Thought I'd take a few minutes before turning in to update and as I see, answer....
First - regarding last night. She did come home shortly before 7pm - and no - I didn't push her to share any details or more with me. I think she liked that I'd heard what she'd said and later in the evening she said "thank you" and she said that she appreciated what I was doing for her and she said something like "separating things" which I didn't ask her to explain further but took it to mean what others have said here, that she would like to exclude me when she's been with Robert.
I guess everyone, including me, expected this. As Will and others have said - it is what I wanted. And as Jax said - it is becoming very real what I've put into motion.
We didn't talk about anything else last night other than that she wanted to think about things and that we'd talk on Tuesday - which was tonight.
With me having all day to think about things - including lying there next to her as she fell asleep - I had time to think about things. I had only seen Peak's post and it alone last night gave me a lot to think about. The way it was written did hit home, especially with what we did and didn't do. And it did make me think about a lot of things.
For Manon - that is something she's aware of as well as I, that we need to maintain some sort of balance - earlier tonight we basically described this balance as between the odd-pleasure I am getting from what she's doing - versus - the fun and pleasure she is having with him. And while that sounds more one sided, as it did to me, she quickly added that knowing I am enjoying this "in your own odd way" is part of the fun and pleasure. I didn't ask more or push further but the sentiment was clear - that she still is driven in this by knowing I am enjoying and that I'm still not sure how she'd be if I were to not enjoy it. I think perhaps she would pull back from this somewhat more extreme situation that we are exploring. But that is a conversation for another day, the psychological side of it.
So - back to Peak for a moment as I figure out how to say all of this in a way that compresses what spanned a few hours here and there into a much shorter version. I know she is extending her time with Robert - she's admitted that. And she went further and said that she preferred it if we didn't do anything - or rather - I didn't do anything tonight with her too - and she admitted that at times today when she still feels from him - be it wet or, as she put it "still well fucked" (a glass of wine helped ease her tongue) - that she loves it. She asked me pretty openly how I was about this. I asked her if it was going to be something that became more infrequent for us. And I think she knew that I wanted her to answer honestly and not say something that would make me feel good - she paused for a second and then said, pretty much said yes, if I was okay with it, that maybe after this weekend, that she'd like to try it.
I think I must have let out a moan or a dejected sound because she immediately said that "only if it's working for us" and she added that she wanted me to tell her if it wasn't. I didn't really know what to say so I said "okay" and she said that's what she wants us to be able to do on Wednesdays - to let us talk - and if it's good for me, then she thought it was kind of a time for us to be close and for her to share in my pleasure. She asked me how the blow-job was last weekend and I told her it was incredible. She giggled and said "that's always an option too" and then she said "you know, you can ask me for that if you want to" and she said that since she's with Robert, that she doesn't mind doing it for me every now and then if I wanted. That was interesting to hear! But it also fits in with Peak's thoughts.
Answering the other posts before I finish up with how tonight's talk went....
Manon - I don't think Sue will lose respect for me. I truly feel like this is something we're doing together, from our talk tonight she says that in many ways, her pleasure depends on mine.
Hiki - your thoughts are fun but the reality is that as she's said, he is respectful of Sue and my marriage and despite my "knowing" about her having a lover, he apparently doesn't see it as a place for him to intrude into. I re-asked my question to her about whether Robert ever wants anything more from her. I asked it in the context of "doesn't he ever want to do anything with you other than have sex? doesn't he ever want to go out or anything?". She smiled and said that he has asked whether she could stay for dinner instead of running home sometimes - and that meant either going out or staying in. I asked her if she wanted to "date" him instead of just being an FWB - and vice-versa. She giggled and said that "he's a pretty horny guy" and then she added that they have gone out on Fridays after they've split up after work. But in general, she said again how he's reluctant to ask her for more time because again of how he feels about her and I. So, putting it bluntly, I suppose getting laid 3x a week and going out along with one of those times isn't so bad a deal. lol
Jax - your post is probably the most level-headed and combined with some of what Peak said, probably summarizes the situation. I think her eager offering of blow-jobs for me and the promise of perhaps some increased intimacy between us on Wednesdays may help alleviate my neediness...
It is a little hard for me to accept the reality of your last sentence though. Even though I see it to be true. But that's the thing that keeps me going - it's that if it will be better for her - then I want to do it. As crazy as it sounds - sitting her typing this while I know she's sleeping away looking forward to seeing him tomorrow - it's crazy but it just turns me on like nothing else - and even more so, it makes me feel like I want and respect her even more and more.
Will - I am still trying to let her lead this and to not push her or feel needy. It is incredibly exciting to see her behaving like this though. Its like she's a teenager almost all over again and is in this place where she seems to exude sexuality everywhere. At least in my head she does - I can see her hand or arm or leg and just thinking about her soft-skin touching mine is enough to get me hard lately.
CSC - you asked what I'd updated about earlier as I'd never asked more. I asked that question open-endedly to see what her reply may have been - if Robert had asked for anything. She said he was respective of our relationship and - at least to her - is why he doesn't want or push her to do more or spend more time with him. I asked her "he doesn't want anything?" and again she said that she thinks he's just getting to the point where he may be more comfortable with that sort of thing. She says he tries to be careful about leaving marks or hickies on her too. So, it's kind of different, that he's a polite lover!
When I asked her if there was anything more - she joked with me for a second and said that what he wanted most she couldn't give him - that's a child of his own. She's mentioned that he still considers that a "must" for him. But when I ask he what he's thinking of how he'll meet someone, etc., if he's with her - she just shrugged her shoulders and simply said that it wont be with her (the baby) and that she's ready for grandkids if anything. And when she talks about this stuff with me about him, even if she's joking as she was, there's still a somber element to it.
For the future - I've said it already that I think the cat is now well out of the bag now. I've already admitted that I don't think I could exercise any sort of veto power for the longer term - so I suspect that she may always have a lover going out into the future. If I had to guess, I'm going to say again that I think a year or so from now when our daughter is heading off to college, that I think this is all going to slow down substantially. I think right now - things are happening that are going to define how the future works for us.
And so - to close this out - I've essentially agreed to leave her alone after she's been with Robert in exchange for more open talk about what's going on, increased talk between us on Wednesdays including more openness on her part and a random blow-job here and there. That's not to say I'll never get to at least play with her - but she says she'd like to guide that to start with but that she'll still let me "have some fun" with her at least once a week too.
Hopefully this all made sense.