her but also for me. I told her how once again we seemed to be excited about 2 sides of the same coin. She held me again and said that she wanted to make it good for me - and after a short pause - she simply said "but I do really want to do it honey. I'm sorry but I do want to do this with Paul next year". I leaned over and kissed her forehead and with my free hand I felt down her stomach and then down to her bare mound and I put my hand over her pussy and just said softly "ok.... I want you to give this to just him". She let out a loud sigh and I could almost feel her body relax as I said that. And a moment later she moved a bit on the bed and sat up against the headboard and this time she raised her legs and spread her pussy wide open and again teased me. "see my vagina baby - see up inside me.... " I was eagerly looking and stroking as she continued saying stuff about "this is going to be just for him baby" and she began to gently stroke herself.
So as I said, she'd worked both us up into quite the frenzy as she said later on "I was just being honest with you". I know many here say I shouldn't give in or have these kinds of conversations at these times, but it is when they happen most and sometimes like what they say about people when they drink, sometimes I wonder if this is a more honest time between us. I was aching as she was teasing me and more - but I have to say it was amazing - I knew she just wanted me to look and look I did. I so remember when she'd be self-conscious about this - but as I watched she literally pulled herself open and told me as I looked that she just wanted this for Paul next year. I think she was both turned on as well as wanting to see my reaction. I told her that it made me crazy horny and I told her again that I wanted it. She smiled and cooed and moaned and then she leaned over towards me a bit more and she started in again. She told me how she wanted "to feel his big penis inside my tight vagina...." and she kept it up when she saw and heard my grunts in response. After that I only recall the proper-words - she cooed how only "his semen will be inside me" and something about "on my cervix...." - whatever she was saying - I just simply exploded and spewed all over - all over my stomach and chest - onto the bed - some onto her leg and one spurt up towards her upper thigh. She later teased me about "were you trying to get some of your cum near my pussy?" which made us both laugh.
Steve, I still can't let go of my view on how this is going to pan out. Let's just ignore Sue dropping the year line out again. Your very touching narrative basically consisted of Sue reassuring you that things would be ok and her checking that you are up for it to start. You clearly don't need to check if she is okay. It's her idea and her game this one. The distribution of benefits is all in her favour and the potential for pain if it occurs is all with you. So let's not pretend you are equals in this. What Sue is doing and checking is that the IDEA is still attractive to you. That you are okay to start. She is clearly totally committed and her benefits only increase as the weeks roll on. You start maybe equally committed but your pain increases as the weeks roll on. Sue has plenty up her sleeve to prolong the trial by substituting the pain but ultimately that is an exercise in futility destined only to failure. If you are talking every month, the first two should be okay. Maybe three, but after that you tension may well boil over in days not weeks and you may well have to talk more often. If you go into this thinking Sue wants all year then when it does start to ramp up, that thought will overwhelm you. If Sue goes in thinking she has all year then she likely not going to be focused enough to achieve her goal in time. I think you should be saying now that any time over three months might be a bonus for her and also if she hasn't got there by then she might never do so. At least then if you last longer you will both think you have achieved something rather thinking you have failed after (say) five months.
Steve, I forgot that there is one element of pain for Sue that does slowly start to build from the start. She is denying both herself and you the opportunity to simply make love. Yes, she will replace it for both of you with other intimacies but for her the ultimate intimacy is bareback sex so it won't be the same. You just better hope that Sue's real 'losing herself' is not a euphemism for making love to Paul. My worry of course is that it is this, or close to it, and that the real reason for her experiment is to truly make love with Paul. Something she might struggle fully to do when she is reminded every fortnight or so what constitutes a key element of this even if the sex is not quite as good. The key issue for her being if she becomes even for a short time truly his, she is at that point not yours at all. If she pulls it off then any sexual interactions she has with you at this point will be mere pampering. Maybe it will be this realisation in you at that time that truly trips your Stop reaction. Maybe it was the glimpse of it that triggered your previous ski weekend ones too.
Peak - none of what you're saying is wrong. I can only say that I hope we can keep it all on track as you've described.
But I have to say that I do think I feel differently this year than last. Maybe it's a year older - more confident about Sue and I and that sort of stuff - or maybe it's that I'm a year older and a bit more into going further into the beta-pool - or maybe its just age and in a way, it feels good to put her into capable hands for a while? I'm not sure but I don't seem to feel as anxious as I thought I would be - instead, just aroused.
Even last weekend, I would have thought knowing I'm one-step/one-condom closer to New Years is such a crazy feeling - but it has me feeling aroused more than anxious about it. Maybe that will change when we get closer and realities set in more. I may still be in the rose-colored-glasses period before the darkness comes. lol
But I have to say that I do think I feel differently this year than last. Maybe it's a year older - more confident about Sue and I and that sort of stuff - or maybe it's that I'm a year older and a bit more into going further into the beta-pool - or maybe its just age and in a way, it feels good to put her into capable hands for a while? I'm not sure but I don't seem to feel as anxious as I thought I would be - instead, just aroused.
Even last weekend, I would have thought knowing I'm one-step/one-condom closer to New Years is such a crazy feeling - but it has me feeling aroused more than anxious about it. Maybe that will change when we get closer and realities set in more. I may still be in the rose-colored-glasses period before the darkness comes. lol
Steve, I don't doubt anything you say there. I'm sure you are nervous but excited about the start and I'm sure you will last longer than you did before. I don't even see the darkness coming for some time if Sue plays it right. You will probably be on a high until mid February when Valentines Day and the first ski trip may jolt you back to reality for a time. I can't see that knocking you off course straight away though. Just remember that you start off with your happiness jar full, and every week that goes by you probably take something out of it to carry on. Not much at first maybe but it will build and very little will add anything back. Sue starts off with her jar half full and every week that goes by adds something into it. The only thing that may detract will be a minor guilt feeling which will probably diminish over time as she switches you off and turns to Paul more. This blind spot is her danger zone. However much she says she wants to continue to talk, inside she won't want to listen because it will increase your link and decrease Paul's again. You may get porn star blow jobs, but the danger is you may get porn star emotional connection with them. Still, you are clearly committed and your excitement will only get higher as we reach New Year. Enjoy the ride.
Far2 - I am leaning your way in how I am personally feeling. Its what she is pushing me towards too - I feel she's somehow staying undressed a bit longer right now when we're together and again, maybe it's in my head, but I swear she is showing me more of her too - like the other night letting me see all of her and even this morning getting changed. She said she was going to take a shower but then came out of the bathroom naked to walk around the bedroom and get something off her dresser and then she stopped, turned to me and smiled and then turned and seemed to take her time walking back to the bathroom. It is going along with a lot of the things she's said too.
So I am trying to get myself steeled-up for the future by telling myself that I should just enjoy looking at her and to really start to separate my arousal from what I'm now finding myself doing, saving myself up for the next time we'll have sex. I would have jerked off this morning to the thoughts I had about her but she's said that Paul is coming by again today and in line with what I said above, she's said that she wants me to get used to this - him coming by.
I have to share that this is really something that I'm finding to be amazingly erotic. I mean of course my thoughts go towards wanting to have sex with her - but at the same time I am "responding mentally" to myself by forcing myself to accept that this may not be offered or even a choice in the not too distant future. Instead I am trying to accept that I should enjoy seeing her and my arousal of it and let it end there. As I said, I am getting this intense erotic buzz the more I do this with her. Like this morning, seeing her naked - I pushed my thoughts towards enjoying seeing Paul pleasure her later - and to how I would feel or respond. Not sure if that made sense or not but it makes me so horny to have seen all of her as did this morning and to now focus my thoughts on Paul's enjoying her later tonight.
There's another site - most people here know it - and there's one article there that I am absolutely sure she's read - it describes something called "Penis Demotion". It is in line with a lot of what she's said to me and what I feel she is wanting - to demote my penis from the position of being something she wants or looks to for pleasure. It's right there with her comments about wanting a break after 35 years. It makes me feel really eerie to read and sort of almost understand that this is what she wants and yet at the same time I also makes me incredibly horny too. As I've been sharing, I do understand how she is feeling and what she wants. And it's actually something that in some ways I feel I want to give her and not try to resist or get in her way.
Ok, enough introspection for a while.
So I am trying to get myself steeled-up for the future by telling myself that I should just enjoy looking at her and to really start to separate my arousal from what I'm now finding myself doing, saving myself up for the next time we'll have sex. I would have jerked off this morning to the thoughts I had about her but she's said that Paul is coming by again today and in line with what I said above, she's said that she wants me to get used to this - him coming by.
I have to share that this is really something that I'm finding to be amazingly erotic. I mean of course my thoughts go towards wanting to have sex with her - but at the same time I am "responding mentally" to myself by forcing myself to accept that this may not be offered or even a choice in the not too distant future. Instead I am trying to accept that I should enjoy seeing her and my arousal of it and let it end there. As I said, I am getting this intense erotic buzz the more I do this with her. Like this morning, seeing her naked - I pushed my thoughts towards enjoying seeing Paul pleasure her later - and to how I would feel or respond. Not sure if that made sense or not but it makes me so horny to have seen all of her as did this morning and to now focus my thoughts on Paul's enjoying her later tonight.
There's another site - most people here know it - and there's one article there that I am absolutely sure she's read - it describes something called "Penis Demotion". It is in line with a lot of what she's said to me and what I feel she is wanting - to demote my penis from the position of being something she wants or looks to for pleasure. It's right there with her comments about wanting a break after 35 years. It makes me feel really eerie to read and sort of almost understand that this is what she wants and yet at the same time I also makes me incredibly horny too. As I've been sharing, I do understand how she is feeling and what she wants. And it's actually something that in some ways I feel I want to give her and not try to resist or get in her way.
Ok, enough introspection for a while.
Steve - It continues to be a good to see that everything is going a direction that you are currently comfortable with. Hopefully you and Sue are in a much better place and are both on the same page now as compared to last year. Starting to see others on the thread saying now what some of us said to you last year. Good luck and I continue to hope that you enjoy the path you and Sue have chosen.
Thanks Squirm. We are still waiting for him to get here and Sue is off doing her own thing right now so I thought I'd logon here as I was thinking that one of the things she has been telling me is something that I think I am finally feeling maybe more comfortable about. I think I will always feel a little weird about wanting this but Sue really has been emphasizing that I shouldn't feel bad about wanting or being aroused by something that isn't sexual towards her. I know what she means, it's something I still grapple with - remnants of my former alpha self - but more that I think it still feels somehow hurtful towards her that I enjoy less sex with her or less intimate sex with her. She insists that I shouldn't worry about that and that as long as it turns me on, that it's great because - 2 sides of the same coin thing - she wants this with Paul. What she said today was that maybe if I worried less about this sort of thing and that I (continue to) try to allow myself to accept it and as I have been saying, even embrace it, that she thinks I would enjoy it more and perhaps feel more fulfillment from it.
Not sure if that makes any sense...
Not sure if that makes any sense...
Steve, I think you are getting a little confused between Far2's feelings about the end of sex and its replacement by other joint feeling / activities and your own decision to deny yourself sex for a time with Sue actively encouraging you / almost forcing you to accept. In mental state there is a clear and obvious gulf between these two states and the ways you have to prepare for them. Maybe it is helpful to think about the end of PIV sex as being the goal, but you know that this truly isn't the goal, nor if Sue is to be believed, is it hers either. Maybe it is Sue's for longer than you this time but when the urge returns for you, I don't believe having prepared for the end will help.
All of which falls into nothing no doubt by what you are experiencing again, perhaps as I even type this. Enjoy your weekend. Life continues.
All of which falls into nothing no doubt by what you are experiencing again, perhaps as I even type this. Enjoy your weekend. Life continues.
Pnisnvnh - lol - no that didn't and isn't likely to happen, partly out of just not wanting Paul or Sue or I to feel more self-conscious right now.
Let me explain first. This past weekend turned out a little different than I had originally thought. After I wrote that last post I went and found Sue and I told her that I wanted to be in the room and that I wanted to watch her with Paul and I told her that I wanted to try to "see how it will be" to watch and be there and to know that I wouldn't be having sex with her until this next weekend. She looked at me and asked me about what we'd talked about, and how this was going to make me feel. I told her honestly, that I wanted to try to embrace it and that I knew it was going to make me horny and all of that. I knew that was some of what she had been saying to me and I added that I wanted to be more at ease with how their sex together has become which made her giggle and she agreed that maybe being there would be good for me if I was serious about it. She held my hand and she told me that she loved that I wanted to do this with her and again that I should just relax and enjoy it however I wanted to. We talked for a little bit longer as she was getting ready for him to arrive and she looked at me and told me that maybe I should be the one to "ask" Paul to be in the room with us.
He brought some take-out food and wine again as usual and he also carried another bag with him, one that Sue took from him and excused herself for a few minutes for. He and I were casual and cordial but it felt awkward still - we talked about the weather and the ending of summer and golf-season for him. We were talking when Sue came back in the room and I was speechless - apparently that other bag contained one of Paul's button-up shirts as I didn't recognize it on her when she came back in and when she leaned in to give him a more passionate kiss the back pulled up just high enough to confirm to me that she didn't have any panties on. Needless to say - dinner was a bit surreal as I found it hard to keep up with conversation given the occasional glances of her breasts when she leaned forward.
To my own surprise - after our awkwardness over dinner I steeled up the courage and told Sue that I wanted a few minutes with Paul. She looked at me and her eyes opened wide and she made a surprise look on her face (behind Paul) and she said that she'd leave us guys alone. Now I was wicked nervous but at the same time, as I'd posted earlier, I had been thinking more and more about what she's been saying - and honestly - with New Years now less than 8 weeks away - I had been asking myself some more serious questions. Ones that everyone here has probably been saying "what the heck is he doing". But really it came to one question that for me I had to answer and truly accept. Do I truly want to be and continue to be more beta with her - and for me, I know that means giving in to what she wants and encouraging her to enjoy what she wants with Paul to the fullest. I know that I said it in the past - when I first accepted these feelings - that I want her to look to him for sex when she wants or needs it and that if it means none with me, then that is what it means. I know that using condoms with her now has become intensely fulfilling for me and while I will absolutely miss the physical feeling of her body, at the same time, letting myself truly go with what I can't believe I"m saying but that I do want to experience - I want her to do this with Paul and I want/wanted to feel that it was more out there.
I was so nervous that I don't remember the first thing I said to start a conversation because of what I had decided I wanted to tell him - and so maybe the 2nd or 3rd sentence was literally - "I'm happy that you're going to be the only guy fucking her next year". And with that, the ice was broken. Our conversation went something like this - from what I can remember trying to get the order straight:
p - you okay with that?
s - yeah, kinda weird to talk about it but it's what she wants
p - yeah, she's told me all about it.
s - so you kinda know how I am about it then
p - yeah, she says you're into it...
and then he paused and added
p - but you know this is her deal with what she wants with you next year, that's not me
s - I know.... weird to say but I want to give her what she wants
p - yeah - it's cool - I mean you guys are cool together so... I mean.... if it's cool with you...
s - it's weird, I'm sure you can tell
p - but it so cool that you guys can talk about it
he laughed and then added
p - and if you're okay, then hey, I mean it's kind of different but I think its cool now
and he continued (to the best of my memory)
p - I did think it was kinda weird at first but .... well, I mean you and her...
p - and now that I kinda know you a bit more, I mean, it's different but hey, like I said, you two....
at that I laughed and said something like
s - yeah - still feels weird at times
and he interrupted
p - but... I mean... the way she talks about you...
s - what do you mean?
p - dude - you two are something different, like you're the same people sometimes
s - what do you mean?
p - stuff she tells me you guys do and talk about, it's cool, you guys have your own way about things.
and then he added
p - I'll say it.... so what if you guys don't fuck like normal people.....
It was just the way he said it that I got stuck on. He kept talking but that really made me think for a bit.
I honestly don't know what he said other than it sounded like he was complimenting us from what I heard him say last
p - .... it's cool if you guys want to do this shit...
so I just continued
s - so... I kind of want to get used to this more, you know.... you and her....
p - yeah - she's said you have been going through some stuff with her about all of this
we talked for a few more moments in general stuff like this
he said somethings about it being great that we are comfortable doing stuff like this.
I guess it was me that finally came out because I finally said to him
s - if you're okay with it, I'd like to join you with her later..... just to be there.... you know....
p - oh yeah sure man.... I mean it's okay.... thanks for telling me though....
s - are you okay if i"m there? I never asked you I think? I just assumed that Sue....
p - yeah - I mean (and he laughs out loud) it was pretty weird at first dude. I mean I've never had someone.... you know....
s - watch you?
p - yeah - I mean it was weird, like you said.....
s - but...?
p - oh I mean now, well... (he laughs again) well dude it is still weird you wanting to watch... I mean weird for me for how it feels....
s - sorry....
p - no man.... not like that.... I mean she's your wife..... (I was going to say something but he kept going).
p - it was just weird that you were watching me you know, in addition to your wife.
s - I guess - we've never really talked about it
he turned to look at me more closely
p - look man- your wife is.... well she's fucking amazing.... but she's your wife....
s - and you're happy to give her what she wants? (and I giggled a bit)
p - you serious? who wouldn't?
and I guess he saw the look on my face
p - I didn't mean it like that - I mean maybe I did - sorry dude...
s - it's okay
and then I said it
s - I like it... like I said, if she had to pick someone to do this with next year..... you're alright
now we talked kind of idly for a few more minutes. He said how he was "spoiled" by her and I laughed and told him I knew.
But a few minutes later the conversation came back to him saying
p - so you want to be with us tonight.... just watching?
s - yeah
p - it's cool... I like knowing before we get up there.... thanks...
s - yeah - thanks
I called for Sue to come back and when she came in she giggled and said "awww did my 2 boys make friends?" and she pretended to blow us each a kiss. The 3 of us talked and Sue came out and said "so, did Steve ask you about tonight?" (she later told me she'd heard some of our conversation so knew the answer ahead of time) and Paul said "yes, he'd like to join us" to which Sue replied "that's fine by me, how about you?" Paul replied "works for me...." to which Sue added "but give us a little alone time baby, okay...." and she kissed me.
And so - 10 minutes later I joined them in our bedroom for most all of their foreplay together. They both acknowledged me but other than positioning themselves so I could see or be closer, they seemed to act as if I weren't there. I let them be close at first - I stayed primarily off the bed and stayed somewhat low so that they wouldn't see me as much. Sue still had his shirt on when I got there but it was unbuttoned all the way. Paul was naked and she had obviously been sucking his cock at one point. He was lying on his side next to her in almost a 69 position but they were apart and instead of sucking him- she was holding his cock in her hands and licking at the tip. From where I was behind Pauls head - she was on her side with one leg outstretched and the other bent at the knee and he alternated between his fingers and leaning in for a lick of her pussy.
It had been so long since I'd been that close to them - I felt light-headed and a bit nauseous at first as they were pretty into each other by that point and he'd obviously had his fingers and his tongue inside her from how her pussy looked - swollen wet and a crimson red between her pussy pussy lips - something I knew meant he didn't get her to cum yet.
Let me explain first. This past weekend turned out a little different than I had originally thought. After I wrote that last post I went and found Sue and I told her that I wanted to be in the room and that I wanted to watch her with Paul and I told her that I wanted to try to "see how it will be" to watch and be there and to know that I wouldn't be having sex with her until this next weekend. She looked at me and asked me about what we'd talked about, and how this was going to make me feel. I told her honestly, that I wanted to try to embrace it and that I knew it was going to make me horny and all of that. I knew that was some of what she had been saying to me and I added that I wanted to be more at ease with how their sex together has become which made her giggle and she agreed that maybe being there would be good for me if I was serious about it. She held my hand and she told me that she loved that I wanted to do this with her and again that I should just relax and enjoy it however I wanted to. We talked for a little bit longer as she was getting ready for him to arrive and she looked at me and told me that maybe I should be the one to "ask" Paul to be in the room with us.
He brought some take-out food and wine again as usual and he also carried another bag with him, one that Sue took from him and excused herself for a few minutes for. He and I were casual and cordial but it felt awkward still - we talked about the weather and the ending of summer and golf-season for him. We were talking when Sue came back in the room and I was speechless - apparently that other bag contained one of Paul's button-up shirts as I didn't recognize it on her when she came back in and when she leaned in to give him a more passionate kiss the back pulled up just high enough to confirm to me that she didn't have any panties on. Needless to say - dinner was a bit surreal as I found it hard to keep up with conversation given the occasional glances of her breasts when she leaned forward.
To my own surprise - after our awkwardness over dinner I steeled up the courage and told Sue that I wanted a few minutes with Paul. She looked at me and her eyes opened wide and she made a surprise look on her face (behind Paul) and she said that she'd leave us guys alone. Now I was wicked nervous but at the same time, as I'd posted earlier, I had been thinking more and more about what she's been saying - and honestly - with New Years now less than 8 weeks away - I had been asking myself some more serious questions. Ones that everyone here has probably been saying "what the heck is he doing". But really it came to one question that for me I had to answer and truly accept. Do I truly want to be and continue to be more beta with her - and for me, I know that means giving in to what she wants and encouraging her to enjoy what she wants with Paul to the fullest. I know that I said it in the past - when I first accepted these feelings - that I want her to look to him for sex when she wants or needs it and that if it means none with me, then that is what it means. I know that using condoms with her now has become intensely fulfilling for me and while I will absolutely miss the physical feeling of her body, at the same time, letting myself truly go with what I can't believe I"m saying but that I do want to experience - I want her to do this with Paul and I want/wanted to feel that it was more out there.
I was so nervous that I don't remember the first thing I said to start a conversation because of what I had decided I wanted to tell him - and so maybe the 2nd or 3rd sentence was literally - "I'm happy that you're going to be the only guy fucking her next year". And with that, the ice was broken. Our conversation went something like this - from what I can remember trying to get the order straight:
p - you okay with that?
s - yeah, kinda weird to talk about it but it's what she wants
p - yeah, she's told me all about it.
s - so you kinda know how I am about it then
p - yeah, she says you're into it...
and then he paused and added
p - but you know this is her deal with what she wants with you next year, that's not me
s - I know.... weird to say but I want to give her what she wants
p - yeah - it's cool - I mean you guys are cool together so... I mean.... if it's cool with you...
s - it's weird, I'm sure you can tell
p - but it so cool that you guys can talk about it
he laughed and then added
p - and if you're okay, then hey, I mean it's kind of different but I think its cool now
and he continued (to the best of my memory)
p - I did think it was kinda weird at first but .... well, I mean you and her...
p - and now that I kinda know you a bit more, I mean, it's different but hey, like I said, you two....
at that I laughed and said something like
s - yeah - still feels weird at times
and he interrupted
p - but... I mean... the way she talks about you...
s - what do you mean?
p - dude - you two are something different, like you're the same people sometimes
s - what do you mean?
p - stuff she tells me you guys do and talk about, it's cool, you guys have your own way about things.
and then he added
p - I'll say it.... so what if you guys don't fuck like normal people.....
It was just the way he said it that I got stuck on. He kept talking but that really made me think for a bit.
I honestly don't know what he said other than it sounded like he was complimenting us from what I heard him say last
p - .... it's cool if you guys want to do this shit...
so I just continued
s - so... I kind of want to get used to this more, you know.... you and her....
p - yeah - she's said you have been going through some stuff with her about all of this
we talked for a few more moments in general stuff like this
he said somethings about it being great that we are comfortable doing stuff like this.
I guess it was me that finally came out because I finally said to him
s - if you're okay with it, I'd like to join you with her later..... just to be there.... you know....
p - oh yeah sure man.... I mean it's okay.... thanks for telling me though....
s - are you okay if i"m there? I never asked you I think? I just assumed that Sue....
p - yeah - I mean (and he laughs out loud) it was pretty weird at first dude. I mean I've never had someone.... you know....
s - watch you?
p - yeah - I mean it was weird, like you said.....
s - but...?
p - oh I mean now, well... (he laughs again) well dude it is still weird you wanting to watch... I mean weird for me for how it feels....
s - sorry....
p - no man.... not like that.... I mean she's your wife..... (I was going to say something but he kept going).
p - it was just weird that you were watching me you know, in addition to your wife.
s - I guess - we've never really talked about it
he turned to look at me more closely
p - look man- your wife is.... well she's fucking amazing.... but she's your wife....
s - and you're happy to give her what she wants? (and I giggled a bit)
p - you serious? who wouldn't?
and I guess he saw the look on my face
p - I didn't mean it like that - I mean maybe I did - sorry dude...
s - it's okay
and then I said it
s - I like it... like I said, if she had to pick someone to do this with next year..... you're alright
now we talked kind of idly for a few more minutes. He said how he was "spoiled" by her and I laughed and told him I knew.
But a few minutes later the conversation came back to him saying
p - so you want to be with us tonight.... just watching?
s - yeah
p - it's cool... I like knowing before we get up there.... thanks...
s - yeah - thanks
I called for Sue to come back and when she came in she giggled and said "awww did my 2 boys make friends?" and she pretended to blow us each a kiss. The 3 of us talked and Sue came out and said "so, did Steve ask you about tonight?" (she later told me she'd heard some of our conversation so knew the answer ahead of time) and Paul said "yes, he'd like to join us" to which Sue replied "that's fine by me, how about you?" Paul replied "works for me...." to which Sue added "but give us a little alone time baby, okay...." and she kissed me.
And so - 10 minutes later I joined them in our bedroom for most all of their foreplay together. They both acknowledged me but other than positioning themselves so I could see or be closer, they seemed to act as if I weren't there. I let them be close at first - I stayed primarily off the bed and stayed somewhat low so that they wouldn't see me as much. Sue still had his shirt on when I got there but it was unbuttoned all the way. Paul was naked and she had obviously been sucking his cock at one point. He was lying on his side next to her in almost a 69 position but they were apart and instead of sucking him- she was holding his cock in her hands and licking at the tip. From where I was behind Pauls head - she was on her side with one leg outstretched and the other bent at the knee and he alternated between his fingers and leaning in for a lick of her pussy.
It had been so long since I'd been that close to them - I felt light-headed and a bit nauseous at first as they were pretty into each other by that point and he'd obviously had his fingers and his tongue inside her from how her pussy looked - swollen wet and a crimson red between her pussy pussy lips - something I knew meant he didn't get her to cum yet.
It was absolutely exhilirating watching him with her. Whether he turned it up a notch because of what we'd talked about or whatever, it was amazing to see him with her and even more amazing to see her so relaxed and at ease with him. It was plainly obvious to me that in some ways, given how infrequent we are having sex, that she seemed so much more at ease with him than she is with me.
The way he held her - I can't explain it but he had one hand behind her down near her butt but from how he held her - he was able to literally pull her open and have his fingers just tickling the tender insides of her labia. He put one finger back in his mouth and as I watched he ran the wet fingertip up one side of her lips and then up the other making her squeal out loud as he made gentle contact with her clit each time. And as comfortably as he did that - his finger moved back down the middle of her pussy and then traced the oozing wet opening of her vagina until it spasmed a tiny bit. Just as I was so into watching him tickling her like that - a second later he leaned and took a loud slurping lick the full length of her pussy which made her squeal out loud again.
It was hard to remember there was more to her - until I looked up and saw her hands now on his fully hard cock. Her fingers just fit around the shaft but the big head on it sat above them when she stroked him upwards. One time I watched as she eagerly stared as a thick drop of pre-cum appeared and she seemed to savor dipping her tongue into the tip of his cock and then licking it away.
Her moans brought my attention back to between her legs where he now had one and then a second finger in her pussy up to the 2nd knuckle. I watched him bend his fingers up towards her belly button and I watched as she began to shake and tremble beneath him and then in a flash she let out a loud long moan and I suddenly realized as she clenched down on his fingers that he'd just made her cum for the first time of the night.
The way he held her - I can't explain it but he had one hand behind her down near her butt but from how he held her - he was able to literally pull her open and have his fingers just tickling the tender insides of her labia. He put one finger back in his mouth and as I watched he ran the wet fingertip up one side of her lips and then up the other making her squeal out loud as he made gentle contact with her clit each time. And as comfortably as he did that - his finger moved back down the middle of her pussy and then traced the oozing wet opening of her vagina until it spasmed a tiny bit. Just as I was so into watching him tickling her like that - a second later he leaned and took a loud slurping lick the full length of her pussy which made her squeal out loud again.
It was hard to remember there was more to her - until I looked up and saw her hands now on his fully hard cock. Her fingers just fit around the shaft but the big head on it sat above them when she stroked him upwards. One time I watched as she eagerly stared as a thick drop of pre-cum appeared and she seemed to savor dipping her tongue into the tip of his cock and then licking it away.
Her moans brought my attention back to between her legs where he now had one and then a second finger in her pussy up to the 2nd knuckle. I watched him bend his fingers up towards her belly button and I watched as she began to shake and tremble beneath him and then in a flash she let out a loud long moan and I suddenly realized as she clenched down on his fingers that he'd just made her cum for the first time of the night.
I can't recap every move they made - but let me just say that they do not lie still. They rolled back and forth into a true 69 position - with her sucking him as he eagerly licked her pussy - to her lying on her back and holding her own feet back for him to let him continue licking her. Even I recognized this as being just before they were going to fuck for the first time. She looked over at me and said "you can watch him baby" and when I moved closer even Paul said "she's got me really horny" as he held his cock and he rubbed it up and down her pussy - spreading her wetness up to her clit and rubbing his cock all around - and then doing it over again. Each time he'd move up and rub her clit I could see she was more and more open and each time he'd push a tiny bit deeper into her and then spread more and more wetness.
As I said - it had been a long time since I was this close to them - her legs were spread so far apart that when he pulled back for a moment - I was amazed at just how erotic she looked - her pussy was now almost gaping open and his cock just bobbed away there with the tip still shiny wet. I'll even say that just as at other points in time - it wouldn't have taken much to push me to lean forward and suck his cock at that moment - the moment was just amazingly erotic. She had her knees back and once he started to lean forward once more, I knew this was likely going to be when he got into her. Again she seemed tight as he pushed into her and I thought for a moment she'd need a bit more time - but instead, he leaned in a bit more and I saw the tight skin around her pussy stretch so so thin before the head of his cock just suddenly slid right in. He held it back there but she let out a back arching deep moan that said it all.
He took her legs in his arms and spread her gently and she looked up at him. Her eyes were almost glazed over and barely open and I heard her say softly to him "fuck me, oh god fuck me please....". And gently I saw her body sort of tense and almost try to thrust upward to get more of him.
At that point I knew they'd not be paying any attention to me until they'd both had their first orgasms together. And I didn't have to wait very long. She let out a squeal shortly after he started in her. I so recall seeing his cock suddenly glistening with wetness at one point as he pulled back and even now I love knowing Sue had cum while he was in her.
I could go on about so much - being up so close - the smells, the sounds, the way she looked beneath him. He had her totally spread - not just her legs but her hips were rocked back and as he started to speed up fucking her - even I could tell she must have been gaping open for him by that point.
I stayed put while he came in her - he came in her hard and deep that first time. It'd been so long since I'd been right close - he was so far in her when he first grunted that I swear had I thought more about it I would have likely cum myself at the thoughts I had at that moment. The sucking and squishing sounds her pussy made after that made her a little embarassed but Paul seemed to love it. And in the end, after he'd held her tightly as he squeezed the last spurts into her - he stayed put inside her and they cuddled together. Her legs stayed wrapped around him and he stayed inside her for a few more minutes as she hugged him tightly.
What was really erotic was right after that. I'd been content to see them up close like that. I could see a ring of whitish wetness around the base of his cock and as I watched, more became visible on his cock. But it was right then that Sue whispered something to Paul and a second later he leaned back on his legs and moved so that I could see clearly from above that he was still in her. They both turned to me and it was Sue that said "go in closer baby". And as I did, it was a sight that I will probably never forget - he leaned back and slowly pulled his cock out of her. At the end she moaned as she felt he was almost out of her and with one gentle pull, he slipped free of her. "You can look baby...." was all I heard as she writhed a little bit more and slid back up the bead/headboard a bit as Paul got up onto his knees and then moved over onto the other side of her from where I was at. She lay there for a moment - not having moved and all of her on glorious display to me.
Paul got up to go to the bathroom and Sue put her legs together and turned towards me and asked me in a soft voice "was that okay for you?" and all I could reply was "you were so beautiful".
As I said - it had been a long time since I was this close to them - her legs were spread so far apart that when he pulled back for a moment - I was amazed at just how erotic she looked - her pussy was now almost gaping open and his cock just bobbed away there with the tip still shiny wet. I'll even say that just as at other points in time - it wouldn't have taken much to push me to lean forward and suck his cock at that moment - the moment was just amazingly erotic. She had her knees back and once he started to lean forward once more, I knew this was likely going to be when he got into her. Again she seemed tight as he pushed into her and I thought for a moment she'd need a bit more time - but instead, he leaned in a bit more and I saw the tight skin around her pussy stretch so so thin before the head of his cock just suddenly slid right in. He held it back there but she let out a back arching deep moan that said it all.
He took her legs in his arms and spread her gently and she looked up at him. Her eyes were almost glazed over and barely open and I heard her say softly to him "fuck me, oh god fuck me please....". And gently I saw her body sort of tense and almost try to thrust upward to get more of him.
At that point I knew they'd not be paying any attention to me until they'd both had their first orgasms together. And I didn't have to wait very long. She let out a squeal shortly after he started in her. I so recall seeing his cock suddenly glistening with wetness at one point as he pulled back and even now I love knowing Sue had cum while he was in her.
I could go on about so much - being up so close - the smells, the sounds, the way she looked beneath him. He had her totally spread - not just her legs but her hips were rocked back and as he started to speed up fucking her - even I could tell she must have been gaping open for him by that point.
I stayed put while he came in her - he came in her hard and deep that first time. It'd been so long since I'd been right close - he was so far in her when he first grunted that I swear had I thought more about it I would have likely cum myself at the thoughts I had at that moment. The sucking and squishing sounds her pussy made after that made her a little embarassed but Paul seemed to love it. And in the end, after he'd held her tightly as he squeezed the last spurts into her - he stayed put inside her and they cuddled together. Her legs stayed wrapped around him and he stayed inside her for a few more minutes as she hugged him tightly.
What was really erotic was right after that. I'd been content to see them up close like that. I could see a ring of whitish wetness around the base of his cock and as I watched, more became visible on his cock. But it was right then that Sue whispered something to Paul and a second later he leaned back on his legs and moved so that I could see clearly from above that he was still in her. They both turned to me and it was Sue that said "go in closer baby". And as I did, it was a sight that I will probably never forget - he leaned back and slowly pulled his cock out of her. At the end she moaned as she felt he was almost out of her and with one gentle pull, he slipped free of her. "You can look baby...." was all I heard as she writhed a little bit more and slid back up the bead/headboard a bit as Paul got up onto his knees and then moved over onto the other side of her from where I was at. She lay there for a moment - not having moved and all of her on glorious display to me.
Paul got up to go to the bathroom and Sue put her legs together and turned towards me and asked me in a soft voice "was that okay for you?" and all I could reply was "you were so beautiful".
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